Innocuous things that make you irrationally angry (a list thread)

probably seems irrational to some but yeah nachos pretty much make me irreversibly furious

CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP

finding it difficult to type - I am so angry

Every single day the guy that sits next to me makes oatmeal in a little plastic container for breakfast, which is fine, it never emits any noticeable smell. The problem comes when he spends a good 15 minutes ensuring that he scrapes every last molecule out of the container with his plastic spoon. I can assure you that 15 minutes of listening to a plastic spoon scrape a plastic bowl is maddening.

can get behind that, just from description

flatmate does this when she decides to cook food at 3am, walloping the spoon of the bowl, that's after you've been woken up cos she can't chop things, she instead hammers them into pieces using a knife.

*off the bowl

checking the balance on more than one card at the cash machine and then making withdrawals on each

one of my brothers has the habit of hitting the spoon off his teeth while eating cereal. capital punishment offence imo

annoyed by people doing anything that takes longer than the amount of time i clock myself taking when using the cash machine after a slow person.

leave a passive-aggressive note

― =(^ • ‿‿ • ^)= (corey), Sunday, December 26, 2010 5:54 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

IN SIDEWALK CHALK

xp to StanM

When Americans reach for a more technical word to describe the everyday, especially when their other vocabulary is woefully limited, eg. 'apparel' for clothes (and 'intimate apparel' for lingerie should be a capital offense).

People who call booze/a cocktail an 'adult beverage'.

Oh ffs, it isn't solely Americans that do that. I understand hating on Americans is fun and easy, but c'mon.

If I owned a store that sold lingerie, underwear, nighties, brassieres and garters, the general description I'd use in advertising would be... ?

PLEASANT PLAINS' CLOTHES AND UNDERWEAR SHOPPE?

VEGEMITE GRRLS OVER-THE-SHOULDER-BOULDER-HOLDERS AND BANANA HAMMOCK EMPORIUM

Now, if you want to point out "novelty gifts" being some sort of code word for "butt plugs", then I'm right there with ya, Suze.

Actually the whole 'urban' description threw me for a long time when I first moved here. We were selling movies and the studio descriptions and sales people would all be talking about 'urban drama' etc...and I was like WTF does that even mean. Movies about cities? Weird. And then I was like "OHHHHHH YOU MEAN MOVIES WITH BLACK PPL IN THEM." And then I was still WTF but at least I knew what they meant.

have a friend who is a writer/playwright, and she goes from being intelligent/pleasant to have a convo with to self-servient and annoying within minutes.

she apparently wrote an 810 page novel recently that nobody has commented on yet (as I guess nobody has taken her up on reading it). she posted about it on Facebook, asking for someone to read it. Ok, that's fine, and it's what I would do if I wrote one.

Then comments on it in several other people's statuses. Ok, getting annoying.

Then, this morning, makes a comment about it in a completely unrelated status post by someone else. In fact, it wasn't even a post, it was one of those stupid 'Horoscope' apps that automatically generate yours into your status history. It mentioned something about creativity, and she writes "I sure hope I can keep my creativity up, I just finished an 810 page novel"...

WE ALL FUCKING KNOW YOU WROTE AN 810 PAGE NOVEL!!!! Look, I understand if you're miffed if nobody's volunteered to read it yet, but well you DID ask in the middle of the holiday season, and you don't have to keep finding excuses to bring it up unprovoked.

is this your friend?

http://www.thetvbuff.com/wp-content/plugins/rss-poster/cache/05976_snl-penelope.jpg

uh oops

Hahahahaha, Jon, I may live in London but I'm very American and home in Minnesota visiting my family. Most of the stuff I object to is a curious mix of uptight neo-Victorian euphemism and passive service-industry compliance-speak and America gets all that crap first.

British example of pretentious embellishment: saying 'local authority' instead of 'council', particularly if you're an estate agent.

People who flog their 810-page first drafts on social media = welcome to amateur hour. If you want to make it stop, ask her why she doesn't have an agent to bug with this shit.

work for a local authority, we call it a local authority a lot of the time tbh.

You're in Ireland, though.

The 'local authority' thing has been in effect since the mid-'90s and it's just another example of neolib service-speak. Bleah.

maybe, maybe, tho i've noticed that in complaints it's still always 'the feckin council'

city sidewalk vs council footpath

local authority boreen

People who say the following things get my goat:

"I've got the creeping crud" (way some people here describe a simple cold)
"Do me a solid"
"I just threw up in my mouth"
"If (inane scenario) happens, the terrorists win"
White people who ironically say "what up dawg" or "what up nigga"
"I could take a dump in a box and it'd be better than (insert movie, tv show, foreign policy ,etc)"
"You can't polish a turd"
"Ginormous"
"Shut the front door" (in place of "shut the fuck up")

GOT HOME, SO ANGRY

i) my total inability to organise myself means that i left half the things i own at my parents' place, inc medicine i have to take every day. why. why why whyyyyyyyyyy can i never remember 100% of the things i need to take anywhere.

ii) first great western trains. "works" turned a 1.5hr journey into a 3hr one that went inexplicably via oxford. the day like 100 million people are returning from their xmas breaks, BRILLIANT move there you CUNTS, bring me their heads on a plate.

iii) tf fucking l! still! so! bad! 23 minutes after i reached paddington, i was...in the tunnel, stationary, BEFORE EDGWARE ROAD. then the tube terminated at edgware road. then the next one terminated at king's x. CUNTS.

iv) and then when i finally reached my stop i find that ARSENAL CUNTING FC HAVE ARRANGED A CUNTING FOOTBALL MATCH AND I HAVE TO BASH MY WAY THROUGH THE HORDES OF FOOTBALL FAN CUNTS JUST TO GET TO MY OWN HOUSE. i hope it hurt when i deliberately bumped my suitcase into their legs and ran over their feet!

SERIOUSLY WHO ARRANGES A FOOTBALL MATCH ON THE 27TH OF FUCKING DECEMBER

GOD I COULD KILL SOMEONE RIGHT NOW

http://chelsea.theoffside.com/files/2010/10/arsenal-chelsea.jpg

Sorry, San Te, but you can also add "get my goat" to your list.

Related to the "what up dawg?" comments from white people, I used to get irrationally angry at frat boys (and former frat boys) who always tried to bump fists with me. Kinda like the Jim Rome character in "Any Given Sunday".

And then, just like that on Jan. 20, 2009, all those white frat dudes stopped trying to fist bump me. Hmm?

When Americans reach for a more technical word to describe the everyday, especially when their other vocabulary is woefully limited, eg. 'apparel' for clothes (and 'intimate apparel' for lingerie should be a capital offense).

People who call booze/a cocktail an 'adult beverage'.

― tl;dr swinton (suzy), Tuesday, 28 December 2010 03:41 (3 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Oh ffs, it isn't solely Americans that do that. I understand hating on Americans is fun and easy, but c'mon.

― one pretty obvious guy in the obvious (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 28 December 2010 03:42 (3 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Yeah, we use dumb technical words for things here as well (especially apparel). Makes me ia too but it's definitely not just Americans.

Definitely not, but this: hating on Americans is fun and easy is otm

yep

(agreeing with jon's post, not that sentiment taken in isolation)

just turned the tv on and Blue Collar comedy tour came on.

immediately shot to the top of the list for me when I saw people in the audience laughing.

http://s.dsimg.com/image/R-150-896267-1206942681.jpeg

People who say the following things get my goat:

"You can't polish a turd"

― Bitch, it cold outside!!! BURR (San Te), Monday, December 27, 2010 6:56 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

what? this is funny and useful.

it's not funny

or useful

especially when said by people who lean back in their chair after saying it, like they're Burt Reynolds.

I have seen "you can't polish a turd" used to:

insult Jay Fiedler
insult politicians
insult directors
insult musicians
insult Jay Fiedler
insult athletes
insult movies
insult Jay Fiedler
insult toilet paper

and never once did it ever make me go OH WOW I totally get what you mean, thanks for looking out brah...just made me think SOMEONE USED A LOT OF INTERNET AND HAD VERY LITTLE IMAGINATION!

- garden centres
- posting to the wrong thread by accident
- gardens

"don we now our gay clothes" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

^^^^That usage of 'apparel' doesn't bug me!

Noticing I'm also really set off by things like hearing the word 'associate' (as in 'sales associate') in a stupidly broad Minnesota accent.

Euphemistically referring to genitalia/buttocks as meat products. The cheerleading cheer that begins "how funky is your chicken" is what set me off today. See also "ham canyon."

oh god all coy euphemisms for sex and related stuff, as exemplified by the house style at http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/gayspy/blog/gayspy/ which makes perving on hot boys as sexy as saturday night light entertainment tv. "fitty fitster" - WHO SAYS THIS?????

tbh digital spy generally as a website makes me livid but that's pretty rational.

Hahahahaha, Jon, I may live in London but I'm very American and home in Minnesota visiting my family.

I love how the photo is EVERYTHING bad about America all in one place: icky summer clothes, fat ankles, mirrored pseudo-Vuarnet shades, people wearing flag shit, spelling errors and misplaced patriotism. All worn by what appears to be an off-duty Embers management trainee.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, April 10, 2006 8:39 AM (4 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i dunno it was missing america's smug expatriate self-hatred of its own working class until now

― +++++, Monday, April 10, 2006 8:43 AM (4 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Its amazing us dumbass, hillbilly Americans can set down our guns and triple bacon-burgers long enough to rest our cankles and bang out a post on this message board.

Okay, asshole - you try switching places with me for a minute. I've got a mother constantly drinking FOX-flavoured kool-aid and identifying any view to the left of John Birch as 'socialist' - that is, when she's not yelling about 'entitlements' and 'illegals' and Somalis. My sister is married to a guy whose Michigan Militia dad trained him to moan about Paying For Other People while avoiding all kinds of taxes (so we're all paying for his useless ass) and justifying his racism with 'I grew up in Detroit' and the classic 'there's black people, and then there's n....'; my sister says her yapping dogs remind her of people 'speaking Hmong' blah blah ad nauseum. I should note that all these people do is discuss how not to be accountable for various things - taxes, DUIs, you name it - while complaining that brown and black people are sneaky, on welfare, or somehow not pulling their weight according to the Stupid White Person's Micromanagement of the Other handbook - and that's before they get started on their outrage over Michelle Obama having a 350k job and going on holiday.

If you don't think that gives me the need or the right to vent about a certain set of over-entitled, undereducated (and sweatshirt-clad) white person, fine, but I cordially invite you to look in the fucking mirror and ask yourself if you're not actually the smuggo here.