Innocuous things that make you irrationally angry (a list thread)

Laws vary widely from state to state, so it can be difficult to keep track of proper left-lane procedure. Here's a simple rule that will keep you straight in the vast majority of situations: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE FAST LANE.

there are an awful lot of idiots in FL that will drive under the speed limit in the left lane.

And they probably think it's their birthright: "I'm the one who is obeying the law here."

n Florida though people often run red lights when they're in the center lane and the green arrow comes up for the left lane, becuz they're stupid and not paying attention...dude in front of me almost got brained by some asshole that did that two nights ago.

Seeing blinders on stoplights makes me feel real skeptical about the human race as a whole, where they have to disguise a traffic light for another lane so as not to confuse drivers who aren't turning left or whatever.

In Missouri, they put blinders on the STOP SIGNS. LIke, some guy came to a screeching halt in the middle of four-lane U.S. 63 and caused an accident because he saw a stop sign off the corner of Old Festus Road.

I've been getting more and more annoyed at a simple natural process.

However, it's the circumstances in which it happens. Some lowlife dog owner somehow manages to let his (big, by the looks of it) dog shit on my pavement every couple of days.

Not in the gutter, no, on the pavement. Where people are guaranteed to step into it late at night or early in the mornings when it's dark. Why the fuck do I have to clean it up?

I've tried dog repellent but that washes away when it rains, of course.

I'm seriously considering sittin in my car in front of the house for a whole day to see if I can confront him/her when I catch them doing it. But I also know myself, sitting there all day would stress me out so much that the owner is very likely going to have to eat his dog's shit before I let him go.

What DO you do in my situation? I doubt the police is going to send a team to keep an eye on my street for a couple of days. Maybe I should report it just in case though. If they get a complaint about my pavement then they'll know I'm not at fault.

See? Why the hell do I have to clean up some stranger's big smelly dog shit AND waste my time even thinking about dog shit at all?

GRRR.

My longest post ever? lol

get therapy.

leave a passive-aggressive note

Maybe I should do something creative - take pictures and blog them, or collect the turds until I find out who it is and then leave a giant one on their own pavement. Oh, and therapy. Good idea.

Webcam? My mum's dog Willie used to go to the neighbours' to hang out with their Bichon and crap in their front yard. My mum died of LOLs when Mr. Neighbour was angry enough to leave a napkin full of Willie's turds on the roof of her Cadillac (she couldn't really blame him for being cross).

- women who don't know how to walk in heels but do it anyway

Agh this kills me. They walk like deranged flamingoes!

CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP

with the deadly serious OH HAI IM A RUNWAY MODEL AT THE GROCERY STORE look on her face (cue my doubled over laughter)

insisting she's a size 8 despite the spillage

New irritation: Chinese takeout place has this one annoying guy who takes phone orders - either he is hard of hearing or insists on answering the phone in the middle of the noisy kitchen. You end up literally yelling down the phone at him, and he'll say "Can you speak up I can hardly hear you" IM ALREADY SCREAMING SIR HOW ABOUT YOU MOVE YOUR GODDAMN PHONE You have to say everything twice or three times to him. And its only him, the other 2 who take the orders are fine.. My friend stopped ordering from there bc he drove her crazy.

predictive text spelling out "he" when i want "if" and "in" when want "go".

Yeah, those two and "home"/"good" are the worst, because those are about 50/50 as to which you'll actually want, so even if your phone keeps a probability count it's still going to bring up the wrong one irritatingly often

i worked in a chinese restaurant exactly one night when i was a teenager. they made me answer the phone, which was in the kitchen, and FUCK if i could hear anything on the other end. probably messed up every order i got. never returned to get the check for my 5 hours.

xpostzz

call me crazy, but I'm starting to hate NACHOS

U CRAZY

probably seems irrational to some but yeah nachos pretty much make me irreversibly furious

CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP

finding it difficult to type - I am so angry

Every single day the guy that sits next to me makes oatmeal in a little plastic container for breakfast, which is fine, it never emits any noticeable smell. The problem comes when he spends a good 15 minutes ensuring that he scrapes every last molecule out of the container with his plastic spoon. I can assure you that 15 minutes of listening to a plastic spoon scrape a plastic bowl is maddening.

can get behind that, just from description

flatmate does this when she decides to cook food at 3am, walloping the spoon of the bowl, that's after you've been woken up cos she can't chop things, she instead hammers them into pieces using a knife.

*off the bowl

checking the balance on more than one card at the cash machine and then making withdrawals on each

one of my brothers has the habit of hitting the spoon off his teeth while eating cereal. capital punishment offence imo

annoyed by people doing anything that takes longer than the amount of time i clock myself taking when using the cash machine after a slow person.

leave a passive-aggressive note

― =(^ • ‿‿ • ^)= (corey), Sunday, December 26, 2010 5:54 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

IN SIDEWALK CHALK

xp to StanM

When Americans reach for a more technical word to describe the everyday, especially when their other vocabulary is woefully limited, eg. 'apparel' for clothes (and 'intimate apparel' for lingerie should be a capital offense).

People who call booze/a cocktail an 'adult beverage'.

Oh ffs, it isn't solely Americans that do that. I understand hating on Americans is fun and easy, but c'mon.

If I owned a store that sold lingerie, underwear, nighties, brassieres and garters, the general description I'd use in advertising would be... ?

PLEASANT PLAINS' CLOTHES AND UNDERWEAR SHOPPE?

VEGEMITE GRRLS OVER-THE-SHOULDER-BOULDER-HOLDERS AND BANANA HAMMOCK EMPORIUM

Now, if you want to point out "novelty gifts" being some sort of code word for "butt plugs", then I'm right there with ya, Suze.

Actually the whole 'urban' description threw me for a long time when I first moved here. We were selling movies and the studio descriptions and sales people would all be talking about 'urban drama' etc...and I was like WTF does that even mean. Movies about cities? Weird. And then I was like "OHHHHHH YOU MEAN MOVIES WITH BLACK PPL IN THEM." And then I was still WTF but at least I knew what they meant.

have a friend who is a writer/playwright, and she goes from being intelligent/pleasant to have a convo with to self-servient and annoying within minutes.

she apparently wrote an 810 page novel recently that nobody has commented on yet (as I guess nobody has taken her up on reading it). she posted about it on Facebook, asking for someone to read it. Ok, that's fine, and it's what I would do if I wrote one.

Then comments on it in several other people's statuses. Ok, getting annoying.

Then, this morning, makes a comment about it in a completely unrelated status post by someone else. In fact, it wasn't even a post, it was one of those stupid 'Horoscope' apps that automatically generate yours into your status history. It mentioned something about creativity, and she writes "I sure hope I can keep my creativity up, I just finished an 810 page novel"...

WE ALL FUCKING KNOW YOU WROTE AN 810 PAGE NOVEL!!!! Look, I understand if you're miffed if nobody's volunteered to read it yet, but well you DID ask in the middle of the holiday season, and you don't have to keep finding excuses to bring it up unprovoked.

is this your friend?

http://www.thetvbuff.com/wp-content/plugins/rss-poster/cache/05976_snl-penelope.jpg

uh oops

Hahahahaha, Jon, I may live in London but I'm very American and home in Minnesota visiting my family. Most of the stuff I object to is a curious mix of uptight neo-Victorian euphemism and passive service-industry compliance-speak and America gets all that crap first.

British example of pretentious embellishment: saying 'local authority' instead of 'council', particularly if you're an estate agent.

People who flog their 810-page first drafts on social media = welcome to amateur hour. If you want to make it stop, ask her why she doesn't have an agent to bug with this shit.

work for a local authority, we call it a local authority a lot of the time tbh.

You're in Ireland, though.

The 'local authority' thing has been in effect since the mid-'90s and it's just another example of neolib service-speak. Bleah.

maybe, maybe, tho i've noticed that in complaints it's still always 'the feckin council'

city sidewalk vs council footpath

local authority boreen

People who say the following things get my goat:

"I've got the creeping crud" (way some people here describe a simple cold)
"Do me a solid"
"I just threw up in my mouth"
"If (inane scenario) happens, the terrorists win"
White people who ironically say "what up dawg" or "what up nigga"
"I could take a dump in a box and it'd be better than (insert movie, tv show, foreign policy ,etc)"
"You can't polish a turd"
"Ginormous"
"Shut the front door" (in place of "shut the fuck up")

GOT HOME, SO ANGRY

i) my total inability to organise myself means that i left half the things i own at my parents' place, inc medicine i have to take every day. why. why why whyyyyyyyyyy can i never remember 100% of the things i need to take anywhere.

ii) first great western trains. "works" turned a 1.5hr journey into a 3hr one that went inexplicably via oxford. the day like 100 million people are returning from their xmas breaks, BRILLIANT move there you CUNTS, bring me their heads on a plate.

iii) tf fucking l! still! so! bad! 23 minutes after i reached paddington, i was...in the tunnel, stationary, BEFORE EDGWARE ROAD. then the tube terminated at edgware road. then the next one terminated at king's x. CUNTS.

iv) and then when i finally reached my stop i find that ARSENAL CUNTING FC HAVE ARRANGED A CUNTING FOOTBALL MATCH AND I HAVE TO BASH MY WAY THROUGH THE HORDES OF FOOTBALL FAN CUNTS JUST TO GET TO MY OWN HOUSE. i hope it hurt when i deliberately bumped my suitcase into their legs and ran over their feet!

SERIOUSLY WHO ARRANGES A FOOTBALL MATCH ON THE 27TH OF FUCKING DECEMBER

GOD I COULD KILL SOMEONE RIGHT NOW

http://chelsea.theoffside.com/files/2010/10/arsenal-chelsea.jpg