Innocuous things that make you irrationally angry (a list thread)

and yet, nobody who speaks english has ever misunderstood what "write me" is supposed to mean

It's the transitive/intransitive thing again. You have to write something to someone.

Add to that list militant atheists who brazenly go hard at religious people just for being religious

I read some writer somewhere saying that trying to argue a man out of his belief in God is as cruel as trying to argue him out of his belief that his wife is the most beautiful woman on the planet. I think this is so.

Agreed.

and yet, nobody who speaks english has ever misunderstood what "write me" is supposed to mean

Well yes, but it still really jars, to me. You just dont hear anyone here say it.

"And yet, the whole point of the thread is irrational anger". Go for it, Tracye.

I read some writer somewhere saying that trying to argue a man out of his belief in God is as cruel as trying to argue him out of his belief that his wife is the most beautiful woman on the planet.

something beautiful about that.

I read some writer somewhere saying that trying to argue a man out of his belief in God is as cruel as trying to argue him out of his belief that his wife is the most beautiful woman on the planet.

NO SHE ISN'T, NUH UH, NUH UH

why would you tell strangers on the internet that your wife is so basically fail

wouldn't that make her irrationally angry

"Give all your loving to me, all your hugs and kisses too! Give all your loving to me, don't let up until we're through!"

"honey, you're being irrationally angry when we tell you yr ugly ow stop it thats my head"

HER: "Gee, honey. Did you ever think we'd make it 25 years?"
HIM: "You know, I used to believe in a God."

Her: How do I look?
Him: I believe that you look fabulous.
Her: What do you mean "believe"
Him: Well it's a funny story, I met this guy on the plane...OW FUCK OW WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM

aa, now you've changed your wife's internet name from 'er indoors to petula i am slightly more inclined to believe she is the most beautiful woman on the planet but there is still work to be done.

I believe that I am beautiful. All the ppl throwing up in the street are heathen non-believers and will be executed summarily.

why would you tell strangers on the internet that your wife is so basically fail

wouldn't that make her irrationally angry

Not innocuous really but arrrg I'm so angry

- dumb people in line at the grocery store who pay, and then stand in place with their cart like morons holding up the line...just move the fuck up so the person behind me can put their shit on the mile of conveyor that's opened up while we've waited for you.

- paying for a coffee which you then take on the road and when you actually sip it you realize you just paid $3 for burned milk and burned espresso. Meek baristas with doe eyes and meek expressions should be rejected on sight. I should be able to say, "No. Not you. Her."

- slow traffic on a clear night in the middle of the freeway for 20 minutes for no reason whatsoever. Just, you know, because I love sitting in my car.

I need a xanax.

- paying for a coffee which you then take on the road and when you actually sip it you realize you just paid $3 for burned milk and burned espresso.

Oh, this, 100 times this.

Last week I was running a workshop and made a break so we could all get coffee. For some reason they led me to a coffee shop without a queue (alarm bells) and I ordered a soy latte that, as I discovered upon returning to the room, was worse than vomit. Had to wait until lunch to get another coffee by which time I was quietly livid.

HL Mencken was probably trying to make the opposite point, if this is the quote you're thinking of?

""We must respect the other fellow’s religion,but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart."

Soy lattes would be worse than vomit.

Distressing zing from a fellow Melburnian.

Haha

:D

Add to that list militant atheists who brazenly go hard at religious people just for being religious

^Especially when these types of atheists have succumbed to the blind faith in No God that they detest in the religious. Funny buying into one sort of dogma while ridiculing someone for following another sort of dogma.

uh oh

Its a good point tbh.

I've come to the conclusion that declaring one's atheism is currently less a philosophical outlook and more a hip fashion statement

moving on

i like calling my cats 'broheems' and 'homeslice' but never refer to other humans by those terms

Best way to avoid IA outbursts

^Especially when these types of atheists have succumbed to the blind faith in No God that they detest in the religious.

yeah but the 'No God' is real

http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/fallout-shelter-5.jpg

here's one: I can't stand people reading something I've written down out loud. Especially if they read it incorrectly, or include typographical or grammatical errors. It's a bit like having your own words repeated back at you, and I can't help feeling people are reading these things in a mocking tone. I find myself bristling and wanting to shout "READ IT IN YOUR HEAD DUMMY!".

Typical example of this is if I send an email and someone on my team says "What's this?" and then starts reading it out loud, as if they can't understand it or don't know how to read quietly.

This is completely innocuous, I know, because sometimes it's necessary to read stuff out loud. I just can't stand it.

^ magnify humiliation by 200 when it's a birthday card

'red states'=republicans=right, and 'blue states'=democrats=left, when every other country in the world uses the colours the other way around. red is the long term signifier for communism ffs! the red menace! reds under the bed!

how do you include typographical errors if you are reading something aloud

Meet my coworker, who reads 80% of her email out loud and reads out every typo as spelt and then spends the next 2 minutes pointing it out to us: "'Bob raised the quesiton' - they wrote 'quesiton', do you see, does anyone know what a 'quesiton' is? maybe we should ask Bob since he is so good at raising them! do you think maybe they meant 'question', ho ho, anyway, 'Bob raised the quesiton of the timescale for..."

(I have done this occasionally for typos I've found funny, admittedly; I just hope my standards for typo funniness are a little higher than hers)

what a moron. If I were that woman's boss, I would fire the fuck out of her for that kind of shit.

in context, I parsed that as the reader inserting typographical errors while reading out loud

xp What kind of bizarre aspie television-character co-worker DOES that??? You people's offices are WEIRD.

I agree with d.l. and would even go further that I can't stand hearing ANYTHING read aloud, especially in the office. I should keep track of all the times my blood pressure has gone up, listening to one of our senior editors read fucking Onion stories out loud to the entire office. Ugh.

Listen, I know I sound crazy, but this even includes things on television: Newscasts, Oval Office speeches, Daily Show correspondents, when SNL performers read cue cards, etc. I know it's mental. Perhaps even irrational. But for me, it's the aural equivalent of having scotch tape to my fingernails. (I hate that too.)

I was in a band once with this guy who wrote out this huge bio for our MySpace page. After practice, I sat on his bench to smoke a cigarette and he comes out with his paper. I say, oh cool, let me read that, and he says no, I'll read it for you.

He got halfway through it before I finally put my smoke out and abruptly announced like an asshole, Look, I can't sit here and listen to this.

Wow, that kinda rules out a lot of things on tv when you think about it.

I snapped at my friend a couple weeks ago because he started reading the wikipedia article on beauty apropos of nothing. I hate the "reading voice".

Canadian TV ads with acoustic indie songs as background.

It's not natural. It's not what people sound like.

I worked at a radio station for 11 years and all that time, we had temporary producers who'd go "Why do you have to sound like that? Why can't commercials have regular dudes just talking?" And I'd pooh-pooh them for their ignorance.

But now, I guess it's wore me down. Sunny gave me a ride back to work the other day and one of her books-on-tape was playing on the iPod. I can't tell you why it bothers me (it doesn't anger me, so I guess this is off-topic.)

x-p

I really don't like people that fail to use turn signals when they drive. Multiply this dislike by 2 for when they are on a highway or busy road and changing lanes.

That's not innocuous, that's plain dangerous.

re: verbs - "guitaring"

no, it's guitar playing

re: adjectives - "depressive"

no, it's depressing

very