Innocuous things that make you irrationally angry (a list thread)

whenever i have to put things together from ikea i sling expletives like there is no tomorrow. I even start talking to myself. I'm like Ralphies father from "A Christmas Story". Frickin Frackin Pfeiffer

I've put together all kinds of stuff from Target or Wallyworld or wherever and not had issues with assembly that come even close to the heartache and tears of frustration that go with IKEA. I can't say why exactly.

its those smug swedish cartoon guys with the big fucking smiles on the directions...look a picture of a swede and an arrow pointing to a hole and a screw driver and some bolts. FUCK OFF.

washing up is a huge barrier to cooking - the more you cook properly (as opposed to just heating something up) the more dirty pots and pans you have to deal with afterwards. so a shit-ton of cooking and a shit-ton of washing up, neither of which are fun, for a 10-minute meal that's not THAT much tastier than the equivalent ready meal that takes 20 minutes to heat up and involves minimal washing up? especially if it's a simple meal - if i'm going to put myself through the effort of cooking etc i want to make something that i DON'T normally eat, something a bit special, not just spag bol.

My main food advice is "learn techniques, not recipes." Corollary: understand the physical properties of your building blocks. Know what happens when you do X to Y, and why. With that knowledge, you can kind of know what a dish will taste like before you ever make it the first time.

yup, makes total rational sense, but practically...i just don't know where to start.

I think it helped my enjoyment of cooking to have been involved in it from a young age

^^secretly the key to all of this, isn't it :(

putting it another way - i think i'd enjoy cooking complicated stuff more - it's a challenge. but i never do, cuz it tends to mean having to buy ingredients that i'll only ever use once. cooking simple meals that i can get in a ready meal - it's so much hassle for a pretty mundane result where the benefits don't outweigh the costs.

Foodies who spend all day making food and savoring every precious bite are like bird-watchers to me. I mean, yeah, I like birds and to each their own, but you're not going to find me sitting in a tree with a pair of binoculars and a notebook any time soon. They're birds.

Sunny and I are lucky that we're on the same page with this. I completely sympathized with the author of this NYT article as she described her situation:

Sure, we ate well. Very well. Our refrigerator held, depending on the season: homemade gravlax, Strauss organic milk, salt-packed anchovies, little gem lettuces, preserved Meyer lemons, imported Parmesan, mozzarella and goat cheese, baby leeks, green garlic, Blue Bottle coffee ($18 a pound), supergroovy pastured eggs. On a ho-hum weeknight Dan might make me pan-roasted salmon with truffled polenta in a Madeira shallot reduction. But this was only a partial joy. Dan’s cooking enabled him to hide out in plain sight; he was home but busy — What? I’m cooking dinner! — for hours every evening. During this time I was left to attend to our increasingly hungry, tired and frantic children and to worry about money.

Without getting into too many details, both of us have been held hostage too many times by someone banging pots in the kitchen and keeping more than one burner on at once. I don't work on my car in my spare time, I don't sew my own clothes and I don't spend any more time on what food I eat other than to make sure it's somewhat healthy.

But, that's me.

On a ho-hum weeknight Dan might make me pan-roasted salmon with truffled polenta in a Madeira shallot reduction. But this was only a partial joy.

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Also, cooking for 1 = no fun

Also, cooking for 1 = no fun

yes, people say this, a lot! and i'm like STOP TELLING ME I SHOULD COOK THEN.

also, i do genuinely love eating good food. the stuff i've made does not fall into this category.

you soon appreciate cooking for yourself when you live alone and can't afford to eat out every day

Haha oooh yeah I remember that NY Times article now. It really might be the crowning Quiddities article.

i don't eat out every day xp

the trick to enjoying cooking is to drink wine while you're cooking

think the main reason I don't like ready meals is I look at the ingredients and think what is all that? And why so much salt?

i listen to music, eat little bits, dance, look out the window, read. i love cooking.

idk, hanging out w othr ppl is maybe key to understanding the fun

cooking simple meals that i can get in a ready meal - it's so much hassle for a pretty mundane result where the benefits don't outweigh the costs.

firstly you can't get fresh meat or fresh fish and vegetables as a ready meal, always some stew or other concoction which tells you a lot. and secondly even "dishes" like lasagne, paella, curry whatever ready meal classics you want to name, they are just so devoid of flavour compared to the same dish cooked from scratch. the convenience factor isn't even all that, it takes about 5 minutes to cook a piece of fish and have it with some steamed veg or potatoes or whatever.

the 2/3 times i've eaten ready meals in the last 3/4 years have all been hugely disappointing, they look great, esp if you've had a total nightmare at work or whatever, but almost invariably the elements that make the dish itself are missing, like a taste beyond stodgy saltiness.

cooking for one is fine too imo, v enjoyable.

not ime .. plus it adds to the whole "i did all this for 10 minutes of eating?" vibe. when you eat with others it gets drawn out, you talk, you cut more bread, you pour more wine, and they might even help w the dishes!

yeah music is essential imo

plus I'm constantly running back and forth checking the computer and so on

Cooking for one tip; Cook for 6 and then freeze individual portions. Eat once + 5 x ready meals.

i don't find it that much effort, i think if you're used to cooking for one you learn rewarding dishes that don't take that much time.

Simplicity of fresh food is a real plus for me. A favourite for when I get back late and tired has been a piece of fresh fish with a few scallions and a touch of soy/oyster sauce.

Had some job/home worries recently and not eaten fresh as much as i would do normally (little bit too much take out instead) and definitely noticed the change in mood/energy. Be good to get that back on an even keel again!

oven dishes + timers = spend 10 minutes assembling something, 5 minutes washing up, then kill an hour while delicious smells permeate your house

Though that is probably more a lunch time thing, need to get back on the mackerel and alfalfa for lunch!

yeah i'm sure you're right Ro, i'm just out of the habit. i think my favorite go-to when i was single and living alone was "black bean thing" - black beans, rice, other stuff (onions and peppers, whatever), slices of polish sausage, and lots of tabasco

i also always cook triple so i can have seconds and lunch 2mo

and secondly even "dishes" like lasagne, paella, curry whatever ready meal classics you want to name, they are just so devoid of flavour compared to the same dish cooked from scratch

lol seriously not the way i cook

i have a few...

smoked haddock+sweet potatoes
thai stir fry thing with lamb mince and fish sauce/lime from a nigel slater book.
salmon/swordfish/tuna steak with bag of spinach stir fried
roast breast of chicken or pork belly plus rocket/tomato salad, maybe some potatoes, takes a long time but v little effort.

i try and have a simple salad along with these. i used to do the whole "make a big stew and freeze it" thing but i feel it makes me eat too much the first night, and also it can take a long time to do.

it's definitely more expensive if you want to eat quickly and healthily tho.

x-post cooking is so easy though, just follow a recipe, within no time you'd be fine.

Even if I try I can rarely manage cooking a single serving...I'm so used to cooking family-sized meals I just go the whole hog & end up with a pile of leftovers.

x-post cooking is so easy though, just follow a recipe, within no time you'd be fine.

THIS BRINGS US BACK TO THE SUBJECT OF THE THREAD

lol I was just thinking that...

ha me too

[duck everybody, Lex is gonna 'splode!]

smoked haddock+sweet potatoes
thai stir fry thing with lamb mince and fish sauce/lime from a nigel slater book.
salmon/swordfish/tuna steak with bag of spinach stir fried

I WOULD HAVE NO IDEA WHERE TO START IF YOU GAVE ME ANY OF THESE INGREDIENTS

GUARANTEE THEY'D BE OUT OF THE WINDOW WITHIN HALF AN HOUR AND I'D JUST BE ORDERING A PIZZA INSTEAD

I can only imagine your garden, what with the Ikea & smoked haddock

there are probably a bunch of expectant gnomes out there hoping someone sends you a Kindle

nothin like a good 'za

there are probably a bunch of expectant gnomes out there hoping someone sends you a Kindle

i've seen people with these on the tube. i don't get them at all. when i go to read a book it's usually because i want to STOP looking at a computer screen for once

i used to feel that way but now im just so tired of PAGES, man

lol

alex you're pretty intelligent, i refuse to believe you can't use a fucking frying pan.

smoked haddock+sweet potatoes
thai stir fry thing with lamb mince and fish sauce/lime from a nigel slater book.
salmon/swordfish/tuna steak with bag of spinach stir fried

I WOULD HAVE NO IDEA WHERE TO START IF YOU GAVE ME ANY OF THESE INGREDIENTS

well for starters, I am assuming the Nigel Slater book isn't actually an ingredient

do you expect to ever learn anything you don't know how to do at this point in time? if so, how?

i have already outlined my issues with cooking in this thread!

it's less that i'm unable to follow a recipe, it's that whenever things go inexplicably wrong and the recipe can't help me - ie ALL THE TIME - i get completely stressed out and basically loathe the entire process, from shopping for the ingredients (always one you can't find, always one you have to buy a fucking bag of to use one teaspoon) to having to time everything just right so one part of the meal isn't ready 5 hours before the others and AAAAARGGHHHHHHH

i neither expect nor intend to learn how to cook! I HATE COOKING. I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE TELL ME I SHOULD COOK.

I don't think you should cook.

you should not cook. but you should maybe think about becoming an olympic shotputter if your throwing talents are anything to go by :)

So it's the expectation of failure, then, that is the real barrier.

more like the empirical evidence of failure

and mostly the pointlessness of putting so much effort (esp psychological given that I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THE WHOLE PROCESS) and time in, for a 10-minute meal that is never, ever going to be worth it.