in every old movie ever

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"I killed that fat barkeep!"

― Chris L, Wednesday, 14 December 2005 04:18 (twenty years ago)

"Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?"

― Joe (Joe), Wednesday, 14 December 2005 04:30 (twenty years ago)

The President of the 48 United States commends the astronauts for their successful landing on Mars

― Joe (Joe), Wednesday, 14 December 2005 04:32 (twenty years ago)

"It's been a long time, Johnny. Surprised to see me?"

― k/l (Ken L), Wednesday, 14 December 2005 04:51 (twenty years ago)

"Don't tell me you've forgotten about Mexico?"

― k/l (Ken L), Wednesday, 14 December 2005 04:59 (twenty years ago)

Forget it, how could I forget it? When she walked out on me that night in Tijuana, I felt like I had died and they had forgotten to bury me. It had taken years, but I'd just about convinced myself it had all been a bad dream, when she walked into my office, looking as if not a day had gone by.

― k/l (Ken L), Wednesday, 14 December 2005 05:15 (twenty years ago)

In every old comedy ever: someone falls off a chair/table/bed and goes right through the floor into the apartment below, where a balding, moustachioed guy or a beautiful woman is just taking a bath. (Or preparing for one, in which case the person falling lands straight into the tub.)

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 14 December 2005 05:24 (twenty years ago)

"Swell!"

― PJ, Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:56 (twenty years ago)

Furniture topped with doilies.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:14 (twenty years ago)

Orchestrations with liberal lifts of Wagner.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:16 (twenty years ago)

A camera travels a dark corridor of buildings that tower over humanity. A place where fortunes are made -- and men are crushed.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:17 (twenty years ago)

A widow in mourning reaches out to a ghostly fade-in of a dead family member.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:20 (twenty years ago)

Raucous comedy stopped dead cold by "cultural" interlude.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:23 (twenty years ago)

What crazy mixed-up scheme will I use to get money for a hot-rod/ dress for the prom?

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:25 (twenty years ago)

"With this Van de Graaff generator, I SHALL RULE THE WORLD!!!"

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:27 (twenty years ago)

Elvis slightly looks confused, or bored.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:30 (twenty years ago)

Ergh. I mean:

Elvis looks slightly confused, or bored.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:30 (twenty years ago)

Iceboxes.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:31 (twenty years ago)

"Jimmy, you couldn't be that much of heel!!!"

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:32 (twenty years ago)

"be gentle with me"

CUT TO FIREPLACE

― stet (stet), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:33 (twenty years ago)

We know he's incredibly rich because his office has a ticker-tape machine.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:36 (twenty years ago)

"Rhubarb" or "peas and carrots" during crowd scenes.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:38 (twenty years ago)

Oh, those women drivers!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:38 (twenty years ago)

Male college students wear fur coats.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:39 (twenty years ago)

"Hey Red"
"Listen blondie..."

― kephm (kephm), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:40 (twenty years ago)

all dogs are small, adorable and do exactly what their owners tell them

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:40 (twenty years ago)

cats exist solely to be chased by dogs, with hilarious results

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:41 (twenty years ago)

has someone already mentioned that a lot of these could be favorite bugs bunny moments as well?

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:46 (twenty years ago)

This historical drama sure has a lot of parallels to some aspect of our war with the Axis powers.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:47 (twenty years ago)

Speaking of which...

The gay nineties, specifically what happened in the Bowery, exerts an fascination nothing can possibly quench.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:48 (twenty years ago)

"What's the matter Johnny, cat got your tongue?"

― k/l (Ken L), Thursday, 15 December 2005 02:00 (twenty years ago)

So, I guess this means we're through, eh?

― jim wentworth (wench), Thursday, 15 December 2005 02:07 (twenty years ago)

The exploitation of midgets.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 03:43 (twenty years ago)

Repressed nerd-man has world turned upside-down by completely insane but sexy woman.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 15 December 2005 03:46 (twenty years ago)

That kind of almost-British accent American actresses used to use after voice coaching.

― Pete Scholtes, Thursday, 15 December 2005 16:50 (twenty years ago)

Old woman who looks like Whistler's mother struggling to hear with an ear horn.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Thursday, 15 December 2005 16:59 (twenty years ago)

Don't know exactly why that made me laugh. But it did!

― jim wentworth (wench), Friday, 16 December 2005 03:27 (twenty years ago)

"What's that you say, Sonny?"

― k/l (Ken L), Friday, 16 December 2005 03:45 (twenty years ago)

"Y'know, Doc...I got this funny feeling...I got this feeling that tonight's gonna be my night. Yeah, tonight the 'ol champ's gonna show the world he's still got what it takes to cut the mustard."

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Friday, 16 December 2005 03:46 (twenty years ago)

Champ later winds up carried out from the ring on a stretcher.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Friday, 16 December 2005 03:47 (twenty years ago)

Ice skating or synchronized swimming interlude.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Friday, 16 December 2005 03:51 (twenty years ago)

Harry: Johnny! Good to see you!
Johnny O'Connor: Hello, Harry, how's tricks?

Harry: not bad for an old dog! [ both men laugh ] Have a seat. [ Johnny sits ] How's the film going?

Johnny O'Connor: Well, I just shot the last scene. [ re-enacts that last scene for Harry ] There I was in the cockpit, surrounded by zeroes, enemy aircraft carrier in my sight! My machine guns were empty! I had one bullet left! [ screams ] Aaaagggghhhhhhh!!!!

Harry: [ jumps up ] Alright, snap out of it!

Johnny O'Connor: You snap out of it!

Harry: You snap out of it! [ slaps Jonnhy's face ]

Johnny O'Connor: Sorry, Harry. I think I got a little lost in this role.

Harry: Yeah, I guess you did.

Johnny O'Connor: Anyway, I'm sure "Yankee Kamikazee" is going to be a real winner.

Harry: Well, I hope you're right..

Johnny O'Connor: [ reflecting ] Maybe I've made too many of these war movies. Maybe I should take a rest, huh, Harry?

Harry: Well, I'm glad you brought that up, Johnny.. I was thinking you should take a rest, too. A permanent one.

Johnny O'Connor: [ confused ] What do you mean?

Harry: I'm letting you go.

Johnny O'Connor: You mean..?

Harry: Yes. Your contract isn't being renewed.

Johnny O'Connor: But, Harry, I..

Harry: You're finished, Johnny!

Johnny O'Connor: Don't mince words!

Harry: I think you stink!

Johnny O'Connor: Listen, Harry, if you're unhappy with my work, tell me now!

Harry: You're through, do you hear me, through! You'll never work in this town again!

Johnny O'Connor:Don't leave me hanging by a thread! Let me know how I stand!

Harry: I think you're the worst actor I've ever seen, and I get five hundred letters a day telling me the same!

Johnny O'Connor: What's the word on the street?

Harry: [ angry ] Now, you listen to me, Johnny O'Connor: you've been flying in that airplane too long, and it's time you were grounded!

Johnny O'Connor: Nobody shoots down Johnny O'Connor.. You're forgetting something, Harry! I'm a hero! I've made twelve war movies for you, Harry, and they've all made gold! I've knocked more Mitsubishis out of the sky than any man alive!

Harry: Look, Johnny.. Johnny, you're forgetting something: the Japanese are our allies now. The war is over, Johnny. So are you.

Johnny O'Connor: [ persistent ] Is it the booze, Harry? The dames? I'll cut back!

Harry: No, no, Johnny..

Johnny O'Connor: Is it the pills?

Harry: No.

Johnny O'Connor: The sheep?

Harry: No.

Johnny O'Connor: The ducks?

Harry: No.

Johnny O'Connor: Your wife?

Harry: No, not.. what?!

Johnny O'Connor: What?!

Harry: What?! Oh! Get off!

Johnny O'Connor: [ near tears ] I'm sorry if I let you down, Harry. You've always been like a father to me..

Harry: [ reconsidering ] Oh, Johnny.. Johnny.. Alright. I'm going to give you one more chance..

Johnny O'Connor: [ excited ] Do you mean it, Harry?

Harry: Yes, I'm afraid I do.. Now, listen - I'm doing a new picture: "Reptilla". A lizard gets mutated by an atomic blast, see? It swells up, twenty stories high! And there's a fire-breathing tango all over Tokyo!

Johnny O'Connor: [ thinking ] Yeah.. yeah.. I think I can play a giant reptile..

Harry: Don't be ridiculous! Reptilla will be played by a man in a rubber suit.

Johnny O'Connor: Oh.. I don't want my face covered.

Harry: Of course not. Now, the part I have in mind for you is this one.. [ flips through script ] You're Man #3.

Johnny O'Connor: Man #3.

Harry: You're on an elevated train. You slip off, and get squished by Reptilla's toe. Here, read this line.

Johnny O'Connor: [ looks at the line and recites it dramatically ] Aaaagggghhhhhh!!

Harry: Good! You can start packing, we sail a week from Tuesday.

Johnny O'Connor: Thanks, Harry, you won't regret it! [ walks away from Harry ]

Harry: Hey, don't forget your script!

Johnny O'Connor: [ returns, grabs script ] Yes! Science fiction! The wave of the future!

― gear (gear), Friday, 16 December 2005 04:05 (twenty years ago)

"Now why would you go and do a thing like that?"

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 05:34 (twenty years ago)

high speed chase, one car cuts off fruit truck, fruit truck runs up sidewalk narrowly missing milk truck, fruit truck overturns, fruit goes everywhere

― nein Socken (nein Socken), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 05:47 (twenty years ago)

"I didn't have the heart ..."

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 05:52 (twenty years ago)

30's: Antagonist drinking whiskey while getting bullet removed from arm.
40's: "Shouldn't you be fighting for our country, Mr. Spaid? Oh, yeah, that's right. FLAT FEET."
50's: "Telephone call for Miss Milo!" "Why thank you." [hands over casino chip as tip.]AMERICAN
60's: "And coming back around the track, lapping his opponents for the second time, IS THE GHOST OF THE GROOVY _BAM!_ "VOICE OF THE PEOPLE" AMERICAN DREAM!!!!"
70's: "Aw, fucking niggers taking over everything now, just about as bad as the wops."
80's: "Tell Thad and Todd that Bikini Mini-Golf ain't closing anytime, I don't care who's got the deed."
90's: Antagonist drinking whiskey while getting bullet removed from arm. {Anything by Firefall on the soundtrack.)
00's: "I love looking at the skyline of New York, even though there's this huge uncomfortable feeling I have about it that I'm not going to mention here."

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 07:44 (twenty years ago)

00s: a woman smiles and winks at the camera.
10s: seven characters stand very close together like they're sharing an elevator, making occasional movements that suggest they are underwater. an intertitle reminds us that we are watching the climax of an exciting action movie.
20s: our fearless hero, with a curiously starched-looking face, is chased around the block by an angry cop (pausing to look back to see if he's still there, then flailing his arms madly and running off again) and falls into an open manhole. he gazes sadly at the camera and snaps his fingers.

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 08:03 (twenty years ago)

Now look here, see.

― Der, Tuesday, 20 December 2005 08:58 (twenty years ago)

Tapping the phone bar and shouting "Hello! Hello! Operator! Operator!"

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 10:36 (twenty years ago)

"Daddy, why did Mommy die?"
"Well, you see Timmy, sometimes when God likes someone an awful awful lot..."

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 20 December 2005 10:55 (twenty years ago)

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