Dear Abbott

Hey ljub,

I am mega flattered by your question. I think the hardest thing would be noticing which kids are subtly falling through the cracks and making sure to really help them out. If someone's just kind of quietly unremarkable, how do you notice and help turn that around?

I also think the following would be hard, because I have a hard time with it in day to day life as I think many people do: really working at not having preconceived notions of a person.

Adverbly,

Abbott

xp to zs - i got dosed with laced weed in college and spent my evening visiting narnia and talking with a singing showerhead so if those sensations kicked in i would say you got extra bang for your buck for some reason. maybe your dealer mixed up the baggies?

Dear Abbott,

How can i get my wife to initiate the sex more often?

xp: oh, i can see that. like he had a diversified client base or something.

Dear Chris,

Do her least favorite chores and errands for her. Then when she's like, "Man, I love how you do all this shit I really hate without asking," be like, "I love when you initiate sex, baby." And then when she initiates sex, do all her favorite sex stuff, and then when it's over emphasize that it was really hot and sexy and <3 sexing because she initiated sex. Also definitely don't bring it up in a fight: "ANd, and – and – why don't you ever initiate sex? it's always me doing it!" (TBH I am #1 guilty of pulling this move)

Alternate answer:

http://neurology.ucsf.edu/msc/images/exercises/shoulder_shrug.jpg
*shrug*

Gender essentially,

Abbott

Dear Abbott,

I just wanted to let you know that "Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret" proves you have wit comin' out of your damn ears and I'm mad I didn't think of it first. Also, I want to watch musicals with you.

xokjb

Hey KJB,

I was just thinking about how it would be fun to watch musicals with you last night at a local video store that an an impressively large selection of musicals. They were all on VHS! I decided that 2011's new year's resolution will be to watch more musicals.

<3 Abbott

Dear Abbott,

What can I do to be as awesome and cool as you? I try very hard but never seem to approach Abbott levels of pure genius and greatness. Is it something that takes practice or were you just born this cool? Please let me know, I am a coolaholic and need to find ways to increase my cool intake. Thank you!

-- Tangled-up in Tucson

Dear the Viceroy,

You are as cool as they come, dude! You already do all the chores and are the best hangout pal, I don't know what you could do to be cooler.

Disgustingly,

Abbott

Would it make him a tiny bit cooler if he were to purchase a complete collection of tuning forks?

me me me me meeeee

Dear Abbott-

Below are the odds I will be in the downtown Tucson area drinking alcoholic beverages on nights this weekend:

Thursday night - 25% chance
Friday night - 75% chance
Saturday night - 100% chance

(nb I will be wearing a white tuxedo jacket on Saturday night)

Please reply with the odds that you will be doing the same on the corresponding days.

I know you asked abbbbbottttt, but I want to post my own probabilities of drinking in the Tucson area this weekend:

Thursday night - 0% chance
Friday night - 2% chance
Saturday night - 0% chance

Just wanted to add an element of suspense to yr Friday night

http://uanews.org/node/6357

hahaha

Ohhh boy Gr8080,

For some reason I thought you were coming into town Nov. 4 and wondewred what happened there. Mystery solved. My odds of being able to do a thing on those nights correlate really well to your odds. OTOH I have approx $0.00 right now. If you wanted to come over and play a round of Jeopardy! on the PS2 I would be down, but I don't have money for spirits right now.

Dengue it all!

Abbott

grady's buyin

I just saw some people today have a 20 minute fight over who was going to buy the other a soda. It qualified as "fucking insane display of stubbornness" imo.

Thought that said sofa

grady's buyin
--BIG MUFFIN (gbx)

OTM I will get a few rounds if you wanna come out. I'm gonna be broing down though so will have to decline your PS2 invite.

what if we set up a paypal account so ILXors could purchase drinks for ppl attending faps they can't attend? I think this could be a fun tradition.

Gr80, that is the best idea ever.

Abbott-

need yr input here:

Can't make a FAP? Buy a drink anyway.

o i wish i was in tucson
hooray
hooray

Once went to a shady bar in Tucson with a bunch of regulars who really didn't seem to appreciate our enthusiastic, youthful presence. There was a movie theater popcorn machine in the corner with a note on it saying DO NOT TOUCH.

The chirpy guy I was visiting pointed it out and whispered surreptitiously to me, "I've been in here before where it's been an issue, that machine… you really don't want to touch that."

dear Abbott,

recently I saw a Mormon missionary with the term 'elder creamer' on his badge. what is an elder creamer?

Dear dayo,

"Elder Creamer" is a phrase guaranteed to induce laughter in yours truly. Oh holy shit. I winder if poor Elder Dreamer knew about "Orgasmo." Anyway, missionary name tags just say their title (invariably "Elder," a great title for a 19-year-old – what it indicates is they have the highest ranking priesthood level, the Melchezidek priesthood) and their last name. Here, that's Creamer. I hope his mission partner is Elder Cumlord.

Fishers on manly,

Abbott

<3 thank you abbott!!

I had thought it was some kind of universal mormon rank that one would reach, you know like how the KKK has grand wizard or whatever. I imagined there being a whole bunch of elder creamers in Utah, maybe a lodge, maybe they get together on the weekends and play petanque.

"petanque," huh, is that what we're calling it these days

need to put some balls near some other balls iirc

Haha, Elder is a sort of rank, that you sort of get by default from turning 18, if you're a boy, or that you never ever get if you're a woman. Bocce ball does seem to be surprisingly popular among Mormons, I am impressed by your (accidentally?) keen observation there.

iirc on a Hong Kong mission they might not be allowed to actually teach the gospel, just to like help people out and do amateur TESOL, actually!

trying to make TSOL joke, too hungover

Hmm I think I'm wrong about that, actually.
My friend went on a mission in Taipei, Taiwan, and he said one of the few places they were allowed to proselytize was at 7-11s, so he spent most of his mission hanging out in 7-11.

Dear Abbott:

I have anosmia that resulted from head trauma. I've had it for less than a year. It sucks. Do you ever wonder which is worse, congenital anosmia or getting it later in life? What are your thoughts on these matters? Are there things that you are surprised to learn have a smell?

I get phantom smells, many of which are unpleasant. Do you?

Yours in scentlessness,

Jesse

Dear Abbott:

Please to go to the XTC thread sometime and write up your top ten songs (annotated would be nice)

kthx MN

Dear Jesse,

I have wondered if congenital anosmia would be worse or better than your situation. I have no idea what I'm missing out on. When I tell people, most tend to say that missing a sense of smell is probably overall a good thing, as most smells are bad.

I think if I had lost it later in life, I would be less insecure about some smell-related certain things, like whether I stank, or whether food has expired. Currently, both of these things worry me form time to time. Had I been able to smell myself previously, I would know that I get overripe at two days, por ejemplo. I am without that knowledge now.

I don't get phantom smells. Sometimes what I do get is a cloying sensation in my throat when I walk into a room that was recently full of freshly sprayed perfume or hair spray. This mainly happened when I lived with my sister. I don't know if that's smelling or not?

The main thing I am curious about in your case, Jesse, is your sense of taste. Did you find the loss of smell impacted it in any way? Once again, here is an area where I have no before & after. I think my sense of taste is as competent as anyone else's, w/the personal hypothesis that bcz I could never smell, the two senses never got interdependent like I guess they do in the "smelling able" (not sure what term to use here). What is it like for you?

Do you miss your sense of smell at all? Is it, like so many suggest to me, more shitty than good overall?

Yours also in scentlessness,

Abbott

Dear MaresNest,

I will think about that...I feel like there was a poll of an XTC singles album where I did annotate my thoughts on those partic #s, but I can't find it. What the hell, me. It's times like this, when I fail at basic research, I feel like I shouldn't be in library school. (The other times being when I am in library school classes. Ha!)

Sgt. Rock is going to helply,

Abbott

here we go XTC singles compilation: Fossil Fuels

Dearest Anosmiabbott:

I MISS MY SENSE OF SMELL ALL THE TIME. I think that those who tell you that it's overall a good thing are trying to say something nice. There are many bad smells, true, but smelling them can be very useful. As a way of knowing if you stepped in dog shit, for example. Or knowing if the cat did in fact pee on your gym bag.

My sense of taste was cut way, way back. I've read a lot about anosmia and learned that most of what we "taste" is a result of synesthesia. Your brain reads the smells (coming in your nostrils and from your throat) as occurring on your tongue. Now, I can taste the four tongue tastes (sweet, salty, sour, bitter), hot (spicy), and maybe umami (I can slightly taste butter and some cheeses) and pretty much nothing else. Fortunately, my memory has sort of kicked in and made me feel like I'm tasting things. Unfortunately, this does not allow me to know what brand new flavors are like.

Abbott, I strongly doubt that your sense of taste is as competent as anyone else's. Not trying to tell you what you're sensing, but the tongue has no way of distinguishing the differences between the thousands of subtleties of "taste" that the olfactory nerves are responsible for sensing.

One very strange surprise was that I can "smell" cat piss in very strong doses (greater than the quantity that would be on my gym bag). If I don't clean the litter box before work, when I do at night, I smell a weird minty "smell." It is exactly like a smell, but it cannot be, because the nerves are not there.

About your anosmia: 1. How did you or your parents discover it? 2. Have you ever had to get it treated? 3. My previous question: are there things you are really surprised to find out have a smell?

Your Scentless Apprentice,

Jesse

(re my memory compensating for no-smellia: when I'm eating familiar foods, I no longer notice the immense reduction in flavors, however, one time, a friend started quizzing me about the Mexican food I was eating. He asked "so what does that mole taste like? what does steak taste like?" and it was like Wiley Coyote suddenly realizing that there was no ground beneath him after he ran off the edge of the cliff: when I tried to analyze the tastes, I became aware that I was tasting almost nothing.)

Dearest Jesse,

Thanks for the thoughtful straight talk! I doubted it was really better not to have one, though I sometimes joke that I am evolutionarily superior. I feel like it has fucked with my head in minor and subtle ways. Like I feel like maybe I'm an atheist because I am "missing" this other component of being human, having a "sense" of spirituality. That's just me being a depressio, though.

Interesting thoughts on the taste front. I am a capable cook whose food people like, even the stuff I freestyle, not just from recipe. This makes me think I have a basic grasp of taste. You do make me think I am missing nuances, which is something I never wanted to consider. I will try not to get too emo about this! Maybe this is a good excuse for saving some money and buying $3 wine, though.

It is pretty interesting because something like durian, which is really smell based, I guess, it still kinda stanky but totally manageable. I always wondered – people always seem to smell popcorn with a ready potency, but it tastes almost like nothing. How does smell factor into its flavor?

What do you mean your sense of taste was cut way, way back?

About its discovery: I was a smart kid but also developmentally slow in a number of ways, mostly physical. I had some special extra classes after kindergarten and first grade, working with physical therapists. For this reason, I figured I was also behind at smelling. Like I remember learning about the five senses in kindergarten and thinking "there's another thing I'm behind on, too," because other little girls would spray on Jean Naté or whatevs and I didn't get it. But eventually I realized it's not a learned skill and it was just never going to happen.

Meanwhile, my parents thought I was making it up for years, just living a very long, expertly sustained lie to "get attention." When I was ten, my mom and dad and siblings went into town, and let me chill at home. My mom had left some cookies in the oven and forgotten about them. By the time she got home, the cookies were little black carbon UFOs and the house was full of smoke. They got really mad at me for not noticing, but it finally convinced them I couldn't smell. Stupid assholes.

They took me to get an MRI when I was in high school, and the guy reading it said my brain checked out OK. This doctor did not seem particularly expert in the subject. He didn't know the word "anosmia," even. I learned that word from an episode of "Jeopardy!". Anyway, that's the closest it's ever been to being "treated" in any way. I don't think there's hope for people like me. Have you attempted any treatments?

Final question: There are LOTS of things I am surprised to find out have a smell. I mentioned popcorn. Citrus peels. Rain having a smell is bizarre to me. I always thought sex should emit some kind of crazy potent odor, but I guess it doesn't. Menses, too. (How do you even ask about that? You basically can't, not politely anyway.) When I was a kid, I thought maybe lying made you stink, so I was afraid to do it.

I always thought if I did have to lose a sense, smell would be the one to pick. I guess I'm biased. DO you agree? I mean I'd much rather have this than blindness or deafness.

TLDRly,

Abbott

I always thought sex should emit some kind of crazy potent odor, but I guess it doesn't.

yes it does!

(I wish I had started a thread about this, but oh well...)

Yeh, I guess smell is the sense to lose. I would much rather have this than no sight or hearing. Or feeling.

Maybe this is a good excuse for saving some money and buying $3 wine, though.

Yes! I still feel weird when I go to a place with a fantastic beer selection and I order crap. A few times I ordered with a big, defensive disclaimer "I actually do like good beer, but I have a condition, please don't judge me, etc."

I always wondered – people always seem to smell popcorn with a ready potency, but it tastes almost like nothing. How does smell factor into its flavor?

Definitely. I never was a fan of popcorn, but now even less so.

What do you mean your sense of taste was cut way, way back?

I mean that millions of flavors that resulted from my olfactory nerves telling my brain that I was tasting what they were smelling (e.g., garlic, anything smoked, all sorts of subtleties of wine, mushrooms) are simply gone. Now garlic tastes slightly hot on my tongue, bacon tastes like salt, mushrooms don't taste like anything. The best analogy I've thought of is that it is like the difference between closing your eyes and being touched on bare skin as opposed to being touched through canvas. Through canvas you will still feel that you are being touched, but you won't be able to detect by what, the degree of pressure, etc.

Or maybe like stuffing your ears with ear plugs and listening to music?

Have you attempted any treatments?

I went to a ear-nose-throat (ENT) doc who referred me to a specialist who he said is the leading smell-ologist in the whole country (he ONLY deals in smelling - perfumers and sommeliers are some of his clients). I haven't gone yet, mostly b/c if he tells me that there is no hope, then I truly no longer have even hope for getting my sense of smell back. (I think one of his treatments is electro-stim!)

I always thought sex should emit some kind of crazy potent odor
When I was a kid, I thought maybe lying made you stink

Weird! Like, you thought that sex organs became fragrant?

The one thing that consistently makes me emotionally upset is the thought that I will never smell another man. In relationships and sex, smell was always a really key thing for me. I was so happy when I would put on a shirt that my boyfriend wore and smell his body and/or aftershave on it. I loved smelling him on me after we had sex (the crotch does have smells, often very nice ones, often not). Smelling a boyfriend or lover or whatever was really primal way of feeling connected. ;_;

Weird re lying, not sex. I just wanted clarification on the sex thing.

pfft. not really... I mean, it produces the smell of sweat. If we were to go by scent alone then Working Out = Sexual Intercourse.
-- xp 'bout sex smell

Sex could sort of said to result in smell. The act doesn't produce scent, but if you ever smell your hands after having sex, it's a unique smell.

Jesse, if you don't mind me asking, how did you lose your sense of smell? Trauma?

If we were to go by scent alone then Working Out = Sexual Intercourse.

working out + crotch smells

yeah its like a combination of the scents you and your partner naturally have I guess, plus the addition of each other's sweat. Its really nice, and I can def. understand being sad about losing that sensation. I just wanted to make it clear that the act of sex doesn't produce some kind magnificent fragrance common to all.