Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

That story's written like a children's book.

LIKE MCINTYRE'S ENTIRE SET THEN

One of those books you send off for where your child's name, hometown, school, etc., are placed in appropriate points in the text.

'Michael heard a noise in the chimney. Suddenly Santa Claus appeared in the fireplace. "Are you Michael McIntyre the famous and popular comedian?", asked Santa. Michael replied "Yes I am.". "Good, " said Santa, "because I need your help to annoy the living shit out of everyone in London tonight."'.

The secret is playing good players in the best positions: Bale, a left-sided player on the left side, Luka Modric in central midfield. There's no point having a jigsaw, if you can't put it together.

haha xp

need more mention of daily mail's shitty graphics

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/11_02/ManCityFergie0811_482x449.jpg

It's like a little red portal into another dimension!

the url has installed in me the notion that Fergie, the pop singer, should release a single called 'Man City'

Hang on, when did LJ sign for Man City?

it's true

Gareth Barry won't be on dis ting: Champions League and Europa League 09/10

http://gadgets.boingboing.net/gimages/portal_view_1.jpg

Silva's shit beard thru me off before

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1328832/Toytown-Trots-Twitter-Trumpton-tuition-fee-riots.html

Littlejohn a Half Man Half Biscuit fan? I can... kind of see that tbh

confirmed, although the reference seems to imply he thinks they are literally composed of 50 per cent human flesh, 50 per cent biscuit:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1206415/And-thought-WPCs-burqas-ridiculous.html

OK, so Littlejohn is now on a 'bet' to insert as many HMHB song titles into his stories?

(and they are stories!)

I was researching something about Kent State a while back and the cartoonist/pundit Al Capp said "the real Kent State martyrs were the kids in uniforms". Littlejohn's column reminds me of that.

This is all kinds of special:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1328703/Two-faces-Armistice-Day-Boy-brimming-pride-fanatics-burning-hate.html

Best and worst rated (guess which is which) comments: "This article is just about whipping up hatred against a community" & "How is all the photos show police arresting EDL supporters and none of the scum Muslim traitors"

Funny how there's not been a photo of the "enormous poppy on fire" yet.

It's in the Express.

Although tbf it could just be a big bit of red paper.
http://images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/dynamic/1/285x214/211097_1.jpg

I wonder where they got it?

Oddly reminiscent of the piles of burning poppies in Afghanistan.

He probably doesn't worry about falling house prices or the evils of multiculturalism, but does North Korea's "Dear Leader" Kim Jong-il satisfy a secret hunger for celebrity news by reading MailOnline? The Daily Mail's rapidly expanding website has two unidentified users there, Mail sources say. Intriguingly, recent postings by one North Korean mystery reader betray a curious obsession with Lady Gaga, one of the many showbiz stars MailOnline writes about regularly.

Like the last anti-soldier muslim protest covered in the victim-culture press, that one seems to consist of about 30 people, at most? Mountain out of molehill.

OK which of yuo jokers is responsible for this comment:

I think it is high time we took back the control of our country from Brussels and from the politicians in Westminster. A military coup, which set out to uphold our basic freedoms and rid us of Islamic extremists, left wing communists, benefit scroungers and illegal immigrants, is long overdue. I would love to see the reaction of Abu Hamza et al should we wake up one morning to find all radio and TV channels airing the coronation ceremony of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second, army snipers on the rooftops in the city of London, with tanks at every major junction flying the Union Jack.

5 years of military rule, in which we saw the restitution of capital and corporal punishment, the repeal of the human rights act, our withdrawal from the EU, and the restoration of the principle of a fair day's work for a fair day's pay in productive and meaningful work, would purge this nation of the toxic substances that currently run through the veins of this once glorious nation.

well!

The Pervez Musharraf Solution, like it.

that's not the name i would have put on it! but ok

A children's shop has removed toy pigs from farmyard sets in case they offend Muslims and Jews.

"This is political correctness gone loopy."

Not just mad. LOOPY!

netmums? are they in a turf war with mumsnet?

we need a mumsnetmums coalition

the restoration of the principle of a fair day's work for a fair day's pay in productive and meaningful work

When was this ever a principle? I'm fully behind the posters other ideas obv.

xp
Brian: "Excuse me. Are you the Judean NetMums Front?"
Reg: "Fuck off! We're the Netmums Front of Judea"

And another, referencing her teenage daughter and her late husband, the Nirvana frontman Kirk Cobain, added: 'You must make kirk and francis proud , you disgraceful, unhealthy mother.'

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1331935/Courtney-Love-old-tricks-posts-risque-photos-Twitter.html

Another classic piece from Littlejohn's daughter.

I've never posted on the DM 'have your say' page, but if I did, I want red downwards arrows every time!

On the basis of that article she could another article about the comments they received on that article. I wonder how she got a job in a national newspaper?

Courtney looking pretty fine in the last pic in that article...

I shd post that on the mail's hys page! Hang on

Nirvana frontman Kirk Cobain
Nirvana frontman Kirk Cobain
Nirvana frontman Kirk Cobain
Nirvana frontman Kirk Cobain
Nirvana frontman Kirk Cobain

if i'd known reging was such a faff i wouldn't have bothered -_-

it's Kirk Dobain, as any fule kno.

http://static.rateyourmusic.com/lk/f/s/d150dea3c40af9c62e4017e23ed77006/1166771.jpg

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1331446/Headteacher-barges-students-home-really-sick.html

This is the town next to me!! They got the state wrong though, oops.

There was a Pennsylvania town that used to send nurses out to examine kids who called in sick. If the kids weren't sick, a complaint would be made to CPS.

'My kids were in their underwear, again you are talking about a 12-year-old and a 16-year-old,’ said Mr DiQuattro.

There's another Jeffrey Jones connection.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1334792/Are-Will-Smith-wife-pushiest-parents-Hollywood.html

sexually suggestive belts and straps
sexually suggestive belts and straps
sexually suggestive belts and straps
sexually suggestive belts and straps
sexually suggestive belts and straps

like...whatever turns you on, but really?

Also:

It's utterly despicable that the girl jailed for killing my daughter has become a celebrity

From Meredith Kercher’s father, a passionate attack on the cult of 'Foxy Knoxy'

Has he even read the Mail in the last year?

Boo fucking hoo I can't go to Harrods and waste money on shit (amazingly, this is not by Liz Jones).

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1335550/Merry-Christmas-Along-millions-middle-class-families-I-afford-says-CHARLOTTE-METCALF.html