WHO THE FUCK READS THE DAILY EXPRESS?

BRITONS face a day of chaos tomorrow as the clocks turn back an hour, plunging the country into evening darkness.

chaos! plunging!

I wonder what kind of language they'd use if a REAL disaster ever hit Britain.

20 per cent will wake up to a cold house after forgetting to change the central heating timer

this 'psychic statistics' style of news journalism has a lot of potential imo

glad that the comments page for that shitehawk feature is full of express readers pointing out the paper's stupidity...

good to see that a fixed annual event is reported as news.

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Alternative headline: THE BEST OF THE GIPSY KINGS

Saw that headline today, I think they're giving out a free treasure map and Scooby Doo mask on Saturday.

luvvin how low a threadshold they have for breaking out the indignant, exasperated 'NOW...' nowadays.

Built on fraud, for which the guy is in prison. But obv this is a much better headline.

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A DAILY EXPRESS CRUSADE.

Suppose they don't really have to worry about offending any Muslim readers. Apart from Mohamed Fayed, and it's not like they're calling it A DAILY EXPRESS CAR CRASH ASSASSINATION.

Where are they planning on moving us to? And how? Like when Superman picked up that island of kryptonite?

would we just leave ni there or go back for it?

Is the subtext to that piece 'DEAR IRISH PEOPLE - FUCK OFF AND FIND YOUR CASH FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE' by any chance?

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99% OF YOU SAY: GET MUSLIM RULE OUT OF THE 11TH CENTURY HOLY LANDS

turkeys in voting for Christmas shockah

Real talk

Refreshment stall owner Nigel Hammond, 35, from Bristol, said: “People are too wrapped up in X Factor or Strictly Come Dancing to consider the ramifications of joining the EU. “Brussels decided, for instance, that we should have energy-saving light bulbs in this country. Our forefathers would turn in their graves if they knew we were coerced by Brussels as much as we are.”

That's funny, I thought they burnt village idiots instead of burying them.

feeling the 'almost recursion' thing they have going on w/ today's front page, hopefully tomorrow's will be a photo of it being held by another blonde woman

ha! was going to say that

"Our forefathers would turn in their graves if they knew we were coerced by Brussels as much as we are."

initially read this as 'concerned' and it kinda made more sense

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Softness is a thing called comfort?

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Alp Mehmet, of MigrationWatch, said last night: “This figure of 61,000 missing refugees is a clear indication of the mess the former government got us into through its inaction.

alp mehmet please fuck off back to wherever you're from if you're so concerned about people coming into the country, ta.

Italian side Napoli have told Manchester City that their 22-year-old Uruguayan striker Edinson Cavani is not for sale, at any cost. Napoli president Aurelio De Laurentis said: " I wouldn't even sell him for 50m euros. I would say no if Manchester City wanted him."
Full story: Daily Mirror

Doesn't seem to recognise that Cavani... is owned by Palermo?

They've got a fixed option to buy Cavani for £14m at the end of the season, which looks a steal now.

Do we have a Daily Mirror thread?

No one gets angry enough or cares enough about the Mirror in order to bother starting one. It might have merited one in the 2002-03ish Piers-and-Pilger era, but not now.

true enough.

Out of interest, is the Mirror at all distinct from the other tabs at present? Like what are its distinguishing features and who reads it?

It Likes Labour.

distinguishing feature is that no-one reads it iirc

It doesn't have boobs in it and the rhetoric isn't so wild, the gossip so exciting and the sport coverage is just shit... so no-one reads it. Surprised it is still surviving tbh.

I just checked the website and they seem to be making up for the boob lack by running this one v weird looking story.

?

Guessing it's this: http://www.mirror.co.uk/2011/01/11/chelsea-charms-my-164xxx-breasts-won-t-stop-growing-watch-the-video-115875-22839911/

The 'find out why Chelsea's breasts keep getting bigger' article. No, it's not a Lampard story btw. xp

Ha, I thought from that link that her

actually, nm.

Was going to make the same 'big tit' joke about that Anton Ferdinand story.

Mirror's football is OK, though.

ilx's very own James Jam writes on their website, dunno if it's in the paper: http://www.mirrorfootball.co.uk/opinion/columnists/james-mcmahon/

he posts here?

He did, at one point.

and then dioufy killed him.

what is the difference between refugee and asylum seeker, exactly? i thought that the official vocabulary had switched from the former to the latter in recent years in a sneaky rhetorical attempt to make it sound more like they shouldn't be here.

refugee is generally used now to refer to someone who has successful obtained asylum, but i agree the distinction is suspect.

on that note, the express and the daily star have withdrawn from the pcc, so they're now entirely unregulated. looking forward to some stellar contributions to race relations over the coming months.

*successfully

Wow, the Express is going to really achieve some hitherto unknown levels of barrel scraping isn't it?

what if anything did they get out of being part of the PCC in the first place?

mainly it's protection against government regulation being introduced. probably this won't attract much attention - they might just be haggling over fees - but if the express does something really atrocious that the public cares about while they're out of membership, it might tip things further towards ofpap being created or whatever. in the meantime, they'll just be licensed to be more racist and unpleasant than ever.

Overlooked ITT but the crossword at the end of the GET OUT OF THE EU special is just...

What good British acorns gron into (3)

err, grow

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jan/Week3/15898475.jpg

First they came for our lightbulbs and I didn't speak out because I was filled up with sugar.