Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

um, the point being?

yeah I was gonna say, what are we supposed to be lampooning here - the last paragraph...?

It seems a reasonably written story, even going so far as discounting the old 'honour killing' as a valid motivation.

The 'friend' who said "This did not always sit well with some parts of the family" seems like weasel words for 'dirty filthy medieval Muslim honour killing' to me.

Daily Mail not really known for using weasel words about such things. I think if they were seriously entertaining the possibility they'd be going in a lot harder, possibly with a big leading question of a headline.

On his Facebook page, rap music fan Usman Shahzad lists a string of violent films as his favourites, including The Football Factory, Scarface, The Godfather and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.

He likes The Godfather? What a psychopath.

Scene: Thames Valley Police outside the £600,000 house where company director Assia Shahzad, 40, was found brutally beaten

so important to keep track of the housing market when someone is battered to death

So, the Daily Mail, basically, has replaced the old "Mrs Tina Williams, 32" with "Mrs Tina Williams, who lives in a £600,000 house" thesedays.

Don't forget the privately educated girls from middle-class families who become prostitutes.

^dropped the bomb

hey what r u looking at these are difficult times

oh wait, was that in ref to the current article or just a DM trope?

LJ i'm never discussing prostitution with you. it's never gonna happen man. just let it go.

Don't know where to put this so I'm putting it here:

http://ifyoulikeitsomuchwhydontyougolivethere.com/the-twat-o-tron/

Look at that, one huge long table & not a glass or jug of water in sight, which only goes to show reptiles can go a long time without water, & miliband definately looks like a bleedin` Geko.

- finbar saunders, stuff the EU & the New World Order., 12/10/2010 21:04

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1319882/Ed-Miliband-holds-Labour-shadow-cabinet-meeting-big-smiles.html

Chile is quite literally not in his backyard:

I don't know any of these people. Nor does anyone else in Britain. So why invest so much time and emotional energy in the fate of total strangers?

Littlejohn lives in Florida, so by his own argument, why should he care (or write about) what happens in the UK?

Preeeeeeeetty sure he doesn't.

Call me callous, but

Damn him for raving about Ace in the Hole though - it's one of my favourite films.

Oh god why did I have to read that.

Funny that he can't resist another whinge about health and safety at the end though. Hope he falls down a lift shaft.

'ghouls' as used by the big man here would imply that ppl were tuning in hoping that... they were gonna see someone die or something? I don't claim to have a working knowledge of the inside of the GBP's collective head but I'm preeeeeetty sure that wasn't the case by and large

Amazing health and safety whinge at the end there, IN THE SAME ARTICLE as him highlighting the poor, erm, health and safety on British building sites. Astonishing piece of doublethink there.

Otherwise, he isn't that far away from the line Morbs and LJ were taking on the other thread.

Kudos for finding the twisted logic necessary to argue that NOT caring about the plight of foreigners makes him morally superior to those who do.

Littlejohn lives in Florida, so by his own argument, why should he care (or write about) what happens in the UK?

― Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Friday, October 15, 2010 7:31 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Preeeeeeeetty sure he doesn't.

― Ain't Too Proud to Neg (Noodle Vague), Friday, October 15, 2010 7:32 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

He's got houses in Florida and London.

Pretty sure he doesn't care what happens in the UK, obv.

WTF at the picture used to illustrate this story?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1321025/Disability-checks-force-400-000-work.html

he has been frozen in that position since 2003 and can do nothing but scream silently and claim benefits

"(Posed by model)"

won't get off the couch for less than £10K

Yet again, Liz Jones brings the WTF:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1323183/Wayne-Rooney-A-leather-sofa-wont-bring-happiness.html

Wayne Rooney "is not a fully-rounded human being, and probably hasn’t even read the new Jonathan Franzen novel"

Asian kids do not become professional footballers because "their parents don’t allow them to spend hours kicking a ball. They must do their homework in order to become a doctor, lawyer or a businessman"

Add in a dose of "Italians all cheat on their wifes, and everyone who cheats on their wife is probably secretly gay anyway" for good measure.

str8 homophobia in the first para, lovely that they can still get away with that kind of thing.

loooooooooooooool

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Oct/Week4/15775444.jpg

BOOM

They've got a leg and two arms, haven't they?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1325003/End-benefits-hysteria-ministers-demand-new-figures-demolish-claims-cities-cleansed-poor.html

Rather than lose their tenants, the Government expects the vast majority of private landlords – already accused of milking the taxpayer – to cover the shortfall by making a small reduction in their rents.

gosh, why didn't i think of this before? private landlords will be more than happy to reduce their profits to help the government out with their reduction in housing benefits.

oh no i forgot, these are the times when government doesn't tell anyone what to do, they just get on with it themselves, i.e. 2 fingers dave to your dumb ideas we'll just charge what we like and a bit more if we feel like it.

and lest we forget: BENEFITS HYSTERIA

i half expect a chugger to come up to me and say 'hey, we'd love there to be less hysteria around benefits wouldn't we?'

You've got to laugh

After the game on Tuesday night, the comedian Michael McIntyre came into the manager's office. All Michael wanted to do was to meet Gareth Bale.

Michael is the funniest man in Britain, a comedy genius who sold more than a million copies of his last stand-up DVD. He's a star in his own right, but wanted to meet his new hero. Then he was lost for words when Gareth came in to say hello!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-1326413/Jamie-Redknapps-guide-Tottenhams-Gareth-Bale.html

That story's written like a children's book.

LIKE MCINTYRE'S ENTIRE SET THEN

One of those books you send off for where your child's name, hometown, school, etc., are placed in appropriate points in the text.

'Michael heard a noise in the chimney. Suddenly Santa Claus appeared in the fireplace. "Are you Michael McIntyre the famous and popular comedian?", asked Santa. Michael replied "Yes I am.". "Good, " said Santa, "because I need your help to annoy the living shit out of everyone in London tonight."'.

The secret is playing good players in the best positions: Bale, a left-sided player on the left side, Luka Modric in central midfield. There's no point having a jigsaw, if you can't put it together.

haha xp

need more mention of daily mail's shitty graphics

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/11_02/ManCityFergie0811_482x449.jpg

It's like a little red portal into another dimension!

the url has installed in me the notion that Fergie, the pop singer, should release a single called 'Man City'

Hang on, when did LJ sign for Man City?

it's true

Gareth Barry won't be on dis ting: Champions League and Europa League 09/10