hey look:
Brenda and Brandon walk through the hallways, and Brenda asks Brandon to look for her at lunch: she doesn’t want to look like a geek without any friends. Brandon says that together they’ll look like two geeks without any friends. They go to the principal’s office to register, and the principal lists Brandon’s various accomplishments in Minnesota: swim team, sports editor of the paper, cross country and a 3 A average – and Brenda: drama club, school council, and almost a straight A student. “Well, I help her with her homework” Brandon says, his condescending tone setting a precedent for his unctuous, sanctimonious behaviour throughout the show. Can you tell I hate Brandon a little bit? The principal tells them that they’re both achievers, but that West Beverly is tough, which I find hard to believe, and that they should come and talk to him if they have any problems, like that ever has happened in the history of high school.
David Silver says hi to Scott, who can’t find his locker because West Beverly High is so much bigger than junior high. David doesn’t care, though, as the “babes are outrageous”. He’s kind of endearingly loathsome.
Chemistry class, and Mr Ridley announces that they should choose seats carefully, because the person next to them will be their lab partner for the semester. A fat girl walks through the classroom, and people avoid her eye and move their books to avoid being paired with her – because a) fat people are dumb, and b) fat is contagious in Beverly Hills. She comes to Kelly, who babbles that the seat next to her is taken. “By who?” the fat girl demands. Kelly flounders, and points to Brenda, who’s just come in: “by that girl” and beckons her over.
Spanish class, and Brandon takes a seat next to Steve, who is on his gargantuan cell phone. The Spanish teacher introduces herself in Spanish, and announces that the class will be all in Spanish, as everyone stares at her cluelessly, and Steve tells Brandon that it’s bogus that she gets paid to speak her native tongue. The teacher asks in Spanish if anyone understands, and Andrea, in the front row, raises her hand like Lisa Simpson, smiling smugly. She’s the smart one, you see, as if wearing glasses and being slightly less than impeccably-groomed isn’t clue enough.
Brandon enters the newsroom for the school paper and asks for Andrea Zuckerman. “I am she”, Andrea announces ungrammatically, pencil clenched between her teeth, not looking up. “Ola” says Brandon, emphasis on the last syllable, and when Andrea looks exasperated, explains “We’re in Spanish together. I’m Brandon.” “Ola,” says Andrea, looking unimpressed. Brandon tells her that he wants to write for the paper. She asks if he can write, and he says that he was sports editor of his old student newspaper in Minnesota. “Great!” she says unconvincingly, and tells him he can either cover a story on toxic waste disposal in chemistry classes or the girls’ water polo match, and Brandon, predictably, goes for the water polo. Andrea smirks and says he failed her test: she gives all guys who want to work for the paper that choice, and none of them has ever chosen the toxic waste. Brandon was a sports editor, though, so it’s not an entirely fair test. She tells Brandon that she runs the top ranked high school newspaper in the country and she wants to keep it that way, which involves long hours, major deadlines and total commitment. “Wow, you are intense,” he says. He offers to interview the janitor for the toxic waste story, and she tells him it’s the custodial engineer. “And Brandon,” she adds, with a smile that signifies a doomed crush that will last the series, “nice meeting you.”
Lunchtime. Brandon tries to join a few groups of kids sitting at tables, but they all get up and leave, so he settles in to eat lunch alone.
Kelly and Brenda stroll past, as Kelly tells Brenda it’s a good thing she met Kelly when she did: West Beverly isn’t like other schools; the kids are richer, some have famous parents, and so socially it’s intense, you make one false move and you’re history: “if people saw you eating lunch alone like that guy over there…” she says, indicating Brandon, and treacherous Brenda walks faster, changing the subject to her old friend in Minnesota. They sit down next to freakish-looking Tori Spelling – Donna – and Kelly says that she could never deal with the cold in Minnesota: she’d get fat. Brenda tells her it’s great: all winter you can eat whatever you want and hide it under bulky clothes. “That’s definitely not Beverly Hills,” says Kelly, adding that someone’s always throwing a pool party so you never get to pig out. Nonetheless, none of the women around the table look as terrifyingly emaciated as some of the actors in more recent teen soaps – Mischa Barton, I am looking at you – which is pleasantly refreshing.
David and Scott carry their lunch trays and piles of books, complaining about how much homework they’ve got – Scott is worried about his GPA, but David’s more concerned about the effect on his nascent social life. A jock throws something at Scott and he drops his books and tray, while the jocks high-five each other, like the arseholes they are. Suddenly David looks up: there’s a plane is in the sky, which is improbably trailing a banner announcing a back to school party on Friday. David rejoices: “Yes! We are THERE!” Kelly sees the address and tells Brenda that it’s Mary Anne Moore’s house: she’s a very rich party girl, with a house so big you need a map. Brenda can’t believe Mary Anne’s inviting the whole school – 1800 people – and presumably half of Los Angeles as well, given that it’s a plane. I never would have got away with that in high school. They look back up and see another plane trailing a sign saying “no freshman”. But presumably freshmen plural are OK? Or not, as Kelly laughs and says that now it’s only 1500 people. She suggests that she and Brenda go to the party together, and Brenda agrees. Meanwhile, Scott and David look dejected, but David’s still determined to go to the party.
The Walsh twins drive home, and Brenda can’t believe they made it through the first day. Brandon asks what she thought, and she says they’re definitely not in Minnesota any more. Brandon says that it’s weird not knowing anybody, adding helpfully “it’s like I don’t know who they are, they don’t know who I am” – thanks for breaking it down for us like that, Brandon! With a way with words like that, I can see how he’s such an ace reporter. He asks if they’re going to Mary Anne Moore’s party and what time they should get there, adding that it’ll be uncool to show up before ten. Brenda’s face falls, and she says she’s already made plans to go with friends – it’s a girl thing, but he should join them if he wants. Unsurprisingly he refuses such a lacklustre invitation, but tells her to go and have a good time – he’ll see her there.
i LOVE the "babes are outrageous" line
― sunny successor, Tuesday, 2 September 2008 15:30 (seventeen years ago)