If it were the first "Star Wars" movie, "The Phantom Menace" would be hailed as a visionary breakthrough.
what the hell does that mean? sure TPM released 20 years earlier would have BLOWN PEOPLE'S FUCKING MINDS. But by 1999 cgi-heavy sci-fi action flicks were nothing new, and in its own time and place it was clearly ponderous cruddy over-engineered under-written nonsense.
― ledge, Wednesday, 29 September 2010 13:57 (thirteen years ago) link
Anyone calling these movies "unwatchable" hasn't seen a truly unwatchable movie, like Terminator: Salvation or The Bounty Hunter.
― Monkeys? Um, no. (HI DERE), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 13:59 (thirteen years ago) link
most popular unwatchable film is The Dark Knight.
― raging hetero lifechill (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:00 (thirteen years ago) link
Oh bullshit. The prequels are complete garbage.
― kenan, Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:00 (thirteen years ago) link
i have seen plenty of unwatchable films in my day sir
and this film is unwatchable
― If Airplanes Could Fly This Place Would Be An Airport (s1ocki), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:03 (thirteen years ago) link
Well, my work here is done. (claps dust off hands, strides away whistling)
― a seminar on ass play for kids or something (Phil D.), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:04 (thirteen years ago) link
I've seen TPM maybe 3 or 4 times now, and I still couldn't tell you the story. The trade federation stuff was all needlessly complex and bafflingly makes no sense at all. The entire plot of that movie is impenetrable. Jar-Jar aside, I hate how all the aliens speak English with silly accents instead of made up space talk w subtitles. Also hate the actor playing Anakin; he should've been cast as a guest role in a 30 min sitcom. But it's all moot because Jar-Jar pretty much voids the entire movie as soon as he enters.
― Telephoneface (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:04 (thirteen years ago) link
And shame on Roger Ebert for lauding visuals over story and characters. He KNOWS better.
Nah, he's a sucker for that kind of thing in the sci-fi realm. He grants the same latitude to "Metropolis" and "Dark City," e.g. (The latter of which he did DVD commentary for.)
― a seminar on ass play for kids or something (Phil D.), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:06 (thirteen years ago) link
In fact, I'm pretty sure he named "Dark City" his favorite of 1998, and his review starts: ``Dark City'' by Alex Proyas is a great visionary achievement, a film so original and exciting, it stirred my imagination like ``Metropolis'' and ``2001: A Space Odyssey.'' If it is true, as the German director Werner Herzog believes, that we live in an age starved of new images, then ``Dark City'' is a film to nourish us. Not a story so much as an experience, it is a triumph of art direction, set design, cinematography, special effects--and imagination
― a seminar on ass play for kids or something (Phil D.), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:07 (thirteen years ago) link
Tbh I would permaban
How the hell can you not know the story if you've seen it 4 or 5 times? It's not even remotely complicated.
― Monkeys? Um, no. (HI DERE), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:08 (thirteen years ago) link
Lol that first bit shouldn't be there
― Monkeys? Um, no. (HI DERE), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:09 (thirteen years ago) link
No, it makes sense in context.
― a seminar on ass play for kids or something (Phil D.), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:16 (thirteen years ago) link
I like Dark City, but I never understood the sloppy handjob that Ebert gave it. It's a three-star affair.
― kenan, Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:18 (thirteen years ago) link
haha freudian slip there dan
― If Airplanes Could Fly This Place Would Be An Airport (s1ocki), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:20 (thirteen years ago) link
it's a two-starrer at BEST.
― Monkeys? Um, no. (HI DERE), Wednesday, September 29, 2010 10:08 AM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark
no but it is so painfully boring and shitty the brain actively rejects it
― If Airplanes Could Fly This Place Would Be An Airport (s1ocki), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:22 (thirteen years ago) link
xp I like the story. It's a little silly, but I, like Ebert, was impressed when I realized that it was not Earth at all.
― kenan, Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:22 (thirteen years ago) link
Star Wars: Episode I The Phantom Menace is expected to be released theatrically in 2012
hopefully this is scheduled to be released AFTER the world ends in 2012
― tUrD-yArDs - BiRd-SHiTs (diamonddave85), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:22 (thirteen years ago) link
December 25, 2012 -- Just in time for post-apocalyptic Xmas.
― kenan, Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:23 (thirteen years ago) link
"I didn't care enough about the plot to pay attention to it" is a very different criticism from "The plot is so complicated and impenetrable that I can't tell you what happens"; I could understand someone saying the latter if we were talking about "Eraserhead" but this is a fucking Star Wars movie!
― Monkeys? Um, no. (HI DERE), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:24 (thirteen years ago) link
"released theatrically" - it will be accompanied by a drumroll and a loud bang of confetti
― progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:25 (thirteen years ago) link
"Complicated and impenetrable" is different still from "Doesn't make a lick of sense."
― kenan, Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:25 (thirteen years ago) link
It's not that I don't understand what's SUPPOSED to be going on, it's that what's supposed to be going on is thinly motivated and often arbitrary, in service of getting to the next big set piece.
― kenan, Wednesday, 29 September 2010 14:26 (thirteen years ago) link
Can you relay the plot to me, with regards to the trade federation, the gungans, who is on what side, who those two alien ambassadors were at the beginning, etc. etc. without referring to wikipedia?
― Telephoneface (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 15:10 (thirteen years ago) link
Yeah, i mean, sitting down and watching it, im sure it isn't that complicated, but you forget all of it the minute the movie ends because you care NOT AT ALL what happens.
― Telephoneface (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 15:11 (thirteen years ago) link
Without the aid of Wikipedia:
The Trade Federation are blockading Naboo because of something. The Jedi go to sort it out. They ponce around for a bit, meet Jar Jar then leave with the princess. Their spaceship breaks down on way back and they have to stop on Tattoine to find a spare part. They meet Anakin and take him with them, and they have a fight with Darth Maul there for some reason as well. Also there is a very loud and confusing sport event. They get back to Coruscant, then turn around again and go straight back to Naboo after talking to the Jedi council about some stuff I can't remember. Jar Jar persuades his people to join the fight against the Trade Federation, and there is a big battle. Darth Maul shows up again and kills Qui-Gon, then Obi Wan kills him. Anakin blows up one of the Federation's ships by mistake, and the battle droids all stop working and the blockade is lifted. Obi Wan decides to train Anakin, despite Yoda warning him not to. The End.
― rhythm fixated member (chap), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 15:23 (thirteen years ago) link
xp I think I have the basics, yeah. There's a fight going on about tariffs on intergalactic trade. The Galactic Senate has become a powerless UN-like body, once ruling the galaxy, but now totally limp. The Trade Federation, who for some reason how its own military, puts up a blockade around Naboo, preventing supplies from moving in or out, just to prove a pissy point. This is bad for Naboo. Senator Palpatine sees opportunity in this tense situation, and conspires to make the situation worse, to make the Supreme Chancellor look even more incompetent than he already is, and have himself installed in his place.
Right?
― kenan, Wednesday, 29 September 2010 15:24 (thirteen years ago) link
Bravo sirs!
― Neil S, Wednesday, 29 September 2010 15:24 (thirteen years ago) link
I don't think I could do the same for Attack of the Clones.
― rhythm fixated member (chap), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 15:26 (thirteen years ago) link
my eyes glazed over even trying to read that paragraph
― If Airplanes Could Fly This Place Would Be An Airport (s1ocki), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 15:30 (thirteen years ago) link
How the hell can you not know the story if you've seen it 4 or 5 times?
I apologize if this was already addressed, but why would you see this movie 4 or 5 times?
― da croupier, Wednesday, 29 September 2010 15:30 (thirteen years ago) link
guys, look away
― Gene Shalit in a Child's Sailor Hat (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 15:31 (thirteen years ago) link
Notice I didn;t mention the Jedis in my plot synopsis, because nothing they do seems to have any significance whatsoever. The Gungans are there apparently to be recruited as soldiers, even though the Gungan leader is adamant about how the fight won't affect them either way. Obi Wan says something about everything effecting everyone else, except that the Gungans live in the "planet core" (which I guess is made of water?) and the people on Naboo seem to have no contact with them at all, whatsoever. So the Gungans are really, really easily persuaded to fight and die against their interests, apparently.
― kenan, Wednesday, 29 September 2010 15:33 (thirteen years ago) link
to clarify my question, why would you repeatedly see a movie you cared so little about the plot evaporated from your mind the second after you saw it? or was the amnesia THAT strong?
― da croupier, Wednesday, 29 September 2010 15:36 (thirteen years ago) link
Ok, I've seen it twice, then watched part of The Phantom Edit, then watched the rifftrax once twice.
― Telephoneface (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 15:37 (thirteen years ago) link
xp Same reason to watch the Zapruder film over and over. WHAT HAPPENED HERE?
― kenan, Wednesday, 29 September 2010 15:38 (thirteen years ago) link
Something died violently, and I need to know how and why.
'Repeatedly' being in the course of 10 years.
― Telephoneface (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 15:39 (thirteen years ago) link
I'm sure I've only sat through the whole thing once.
― kenan, Wednesday, 29 September 2010 15:41 (thirteen years ago) link
― If Airplanes Could Fly This Place Would Be An Airport (s1ocki), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 15:22 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
slock1 OTM
― beef lamp (stevie), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 16:29 (thirteen years ago) link
"Now it's R2-3D and 3D-PO as George Lucas green lights mega Star Wars conversion"http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1316182/George-Lucas-green-lights-mega-Star-Wars-3D-conversion.html
Maybe more at home on the Mail mail thread
― not_goodwin, Wednesday, 29 September 2010 16:55 (thirteen years ago) link
Not unless the DM claims that Jawas are illegal immigrants.
― Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 16:59 (thirteen years ago) link
Mail mail?
Sorry, hate mail, duh!
― not_goodwin, Wednesday, 29 September 2010 17:00 (thirteen years ago) link
Get ready for HAN TRIO and PRINCESS THREEYA as LUCAS creates NEW DIMENSION for STAR FLICKS
― progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 17:08 (thirteen years ago) link
Would think Attack of the Clones & Revenge of the Sith would be the easiest to do, since the sets are all CGI anyways, all they need to do is find the original files and put it 2nd camera & re-render. With improved computer technology, render times for even the most complicated scenes should be drastically shorter than originally.
― Telephoneface (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 17:11 (thirteen years ago) link
Obi Wan Kenobthree
LOOK skywalker
― If Airplanes Could Fly This Place Would Be An Airport (s1ocki), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 17:17 (thirteen years ago) link
― kenan, Wednesday, September 29, 2010 1:56 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark
He's ALWAYS done that. He gave Spawn, a movie that's arguably even worse than the Phantom Menace (and has even worse effects), three and a half stars.
― latebloomer, Wednesday, 29 September 2010 17:20 (thirteen years ago) link
Yeah, I guess he does give a multipass to all things comic-book-ish.
― kenan, Wednesday, 29 September 2010 17:22 (thirteen years ago) link
hahaha
― If Airplanes Could Fly This Place Would Be An Airport (s1ocki), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 17:22 (thirteen years ago) link