Craigslist hilarity

But I'll still be thinking about that coffee in Paris.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcMpJlYynBw

Yes, that's the one I was thinking of.

Christine, you are not self-consciously twee -- I think that's what made that depressing to me.

sometimes I think "musicians" must be the most depressing section of craigslist. It's all like people thinly disguising their delusions of grandeur and dreams of superstardom behind vague language ("get in touch and we'll just jam and see what happens") and lists of gear. There isn't even really like one example I could pull out because it's just so pervasive and overwhelming

^^^ this, except often their delusions are not disguised whatsoever. My favorites are the "bands" looking for everything: guitar, keys, bass, drums.." It's usually one crazy dude who has already named the "band" and needs enablers.

fine summary of how most musicians live theirs lives iirc (XP)

fresh original project-NO EGOS>>>JUST MUSIC>>>>>>MUSIC IS LIFE
We have a full studio(future home to NOWHERE RECORDS).... a capable guitar/bassist/vocalist/recording engineer and well versed keyboard/pianist/song writer

IN NEED of a ALL STYLES drummer...or at least willing to learn all...AND a female vocalist that plays ???violin-guitar-bass-drums-mandolin-sax-cello...And lyrics a plus....so ONLY SERIOUS REPLY...AND SERIOUS I MEAN -READY TO TOUR THE US

I can provide an apartment for each of you as well as meals and gear...This is NOT a part time project....I would like to see 30-60 hours a week spent rehearsing and recording

styles to be covered are ALL...the list is long so I wont even start...it will fall back to rock based...I MEAN ALL STYLES>>FROM BACH TO ERTHRA KITT TO BELA FLECK TO LED ZEPPELIN TO HANK WILLIAMS

HAHA!

I can provide an apartment for each of you as well as meals and gear.

i like how grandiose this sounds, and how in actual fact it is coming from a guy with four extra sleeping bags

And an envelope of carefully-clipped 2-for-1 coupons at Taco Bell, KFC, etc.

("ERTHRA KITT")

a female vocalist that plays ???violin-guitar-bass-drums-mandolin-sax-cello

There actually is a Chicago-based Nowhere Records that likely has no relation (their website is properly spelled and punctuated, at any rate.) Guessing this dude didn't Google to see if anyone else had the same name as his fantasy project.

FROM BACH TO ERTHRA KITT

So close to "Urethra Kitt" it's painful.

I was thinking Urethra, but also Mothra.

Mercenaries for Hire (?)
Date: 2010-09-24, 12:17AM CEST
Reply to: job-afw4z-1970075✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧ [Errors when replying to ads?]

We are two Ex- U.S. Military Special Ops trained individuals with experience in:

1. Hostage Negotiation
2. Close Quarters Combat
3. Advanced Weapons & Tactics
4. Advanced Evasive Maneuvers
5. Urban Environmental Adaptation
6. Urban Warfare
7. Stealth
8. Arctic, Jungle, Desert, & Urban Survival
9. Sharp Shooting
10. Room Clearing
11. Extraction & much more.

We are looking to continue providing military precision in ending all types of confrontations in a swift and professional manner.

Provisions are as follows:
1. All Gear required for job must be provided by the contractor.
• Weapons & Ammo
• Electronics including: Locked Signal High Frequency 2way Radios, Remote Detonators, Cameras, Monitors, & Night Vision Goggles if needed.
• High Mobility Armor
• Gear Bags

Leisure Expenses are as follows: (Up-Front Costs)
1. Transportation
2. Food & Rations
3. Hospitality & living expenses.

All contractual agreements are to be drawn up during the initial meeting of both parties. We will then part ways, take said contract to our advisor for detail analysis and will be in touch to set another meet for final drafting of contract agreements & terms.

We prefer International contracts & objectives. All U.S. contracts & objectives must be verified by a U.S. Government Agency for legality purposes.
All contractors must speak & type in English. All contractors must meet at one of our designated secure locations. To set up an appointment please use the following secure address for an email. Appointments by email only.

StealthPrecisionServices AT ymail

* Location: ?
* Compensation: Negotiable
* This is a contract job.
* OK for recruiters to contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 1970075953

http://imgur.com/xn6ey.jpg

A special kind of affection.

*shudder*

Nothing else in that room mattered...

So close, no matter how far.

Vons in Echo Park, Tues, Oct 12 - m4w - 36 (Echo Park)

Hi. I wanted to thank you again for being so thoughtful while I was in line behind you at the Vons in Echo Park. First, you were very kind to move your groceries on the conveyor belt! Second, you were very thoughtful in worrying that you would hold me back while filling out the application for a Vons Card! Your kindness and smile left the best of impressions and I regret not being able to introduce myself (in fear of holding up the line behind me!). Would be nice to be able to thank you again and have an uninterrupted conversation.

this is one of those things where someone should just leave a pleasant random interaction as a pleasant random interaction. man i see so many girl problems on that site.

Lots of 1 serving packets of sauces from various fast food restaurants- unopened, unused, good for picnics, outings, camps, or home use. Just too much of them and they are still good. Some are older and most of them are new. I can't tell when they will expire.There's soy sauce, barbq sauce, siopao sauce, ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, lemon juice, parmesan cheese, salt & pepper. Email if interested to schedule for pick up. First to come gets it! DEFINITELY WILL NOT DELIVER.
http://images.craigslist.org/3na3k23le5Z65X05S6aah71faf5e6eede10bc.jpg http://images.craigslist.org/3k23of3l15V55Z05X0aah4873bf94d96312dd.jpg
http://sandiego.craigslist.org/csd/zip/2010779895.html

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/zip/2055994955.html

"I am a professional artist moving out of NYC, and I am looking donate this work to an art appreciator, organization, restaurant, office, etc. ... the assemblage is constructed of objects found in a bushwick basement."

Actually includes the words "states of decay".

http://images.craigslist.org/3m23pc3of5O15V55R1abc2e74812141d414c1.jpg.

You would need a van or truck in order to move this.

Huh.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v369/colinohara/154322_10150338137085481_865690480_16124190_8085818_n.jpg

You soiled your pants and I fell in love - w4m - 23 (Columbus)
Date: 2010-12-06, 4:45PM EST
Reply To This Post

We met at Douggy's party Saturday night. You tried to chug a bucket of old antifreeze and gin. Gross! At the halfway point you fell down, vomitted and started shaking. It was so adorable that I couldn't help coming over to help you up. We talked about Eastern European economic policies and the McRib sandwich for awhile. At some point in the night you and I started drinking vodka and we kissed. You fell down again and your head landed in Mr. Wink's litter box. Lol! Douggy and I (and Mike) had to pick you up and lay you out by the curb. We thought you needed to go to the hospital. You pooped yourself and we could smell it. Are you OK? Anyway, hope we get to talk about "string theory" again.

You tried to steal my purse - w4m - 25 (CVS)

Date: 2010-12-10, 7:24AM CST
Reply To This Post

You: Homeboy in a hoodie that tried to steal my purse as I was walking out of CVS last night.
Me: The blonde purse holder that kneed you in the nuts and then proceeded to kick you in the ear while you were writhing on the ground.

I feel that we got off on the wrong foot. Maybe after your testes descend and you get out of jail, we can do lunch?

Location: CVS
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Yeasayer on NYE - w4m (Chicago)
Date: 2011-01-02, 3:30PM CST
Reply To This Post

You were dirty hipster. I was tiny hipster azn girl. We ground to pfork approved music. Hit me up!

* Location: Chicago
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Can you grind to pfork music? Would rather not know.

http://i.imgur.com/QdDGC.jpg

seems so...

Who are those people?

l-r deej, dr morbius, jordan

pic now saved on desktop as "l-r deej, dr morbius, jordan. max"

thanx max xoxoxoxo

Indie Music Magazine looking for writers (Sydney)
Date: 2010-12-20, 9:53AM EST

Hello,

We are IMR Magazine (http://www.indiemusicreviewer.com) and we're looking for reviewers to write in our magazine four times a month. If you are interested, please email us at: i✧✧✧@indiemusicrevie✧✧✧.c✧✧. We are currently looking for reviewers for the following genres:

Blues
Rock
Hip Hop
Electronic
Dance
Reggae
Alt-Country

At this time, we are unable to pay writers, but in the future, we will be able to pay well. This is a great opportunity for the aspiring writer who is looking for writing credit. Let us know if you are interested!

-Nate Kieser, Editor
IMR Magazine
http://www.indiemusicreviewer.com

oh man I'm going to write up some Alt-Country reviews for Nate and then one day I'll have $$$$$$$$$$ in da bank

i'd think it was "grinded"

tuomas, that is rick rubin with clipse

Okay, but isn't Rick Rubin well respected in rap circles, and not exactly an example of "pfork music"?

Clipse are a rap group well known for being critically acclaimed for their crossover appeal and have played at the pfork music festival.

Also, Clipse have a song called "Grindin."

There, now I have explained the entire context of this joke. Are we happy now?

The hipster grifter is out of stir?

Yeah, I know "Grindin'", I even have that Clipse album. Apparently I didn't recognize them from the pic though, probably because the album sleeve only has cartoon pictures of them. Nor did I know they were "pfork music" - maybe I should read Pitchfork sometimes, I thought they were an indie rock site or something.

classic tuomas

SWAG - $25 (Downtown)

Date: 2011-02-17, 1:37AM EST
Reply to: sale-x7wkp-2218957✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧ [Errors when replying to ads?]

SWAG.

I got so much SWAG, i even have extra for sale! On Craigs List even.

This is an ad for SWAG consultation services.
If yr ready to step it up and quit being a super boring guy lyke everyone else I can help u out.
I can step into your zone (even UN-SWAGGIFIED, as to not scare people unaccustomed to hi LVLZ of SWAG) like a SWAG NINJA,
and assess your areas in urgent need of SWAGGIFICATION.

You can be assured of making more money, enjoying the company of more & better women, and catching more & bigger bass when u go fishing.

Can trade services for a MacBook Pro (unibody only) or sum good Car Stereo Speakers.

Location: Downtown
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

http://atlanta.craigslist.org/atl/bar/2218957583.html

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/tfr/2296632021.html

Looking for Snail or Slug for documentary

I am a filmmaker doing a documentary about my dog's reaction to other animals. I am looking for a snail or a slug. I work all day and don't have time to try and find a slug in the woods. If you know where I could find a slug of snail it would be most appreciated. There will be no harm inflicted to animal I can assure you that. My dog is very timid and we are trying to study what characteristics of other animals make her that way.

thanks in advance!!!

http://i54.tinypic.com/1g632q.gif

http://i.imgur.com/QXJov.jpg

http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/roo/2325730956.html

http://i.imgur.com/yIxv3.png

omg that.