Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

Good thing I'm not actually a pedant and don't give a shit.

pedantitude

pedance

here's a bit part of me that wants to give the lecture about how mental illness is just the same as any other disability and there is no illness that is quite so maligned and creates such negative (and also incorrect) stereotypes and misunderstandings as schizophrenia. And that you should really try to judge your wanting to date someone on *their* *current* behaviour rather than past experiences with other people.

Yeah this. Look, I'm admiring this guy for fessing up (if its true - I havent met him but no one would admit to this if not true!).

I've had schiz friends before, I couldnt handle them. I suffer from depresson myself - i'm not strong enough to bolster someone else's issues,

That said this guy seems very aware of his illness and lucid and across it, which I find quite ingrigueing, I get to ask him about what its like. But I dont want in on that world :/

Yeah, I've had friends with schizophrenia too. I would totally not blame you for that being a deal-breaker.

No one ever *wants* in on that world. Trust me.

I'm just saying ask the questions, find out what it's like before making the decision.

Sorry, that came out way more snarky than it was intended.

And looking at my "pye guy"s profile, he does actually look quite sweet, really. I'm going to try and make a conversation starter out of it rather than be a pedant out of it and see if he reacts in a "ha ha oops" way or gets butthurt.

I should probably clarify, now I think about it, that I wasnt really into the idea of meeting this guy anyway even before this came up. So I dont feel to conflicted; it can just stay an online friend thing, prob.

Its odd. He doesnt seem ... unwell, you know? The only odd thing thats happened so far is a conversation we had that got very out of hand (tmi wise) that he now claims to have no recall of, so theres that.

Unless its some bored guy yanking my chain and theres nothing wrong with him.

did your crazy alarm go off?

^^ better way of putting it: did he come across as, my friend Patrice puts it, "a guy that's single for a reason"?

No, thats the weird thing. He seems completely normal, if a little dull.

He mentioned a v obscure med tho that is approp for the condition, so it seems legit.

I'm not going to ponder it. I'm not interested in him anyway! I have a date next week with someone else, lol.

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-real-stuff-white-people-like/

i lol'd

RICHARD FUCKING YATES

KIERKE FUCKING GAARD

oi!
― always be cozen (dayo), Thursday, 9 September 2010 07:31

― always be cozen (onimo), Saturday, 28 August 2010 23:19 (1 week ago)

golden fucking girls

lol sorry, I don't hang out in the britishes threads so didn't see it xp

Argh. having my first OKC date this evening. This morning I nearly called the whole thing off because I had a major attack of the "ugh, I'm horrible and old and fat and ugly and everybody knows that a 200 lb manic depressive on a date is the punchline to a joke, not a human being who deserves respect, let alone love..."

But then he messaged again and suggested we go to an all you can eat sushi bar so I had a sudden thought of "OMG, maybe he's one of those rare men who sees a full figured woman and doesn't think 'LOL U fat' so much as 'yay, U not a stick insect, let's go eat lots of nummy food!'"

wait there is all-you-can-eat sushi in london now?

WHY AM I A VEGETARIAN

THEY HAVE GOOD VEGETARIAN OPTIONS!!!!

apparently. Or at least so sayeth my date.

WHAT IS THE NAME OF THIS MECCA

Thread of excited about sushi.

I wonder which is greater, mr spacecadet's fondness for sushi or mr spacecadet's dislike of London. Oxford only has a Yo! Sushi and a tiny Japanese restaurant which does sushi one evening a week in termtimes only and you usually have to queue outside for a table.

Hope you have a good date, K!

the only racial keywords I follow (re: that link) are that Asian men like Calvin and Hobbes and Tennis
other keywords I have used in my profile before are Thai food (stuff Indians like) and Funny

I like how Indian men have software engineer, consultant, developer, analyst, finance, trading, maths and entrepreneur in their stereotype. These guys are hard workers

But even better is that Pacific Islander men have "I hope they serve beer in hell"

sometimes i wonder if i am a girl who's single for a reason

what reason?

I was meant to go on a date with a girl from this last night and then.......the last minute flake. Internet dating is so abstract. Nothing means anything until you meet the person!

absolutely, and not just in a dating realm - have been struggling with bandmate flakes recently - as long as you have a policy of replying and turning up to things, though, then you'll eventually prosper. flakes aren't worth your time, but you are, if that makes sense

yeah i'm actually pleased in that even tho i quite liked this person it had no real mental effect on me tbh...

people are crazy tbh

yeah I was gonna have lunch with someone a few months ago, someone who was extremely attractive and knew it, but she pulled out with 'illness' 75 minutes beforehand - this wasn't even an internet date (we'd met at the cricket a few days beforehand) but I was more annoyed that I let it get to me than that I was deprived the date - some people just aren't ready to meet anyone with perceived romantic intentions, or they get the last-minute heebie-jeebies - it's sad but it's their right. my policy is that I have to at least try out something before I dismiss it, but then again my policy is that I really don't like evening dates, the hyper-forced meal + well-dressed + courtly conversation rigmarole - way prefer chilling w/ someone during the day, preferably while undertaking shared-interest activities

back to internet flakeness though - I find it best, if there's a connection, to get off OKCupid and onto one's proper email (and hence the real world) asap - having to log onto a dating website to connect with someone can be a little unsettling and dehumanising - or at least it 'dateifies' the correspondence, adds an imperceptible pressure

maybe i should join this thing

*deprived OF

n.b. I'm still uncomfortable with elements of OKC and I don't look for people on it but if completely fucking awesome people message me out of nowhere and initiate doomed-but-intense flings every so often then I guess I should stay on it. also I like my profile. but really I am hoping aforementioned lady comes back into my life 'coz I'm really not gonna meet someone much more on my wavelength. ah, time shall heal.

My reasonably minimal experience with relationships/dating is that having these surface overlapping interests is no guarantee that you'll spark (...although i'm sure this point has been made up thread). For all of the best connections, romantic or non, one needs to gestate and have the other person 'grow on them'...maybe you'll realise that shared interests are one thing, but feeling utterly comfortable and having this almost imperceptible overlap in sensibilities is what we crave.

But the awkward thing is that these deeper connections take time and work and often lots of wavering and insecurity...completely unsuited to this quick romancelust that might spur our need for site like OKC. I also think that the genesis of these relationships I've described often comes from places you least expect, rather than somewhere like a gig or a specialised hobby.

(I am possibly quite immature on all of this so please excuse me if this is all crap)

No, you make a good point! Certainly too many of my experiences with women have been fleeting - the trouble is that I am not brewing anything slowly with anyone who is in any way eligible, and am consequently hoping an initial spark projects into a sustained conflagration, rather than a growing-together. You're still at university, make the most of it!

maybe you'll realise that shared interests are one thing, but feeling utterly comfortable and having this almost imperceptible overlap in sensibilities is what we crave

True, but one often indicates the other. They're not inseparable, for sure - someone with an attitude I most crave and whom I can be most comfortable with is probably someone with a broad and extremely open-minded approach to intelligence and culture.

But yeah, looking for something is often an unhelpful way of going about things - it makes you put people in boxes or upon pedestals when in the cold light of extended time they aren't particularly special. Patience and the blindside are allies in this regard - but one has one's limit, and one's temptations.

Also, I'm unemployed. Deep down, I know that this is the single biggest factor in why I'm failing to find lasting connections with people.

You're still at university, make the most of it!

OK Cupid will have to wait until I'm empty handed on graduation day perhaps.

Yes, I was wary about my own italicised point there. Certainly, amongst my very best friends, it is indeed films or music that we bond through, and find ourselves returning to again and again...but there's some other inexplainable quality....the magic of friendship or pure inter-human bonding.

I have never experienced true romantic love, but my expectations for what it's actually like are quite amazing.

*unexplainable

but there's some other inexplicable quality....the magic of friendship or pure inter-human bonding

Yeah, there's a hard-to-define quality which denotes a great connection with someone - it's when you're understanding, anticipating and wanting to know more about each other, and yes when this happens it is incredible.

I'd say I've experienced true romantic love twice. Both as I've graduated my respective degrees. You have a lot to look forward to! :D

9.40-on-a-saturday-night-blues alright.

Here's to glances and gazes across the seminar room....and pizza + films at my new apartment!

OT but I will come see your band's first gig.

if we ever form, ffs

you send an email to 6 ppl and it's like sure the only person to respond in nearly a week is my friend of 4 years

sure ILX poster MaresNest has a good excuse (he is in Cyprus! on holiday! eating souvlaki!) but the others...grrr

Also, I'm unemployed. Deep down, I know that this is the single biggest factor in why I'm failing to find lasting connections with people.

OH YEAH. I did most of my online dating, actually my most active period of any kind of dating, while unemployed, because I was unfocused and unproductive and I was trying so hard to fill that time w a person instead of a real life.

Well, you could have the rather dispiriting experience of actually meeting someone and going out for drinks with someone, and really liking them, and thinking you're having a really good chat and actually having a pretty good connection, only to have them tell you two hours into the date that actually, they have a girlfriend who is off, travelling in Mongolia for a month.

Obviously, I still managed to have a fun evening out of it, and I do think I've made a friend. But still.

RUBBITCH.

wait, this was presented as a date from the beginning and then the dude sprung that on you during it?

My reasonably minimal experience with relationships/dating is that having these surface overlapping interests is no guarantee that you'll spark (...although i'm sure this point has been made up thread). For all of the best connections, romantic or non, one needs to gestate and have the other person 'grow on them'...maybe you'll realise that shared interests are one thing, but feeling utterly comfortable and having this almost imperceptible overlap in sensibilities is what we crave.

this rings true, but like you said it's so hard to get there

hang on Kate on OKC you *have* to say whether you're single, attached, married or available