Best snippet of overheard conversation

Woman: (smiling) It was good. Very good.
Man: (looking pensive for a split second and then correcting his wife's ungroovy lingo) - It was COOL. Very COOL.

Coworker1: Do you think Angelina Jolie would do a sex scene?
Coworker2: I'm pretty sure she already has...um...
Coworker1: I bet she would.
Coworker2: That's what I'm saying, I think she has, I've SEEN it.
Coworker1: I bet she'd do a three-way.
Coworker2: ORIGINAL SIN! That's what it was called.
Coworker1: I bet she'd do a sex-scene with her brother.
Coworker2: You need to stop thinking about this for a second.

mother: Yes, all good reporters use pencils.
daughter: what do bad reporters use then?
mother: ...biros

My mum and I were walking the dog and talking about how we'd off my father (semi-jokingly)...walked around a hill and there were a bunch of people sitting there looking a bit stunned.

Ah well.

YOU CUNT!!!!

Two uncomfortable seconds later:

...do that! You cunt. You simply cunt. I don't beleef you.

-- mark s (mar...), September 5th, 2001

Upon reflection, an accurate assessment.

I say this all the time. I think it started as a joke, but today I said "I haven't talked to you since last time!" without thinking anything of it until afterwards.

Best thread ever.

Guy1: Guess who I saw at the mall the other day.
Guy2: Um...who?
Guy1: Richie Sambora!
Guy2: Didya now?

Woman 1: So... how do you know when to turn the CD over?
Woman 2: You don't, it's just one side.
W1: So... what's the other side for?
W2: ...
W1: And how do you know which side is which?
W2: Well, sometimes the blank side has, I don't know, manufacturer's information on it or something.

WTF? I mean Woman 1 was fairly elderly but even so...

"I'm outside the toilet just now...........yeah, I'm absolutely bursting.............do you dare me?"

Guy: "..;but it transformed the neighborhood!"
Other guy: "Yeah, it filled it with annoying white girls."

What the hell was she talking about if not head lice? Crabs?

Businessman One: "I mean you're literally a billionaire, right?"
Businessman Two: "Yep."

"I love Tori Amos because I love it when the mythical slides into delerium"

Ouch! It still hurts to think about it.

http://www.gleeson0.demon.co.uk/sandman/delirium.jpg

ihttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/Mandalion/lucynumberone2.jpg

As such, we use that to break off pointless arguments.

blonde girl - "LOL, Look at my sons eyebrows"
brunette girl - "OMG LOL, what have you done to your sons eyebrows?"
[to son] "LOL, what has she done to your eyebrows? OMG LOL"
blonde - "LOL, He wasn't born with any, LOL "
brunette - "Oh you poor thing, LOL"
Both Girls - "LOL, OMG, LOL, OMG, etc etc"

Then they went on to ask me "ey luv! who do y'think looks oldest out o' me and 'er?"
I refused to answer.

"people are so much more good-looking now than ever before. when you see people from TV in the 70s they are all butters"

"Ooh, I've never seen that before," she said in a brash Ayrshire accent, "does it no irritate yer fanny?"

A: How would you assist someone who needed to vomit?

B: Pull their hair back.

C: Massage their belly.

D: Maybe you could paddle their arse?

I know what she means.

"When I get home, you'd BEST be naked. NAKED WITH A CUP OF TEA AND A BOWL OF BAKED BEANS."

Thugged out guy in late 20's or early 30 A: So, is yo girl trying to make you get a job and shit?

Thugged out guy in late 20's or early 30's B: No.

Thugged out guy in late 20's or early 30 A: That's how you know when she really loves you.

I was walking back from the shops, having bought pastries and things for Sunday brunch, and as I walked up my street I noticed a young Jewish guy in skullcap and white sunday suit standing on the side of the road, opposite me. Thought nothing at all of it - it looked like he was waiting for a car, maybe. He then calls out "hey, who are you waiting for?" across the road and I look ahead of me and see he's talking to a tall thin man who is in full top hat and tails regalia - white gloves, patent leather pointed shoes, cravat, the works. He almost looks like he might be dressed to be a butler or town car driver, or is going to some very fancy event. He stares calmly at the young man but does not answer. Young man again shouts "who are you waiting for?". At this point I just thought it was because he also was waiting for someone, and thought this older guy might be it?

But the tall top hat man said, slowly "who are you?". Young man gets slightly cross and again repeats "no, who are you waiting for?"
"Who are you?"

This went on in true Vorlon style for a minute or so, eventually young guy says "I'm Rosco, WHO ARE YOU WAITING FOR??"

The older man says, in a very slow and very strangely pronounced, RP english stagey voice, "I am Ronald, please state your business?". OK this is getting weird. I've passed top hat man by this point and have to keep glancing back, only to see top hat man crossing the street to approach young jewish guy, who is holding his hand out, palm forward, like some kind of policeman! He says "Community watch! WHO ARE YOU WAITING FOR", with his hand held up and backing away slightly.

Top hat man pauses, then walks back across the road to his spot. He didnt seem at all ruffled by this young guy's rather bizarre paranoid gated community shtick, but then again his own stagey pose was equally surreal.

And then I went home, the end.