Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

TT, i just emailed you btw, not sure how reliable ilx webmail is these days

I get like 2-3 responses for every 10 messages I send. Is this about normal, or am I doomed a childless unhappy existence? (<---- yes, I am kidding)

that's probably better than normal tbh, although I'm closer to a 100% s/r because I don't message anyone unless I'm pretty sure there's gonna be some sort of connection, i.e. about one person every 2 or 3 months

i mean, that way it's kinda nice when you forget about OKC and then someone messages you out of the blue

met someone really nice on this a while ago and asked out...silence. i have done this to people too tho, it's a big divide between the chat and then actually wanting to meet someone. think if you're prepared for that then it's fine and there is still potential to meet good people.

Trayce, I was going to ask you about that. Why did you decide not to disable your profile?

In all honesty because I mostly forgot I had one!

When OKC began in the early oughts, it was actually more of a fun quizzes site than anything else - veryone used to log in and do the INJF or wtf ever theyre called tests.

So I did a bunch of that for fun, then promptly forgot. Layter on I start getting emails and realise its turned into a dating site and people are pinging my profile. Argh!

At that point it was just lol though, so I cut it down to the bare bones, with "I AM TAKEN AND NOT LOOKING" all over it. Never had a partner have an issue with that. Heck, my ex N still comes up in my top 5 matches on there, hee hee ;)

Yargh, scuse the typos all up in my posts of late, I think I need new glasses.

smaller ones that fit less booze

Ya Trayce I can see that. Once taken vs not taken isn't a moot point, and it's palpably for a larf, and especially if you didn't meet on there, it seems ok.

Despite thinking rogermexico's take on this is the right one, I'm still leaving it a while in order for stressful work and accommodation related stuff in 'dude''s life to settle down at least a little bit. Try to have the conversation without other stressy issues hanging around. No more than a couple of weeks though, else I will lose my mind.

turns out zorn_bond.mp3 is a 95% OKCupid match of mine :D

You and my ex.

lol

:/

great profile tho dude you are A+++ positive and full of enthusiasm plus you mention loads of interesting things yr into - would message

smaller ones that fit less booze

Quiet, you!

haw

Kinda funny, actually. This is an ex from long enough ago that there's no more :/. I saw she'd looked at my profile and I messaged her "..........well this is awkward" and a pretty funny and casual exchange ensued. Now we text each other dumb in-jokes every couple of weeks. xxp

that's like my ideal kind of relationship with an ex! the only woman i've truly loved...radio silence for a year and a half now, will probably never be broken if i know what she's like

you are v young - there will be other women

and other silences.

i had a look of mock gloom on my face when i posted that.

when i read your post i thought of LJ being married to a deaf mute and I lolled

fwiw zorn_bond.mp3 I just literally now did a HUGE update on my profile so what you saw isn't what it is any more

u can call me zorn if it is easier to type

thing is zorn it just got a whole lot more anglo so I'm kinda cutting out my burgeoning US market

i recently made a profile. i also sent out like 10 messages and i got one reply. what gives, man?

http://www.paintingsilove.com/uploads/7/7482/ships-passing-in-the-night.jpg
l-r: zorn_bond.mp3, acoleuthic

I think if people aren't interested for whatever reason they'll just ignore you. Internet, home of passive aggressiveness.

just realised I have 961 questions to mfing re-answer, having changed my mind on SO many issues since 2009

by the end of this we may no longer be 95% :(

Well just make sure you answer "are you over 90% whatever as zorn–bond.mp3" correctly, and maybe it won't end up too different.

ha!

most of the stuff that needs changing is adjustment from horndog answers to actually-I-kinda-prefer-love answers

jag i will write a question for you

there now you can go answer it

can't find it?

hm yeah i can't figure out how to link to it lol

it will come up eventually

you will know it

answer it yourself and I'll find it among your answered questions

i did!

dammit I can only find questions we've both answered - ah well, it'll have to wait

This answer is maybe the best piece of writing I've encountered today even if it is totally wrong.

lol at this though

thankig u

I wish there was a filter just to see the answers for which people have written "explanations." I'm not really interested in page after page of which button you pushed, I want to know why you pushed the button.

^^^this would make explanations so much more worth it

Msged my first ever person on this thing. Is actually going ok so far. He's a writer, and he seems smart and together and funny, and he likes Futurama <3

Me and a pretty girl are messaging about space being dope and alt country records!

I figured the only way I'd get to know anyone or for anyone to know me was through the journal feature.

"...if I end up with anyone, anywhere, ever, it's damn sure not going to be based on a faux-casual profile that reeks of desperation and an ugly-ass photo."

This rings horribly true to me. Faux-casual lonely desperation.

i dunno, last girl i dated (for a year!) i met through a craigslist ad

which, if you wanna talk lonely desperation...

Chatz with writer guy going alarmingly well, I like this chap. I'm disarmingly open with everyone anyway so it skews things, but hey, hm.

Stop it. You're making me actually want to give it a go.

But I always have this kind of half-luck with dating sites.

Like, you start talking to people who are just so almost-right but there's some massive honking problem which means it's never going to work. The last time I actually did OKC, I actually met *(well, online only, we never met up in person, another irritation, he didn't ask and I couldn't seem to suggest it in a way that he understood as an invitation) this lovely bloke who liked beardy festivals and programmed his own operating systems and he actually had long ginger hair and looked a bit like Aphex Twin and I was thinking "ooh, bring it on" but HE WAS A FLAMING CARD CARRYING ATHEIST AND SKEPTIK and kept going on about the Flying Spaghetti Monster because he thought it was funny and couldn't understand why he was winding me up so much when he was taking the piss out of me for not hating religion. And I just thought "this isn't going to work" and stopped writing back. Also, he lived in Oxford, and I thought that was just a bit far.

And yeah, this is probably why I'm still single, that I am too picky and I'm always looking for the catch - but there's "being too picky" and "this is really going to wind me up."

Or else, I'd go on one date with a dude, and it'd be fine, and then the second date would be really boring and I'd feel I was just forcing myself to go through the motions. I think, really, I have just enough "pep" to do one date, and be "on" and chatty and friendly, and then I lapse back into being boring and not wanting to leave the house.

Also, ljubljana, I know I am the LAST person to be taking dating advice from, but honestly.

If you don't feel secure enough in this relationship to not be checking up on whether he's still active on dating sites or not, then it's probably not the relationship for you.

(The moral of the story, from painful experience, is "don't ask questions you don't really want to know the answers to." Every girl I've ever known who has checked their boyfriend's email to find out if he's trying to pick up other girls - the answer is invariably, yeah, he is.)

The issue isn't really him being "still looking" but that you don't feel secure enough to trust. I don't know if that's because you're not very comfortable yourself, or if because he's not *making* you feel comfortable by his words or actions. But it seems like you need to take some action and make it be *your* action instead of worrying about what he's doing or thinking. It's your relationship, too, isn't it? If it's not, then get out of it.