Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

good. i'm probably too careful too.

yeah, i don't really mean to come on all ton-of-bricks. i've just learned that in this stuff it's almost always better, for your self-esteem, which is a precious thing, and also especially if you DO want it to work, to quit than to get fired, especially if you see it coming.

there's nothing to be dramatic about. i don't know what's been discussed in terms of, as they say, going steady, or what degree of monogamy has been assumed vs agreed to, but since this seems important for you at this moment it strikes me as valuable to put it on the table without apology and with a clear sense of what you want, and a willingness to not enter into compromises that may seem "reasonable" but will tend to make you, personally, less happy and less confident and less well-positioned for whatever it is you do want if this turns out not to be it.

which i hope is not the case. i hope that if what you want now is this, dude will be in a place where he can articulate what's up with him and what he thinks he needs now and that the conversation will help you both either make what you have better or make it easier to move on from.

wishing you a good wind at your back.

I just disabled my profile due to IRL hookup!
Kind of hope I never feel the urge to login again, tbh.

I had mine there thru 2 relationships (obv it said I was taken/not looking and my details were sparse). Yet I was still messaged constantly.

Only now have I replied to my first message, guy seems ok (he likes Bab5 and Futurama), and I sent a guy a msg but he's prt young so may ignore it.

But I dont take it srsly nor am I desperate to find anything, so its not a big drama for me. Prob the best approach. I dont "do" dating. I just happen across people and end up in fun (or angst, as the case may be).

Trayce, I was going to ask you about that. Why did you decide not to disable your profile? I think that him keeping it up and saying taken/not looking might be ok with me if I believed that hanging out on there peoplewatching was all he was on there for, but it might still make me uncomfortable.

xpost - thanks, rm. This is all truly very very good advice, I think, very convincingly put.

'Are you seeing anyone else' has been asked some time back and the answer was no. 'Going steady' is a little bit beyond that, I think (implies not looking, whereas 'not seeing anyone' only implies not acting!) and hasn't been discussed, but yeah, that's what I want.

I probably should have had the 'shall we both come off the site' discussion a month ago rather than just quietly disable my own profile.

yeah man English reserve is a double-edged sword and it's usually one swung at one's own throat

Deleting mine tonight. It's just not worth it; if I end up with anyone, anywhere, ever, it's damn sure not going to be based on a faux-casual profile that reeks of desperation and an ugly-ass photo. I'm not sure what if anything would work but this doesn't seem like the right place for me.

TT, i just emailed you btw, not sure how reliable ilx webmail is these days

I get like 2-3 responses for every 10 messages I send. Is this about normal, or am I doomed a childless unhappy existence? (<---- yes, I am kidding)

that's probably better than normal tbh, although I'm closer to a 100% s/r because I don't message anyone unless I'm pretty sure there's gonna be some sort of connection, i.e. about one person every 2 or 3 months

i mean, that way it's kinda nice when you forget about OKC and then someone messages you out of the blue

met someone really nice on this a while ago and asked out...silence. i have done this to people too tho, it's a big divide between the chat and then actually wanting to meet someone. think if you're prepared for that then it's fine and there is still potential to meet good people.

Trayce, I was going to ask you about that. Why did you decide not to disable your profile?

In all honesty because I mostly forgot I had one!

When OKC began in the early oughts, it was actually more of a fun quizzes site than anything else - veryone used to log in and do the INJF or wtf ever theyre called tests.

So I did a bunch of that for fun, then promptly forgot. Layter on I start getting emails and realise its turned into a dating site and people are pinging my profile. Argh!

At that point it was just lol though, so I cut it down to the bare bones, with "I AM TAKEN AND NOT LOOKING" all over it. Never had a partner have an issue with that. Heck, my ex N still comes up in my top 5 matches on there, hee hee ;)

Yargh, scuse the typos all up in my posts of late, I think I need new glasses.

smaller ones that fit less booze

Ya Trayce I can see that. Once taken vs not taken isn't a moot point, and it's palpably for a larf, and especially if you didn't meet on there, it seems ok.

Despite thinking rogermexico's take on this is the right one, I'm still leaving it a while in order for stressful work and accommodation related stuff in 'dude''s life to settle down at least a little bit. Try to have the conversation without other stressy issues hanging around. No more than a couple of weeks though, else I will lose my mind.

turns out zorn_bond.mp3 is a 95% OKCupid match of mine :D

You and my ex.

lol

:/

great profile tho dude you are A+++ positive and full of enthusiasm plus you mention loads of interesting things yr into - would message

smaller ones that fit less booze

Quiet, you!

haw

Kinda funny, actually. This is an ex from long enough ago that there's no more :/. I saw she'd looked at my profile and I messaged her "..........well this is awkward" and a pretty funny and casual exchange ensued. Now we text each other dumb in-jokes every couple of weeks. xxp

that's like my ideal kind of relationship with an ex! the only woman i've truly loved...radio silence for a year and a half now, will probably never be broken if i know what she's like

you are v young - there will be other women

and other silences.

i had a look of mock gloom on my face when i posted that.

when i read your post i thought of LJ being married to a deaf mute and I lolled

fwiw zorn_bond.mp3 I just literally now did a HUGE update on my profile so what you saw isn't what it is any more

u can call me zorn if it is easier to type

thing is zorn it just got a whole lot more anglo so I'm kinda cutting out my burgeoning US market

i recently made a profile. i also sent out like 10 messages and i got one reply. what gives, man?

http://www.paintingsilove.com/uploads/7/7482/ships-passing-in-the-night.jpg
l-r: zorn_bond.mp3, acoleuthic

I think if people aren't interested for whatever reason they'll just ignore you. Internet, home of passive aggressiveness.

just realised I have 961 questions to mfing re-answer, having changed my mind on SO many issues since 2009

by the end of this we may no longer be 95% :(

Well just make sure you answer "are you over 90% whatever as zorn–bond.mp3" correctly, and maybe it won't end up too different.

ha!

most of the stuff that needs changing is adjustment from horndog answers to actually-I-kinda-prefer-love answers

jag i will write a question for you

there now you can go answer it

can't find it?

hm yeah i can't figure out how to link to it lol

it will come up eventually

you will know it

answer it yourself and I'll find it among your answered questions

i did!

dammit I can only find questions we've both answered - ah well, it'll have to wait

This answer is maybe the best piece of writing I've encountered today even if it is totally wrong.

lol at this though

thankig u

I wish there was a filter just to see the answers for which people have written "explanations." I'm not really interested in page after page of which button you pushed, I want to know why you pushed the button.

^^^this would make explanations so much more worth it

Msged my first ever person on this thing. Is actually going ok so far. He's a writer, and he seems smart and together and funny, and he likes Futurama <3