Craigslist hilarity

That guy's been posting long rambling screeds on craigslist for years, either asking for women or work. One of his pictures of himself looks like Lux Interior (or maybe it is Lux), and his ideal woman is Eliza Dushku in her Faith character.

girl driving a honda and sucking on a lollipop - m4w (torrance)

yesterday (wednesday) night around 10.45 pm you were driving a dark honda on Torrance blvd. I think you were from Alabama.

You were playing with a lollipop and the circles you were doing with your tongue, as well as the way your lips sucked on your lollipop were very, I mean VERY inspiring

you are a very cute young blonde or light brunette...

Funny fact is that my nickname is lollipop and I would loooove to let you play the same way with me....
I wonder if Alabama grils have a special talent for that.....

mmm yes I wonder.....

http://dallas.craigslist.org/dal/tlg/1893560318.html

I have no words for this.

I feel disappointed about the relative relevance of her sexual orientation. These things are never sexy to read.

I'm c/p'ing for future generations' sake

Be the Edward to my Bella (Dallas)
Date: 2010-08-11, 4:10PM CDT
Reply to: gigs-6wpak-1893560✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧ [Errors when replying to ads?]

My aunt just died and left me some cash with instructions to blow it however I want. Not into drugs. Fucking LOVE Twilight. Also, a lesbian. It's relevant, I swear.

I'm sure this ad will get me some creepers, but it might be worth it.

I will pay you $50 an hour to act like Edward for me. My schedule is flexible, and it would only be a few hours a week. I do NOT want any sex or kissing, but some platonic cuddling would be nice. You need to physically resemble Edward to some degree. You need to put on some sort of sparkly stuff on your face before hand. I'll ask you to hold ice for a while (not a dangerous while) so that when you touch me your hands are cold.

I'm going to be clumsy, and you're going to stare at me and tell me how awesome I am and treat me amazingly. If you can quote the book/act out small scenes with me I'll even pay you more.

I know this is stupid, but this book is the first time I've understood being attracted to any guy, and I want to play with it. Reminder: this is NOT SEXUAL. It's an emotional itch that I can now afford to scratch.

Please send me a picture to confirm that you somewhat resemble Edward (hair length/color, skin color, build of body are most important). If you wear glasses you'll need to be able to function without them. I'm willing to buy you the right outfits so don't worry about clothes.

Serious replies only.

* Location: Dallas
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: $50 per hour

I feel really bad for people who get their emotional jollies from imaginging themselves into Twilight/Supernatural/Harry Potter/House/WTF ever, the way a scary number of people seem to :(

I mean its one thing to read and enjoy and think about a great set of books or a tv show, but its something else to let it take over everything you do and think about.

It's harder the more obscure it gets – I have long had fantasies about being Pamela of Pamela, Or Virtue Rewarded. I even have a petticoat into which I have sewn a bunch of very long, very boring letters to my parents, and I would love to wear it while a man pretending to be "Mr B." jumps out of a closet while wearing women's clothing and attempts to rape me for the 435th time. But for some reason I can't find a guy open minded enough to participate.

(not really)

Hahahah <3

Oh Abbott, I <3 you so much.

Wonder if I could hire some pointy nosed floppy young man to be unwashed and twiddle oscillators for me.

(must provide own oscillators.)

how d'you titillate an ocelot etc

twitterpate an ostrogoth

no, dont!

casting the net wide

Cute Amoeba music cashier girl - m4w - 26 (Hollywood)

You checked me out, thought we had something a spark maybe, if so, tell me what type of shirt I was wearing and or the two cds I bought.

http://nextround.net/2010/08/best-missing-rape-van-craigslist-ad-youll-see-today

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/wrg/1926851198.html

It's probably just someone with a giantess or shrinking fetish, with a side interest in vore. Not inexplicable at all.

sorry you guys :(

Craigslist removes adult services section

September 04, 2010 4:30 PM EDT
Craigslist appears to have surrendered in a legal fight over erotic ads posted on its website, shutting down its adult services section Saturday and replacing it with a black bar that simply says "censored."

The move comes just over a week after a group of state attorneys general said there weren't enough protections against blocking potentially illegal ads promoting prostitution. It's not clear if the closure is permanent, and it appears to only effect ads in the United States.

The listings came under new scrutiny after the jailhouse suicide last month of a former medical student who was awaiting trial in the killing of a masseuse he met through Craigslist. Critics have likened the services to virtual pimping, while Craigslist maintained the site was carrying ads even tamer than those published by some newspapers.

Like many other free online forums, Craigslist typically does not review ads before they are posted by users. But in 2008, under pressure from 40 state attorneys general, Craigslist began requiring posters to provide a working phone number and pay a fee for placing an ad in what is now the adult services section. Several months later, Craigslist adopted a manual screening process in which postings are reviewed before publishing.

State officials believe Craigslist is still not doing enough to stop illegal ads from appearing.

The company said Saturday it would issue a statement on the matter, though it didn't say when.

Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal, one of the 17 attorneys general who pressed for the change, said in a statement that he welcomed the change and was trying to verify Craigslist's official policy going forward.

In an Aug. 24 letter, the state attorneys general said Craigslist should remove the section because it couldn't adequately block potentially illegal ads promoting prostitution and child trafficking.

Authorities point to the case of 24-year-old Philip Markoff as a prime example of the dangers posed by Craigslist services. The former medical student was accused of killing a masseuse he met through the hugely popular classified advertising site, which was founded by Craig Newmark. Markoff committed suicide in the Boston jail where he was awaiting trial.

Craigslist's adult services section carried ads for everything from personal massages to a night's companionship, which critics say veered into prostitution.

Craigslist's CEO Jim Buckmaster said in a May blog posting that the company's ads were no worse than those published by the alternative newspaper chain Village Voice Media. He cited one explicit ad which included the phrase: "anything goes $90."

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/zip/1936266213.html

Boys Underpants Medium (suffolk)

Date: 2010-09-04, 11:43AM EDT
Reply to: sale-gcbye-1936266✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧ [Errors when replying to ads?]

I just bought my son new underpants. I am giving away 10 pairs of his Hanes used underpants.
They are grey or black in color and about 1 year old

Location: suffolk
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1936266213

And because he doesn't have the Adult Services section to put an ad in anymore.

OMG STOP SAYING CREGSLIST, ABC WORLD NEWS VIA BBC NEWS PEOPLE.

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/wrg/1937590572.html

This is an odd request, but I am looking for a role-playing partner to do email or instant message-based sessions revolving around various reenactments and recreations of situations similar to those in the Disney classic movie Honey I Shrunk The Kids.

Various aspects of the original movie have always fascinated me. The perspective of being shrunken, and the various interactions with normal every-day objects and situations. My role would be that of a shrunken individual, while yours would be that of the normal sized role.

Out of all of the scenes in the movie that I have always wanted to reenact through role-play is that of the Cheerios scene. Of course, swapping out Rick Moranis for yourself would be preferred.

The requirements for this job: you are a female, you are verbose, descriptive almost to the point of it being ridiculous, very imaginative, and hopefully that you like Cheerios. The ability to take something as simple as moving your hand and creating a moment and event out of it would be preferred as far as detail depth.

If you feel you could be into this, and have plenty of fun doing so, then please reply.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: $50

Fifty bucks!

Of course, swapping out Rick Moranis for yourself would be preferred.

and hopefully that you like Cheerios.

We had this one (or similar) already. It's someone with a giantess fetish.

http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8e3llQioz1qzzpi4o1_r1_1280.png?AWSAccessKeyId=0RYTHV9YYQ4W5Q3HQMG2&Expires=1283971298&Signature=sI%2BRSGlFDCiQgkJoyRqMzV7nvEQ%3D

How rude.

http://atlanta.craigslist.org/atl/mis/1940875309.html

What was pressing awfully hard into what?

Something long and pointy that isn't a staff or a spear?

"You - WOW blond wizard. Me - ancient wizard."

I can only picture him as Professor Farnsworth in a wizard cape. For some reason.

42 years old, really?

I commented on your Shirt at Skylight today - m4w - 42 (Los Feliz)

I saw you today at the Skylights annex in Los Feliz. I was so taken by you that I barely paid attention to what books they had. I thought, "oh, awesome! It's my turn to find a cute girl in a Hipster bookstore! I guess movies ARE right, after all." And then, guess what? You left. Suddenly uninterested in books, I left too, not realizing that there was an even bigger Skylights two doors down. I wondered... could she? Would she? I already knew you liked books, so I thought I had a pretty good chance.

And there you were, bright and shiny and so lovely in your cuffed jeans, cute shoes and green-striped top. I wanted to hold your hand and talk about books; I wanted to have coffee in Paris with you; I wanted to feel your head on my shoulder during a French New Wave Festival.

So I tried not to stare, tried not to creep, tried not to follow you, but I couldn't help it. I finally passed and commented, in a rather stumbling and not at all smooth way, "that's a cute top... you look really cute in it." You said, "thanks" and smiled. We never spoke again. Maybe you weren't attracted to me? Maybe I, a straight man, shouldn't tell girls that their "Top" is "Cute" if I'd like to date them? Maybe I should be happy I made you smile and move on.

But I'll still be thinking about that coffee in Paris.

If he were in his early 20s I would just think he was being a corny indie fuck, but there's something really depressing about that coming from a 42 year old.

But I'll still be thinking about that coffee in Paris.

And this is when the jingle starts to play. (Really, this does sound like a commercial for some frightfully pretentious instant coffee mix.)

would you be more creeped out than flattered by coming across a missed connection aimed at y'all?

(Insert all of the ILX posts I've made since late May here.)

but there's something really depressing about that coming from a 42 year old.

But I'll still be thinking about that coffee in Paris.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcMpJlYynBw

Yes, that's the one I was thinking of.

Christine, you are not self-consciously twee -- I think that's what made that depressing to me.

sometimes I think "musicians" must be the most depressing section of craigslist. It's all like people thinly disguising their delusions of grandeur and dreams of superstardom behind vague language ("get in touch and we'll just jam and see what happens") and lists of gear. There isn't even really like one example I could pull out because it's just so pervasive and overwhelming

^^^ this, except often their delusions are not disguised whatsoever. My favorites are the "bands" looking for everything: guitar, keys, bass, drums.." It's usually one crazy dude who has already named the "band" and needs enablers.

fine summary of how most musicians live theirs lives iirc (XP)

fresh original project-NO EGOS>>>JUST MUSIC>>>>>>MUSIC IS LIFE
We have a full studio(future home to NOWHERE RECORDS).... a capable guitar/bassist/vocalist/recording engineer and well versed keyboard/pianist/song writer

IN NEED of a ALL STYLES drummer...or at least willing to learn all...AND a female vocalist that plays ???violin-guitar-bass-drums-mandolin-sax-cello...And lyrics a plus....so ONLY SERIOUS REPLY...AND SERIOUS I MEAN -READY TO TOUR THE US

I can provide an apartment for each of you as well as meals and gear...This is NOT a part time project....I would like to see 30-60 hours a week spent rehearsing and recording

styles to be covered are ALL...the list is long so I wont even start...it will fall back to rock based...I MEAN ALL STYLES>>FROM BACH TO ERTHRA KITT TO BELA FLECK TO LED ZEPPELIN TO HANK WILLIAMS

HAHA!

I can provide an apartment for each of you as well as meals and gear.

i like how grandiose this sounds, and how in actual fact it is coming from a guy with four extra sleeping bags

And an envelope of carefully-clipped 2-for-1 coupons at Taco Bell, KFC, etc.

("ERTHRA KITT")