Craigslist hilarity

wat http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/1755781713.html

i will bf you in the m

waht?

yeah i can't figure that out either

buttfuck you in the mouth

that's what i came up with, too!

so why were you asking!?

befriend u in the morning

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/1578516400.html -- I applied for this, but they didn't get back to me. I guess they're holding out for a more proficient kabbalist than me, but let's be honest, this is craiglist and it's not like there are a ton of great kabbalists looking for work there (most of them are employed as religious leaders or professors in NYU's Jewish Studies program).

the kabbalist guy

The AV Club guy was apparently accidentally entering captcha codes into the user name field. Ha.

To the psycho women I know... - m4w (California)

To the pudgy blond chick I ran into in a west l.a. bar one night...

I don't let women with Monica Belucci's sex appeal bum drinks off me. Let alone you, who while looking at me with a smug expression, uttered "where's my drink." Not only did that make me laugh, it made me ridiculed you on facebook. You may have blocked me, but everyone knows now.

To the chick from up north...

Don't know you too well. You're cute and could have been a good match for me. But your friend is an f*cking psychopath. Be more selective of your friends, bud.

To the self-righteous girl from wilshire highrise...

We may be the same race and religion, but my God, you're the f*cking devil incarnate. Not only are you predictable, but you opened yourself up to pain while giving me just cause to hurt you. No matter, everyone now knows that you're a slut. And thanks for the souvenir you gave me that night by the beach, it helped me seal a deal with someone else.

To insecure mother slanderer...

You came and you went. You're probably the craziest one I've met, second only to the devil incarnate referenced above. The simple thought of me hanging around another girl made you fill with rage. Yet when you play games, then slander someone's ill mom, you're asking for a world of pain. And karma gave it to you hard. Chaching!

To middle-eastern chick from San Diego...

You screwed around with me, and a marine at the same time. Little did you know that I knew him from the service. We talked, laughed, and exchanged stories about you. And you never knew. Now chances are, he probably fucked you over already. I'd know, one of your friends still tells me things. And I know about your new guy... surprise, I know him too. I'll wait to hear when he's f*cked you over, then life won't be GOOD ;-)

To the other middle-eastern chick from San Diego...

You're thin, have a cute smile, and a personality to take down a black bouncer. You were probably the most straight forward chick I've hooked up with. Kudos.

And last but not least...

To the gold digging filippina chick from west los angeles...

You f*cked my buddy while cheating on your European boyfriend, and now everyone knows you're a slut. You should know my people better than that. And even after our adventures, you asked if it was ok to leech off the European guy, because it's not like you're "leeching off a poor person." Well, good luck bud. I'll be laughing when troubles comes your way. You can run, but you can't hide from karma ;-).

a personality to take down a black bouncer

what the shit is this? also, what a prince, this guy.

how many bad relationships do guys have to have before they look in the fuckin mirror is I guess my question

^^^

This is one of the things I do love about Dan Savage, when people write/call into him and whine that ALL men/women are bastards/bitches and he is all, "you know, the common-denominator here is YOU".

Guys my sister was recently *super proud* to be a missed connection on Craigslist. She wrote me about it like it was a life accomplishment.

what did the connection say?

HI DERE WAHT IS IT MADE

hot woman in black - walking her dog by river - m4w
Date: 2010-06-28, 2:03PM MDT
Reply To This Post

this is a long shot - but i saw you today walking your dog down by the river - YOU were in a black shirt/tube top and you looked HOT! i saw you again and waved and you smiled back... you were driving a white civic after you got done.... anyways, if im lucky enough and you read this - tell me what i was driving, or wearing so i know its you!... hope we can hook up!?

Not only did that make me laugh, it made me ridiculed you on facebook.

Sometimes I wish the internet had never been invented.

did she respond???

xp: I was close

'you looked hot' probably not gonna do it

I asked her if she pulled a Ghost World and she said, "Why do you always have to be weird."

You're thin, have a cute smile, and a personality to take down a black bouncer.

Worst horoscope ever.

i somehow dont really think that guy that omar posted is telling the truth about any of those encounters

Idiocracy is closer and closer to a reality everyday.

wow xposts!

man if i'm ever in SD and catch vibes off a middle eastern chick, i'll know to be careful!!!! thx bro

why the hell are ppl posting this shit on CRAIGSLIST of all places

watch out for chicks from "up north"!

there are two middle eastern chicks in San Diego, tho, goole, so make sure you know which one you're dealing with.

]You were probably the most straight forward chick I've hooked up with. Kudos.

oh shit i think i know who this is

i like how invested that dude is in the idea of karmic retribution

dude winks a lot huh

I will be interested in seeing what the karmic retribution for him whining about how much he hates women on the internet is

;-)

Not only are you predictable, but you opened yourself up to pain while giving me just cause to hurt you. No matter, everyone now knows that you're a slut.

I wonder where the body is buried.

i have the hardest time imagining being in the frame of mind of wanting to try to "get yours" on about specific people, to the internet. it's just really really fucked up.

I wonder where the body is buried.

― ô_o (Nicole), Thursday, August 5, 2010 3:41 PM (27 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

right? does local law enforcement read craigslist?

And thanks for the souvenir you gave me that night by the beach, it helped me seal a deal with someone else.

"Is that a real severed arm? TAKE ME NOW"

"Ear necklaces are so hawt."

why does he keep calling these girls "bud"?

they are clearly not his "buds"

except for the skinny middle-eastern chick from san diego

she's the good middle eastern chick

Guys I went on one date with this girl back in college, it was a decentish date and I was interested, but then she turned immediately super clingly and called me about 40 times a day. I broke it off as gently as I could, but she responded by creating a webpage dedicated to how much of an asshole I was called "I HATE ________________". It was super weird and crepey.

can I just say that pouring out this much invective towards w in a m4w ad is either incredibly funny or the most pathetic thing ever, or possibly both

better they get their sexual repression aggression out on craigslist, i guess

why does he keep calling these girls "bud"?

― ('_') (omar little), Thursday, August 5, 2010 2:44 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark

i find this the most insulating component of his rant tbh

Regarding all my exs are psychos even the straight forward chick dude:

...you're the f*cking devil incarnate. Not only are you predictable,...

pretty sure devil would be seriously insulted by this which = bigger problems than karma 4 U. Also coming off a little mel gibsonesque. Just sayin'.

Lastly, crazy no drink buying guy story is fatally flawed from the opening cast credits:
You: Cute girl at the bar
Me: The guy you chatted with while waiting for our drinks

why would she ask him to buy her a drink when she already had one coming. Also, makes me think all of this drama unfolded in his head over the period of time it takes a bartender to make two drinks.

http://tricities.craigslist.org/m4w/1886983844.html

oh, so that's where deeznuts went