vadge horror stories

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This one's a little more direct, but I think it works:

Ack. Cough.
Put yer pants back on.
Fuck.
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― martin m. (mushrush), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:57 (nineteen years ago) link

Is your twattage rank n' greasy?
LYSOL DOUCHE it slick n' easy!

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:57 (nineteen years ago) link

Sticky yellow
Pussy rings
Keep your man
From cunniling?
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:57 (nineteen years ago) link

Must. stop. soon.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:57 (nineteen years ago) link

Sniff your grunter. Ooof! You munter!
LYSOL DOUCHE FOR CHRISSAKES

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 20:59 (nineteen years ago) link

What smells worse than an anchovy?
An anchovy's cunt
USE LYSOL DOUCHE

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:00 (nineteen years ago) link

If you've ickies on your grille
(tough and strong resilient gnats -
the kind that DEET and Off can't kill):
Use antispectic on your twat!

Please consider LYSOL DOUCHE
(ignoring thoughts of toxic shock)
for reaming out your girl gash
to prep yourself for hubby's cock.

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:06 (nineteen years ago) link

Keep that honeymoon-fresh appeal
and if in doubt, keep chemicals sluicin'
Though the pain may make you squeal
though the tender skin keeps bruisin'
Burn away your natural juices
Hubby wants you sanitised
deodorised and plasticised
It may sting and it may burn
But girl, wake up! You gotta learn!
LYSOL DOUCHE is what wives need
And if sex then makes you bleed
Hey, hubby will be thrilled to greet
Fresh 'virgin stains' upon the sheet.
Bite your lip and think of that
As he probes your tender twat.
It may hurt - but, let's be blunt
Nice girls don't have a scented cunt.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:29 (nineteen years ago) link

underneath
and in between
drip and sprinkle:
sparkly clean!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:30 (nineteen years ago) link

over the lips
and round the bum
you'll no longer
smell like chum
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:31 (nineteen years ago) link

leaving stains
all round his forehead?
izzy stradlin
something horrid?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:33 (nineteen years ago) link

shit. lost. pants. peed.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:35 (nineteen years ago) link

IZZY STRADLIN

Forehead/horrid!

Damn.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:37 (nineteen years ago) link

Is your beau's expression's strained?
Do you have got a rankling uterus?
It's time you got your pooky drained;
your timing's mightily fortuitous!
For Lysol Douche's new product line
Will leave your beaver feeling fine!

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:40 (nineteen years ago) link

tep, after your work
on this thread, your compliment
rings like golden bells

that having been said

what's the matter?
he won't try
a single slice
of your hair pie?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:41 (nineteen years ago) link

uterus/fortuitous WOW

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:42 (nineteen years ago) link

I was trying to work out a pudenda / Nintedo rhyme but it sorta just fell through...

i got as far as

he played my pudenda
with skill and with style
like the control pad of a nintenda
holding his breath the whole while

but it didn't seem to have any panache.

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:44 (nineteen years ago) link

message to
the nation's foxes:
keep your boxes
unobnoxious
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:45 (nineteen years ago) link

When it's tough
To take the stuff
He's say "enough"
So clean your muff.
LYSOL DOUCHE

― martin m. (mushrush), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:51 (nineteen years ago) link

Just a sprinkle
On your quim
And he'll play it
Like a theremin!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:53 (nineteen years ago) link

Let your soldier's
Flag unfurl
And wash that clam
You salty girl
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:55 (nineteen years ago) link

won't eat the vadge, madge?
won't munch the quim, kim?
you don't need a new boy toy
just douche yourself clean.

scrub out that clam, pam
you don't need to be shy, mai
just hose out that pita, rita
and douche yourself clean.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:55 (nineteen years ago) link

is the stench of your vaj
driving your man to self-neuter?
try LYSOL DOUCHE
like roto rooter, but for you cooter

― oops (Oops), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:56 (nineteen years ago) link

(I'm so sorry, 50 ways to leave your lover has been in my head all day. I should be shot)

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:56 (nineteen years ago) link

HOSE OUT THAT PITA.

Well, looks like I'm never having tzatziki sauce ever again.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:57 (nineteen years ago) link

A little splash on wifey's gash
when she drives commando, the car won't crash
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:57 (nineteen years ago) link

just hose out that pita, rita

xpost

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:58 (nineteen years ago) link

whaaaaaat?

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:58 (nineteen years ago) link

'Well, looks like I'm never having tzatziki sauce ever again'

Taramasalata, anyone?

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:59 (nineteen years ago) link

Who knew that a vagina that smells like antiseptic was so integral to car safety!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 June 2004 21:59 (nineteen years ago) link

"Remember kids, buckle up... AND DOUCHE!"

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 18 June 2004 22:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Thanks, Officer Overly Friendly!

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 18 June 2004 22:01 (nineteen years ago) link

A thoroughly neutralised vaginal passage is the key to success in every sphere of life, I find.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 18 June 2004 22:02 (nineteen years ago) link

It's definitely U&K if you wanna get with these SPHERES OF LIFE, right here! ayy oh!

― diceman (Oops), Friday, 18 June 2004 22:05 (nineteen years ago) link

cunnilingus
may be wanting
if your "thing" is
something daunting

LYSOL DOUCHE

― antexit (antexit), Friday, 18 June 2004 23:36 (nineteen years ago) link

The "germs" Lysol allegedly would kill were sperm. "Protect your married happiness" = prevent a pregnancy.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Saturday, 19 June 2004 01:07 (nineteen years ago) link

Now we've gotta start over!

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 19 June 2004 01:11 (nineteen years ago) link

If you want
To keep your fun,
Rid your oven
Of tha bun!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:40 (nineteen years ago) link

pH balance
"right" today?
wash those buggers
clean away!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:45 (nineteen years ago) link

Anytime
You need to throw a
Curve ball
At spermatozoa:
LYSOL DOUCHE

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:48 (nineteen years ago) link

Oh dear oh dear, what's going on?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:50 (nineteen years ago) link

Stand-up guy,
terrific feller -
sense of timing
less than stellar?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:51 (nineteen years ago) link

Rhythm method
out of synch?
wash those peskies
down the sink!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:52 (nineteen years ago) link

me and my ex-catholic posse will probably be harping at this particular angle for DAYS

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:53 (nineteen years ago) link

So you are all recording these, right?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:53 (nineteen years ago) link

No lovin'
from Jim?
Nourish
your quim!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Lo Boob Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:55 (nineteen years ago) link

Hello to last week me. Fair enough.

― Lo Boob Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:55 (nineteen years ago) link

*hysterics*

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:57 (nineteen years ago) link

ok for those who object to "perfect" rhymes:

Guesswork's good
for Roman types.
Who here needs
these Handi-Wipes?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:58 (nineteen years ago) link

OMG ALBUM WAITING TO HAPPEN: "Ned Raggett Reads Slogans For Lysol Douche Written In The Burma-Shave Style"

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 19 June 2004 03:59 (nineteen years ago) link

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