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you are cute Chris.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 00:06 (twenty-three years ago)

In carefully selected photos, yes. (Self-deprication aside, thanks.)

I always worry when I see one of these personals where the photo doesn't look cute (even if it's cute in a way that I'm not all that into). It just seems like there are obvious cropping and lighting techniques to make yourself look cute -- and plus you are trying to advertise your cuteness -- so when someone doesn't look at all cute, it is weird.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 00:46 (twenty-three years ago)

(Yeah Chris, you are cute. Go get em.)

Except can I just express an extreme annoyance w/ people who post exceedingly flattering and/or uncharacteristic pictures? I mean, the point of this is to meet other people in actual real life - why advertise falsely?

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:11 (twenty-three years ago)

the same reason aspiring actors get headshots that look like the Cosmo version of themselves—1/2 of them think they actually look like that and the other 1/2 just want a foot in the door. the second one's deluded about other people; the first one's deluded about yourself

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:17 (twenty-three years ago)

But Tracer the deluded ones are supposed to go to makeoutclub!

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:19 (twenty-three years ago)

For the same reason McDonald's hamburgers look better on TV than they do when you take the Big Mac wrapper off and rotten iceberg lettuce flies everywhere. You have to reel people in somehow.

I think the pic I put up is pretty flattering, and I'm proud to say I didn't Photoshop it at all except to crop out the non-me parts of the shot. It's also fairly recent. So I'm still playing by "the rules," even if people are disappointed by what they see in person. I can't help that.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:20 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm not suggesting that people post bad or unflattering pictures necessarily; I'm just suggesting they post photos that actually resemble them.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:26 (twenty-three years ago)

You hate duckies!

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Why a duck?

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:29 (twenty-three years ago)

I hate dating duckies.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:30 (twenty-three years ago)

(Anyway, mark, I don't "go get" anyone. I let them come to me.)

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:33 (twenty-three years ago)

you are cute Chris.

He's a very attractive young man, he is. And I've had him over at my place along with FIVE OTHER PEOPLE! But all they did was sleep, as they were tired.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:34 (twenty-three years ago)

I am guessing that the two people on the tour who were an actual couple did a little under-the-covers snuggling. (Not to burst your bubble, or anything.)

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, doubtless. Isn't that what a little stolen time together on the tour is for?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:37 (twenty-three years ago)

(Anyway, mark, I don't "go get" anyone. I let them come to me.)

Enh. Most of my collect callers are duds.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:37 (twenty-three years ago)

(Oh, crap, Ned distracted me from finishing my thought. Which was mostly that I try to make it seem like I only "get got" out of some sort of bravado but really it's a cover for debilitating shyness and uncertainty and getting overwhelmed by these things. I know, weep for me, etc., etc. I can dish advice out better than I can take it, sometimes.)

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:39 (twenty-three years ago)

My collect callers are, in general, "hotter" physically than the people who have e-mailed me, but also they tend to be young and live in Seattle and I get the feeling that I would grow bored with them quickly.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Chris, is there a way you can filter out the Seattle people? I swore there was some sort of mileage filter you can apply. Maybe set it to something less than 160 miles. :)

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:43 (twenty-three years ago)

DB, it's not as if I'm being overwhelmed with propositions, here.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:46 (twenty-three years ago)

My best experiences have come when I've done the getting. I don't think I've ever had a collect call result in anything more than an enh-inspiring meeting.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:47 (twenty-three years ago)

DB, it's not as if I'm being overwhelmed with propositions, here.

No, I mean filter out collect calling dudes in Seattle.

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:55 (twenty-three years ago)

..unless they're pretending to be from Portland? In which case, MENTALIST ALERT RUN RUN RUN!

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:56 (twenty-three years ago)

No, I mean I can filter them out by hand.

Actually I haven't responded to any of the (3) collect calls I've received. I am a cheapskate who clearly doesn't really want to get laid!

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:58 (twenty-three years ago)

of all the people i know who have nerve profiles, i dont think any of them have actually paid for nerve credits to contact other profilers. do you have any?

― phil-two (phil-two), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 06:46 (twenty-three years ago)

no, but i've had plenty of contacts so somebody's paying!

― That Girl (thatgirl), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 06:47 (twenty-three years ago)

I've used perhaps two of twenty credits.

― Amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 07:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I really just don't want to give money to these sites that prey off people's loneliness.

...sigh.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 07:31 (twenty-three years ago)

how is it preying? most ILXers who've posted profiles have had decent responses that they wouldn't otherwise have had. i think it's only fair that people pay for the service.

(i am mr_syms)

― Dave M. (rotten03), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 07:37 (twenty-three years ago)

I am a hopeless romantic, maybe; or maybe just hopeless. I don't like the idea of people paying money to find a shot at romance (or even just nookie).

I mean, it's not immoral or anything, but it's just Not How It Should Work, you know?

You're right that Spring Street is providing a service and should get paid for it. But... it makes me sad.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 07:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Chris, get with the modern times. If there is a new way to meet people that isn't: a bar, mutual friends, lame hook-ups via friends - then why not take advantage of it?

― That Girl (thatgirl), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 08:17 (twenty-three years ago)

I know someone who met a man through personals like these. When he came up to her in the cafe in which they had arranged to meet, she expressed surprise at how little he resembled his photo. He said "Oh, that wasn't me. That was a photo of an actor I found. I just thought it looked quite a lot like me." She didn't hang around. I've met at least one woman where I'd swear the photo must have been ten years old, easily.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 12:55 (twenty-three years ago)

I met some guy from nerve who was wearing a tatterred rolling stones t-shirt and black jeans with these odd white splotches on the thigh, but he looked so clean-cut and nice in the profile photo....

― phil-two (phil-two), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 12:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Chris how are you on paying yr phone bill? Or stamps? Or bus-fare?

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 13:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Chris, get with the modern times. If there is a new way to meet people that isn't: a bar, mutual friends, lame hook-ups via friends - then why not take advantage of it?

Because someone else is profiting off it? This is one of the things that depresses me about the bars (by which I mean, the meat markets) (though this is hardly the most depressing thing about them).

I mean yes it's great and rah technology and all.

Chris how are you on paying yr phone bill? Or stamps? Or bus-fare?

What? I don't think these are set up solely to take advantage of people's loneliness.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 17:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Isn't most if not all profit the result of someone selling a product that is of use to people? I don't see how this is a bad thing.

― Amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 18:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Er, I'm not lonely.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 18:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Seeing that there are many lonely people and wanted to help out = good thing.

Seeing that there are many lonely people and thinking, hey, I know how I can make my fortune = bad thing.

Part of this comes out of my convinction that personals don't actually work out all that well for all that many people. People have described, on this thread, going on a few dates or getting a little play, but I think there has only been one or two people who have gotten a lasting relationship out of the personals.

And maybe that's a high enough success rate, or maybe a little play is all anyone wanted. But paying a few bucks for a chance at getting laid is like shelling out for some lotto pimp, where you scratch and see if you're gonna get any. Maybe yes, maybe no!

Not that I begrudge anyone who uses or enjoys these services (and clearly I try to use them as well) -- this isn't meant to make anyone feel bad about paying for personals & is more about my hang-ups.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 18:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Er... well, lonely in the sense "not having enough company", right? I mean, if you're seriously putting an ad up, then you want more people in your life, and so you presumably feel a lack.

This isn't meant to suggest utter loneliness, complete friendlessness, life as a Beckett character, etc.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 18:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Chris for me it's not an issue of quantity - it's about being at a point in my life where I could stand to meet some *new* people.

Even so, I don't think that the "I could stand to have a few more people in my life" is the type of 'loneliness' (if you wanna call it that) that can really be taken advantage of anyway.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 18:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Anyway, there's always gonna be money involved, it's just a matter of how much you'd prefer to obscure that fact to yourself.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 18:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, but there's a difference between when that money is spent indirectly (I'm going to a show and maybe I'll meet some new people but mostly I'm paying for the show) and directly (I'm paying to be able to send an e-mail to you because you seem kinda interesting).

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 18:32 (twenty-three years ago)

And how many times have you shelled out money for a show you were less enthused at the thought of seeing because there was the off-chance that you might meet someone there?

I agree that on some level it's not the most romantic way to meet people, but at least it is another way. One which, on a purely essentialist level, probably wouldn't exist unless there was money involved...

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 18:37 (twenty-three years ago)

I've actually done that very, very rarely (although I have shelled out money for a show that I wasn't terribly enthused about because a friend or someone I was dating was interested in it, which is similar but I think different).

I mean, yes, you're right, and the more options the better, sure, and I bet there are some people who flourish in the personals. But it still seems like a vaguely weird and perverse way to meet someone. But, yeah, I still have my profile.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 18:49 (twenty-three years ago)

I just took a very nice and fun thread and ruined it, didn't I? Dammit. Ignore me.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 18:50 (twenty-three years ago)

For Chris:

http://www.nottinghamevents.org/goosefair/images/lollipop.jpg

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 19:42 (twenty-three years ago)

(That's better than a collect call.)

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 19:45 (twenty-three years ago)

I swear, that kid has a look that makes me think she's gonna grow up to be the next Dan Perry.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 19:48 (twenty-three years ago)

"You want this sucker where?"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 19:49 (twenty-three years ago)

I think people meeting via personals come into the situation with a mutual disadvantage in that any pretense of serendipity (one thing that makes courtship so fun) is totally lost. There's something prosaic about it, I agree. But I don't see Nerve as taking advantage of anyone, especially since it's easy enough to post your email address in your profile if you so desire.

― Amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 19:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Don't they delete your profile if you do? Considering the hard times they were giving over duck pix I would think they'd be scanning for e-mail addresses, since that's where their revenue comes from.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 19:56 (twenty-three years ago)

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