Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

Look, she's at it again!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1292937/Liz-Jones-moans-Just-stow-old-bag.html

Oh noes, blind people sometimes take buses and people don't want to be blown up on planes! The inconsiderate bastards ruining my day!

Even the headline writer's had enough of her...

LIZ JONES MOANS
Just stow it, you old bag!

Even the headline writer's had enough of her...

LIZ JONES MOANS
Just stow it, you old bag!

(duh...)

actual real lolz at her slagging off Serena Williams for wanting to lose weight and some airport worker lassie for wearing too much makeup. I believe Ms Jones has had a self-awareness bypass.

Hey lady, if you could bring yourself to live somewhere other than London you'll discover buses with no announcements and your bus will be held up for a few minutes at least once a week while someone asks the driver "how will I know when I get to ___?" (and yes, I've asked this myself at least once), which will give you a whole new rant for your exciting columns

She does. She lives on a farm in the arse end of nowhere in Devon somewhere where she cries about her spiralling debt while sharing a house with a holistic sheep shearer and equine therapist and feeding her 8 million cats with smoked salmon which she has to get delivered from London because the inbred yokels don't know what proper food is, etc etc etc.

Her weekly diary is full of this shit. It's incredible stuff.

http://www.butireaditinthepaper.co.uk/2010/05/16/the-shameless-and-feckless-liz-jones/

Aye, that whole story was incredible. 4000 emails the day the article was published alone? All from really poor people with even less sense than money? And you read them ALL?

On Monday, in among the bills, were dozens of letters, mostly addressed to ‘Liz Jones, somewhere on Exmoor’

The very next day? O RLY? These pensioners and unemployed people all rushed out to catch the Sunday post collection (at noon round my way) as soon as they'd read the article?

Her ramblings don't even make sense.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1278757/LIZ-JONES-To-4-100-answered-heart--thank-you.html#ixzz0t7RyHEUB

O wau, I remember this woman from her previous appearances on this very thread now! She is a treat.

The postman must be well acquainted with her to deliver bagfuls of her address-less post the very next day. She should be glad that public sector workers in Broken Britain show such diligence at 6am.

Postal workers were probably hoping that the majority of envelopes contained excrement.

Liz Jones sockpuppet interviews Liz Jones

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/profiles/liz-jones-all-writers-betray-people-its-tricky-2022107.html

Not only wouldn't the remains be washed down the drain, it would be much more ecologically sound than cremation. But anyway:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1292778/Belgium-considers-proposals-dissolve-bodies-flush-sewage-systems.html?ITO=1490

Belgium seems to be a country which comes up with such horrfic ideas.

Get us out of EU, please.

- kiran, Swindon, 7/7/2010 16:33

Since when has the DM let the truth get in the way of a good story?

Good point :-)

The way Obamacare is moving to death panels, I expect this will be the next step in America to becoming Soylent Green.

- Kala, Irvine, CA, 10/7/2010 17:27

It shouldn't surprise me really that right wing nutjobs from the USA read the Daily Mail website. But I thought they had enough of their crazy sites.

2 gay men can stay = ALL THE GAYS IN THE WORLD ARE COMING TO BLIGHTY

http://tabloid-watch.blogspot.com/2010/07/no-room-for-tolerance.html

I used to think these boneheaded tabloid stories were pretty funny but I'm seeing the influence on our Belgian tabloid papers more and more and I'm OUTRAGED by this DISGRACE.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/07/16/article-1295141-0A7574B4000005DC-726_634x728_popup.jpg

wish Facebook really did use Daily Mail boxout font

he did what he had to do now he is dead

^ tagline for TITANIC 2: ZOMBIES

so... the Mail trawled through hundreds of comments from deranged chuckleheads so deranged chuckleheads could comment on it... and I am now commenting on it, on ILX

"He went to prison for a short while for a miner offence" I shouldn't laugh really, I know.

maybe somewhere there is a board that just c+p's posts from here and presents them without comment, as their ridiculousness is self-evident

http://motherjones.com/files/iphone_dhtml_slices_05.jpg

The Miner Offence
http://coachesaid.com/Content/ContentImages/Bauxite-Fountain-Lake-Line-13.jpg

Pete, you Legend! :-(

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-10657290

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1296282/I-dosing-How-teenagers-getting-digitally-high-music-download-internet.html !

When I started I-Dosing a year ago it was just for fun. I had an otherwise normal life. Fast forward to now... I've been layed off, I lost my car, and I I-Dose every chance I can get. To pay for my fix I rob unlocked cars and a couple of times prostituted myself, just for the iTunes money. I'm probably losing my apartment soon, but I don't care, all I need is my iPod and my headphones. Can't wait to iDose again...

- Stuart Miller, Sheboygan, USA, 21/7/2010

I was at a local basketball court in Philadelphia and some friends and I were playing a game. A couple of guys came down the street and they were listening to headphones. They were talking crazy and started fighting. Turns out, they were "dosing." My mom was so upset she sent me to live with my aunt and uncle here in California.
- F Prince, Belair, US, 21/7/2010 13:17

the Daily Mail seems to love stories that combine Muslims and buses, I do wonder why the haven't covered this one: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-berkshire-10728912

Haha I actually know the dude responsible for writing that I-Dosing article and I'm 100% sure he knows it's bullshit.

a mr c. morris perhaps?

the best rated comments on the i-dosing are great.

This is a very worrying trend appearing all over the internet, it is known as a Hidden Online Entrapment Control System, or HOECS for short.

- C. Morris, Stoke-on-Trent, 21/7/2010 11:46

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1296282/I-dosing-How-teenagers-getting-digitally-high-music-download-internet.html#ixzz0uWlwJJag

http://www.dailymail.c (etc) digitally-high-music-download-internet.html#ixzz0uWlwJJag

BREAKING NEWS!!!

RAIN MAKES GRASS GROW

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1297328/Just-week-rain-turns-scorched-earth-outside-Exeter-Cathedral-lush-green.html

OMG, the i-Dosing comments!

Also, the Evening Standard ran the Muslim girls v. bus driver story on Friday. Have to say that every single unpleasant bus driver I've ever encountered was on the 7 - when I was staying in West London to housesit for a friend, one drove speeding an extra half-mile from my stop after blatantly ignoring the bell to stop there, and was damn near physically threatening to me when I complained (basically, an 'excuse me, sir, but why...'). I was the only person left on his bus, it was 11.30 PM and his demeanour made me feel pretty Unsafe As A Female. Then I asked for his driver number and he erupted/refused and threw me off the bus in the tumbleweed zone between Ladbroke Grove and Wood Lane. CUNT.

Complained at length at Metroline's site but to this day a year later, have heard NOWT from them.

During the Paper review on the Today programme this morning, just after John Humphreys had read a story about 2/3rds women being afraid of eating out because of worrying about not knowing where the calories are lurking:

Humphreys: You don't really believe that do you, Sue?
McGregor (with a sigh): it's in the Mail, John, It's in the Mail.

I was at a local basketball court in Philadelphia and some friends and I were playing a game. A couple of guys came down the street and they were listening to headphones. They were talking crazy and started fighting. Turns out, they were "dosing." My mom was so upset she sent me to live with my aunt and uncle here in California.
- F Prince, Belair, US, 21/7/2010 13:17

Oh Liz Jones, how I love you and your batshit insane ways:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1301177/LIZ-JONES-Welcome-Fake-World-We-hope-enjoy-cardboard-melon.html

The last paragraph DID NOT HAPPEN, OK?

(this is the Liz Jones who was recently bleating on about not having had a holiday in 30 years, despite diary entries a plenty about her honeymoon, various trips to Italy, Madagascar, etc where she attempted to save her doomed marriage to the equally-appalling Nirpal Dhaliwal, weekends in health spas, etc etc etc)

Oh, and her house is up for sale. http://www.struttandparker.com/html2/php/property.php?tab=list&id=EXE100142

Note "The Hayloft began its sympathetic and tasteful conversion two years ago and was finally completed in February 2010" (going on to detail French oak flooring and high-end lighting and designer bathrooms), so is nice to know that those poor fictional pensioners who gave her their life saving to save herself from financial ruin were really saving someone from abject poverty.

There are no public rights of way over the property, and with only a short hack to the Exe Valley Way, the property will certainly appeal to the equestrian buyer.

Google suggests she's 5'8", doesn't strike me as that short

No, she is 5'5" tops, as when I stood next to her she was not noticeably taller than me. N1rpal is only like 5'6".

xpost, lol

N1rpal is only like 5'6".

His whole "MAN IS THE DOMINANT HUNTER" schtick suddenly make a lot more sense.

Either way I am mad conflicted about living in a world where I can type 'liz jones height' into Google and get any sort of answer let alone a correct one

No, you can explain N1rpal - as numerous Punjabi friends of mine have done - as someone raised in a culture that fetishizes sons and sweeps their indiscretions under the rug while browbeating their sisters into family-values crap. Basically, boys are never wrong and girls are never right.

Rare attack of Daily Mail good sense

It doesn't really count though - Suzanne Moore is the token lefty outlier, like the reverse of Melanie Phillips in her Observer days.

see also mary riddell in the telegraph

Yeah, Suzanne Moore is a proper feminist. I think she consoles herself with the notion that *her* writing doesn't contradict that.

She's the Daily Mail's internal troll, is what you're saying?