Dear Abbott

Who's on first?

Dear M.V.,

Prof E. Reed Gilbert, the mime with dentures

Dear Abbie

What is your opinion of this video a friend of mine got off Egyptian tv?

Dear fellow person of the cloth,

How great are Dude N' Nem?

Dear Heave Ho,

I definitely think modern music performances need more epileptic angles and domesticated ducks. Could only be improved by her having an equally saucy and weird curly red-haired counterpart alá tATu.

Dear Revrand,

They are totally great and I can't stop looking at their feet. Plus, none of my coworkers have spoiled them for me bu having a song of theirs as a ringtone that I hear every 15 seconds.

Daer Abbott,

I am submitting this story to the Southwest Review. Based on sheer numbers and having nothing to do with story quality, I'm expecting my VERY FIRST REJECTION LETTER in about a month. Should I frame the rejection letter y/n

hollatchaboy

p.s. "rejection slip" probably more accurate than "letter"

Dears HOOS,

Hell yes you should frame it, maybe with some of those stickers you get on scrapbook stores.

Dear Abbottbot,

Would you consider replacing your carrot juice with barbecue sauce?

Dear Abbott,

I like your dog.

Dear The Revvvvrooooommm,

I think Barbecue sauce is not very hydrating and perhaps too viscous for a refreshing wake-up bev. Maybe cayrot juice + some fancy triple sec w/lit Q sauce on top? JJ & FB, call me abt this.

Yrs,

Abbottron 4k

***

Dear Ling B.,

I like my dog too and I wish everyone in the world could meet him.

abbot:

is your real name abig4il? (googleproofed because why not). if so, this is what my parents would have named me were i female.

max

Dear realer max,

Yes it is but w/two b's: Abbig4i1. My parents were thinking of naming me Arin, which is my sister-in law's name. She has the same birthday as me. John says if that was my name he wouldn't have dated me bcz it wld be "too creepy."

Max is a v. nice name, is it short for something?

It is short for OfficeMax, I think.

Dear Abbott -

Thank you for reviving the 'begging' and 'broke' threads, because I think I may need them when and if ILX revives. I did some silly spending. How do I stop silly spending when I'm not earnest earning?

hi abbott,

"max" is short for "malcolm." weird, huh? my parents did a lot of drugs.

--max

http://indianbob.net/gnu/data/file/webzine_special/2084120183_924c9dae_jackalope.jpg

Deer rabbit.

http://images.scotsman.com/2006/01/26/strange-creatures-jackalope.jpg

Dear Abbott,

What should I do tomorrow? Everyone else will be out of town and ILX will be down!

<3
Maria

Buying stuff that "fell of the back of a truck" y or n?

Dear Abbott, how do I get rid of the half inch of mud that's taken over my floor??

Dear Abbott,

If you'd marry Tombot, could you take the joint name ATOMBOT?

Or TOMABOT?

If you married him, you could be Tuombot.

I don't believe in marriage.

or if Abbott n Tuomas got together they could have Abbotuom. which is almost funny if said aloud.

don't need to get married to share a user name i think but maybe ask a mod.

Dear Oilyrags,

Just carry a small amount of cash around with you for stuff you need and leave all credit and debit cards at home.

Dear crepe,

"Back of a truck" = classic

Dear the Rev.,

That sucks. It is too bad dogs won't lick it up like they would if your floor had an inch of gravy on it. I say scoop it all up with a...one of those things that when you sweep, you collect all the stuff in it. Dustpan? Use that as a scoop.

If it is dry, hit it with a hammer and carry the chunks outside, then sweep.

You may wish to consult Heloise on this one. Hopefully your mud went away over the weekend.

Dear Tuomas,

Obv. the portmanteau wld be ABBOTTOM

dear abbott,

why is house on a plane? i missed the first 20 minutes cos my mom called

or maybe it is not on until later in your timezone. hmm

dear abbott,

Can I play an Atari 2600 cartridge in an Atari 7800 console?

Abbotuombomb Pocketknife

Dear bell labs,

I will fill you in on this House in an hour. It is on in eight minutes here. Hooray!

Dear Bo Jackson O.,

I think that would knock the sun out of orbit.

Ok bell labs UPDATE! UPDATE!

Ours is a rerun (elderly lady's confused lady companion turns out to be her escort; don't recall disease).

In your House rerun, he was on a plane bcz he was coming back from a conference. There was an extra first class seat and graciously gave it to himself, leaving Cuddy in coach.

THANK YOU. it was a pretty good episode.

Dear Abbott,

What does it take to be happy?

Yours,

Dear Abbott:

Please to map Idaho or other place of your choosing in this fashion:

http://strangemaps.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/1405844710_6b85582700_o1.jpg

Dear Ling B.,

Some basic things in life can provide regular satisfaction and happiness. To be crass: a good piss or a good shit. Others inclde sleeping in, seeing birds or animals, having a pet if possible, eating, and a nice temperature. Some would argue many of these things are bottom of Maslow's pyramid BUT they're dependable and enough to make life...tolerable?

D. A.,

Can I?
Should I?

N.

Dear Oilyrags,

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f86/igotabeefpastry/Idaho.jpg

D.N.,

Yes
80% sure it's a yes

Yrs,
A.

dear sbbot,

which part of idaho map ^^ are u from?

thx,
joe

Dear jhosea,

I lived....14 years in SE "igneous rock" joint and 3 in Trasure Valley, where I hung out at gay bars.

Sincereliest,
Abbott

Dear Abbott -

You rule so hard.

Dear Abbott -

How far have you ever thrown a paper plane, and what sort of plane was it?

Yrs

LJ

Dear Oilyrags,

Thx!

Dear LJ,

From ages seven to fourteen, I threw many a paper plane inexpertly. I would guesstimate (ugh that word) the farthest flight was 50 feet. I made a variety of them but most were from the old MS Word paper airplane wizard. Paperclips sometimes help their path aim truly.

Yours,
Abbott

thank you! also, that photo at the top of the thread is up there with ken c's O RLY arm-carving and ned+dan in the car

Dear a boot,

i have experienced all of things you mention above, and indeed, life is tolerable, but they don't add up to a lasting happiness for me. i'm thankful for what i've got, but it doesn't seem to be enough. am i a greedy prick?

Dear L. Bert,

No you are not a greedy pick one hit, but the question is a mystery to me too and I'm not gonna pretend to know the answer all Anthony Robbins-style. Lately I am thinking something nearish to "ignorance in bliss" : the ability to put bad things out of one's mind until it is important to face them (ie learning to not constantly worry about bills or such).

Dear Abbot,

Thank you for starting the pizza toppings poll, it cheered me up.

Sincerely,

G00blar

Dear Abs Bot,
Not dwelling and not being a worrywart are important.

Dear Abs Bot,
Do you have a shitty memory? I do. I'm of the opinion that having a memory less shitty than mine would make improve my life dramatically, thus making me happier. and since I can't change my brain, I've decided to try and improve my memory. I am currently reading MEMORY POWER, which actually seems like it could be worthwhile and not like a kevin trudeau infomercial garbage scam or a self-help kind of thing. i will report back later once i have tried out some of the exercises for awhile and let you know if my happiness has increased.