DO I NEED THERAPY?

"I'm on a tight schedule, do you mind if I whip up dinner for my kids while we do this?"

^ i've heard this from dusky voiced beauties on sexlines tbh

what are all your experiences of therapy like?

i have been considering it lately, due to a combination of factors. i'm not feeling majorly down, in fact a little better than usual, but i think in a weird way it feels a good time to go as a result of that, in that i feel i can rationally see some problems and it'd be better to do something before life creates situations that makes them harder to deal with.

i guess it's a combination of lack of trust in myself, or not knowing when i am doing the right thing or the wrong thing, or whether i should be more self confident or less, or how to change or whether i need to. along with this i have a lot of trouble trusting people and feel a lot more introverted than at other times in my life, not that this would appear obvious to those around me, but the disconnect there is prob another problem.

further to all the above i never really talked through my chronic illness properly with anyone and i feel i should at some stage.

i guess underlining all the above is just an essential unhappiness which has become resignation to some extent.

i know everyone is prob reading thinking if the above means i need therapy then everyone should be signed up, but can i benefit from it does anyone think?

i feel like if it could help me to regain the impetus i had in my teens and early 20s, even a little bit, or some kind of impetus and self assuredness, then it'd be worth it.

and also just...erratic behaviour, one day over the moon the next disgusted, etc etc...no pattern to any of my moods.

go to therapy, but look for a "hard" therapist and not just one who waits for you to talk yourself out. you can always call around and interview them on the phone – ask them what their approach is – and look for one that fits with your goals. I think cognitive - behavioral therapists are better at giving homework, asking you to do real work on yourself, etc., as opposed to the old model of 'let's enable your narcissistic rambling for an hour every week'

Ugh. I've started seeing several over the years but never kept it up because each one I've seen (maybe 4 or 5 in total) was of the "one who waits for you to talk yourself out" variety. I know what my issues are and think about them ALL the time. I don't want to just talk about it. In fact I'm tired of talking about it. I want someone to give me feedback and help prompt change. The last one I saw told me that she didn't think CBT would work for me because I was too smart. I have no idea WTF that meant but it sounded like BS and I never went back.

^^^ i thank you for typing that out for me. having the same exact problem, only minus the trying.

i need someone who will be really "hard" i guess because i am EXTREMELY stubborn and not likely to enjoy this at all.

anyway ronan, i don't think this is a bad idea. have been considering it myself but haven't taken the next step. the last year has been pretty tough and i would like to know what to make of it.

The last one I saw told me that she didn't think CBT would work for me because I was too smart.

this is indeed straight-up bullshit, btw.

I KNOW

That's why we had to break up.

Have done CBT before and it was somewhat helpful btw.

CBT is really great if you have identifiable problems and behaviors you want to work on and change (which is why its great for anxiety-related issues), but (ime, and judging by the experience of friends) is a lot less helpful for... "working through issues" or what have you.

i mean its all related, ppl should do what works best for them, but given the way ronan is describing what he's looking for i think oldish-school "narcissistic rambling" therapy could be just as helpful. sometimes the best thing is to just talk to someone who is unconnected to your life for an hour every couple weeks!

...the clinic I was going to wanted me to have an annual appointment with their psychiatrist. The psychiatrist was a middle-aged dude and he was listening to Michael Savage in his office during our meeting, which I thought was maybe not appropriate.

LOL!!..

CBT is really great if you have identifiable problems and behaviors you want to work on and change (which is why its great for anxiety-related issues), but (ime, and judging by the experience of friends) is a lot less helpful for... "working through issues" or what have you.

Yes, this makes sense to me. Also my anxiety was pretty under control at the time so perhaps that was part of what she was getting at and just didn't phrase it correctly. We weren't a good fit in general mainly because of what I mentioned earlier. She would just look at me and nod the whole time and I found it really unhelpful. I think M is right though and that for some people the opportunity to talk to someone unconnected can be what some people find most helpful, it just hasn't been for me.

One of the major problems with going to therapy, for me at least, is when I feel low enough to make the appointment, suddenly the mere possibility of actually meeting this person is enough to make me remember OH YEAH I feel just FINE.

i find it hard to say which type would be good with no experience, apart from the cost being £0, that'd help me a lot i know for sure!

i think i prob have a pretty clear idea of what i want to change and what goals i'd have from it all (despite my rambling above), which sort of is my main reason for thinking it'd help me. like if you know some of the things you want to work on then i guess like going to the doctor you can be specific and hopefully get some help.

identify with a lot of yr post ronan.

If you find somethin PM me dogg

oh sure ronan, i didnt mean to say that you didnt know what was "wrong" with you. i just wanted to stick up for the "narcissistic rambling" model of therapy, which can be very useful to people! i think pragmatism is key, dont spend time with therapy that doesnt work for you, regardless of yr... ideological (or what have you) feelings

once you don't tell anyone else in ireland darragh

x-post to max yeah i wasn't on the defensive on that, yeah it could actually be that that's just as good, i guess it's hard to tell until you go, and prob depends on the person.

yep

sry mn just facebooked you 'lol u nuts lol'

once you don't tell anyone else in ireland darragh

lol

he went mad over the want of the pint of harp

'it's 'me time' back home'

my narcissistic rambling comment isn't, obv, directed at everybody who does talk therapy, and especialy not at introspective types or people considering therapy who haven't been before. there is a definite 'type' of professional therapy-seekers, though, who pay somebody to indulge their blah-blahing, and use the time to entrench themselves more deeply in their (often wacky) opinions. there are a TON TON TON of bad therapists who really value and believe in letting people wallow in their own shitty mire as part of a therapeutic practice, when learning to move past / effectively deal with bad situations is a much loftier, and harder, goal.

yeah no definitely...and like i think it can be hard in a way for anyone not to have a little voice that tells them it is just narcissism. but i suppose at a point you think "would i benefit from this", "do i have goals from this" and "will i be happier after", i sort of think there is potential at least for the answer to be yes to all of these. i don't actually talk to anyone about how i feel about anything, hardly ever really...

and of course i know you're making a general point btw...rather than anything specific to this thread

sorry guys, CBT means something very different in my "community"

haha

dr morbius' cbt would probably not be very helpful to ronan

it could be really good – i benefitted from visiting a talk therapist at one point, and when i came to the realization that i no longer needed to see him it was a goood 'oh, i'm okay with this situation and my psychic baggage moment'

This isn't to discourage Ronan from going but I really identify with what Remy is saying. It's so frustrating!

I haven't gone in a couple years because I got so tired of only encountering the types of therapists R is describing. It really sucks because I'd really love to find something who I work well with that could help me learn to "to move past / effectively deal with bad situations" because essentially that's what I can't figure out on my own. The whole process of finding someone new and going to enough sessions to get a feel for them is kind of a pain in the ass not to mention time consuming and costly. The thought of going through that whole process again is really daunting even though I know it would be worth it if I finally found someone good for me.

BTW when I said I've tried 4-5 that's over 10 years. I'll go through the process and get discouraged and it always takes me a while to get around to it again. I just didn't want it to seem like I was tearing through these peeps without giving them a real shot or that I was just being difficult and writing off one after another.

sorry guys, CBT means something very different in my "community"

I was all, "what could that possibly... OH DO NOT WANT"

I can't figure it out.

I think I've got the C and B parts down but not sure about the T. :(

cucumber bacon tomato is all i got

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CBT

cock balls taint

"(band)"

x-post lol that was my closest guess.

Oh boy.

hahah Dan

b = between?

I know I told some wacky stories upthread but I had a lot of good therapists & the experience was very helpful, overall.

fwiw at least in me its not too hard to find someone who will mix talk therapy w/ cbt techniques

i think the two biggest determining factors in the success of treatment are the patients willings to 'put the work in' & their compatibility w/ their therapist. i know this seems to be p obv but it is easy to get focused on a specific methods of treatment or ideas abt 'whats wrong with me' & ignore the fundamental relationship @ the core of therapy

good thing i didnt start this thread, jesus

My job offered therapy services as a benefit, but only if you went to the provider they contracted with. My wife and I attempted to use this service, but the therapist we were assigned was about as competant as someone who'd read a bunch of self-help best sellers. iow she was well-meaning, tenetive, able to regurgitate a few aphorisms and mostly worse than useless.

My wife set out to find a better therapist, asking around for leads relentlessly, calling ahead to speak to the prospective therapist to ask questions. After a few months of tracking down leads, she located an excellent therapist who was extremely helpful, smart, who always asked good questions, and who developed an understanding of the situation fairly rapidly. Once we established a trustful relationship, we used her many times over a period of about a decade, and we passed her name on to many friends.

lamp otm

the clinic I was going to wanted me to have an annual appointment with their psychiatrist. The psychiatrist was a middle-aged dude and he was listening to Michael Savage in his office during our meeting, which I thought was maybe not appropriate. Anyway, I said, "My dad listens to Michael Savage," prompting him to ask if my dad knew X trivia item about Michael Savage. I had no idea. He said, "Call your dad." I said, "It's long distance, are you sure?" He said, yes, so we put my dad on speakerphone. He grilled my dad about minor points of Michael Savage trivia, and my dad knew none of them. "Looks like you don't really appreciate Michael Savage," the psychiatrist said to my dad before we ended the call.

― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott)

after reading this just seconds after the goiter post on the salt/food thread it's clear that abbott, you are the #1 ilx poster for making me explode laughing at the maddest shit

also yeah, what was the FIRST least professional therapy experience you ever had? or was that just a thing

The first worst therapy experience I had was at the same community clinic – I started out seeing one therapist who was terrible, who I am going to call Bessie. 1. I was spending 1/3rd of my time talking breaking down what I was saying to her into simpler concepts (snobby complaint maybe but it was draining). 2. She decided I was an alcoholic/drug addict and just wasn't telling her (I hadn't drank in 4 mos at this point!!) and she spent a lot of time trying to get it out of me. 3. Bessie decided she wanted to spend all of the time talking about this made-up problem & not the actual problems I came to see her about. I spent three sessions w/her and it was painfully not working*, so I asked to see another therapist. I left Bessie a message saying I did this.

The second therapist I liked a lot. During our first session, Bessie opened the door, unannounced, and demanded I explain to her why I chose to quit seeing her as a therapist. So, I told her. But it was really fucking awkward and weird! And I would rank this more unprofessional than the Savage phone call, which is at least funny.

*tough I got some dried figs out of it (not explaining how this happened (the figs were later eaten by a cascade of ants))

oh my god that savage story

"Looks like you don't really appreciate Michael Savage,"

amazing

crazy in the coconut

They do! My local chemist is responsible for the area’s methadone patients’ scripts and it’s both exasperating and heartbreaking for them as practitioners.

So, I had a session with my therapist today and I noticed a guitar case in her room. She’s maybe 40, very sweet and kinda soft spoken. We click really well. So at the end of the meeting we’re wrapping things up and small talking, and I ask her about the guitar.

She tells me that someone gave her the guitar and a guy across the hall from her office teaches guitar so she started taking lessons, going on about a year.

I asked her what she likes to play the most, and she pauses for a second and says “Do you know GG Allin?”

“What?!? Yes…”

“I like to play his songs. He’s kinda crude and... you know, I have to be really polite and proper here. I can let something out when I play that.”

The next session might be my last because I’ve been feeling a lot better for a while and i’m bummed that I don’t get to see her anymore. I imagine people don’t usually become buddies with their therapists, but she’s the coolest person in this town.

Ok, she rules

Now that’s a different kind of interaction. Very nice

haha that is not what i was expecting yikes

"well I'm something of a murder junkie"

would you say she's been a good *Mentor* to you? (hi-hat splash)

She’s seen some shit

I have a bass. She and I need to start a band.

From therapy sessions... to JAM SESSIONS

"kinda crude"

some of The Jabbers stuff is downright catchy

Therapy -- as written like this in the papers -- really sounds like a remarkable thing.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/mar/29/my-patient-was-happy-with-her-partner-of-25-years-then-started-a-torrid-affair-a-psychotherapist-on-why-people