WHO THE FUCK READS THE DAILY EXPRESS?

My parents have started reading it since they retired, I think in Scotland it's the stepping stone when you start realising the Red Tops are all about Britain's Got Talent and people off Hollyoaks so aren't for you any more.

Looking at the circulation figures, I'm amazed that about 10% of their sales are in Scotland tbh.

My parents occasionally read it, though my mum does claim it's just for the articles and my dad likes their puzzle section more than any of their other papers of choice (Daily Record which they have stopped buying totally and Daily Mail, which again is supposedly all about the articles and magazines and word puzzles) - can't see them ever reading a broadsheet, tbh.

why did her parents name her Dead, xpost?

SAY EUROCRATS

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Jun/Week4/15653998.jpg

At least there's a photo of Englishmen descending on South Africa on a scale not witnessed since the Boer War.

Interesting how, even more than the Mail, they've incorporated the embittered, resentful language of their letter-writers. Those headlines which begin "Now", like it's one fucking thing after another. One headline the other day read "Middle-classes bear the brunt, as usual." It's not even outrage, more a grumpy shrug - they just expect things to be bad. Arseholes.

"Now", like it's one fucking thing after another

otm, but hilarious. one foot in the grave, re-imagined as a newspaper. couldn't go wrong, really.

It's only a matter of time before they end articles with "fact" or "end of".

Have they used I'm Not Racist But as a headline yet?

fairly sure that it's in latin on the letterhead

Haha

tametsi ego operor non distinguo obviam peregrinus

Genius:

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Jul/Week1/15661188.jpg

"Unfortunately Wayne that's not the World Cup you are holding" reads so weirdly

I thought that was a mock sub-heading. Good work judge.

xp ...as does "Now asylum if you're gay".

"Unfortunately Wayne that's not the World Cup you are holding" reads so weirdly

Yeah, "never mind your precious baby boy and the unbridled happiness of fatherhood in your eyes, where's our shitty football trophy waaaaaaaaah".

Love that photo btw

Getting a real 'tinfoil hat/yellow sputum in corners of mouth / staring at people going into Currys on the high street' vibe from the "they" in the top left headline

Nice to see Rooney actually giving a shit about something for once...

wow I can across as a bit of a selfish dick there, sorry...

On a related note:

http://img189.imageshack.us/img189/5673/picture2kt.png

Oh boy, just wait till stories about failed gay asylum seekers start showing up

Maybe there should be a gay test to go with the citizenship test?

good fucking lord

http://www.dailyexpress.co.uk/posts/view/186563

And once they get over here, the'll BREED and MULTIPLY!! oh,wait...

Brian: "It says 'ROMANS GO HOME'!"
Centurion: "No it doesn't."

"Hmm, I wonder what pic we can use to illustrate this complex story of migration from many different countries, with many different cultures and religions...?
Oh, I know..."

http://images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/dynamic/1/285x214/186563_1.jpg

"ethnics"!!!!

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Jul/Week2/15664213.jpg

Terrible headline.

It should be 1 in 5, or one in five.

Have Your Say is unavailable for this story

"Myths and truths about your eyes"

TRUTH: in 40 years one in five of your eyes will be an ethnic

also i'm not sure they know what the word "ethnic" means :/

Funny colour you couldn't just get from being on holiday, I suspect.

TRUTH: in 40 years one in five Coronation Street stars will have life after the menopause

In 40 years one in 5 weekdays will be a Tuesday.

DAVID CAMERON GIVES PRESIDENT OBAMA PICTURE BY FORMER HOODIE GANG MEMBER

These politician gift exchanges must be like awkward family Christmas Day x a million...

I'm sure the Jay-Z loving President Obama will be horrified by the very idea of one of our terrifying 'hoodies'.

http://blogs.channel4.com/gary-gibbon-on-politics/files/2010/07/20_painting_2802.jpg

^ this is the picture (dunno if this was posted elsewhere)

Haha wau that's bad.

Ben Eine's the guy who does all the shop shutters around Hackney.

That picture would work maybe as the cover of a shitty poetry collection that nobody is going to read, but not sure I'd want a full-size one hanging up in my toilet.

Is that word accross meant to mean something? (google finds one link to a Finnish newspaper article that then doesn't contain the word)

It's the name Tuomas gives to his genitals...

Hahah, of course the Express is the only newspaper to put the Desmond takeover story on its front page:

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Jul/Week4/15670181.jpg

At least they've worked out that their target readership is ugly and has bad breath.

Anybody fancy collaborating on a gritty new 21st century revival of Love Thy Neighbour for Channel 5? Think we'd have a good chance of getting commissioned.

I bet Europe won't let you.

FREE TIC TACS FOR EVERY READER

I like the way they have tried to make tic tacs a little bit sexy.

OUTRAGE AS SCROUNGERS BLOW £220M IN TIC TACS

You'd think that photo is Desmond resting his head on his hand but it's actually an immigrant punching his jaw.