Match of the Day vs The Premiership

To paraphrase John Cooper Clarke. "They can’t find a good word for you Hansen, but I can... TWAT." I've never forgiven the cunt for losing that goal against Russia in the 1982 World Cup, they should show that more often, that might shut him up.

As you can see, I've been thinking about this all day.

I am not sure whether AH meant any of it. He did say 'I'm kiddin', by the way - I'm only kiddin''.

I very much agree with Mr Miller, though, that they must get along, as colleagues, and that bullying is wrong.

I think it was seen as an Event that they had managed to get Hansen on at all. He stands somewhat aloof from these 'secondary programmes'. If he goes on Focus, he's always late.

Mike -- this Crooks montage -- are you sure you're not just making it up to get me excited and regretful that I didn't see it?

Carlton Palmer was the loose cannon on the show - ready to give his opinion on an apparently fictional training ground bust-up between Bent and Gravesen ("I'm not surprised those two went at it, cos..." Stubbs: "But it didn't happen, Carlton.") and also carelessly wading in on dubious refereeing decisions. Maybe they won't invite him back.

It was about England vs Germany.

Some bits were good.

What annoyed me: for the first time in 14 years, a retro programme has noticed that Chris Waddle hit a shot on target, in a World Cup semi-final, from the centre circle. Yet after they'd shown it, and Motson had mentioned Pele (very calmly - he would be all excited if now saying the same thing about Rooney or anyone), we just got Gary Lineker sniffing 'He was never gonna score'.

At least it was on target from 50 yards, Gary! Roughly 45 yards further out than most of your shots! Jayzus - I think this was THE BEST SHOT EVER FIRED BY AN ENGLISH PLAYER IN A WORLD CUP, and that's all they can find to say about it.

Not that I can still see these events like yesterday or anything. Dry your eyes mate etc.

Golden boot? He got that 4 years earlier innit.

I just wish they would give Wads his due.

There was, by the way, much discussion of when Wads hit the post. Bobby Robson still says 'theirs was going out - ours was IN', exemplifying an endearing way in which his passion drives his perception.

You've taken that too far.

I don't see anyone making a documentaries about Brz '02 or, for that matter Por '04.

Steve - the point to the programme seemed to be that this was when football came out from its 'hooliganism' image and went to something that everybody liked and many others got into - and this particurlar match was the link.

My brother watched this with me - we were trying to think of players who were booked in a semi of a major tournament and could not take place in the final - what were their contributions to the match? We came up with 3 players and all of them scored apart from gascoigne.

Roy keane was one of them but I can't remember the others.

x-posts

Oh, I think a reconstruction of that night in Crystal Palace might be worthwhile - the build-up, the excitement of opening the pizza boxes, the text messages from Mr. Hopkins, etc.

i had not thought of that, good point.

I think Hansen gets this way whenever he leaves the relative comfort of the Main Pundit On The Big Match role.
I remember him appearing as a guest on the Frank Skinner show: he was asked one question and instantly went into a tirade of (slightly paraphrased) "Go on then ya cunt make us all laugh! That's your thing int it ya bam! I say something then you take the piss! Go on then ya brummy wanker! FUCKING MAKE US LAUGH!"
Skinner looked really uncomfortable (almost as uncomfortable as the infamous "You called me a child molester" show with M4tthew K3lly) so I suppose that was a good thing.

http://www.baggies.com/celebrities/

Judas Priest be warned.

Here's the transcript (doncha love t'internet)

Alan Let's hear it!

Frank This is you talking about your home life, you and your wife Janet, who I've met and is very nice 'When we've had a takeaway'

Alan Oh no, I don't want to hear this!

Frank No its nice…'When we've had a takeaway we usually take a big glass of Ribena up to bed. Because more often then not, we'll wake up at some stage gasping for a drink. If we've had one too many glasses of wine, we always forget, and then you can be sure Janet will be saying to me in the night 'Please get me a drink of water'

Alan It's great to be a bore isn't it, but you're pretty good at it yourself.

Frank That's not boring, I think that's nice, that you've got a nice domestic home life.

Alan So why you going to laugh in a minute? Why are you going to crack a funny and then laugh?

Frank I want to know...don't get touchy, relax trust me. Why does she ask for a glass of water when there's Ribena in the house? If you're going to get up and get water, is it any extra bother for you to put a little bit of Ribena in there.

Alan Honestly, wrongly quoted. They've done it again.

Frank They've stitched you up with the old water remark.

Alan Stitched me up with the Ribena. Can you believe that?

Frank So you don't have the Ribena in? Oh Alan you do.

Alan No honestly, we've stopped it.

Frank Ah but you used to? It's alright, It doesn't make you a bad person. I think it's all right.

Alan You see you're smiling. First you said it was nice, then you're smiling, laughing and there is still a funny to come yet, I can feel a funny coming on.

Frank I wish you were right.

Alan So do the audience!

Frank Meaning?

Alan Come on I want to hear it! I want to hear the funny! The funny isn't going to come?

Frank No, I just want to hear about you're home life!

Alan Come on, lets get on with it. I want to hear the funny, the audience want to hear the funny! The audience are gasped in anticipation. Not for the Ribena, but for the funny.

Frank Who's side are you on? You've changed. I just wanted to know about the Ribena. Because when you said you take a big glass up, does that mean you share it? Or do you have 2 beakers. If it's 1 glass what side of the bed does it go on? Do you have a small shelf centrally above you?

Alan Are we getting there?

Frank Well, the audience are laughing!

Alan So what do you drink during the night?

Frank I don't, I'm asleep.

Alan That's not what I've heard!

Frank I haven't upset you have I?

Alan No. I'm still here aren't I?

Frank Accept this as a token. I don't like to think you're off the Ribena for any special reason

FRANK GIVES ALAN A BOTTLE OF RIBENA

Alan That's not what I've heard!

Genius.

There was the funny, just there!

I am pleased, really, because I have trouble sleeping if Hansen is nasty.

I say, I do like 'The Strachan View'. Will he be able to carry on if Scotland appoint him this week, as is not expected?

Also, Chiles kicked off a wee tad nervously, or self-referentially, by saying 'Alan Hansen's here to put us straight on a few things'.

When Rooney's goal went in - on the highlights, I mean (I didnae know the result) - I danced around the room like 'Minor Character' was playing.

MOTD was spectacular on Saturday in the sense that it featured Everton as the lead match. It's been a while. It may be a while again.

I enjoy the flurry of chuckling and impenetrable Scots asides that accompany our return to the studio after an amusing filmed item on MOTD2. And Chiles has improved 100% (or 110% if Bob Paisley had anything to do with it).

Didn't Alan Hansen say at one point 'what kind of question is this?' when the referees were being discussed after Kevin Keegan's rant and Chiles hadn't even finished speaking! Though I thought it was more jokey than when I saw MOTD2 a few weeks ago.