suicide

good!

awesome dude

Eisbaer, I haven't read most of the posts above, but I gave similar advice in a divorce-depression thread elsewhere: do you play music at all? When I was as depressed as I've ever been in life, I made a goal to learn some songs well enough that I could play them at open stages, and it seriously changed my life. I met new friends, had new daily and weekly goals, and focused on one of life's greatest pleasures: music.

Also, mega "yes" on taking that walking and being observant of something as simple as the beauty of a skyline. Music and exercise definitely helped me; hope they can do the same for you.

Walking really helps - I think we don't realize how much inactivity or being desk-bound affects us until it's already misery time. Endorphins, yay...

there's little i can add beyond affirming the good sense of others and noting that i have appreciated your posts here even from a while back when i didn't post. despair may be all you can see now but that perspective is a partial and temporary one. things will change and one day you will be so fucking glad that you thought better of it.

eisbaer i echo what everyone else has said.

the video games suggestion is actually really good, i managed to get thru a shitty breakup like that, it didn't feel noble but it worked!

also... are you a bicycle person? cuz getting a bike and riding around in beautiful spring weather... man... nothing really makes me feel better than that.

Eisbaer - Just adding my best wishes. ILM 2002-2004 (-ish?) would have been a poorer place w/out you. Hope you come out of this and post again in a happier mindset.

Walking really helps - I think we don't realize how much inactivity or being desk-bound affects us until it's already misery time. Endorphins, yay...

This. I make a point of walking when I'm in a foul mood, sometimes with no destination. I take my camera and take pictures of flowers and shit. Especially this time of year, the sunshine is surprisingly nourishing.

I understand that a foul mood is a lot different than depression. Even so.

Eisbaer: do you have any pets? If not, they help, too. Even fish help a little. But fish are a very high investment for a very low return.

Kenan: no, i don't have any pets. my apartment is small, so i'd really only have room for a small dog, a cat, or a goldfish.

and i am OK today.

good to hear!

thanx ksh :-)

again, and i hope no-one is getting sick of my saying this -- but i am truly touched by all of the support i've gotten from people here. thank you all so much, from the very bottom of my heart.

I'm really glad to hear you're OK today!

i don't know how things will turn out, Abbott. and i know that there are going to be some bad days ahead. but at least right now, i'm fine. and that's good enough for right now.

I'm rooting for you.

you're going to be all right, E.

You live in Hoboken? Do you ever come to Tunes?

We're all rooting for you.

You live in Hoboken? Do you ever come to Tunes?

not often, but i have been there yes.

it's rainy here today. which is never good for my mood in general -- but at least i know that.

I haven't been outside. It just looks cloudy- was it raining earlier?

I live in Hoboken too, just to be clear. Between first and second on Washington.

it isn't raining right now. i think that it did last night/early morning.

I'm going on a bike ride before it rains today. Reports say it'll rain around 5. Hoboken is a great place for a bike ride along the water.

riding yer bike along the streets/sidewalks in Hoboken is taking yer life in yer hands IMHO (not that it stops folks from doing that) -- but yeah, along the waterfront (Sinatra Park et. al.) it is a great thing to do.

Well we wouldn't want to do that ;)

being thrown over a bike's handlebars and having my face become one with either the street or the side of a building has NEVER been a suicide method that i've ever considered even during my darkest moments!

:-)

riding yer bike along the streets/sidewalks in Hoboken is taking yer life in yer hands IMHO (not that it stops folks from doing that) -- but yeah, along the waterfront (Sinatra Park et. al.) it is a great thing to do.

I just did this on streetview, and it looks ace.

Coming to this thread late, but I definitely echo all of the positive sentiments coming from others. You've always been a top notch poster on this board and I'm sure that it's only a taste of what you offer to the IRL. The world has a shortage of good dudes like you so take those nice spring bike rides and get through this however you've got to, because there's plenty of great times ahead. Though it's hard to see it sometimes, there's a lot of people who love you out there and a lot more love you have yet to receive (and give for that matter!)

this was not a good day :-(

i could certainly use some tips on how to cope -- e-mail me privately please?!?

webmailed you

When its really nice out here, walk up to Stevens, and go up next to the President's house just past the dorm that is next to the tennis courts. Usually, there are a few wooden chairs on the hill under some trees in the side yard that have a beautiful view of Manhattan. It is a great place to sit and unwind. An oasis of grass and trees that feels more like a yard in a quiet vacation home (a healthy escape) than a park does, with the best view of the Hudson anywhere.

thanx Abbott and Evan :-)

Above all else if possible, don't be alone. xx

Trayce: can you log onto g-chat? :-)

Eisbaer, I don't really have any tips, but I'm glad you keep popping up on this thread to check in: it is always nice to see you!

I am going to go for a bike ride this afternoon, partly in honour of this thread, and mostly because, you know, it makes me happy. (in fact, when I was really in a bad way, I used to feel guilty about the happiness I felt when I was out on my bike, like it was proof that i wasn't sad 'enough' and just being a drama queen and should shut up and suck it up: if you can avoid this kind of train of thought, I recommend you do so, because, dude, why shouldn't we grab on to all the happiness we can get with both hands).

Tad: god sorry Ive had a bit of a stressy evening of my own :( I'll see if i can in a bit.

xpost Oh yes, the guilt. Been there, still am there in fact and sadly not past it.

Work on an exit plan from the law, not from life. Seriously.

you may be right, Three Word.

i am OK but it's still rough.

i'm not much of a cheerleader type, but just want to say that lots of people are thinking of you.

i know -- and that helps.

mornings are the toughest time for me, for whatever reason.

fear of paperboys?

no, it "brings me back to this awful place" (to quote that Clash song).

i just like having someone to talk to -- i know that's not always practical, that people work etc. but it is what's been getting me through this.

is there something you can occupy yourself with, like maybe reading a book you really like! or listening to your favorite record that makes you feel better, until more people wake up? just an idea, good sir!

"until more people wake up" being "until more of the ppl you know irl wake up"

(not that ilxors aren't here, obviously, but ilxors aren't a replacement for irl ppl imo)

i try to keep busy, and yes i listen to music.

the day all this gets better for you, i think there should be an ilx party to celebrate. World FAP! :-)