suicide

It's only money, your life is more important than that, suiceisbaer!

Money suuuuuuuuucks. : ( I feel you, dude.

But, I gotta add: it is only money. People survive not having it. People lose all of it and the rugs out from under their feet. But many of those people do manage to get back on their feet, eventually.

E, I went through last Christmas week with $25 to my name, so I can understand what you're going through. I feel for you.

I'm glad you're still here. Please don't leave.

christine: i am nowhere nearly that broke (if i was, i'd REALLY be a basketcase now). but i am scared shitless about getting to that point.

Temporary poverty? It totally sucks, but it's nothing to be THAT scared of -- you'll hate it, but you'll survive. Or have I misunderstood the circs?

laurel: oh, i understand temporary poverty ALL TOO WELL. it's something that i DO NOT WANT to return to.

Absolutely! Definitely no one wants this for themselves, and we don't want it for you either!! But it's no reason to erase all the options for your future?

eisbaer, you have always seemed like a good lad, so hang in there man!

wow, I am just seeing all of this for the first time now

I have a little mental "YAY" flag that goes off whenever I stumble across one of your posts because you aren't around as much as you used to be. I echo what everyone else said; you'd be missed greatly and please do what you need to do to put yourself in a better place. You're one of us.

I'm glad you're still here. Please don't leave.

i don't think I can really put it any better than that.

Tad I sent you a message, you are awesome. KOALA TACOS DUDE. DUUUUDE.

God bless everyone here. I'll check in periodically, just so you know that i AM still here. but i don't want to wallow in my miseries, so other than that i'll not post a lot.

I just want to high five you for traversing the night, man. When things get as tough as it sounds like they are for you right now, I try to scale the whole game back and think: "my job today is to make it to tomorrow. Later I will be able to aim higher than that, but today my purpose is tomorrow morning." And do whatever works to hit that modest mark.

You're gonna make it.

for those who posted and are worried: i made it through the night. i'm OK. taking it day-by-day.

I didn't read this thread 'til today, but I was so relieved to read this! Eisbaer, I am rooting for you in my heart & soul. Day by day is hard when the days are long & shitty, but it's a great way to look at things. I am so glad you reached out to ppl on ILX and IRL – keep doing that whenever you need. I'm here for you & so is everyone else, as you can tell. I hope things pick up for you soon.

something (good) that i did today that i don't normally do. i had to go to Newark real quick this afternoon (not for anything shady or dangerous LOL) -- on the way back, i stepped off of the PATH train a station early at the Pavonia stop in Jersey City instead of going straight home to Hoboken. i strolled along the Hudson River Waterfront Walkway (which took me to Hoboken by foot). besides getting me some exercise, i got a lovely view of the Manhattan skyline. nothing revolutionary, but i enjoyed it and it made me feel good.

Walking can be almost miraculous at times in that way.

good!

awesome dude

Eisbaer, I haven't read most of the posts above, but I gave similar advice in a divorce-depression thread elsewhere: do you play music at all? When I was as depressed as I've ever been in life, I made a goal to learn some songs well enough that I could play them at open stages, and it seriously changed my life. I met new friends, had new daily and weekly goals, and focused on one of life's greatest pleasures: music.

Also, mega "yes" on taking that walking and being observant of something as simple as the beauty of a skyline. Music and exercise definitely helped me; hope they can do the same for you.

Walking really helps - I think we don't realize how much inactivity or being desk-bound affects us until it's already misery time. Endorphins, yay...

there's little i can add beyond affirming the good sense of others and noting that i have appreciated your posts here even from a while back when i didn't post. despair may be all you can see now but that perspective is a partial and temporary one. things will change and one day you will be so fucking glad that you thought better of it.

eisbaer i echo what everyone else has said.

the video games suggestion is actually really good, i managed to get thru a shitty breakup like that, it didn't feel noble but it worked!

also... are you a bicycle person? cuz getting a bike and riding around in beautiful spring weather... man... nothing really makes me feel better than that.

Eisbaer - Just adding my best wishes. ILM 2002-2004 (-ish?) would have been a poorer place w/out you. Hope you come out of this and post again in a happier mindset.

Walking really helps - I think we don't realize how much inactivity or being desk-bound affects us until it's already misery time. Endorphins, yay...

This. I make a point of walking when I'm in a foul mood, sometimes with no destination. I take my camera and take pictures of flowers and shit. Especially this time of year, the sunshine is surprisingly nourishing.

I understand that a foul mood is a lot different than depression. Even so.

Eisbaer: do you have any pets? If not, they help, too. Even fish help a little. But fish are a very high investment for a very low return.

Kenan: no, i don't have any pets. my apartment is small, so i'd really only have room for a small dog, a cat, or a goldfish.

and i am OK today.

good to hear!

thanx ksh :-)

again, and i hope no-one is getting sick of my saying this -- but i am truly touched by all of the support i've gotten from people here. thank you all so much, from the very bottom of my heart.

I'm really glad to hear you're OK today!

i don't know how things will turn out, Abbott. and i know that there are going to be some bad days ahead. but at least right now, i'm fine. and that's good enough for right now.

I'm rooting for you.

you're going to be all right, E.

You live in Hoboken? Do you ever come to Tunes?

We're all rooting for you.

You live in Hoboken? Do you ever come to Tunes?

not often, but i have been there yes.

it's rainy here today. which is never good for my mood in general -- but at least i know that.

I haven't been outside. It just looks cloudy- was it raining earlier?

I live in Hoboken too, just to be clear. Between first and second on Washington.

it isn't raining right now. i think that it did last night/early morning.

I'm going on a bike ride before it rains today. Reports say it'll rain around 5. Hoboken is a great place for a bike ride along the water.

riding yer bike along the streets/sidewalks in Hoboken is taking yer life in yer hands IMHO (not that it stops folks from doing that) -- but yeah, along the waterfront (Sinatra Park et. al.) it is a great thing to do.

Well we wouldn't want to do that ;)

being thrown over a bike's handlebars and having my face become one with either the street or the side of a building has NEVER been a suicide method that i've ever considered even during my darkest moments!

:-)

riding yer bike along the streets/sidewalks in Hoboken is taking yer life in yer hands IMHO (not that it stops folks from doing that) -- but yeah, along the waterfront (Sinatra Park et. al.) it is a great thing to do.

I just did this on streetview, and it looks ace.

Coming to this thread late, but I definitely echo all of the positive sentiments coming from others. You've always been a top notch poster on this board and I'm sure that it's only a taste of what you offer to the IRL. The world has a shortage of good dudes like you so take those nice spring bike rides and get through this however you've got to, because there's plenty of great times ahead. Though it's hard to see it sometimes, there's a lot of people who love you out there and a lot more love you have yet to receive (and give for that matter!)

this was not a good day :-(

i could certainly use some tips on how to cope -- e-mail me privately please?!?

webmailed you

When its really nice out here, walk up to Stevens, and go up next to the President's house just past the dorm that is next to the tennis courts. Usually, there are a few wooden chairs on the hill under some trees in the side yard that have a beautiful view of Manhattan. It is a great place to sit and unwind. An oasis of grass and trees that feels more like a yard in a quiet vacation home (a healthy escape) than a park does, with the best view of the Hudson anywhere.