suicide

right on. and eisbaer, i've always thought you were in fact one of the smartest and most interesting people on ilx. are you going to check back in? what's going on?

xpost
it's been my experience more and more in real life that people simply don't have any idea how to deal with others who are feeling down, particularly if there's no simple reason that's easily explained. like they don't have any clue as to what to say, no idea at all, and just check out. that's how it is. it's like more and more people in this society just aren't trained for it, so they change the subject or walk away. they don't mean it badly, they just don't know how to act..

i think you are otm. sometimes it's hard not to take that personally

funny (and awesome) that we can be more helpful than irl people

hi eisbaer and i don't know you but i know what it feels like to want it over, and i only want you to ride it out. i mean i'm sorry, it's not my business, but you're cool and the world should not be without you. not that it's your problem, but there's nothing worse than watching someone you love let go forever, and i know there are people who love you. thing is, no matter how much shit seems to suck, everything passes, even the stuff that never seems to pass. i don't know how to say it right, but i am glad every day that i didn't do what i used to think i had to do. seriously, what aerosmith said: talk to someone, cuz if you're really thinking about it, you're not in any position to make major decisions.

I simply can't offer a solution to your problem, but do know that most (if not all) do not like to see you unhappy and certainly not dead. Realize that everything can and does pass, also this dark period. Thing is, you have to make that choice (by seeking professional help). I like to see it as being a dark room. You just have to search for the door and open it to the light. For the longest period I thought my depression was something past present and future. Now I realize it isn't *if* I choose is not to be. I have also accepted that, well, I will have slumps now and again. (Like right fucking now. But that's beside the fucking point.)

E, dude, we love you

Just wanted to join the chorus of voices here, I hope/wish/want you to survive this, Tad. Of course we're nothing more than "message board acquaintances", but I've definitely enjoyed interacting with you throughout the years, and I sincerely hope your pain and distress will ease with time. Those things are never more than temporary. Like JJJusten, I'm not a praying man nor a believer, but from my atheist point of view this one life we got is just far too precious to waste. All the potential cool things in your future will always outweigh the bad things going on at the moment.

Nothing to add other than that J0hn D's absolutely right. Hang on in there, almost everyone's been in the place you're in now and it can seem impossible to get out of and it seems easier for you and your friends and family to leave, but trust me it is worth the effort to fight against it and pull through this. Love and respect to you.

take care, dude, lawyerin is hard no doubt. thinkin good thoughts~

I simply can't offer a solution to your problem, but do know that most (if not all) do not like to see you unhappy and certainly not dead. Realize that everything can and does pass, also this dark period. Thing is, you have to make that choice (by seeking professional help). I like to see it as being a dark room. You just have to search for the door and open it to the light. For the longest period I thought my depression was something past present and future. Now I realize it isn't *if* I choose is not to be. I have also accepted that, well, I will have slumps now and again. (Like right fucking now. But that's beside the fucking point.)

E, dude, we love you

― Nathalie (stevienixed), Friday, May 21, 2010 8:16 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

^ this

The only problem an eisbaer should have is that he's hungry. When an eisbaer is hungry, he uses his keen sense of smell to locate a seal's breathing hole. Then he waits until the seal comes up for air. The eisbaer then bites the seal's head, killing it. This is how the eisbaer solves his problems in one of the world's least hospitable environments. You are an eisbaer. Your problem is just a pesky seal. Bite its fucking head off. Stay cool.

That is, presuming that Eisbaer means polar bear and is not some kind of delicious frozen treat.

for those who posted and are worried: i made it through the night. i'm OK. taking it day-by-day.

Glad to know. I pretty much just lurk, but I care, and I care about all of you.

just read thread, glad to see you at the end of it. echo all of the above posts.

just read thread, glad to see you at the end of it

his tether?

Posting here was your first step towards feeling better.

^^^^^ Hidden bit of OTMFM from adamj there.

I'm not qualified (and way too introverted) at all to talk about Things In Real Life that kick out the ladder from under you, but I am expert in distraction. Someone bring the videogames, I'm bringing the beer and BBQ - rendezvous at Eisbaer's place.

WORLDFAP

hang in there, pardner!

that i was going through those bad times was one of the reasons why i never showed up to any of the NYC FAPs that were going on @ that time, if anyone still cares

well i did wonder, it's true. s'ok though.

Can I join in but no beers nor videogames, just some knitting. I'll be quiet.

for those who posted and are worried: i made it through the night. i'm OK. taking it day-by-day.

I woke up & went straight to the laptop to check! Glad you are feeling better this morning

I also think it's very important to realize there will be setbacks. But glad to hear you're hanging there. Day by day is a good motto. <3

i've been pretty vague about just what it is that's eating me. that's because i don't want to get into too much personal information here, so i know that it makes it impossible for folks to give me more specific advise (if any such advise even exists for my troubles right now). a large part of it is financial -- i have enough to pay my way right now, but i am cutting that much closer than i'd like and our current economic mess makes it that much more difficult to do anything.

the best way i can describe my current mental state, as i said upthread, is that i feel like i'm wrestling w/ a tar baby. the more i struggle to try to change things, the more stuck i become. a lot of things out of my hands (the economy, the job market) are big factors in why i feel so stuck.

It's only money, your life is more important than that, suiceisbaer!

Money suuuuuuuuucks. : ( I feel you, dude.

But, I gotta add: it is only money. People survive not having it. People lose all of it and the rugs out from under their feet. But many of those people do manage to get back on their feet, eventually.

E, I went through last Christmas week with $25 to my name, so I can understand what you're going through. I feel for you.

I'm glad you're still here. Please don't leave.

christine: i am nowhere nearly that broke (if i was, i'd REALLY be a basketcase now). but i am scared shitless about getting to that point.

Temporary poverty? It totally sucks, but it's nothing to be THAT scared of -- you'll hate it, but you'll survive. Or have I misunderstood the circs?

laurel: oh, i understand temporary poverty ALL TOO WELL. it's something that i DO NOT WANT to return to.

Absolutely! Definitely no one wants this for themselves, and we don't want it for you either!! But it's no reason to erase all the options for your future?

eisbaer, you have always seemed like a good lad, so hang in there man!

wow, I am just seeing all of this for the first time now

I have a little mental "YAY" flag that goes off whenever I stumble across one of your posts because you aren't around as much as you used to be. I echo what everyone else said; you'd be missed greatly and please do what you need to do to put yourself in a better place. You're one of us.

I'm glad you're still here. Please don't leave.

i don't think I can really put it any better than that.

Tad I sent you a message, you are awesome. KOALA TACOS DUDE. DUUUUDE.

God bless everyone here. I'll check in periodically, just so you know that i AM still here. but i don't want to wallow in my miseries, so other than that i'll not post a lot.

I just want to high five you for traversing the night, man. When things get as tough as it sounds like they are for you right now, I try to scale the whole game back and think: "my job today is to make it to tomorrow. Later I will be able to aim higher than that, but today my purpose is tomorrow morning." And do whatever works to hit that modest mark.

You're gonna make it.

for those who posted and are worried: i made it through the night. i'm OK. taking it day-by-day.

I didn't read this thread 'til today, but I was so relieved to read this! Eisbaer, I am rooting for you in my heart & soul. Day by day is hard when the days are long & shitty, but it's a great way to look at things. I am so glad you reached out to ppl on ILX and IRL – keep doing that whenever you need. I'm here for you & so is everyone else, as you can tell. I hope things pick up for you soon.

something (good) that i did today that i don't normally do. i had to go to Newark real quick this afternoon (not for anything shady or dangerous LOL) -- on the way back, i stepped off of the PATH train a station early at the Pavonia stop in Jersey City instead of going straight home to Hoboken. i strolled along the Hudson River Waterfront Walkway (which took me to Hoboken by foot). besides getting me some exercise, i got a lovely view of the Manhattan skyline. nothing revolutionary, but i enjoyed it and it made me feel good.

Walking can be almost miraculous at times in that way.

good!

awesome dude

Eisbaer, I haven't read most of the posts above, but I gave similar advice in a divorce-depression thread elsewhere: do you play music at all? When I was as depressed as I've ever been in life, I made a goal to learn some songs well enough that I could play them at open stages, and it seriously changed my life. I met new friends, had new daily and weekly goals, and focused on one of life's greatest pleasures: music.

Also, mega "yes" on taking that walking and being observant of something as simple as the beauty of a skyline. Music and exercise definitely helped me; hope they can do the same for you.

Walking really helps - I think we don't realize how much inactivity or being desk-bound affects us until it's already misery time. Endorphins, yay...

there's little i can add beyond affirming the good sense of others and noting that i have appreciated your posts here even from a while back when i didn't post. despair may be all you can see now but that perspective is a partial and temporary one. things will change and one day you will be so fucking glad that you thought better of it.

eisbaer i echo what everyone else has said.

the video games suggestion is actually really good, i managed to get thru a shitty breakup like that, it didn't feel noble but it worked!

also... are you a bicycle person? cuz getting a bike and riding around in beautiful spring weather... man... nothing really makes me feel better than that.

Eisbaer - Just adding my best wishes. ILM 2002-2004 (-ish?) would have been a poorer place w/out you. Hope you come out of this and post again in a happier mindset.

Walking really helps - I think we don't realize how much inactivity or being desk-bound affects us until it's already misery time. Endorphins, yay...

This. I make a point of walking when I'm in a foul mood, sometimes with no destination. I take my camera and take pictures of flowers and shit. Especially this time of year, the sunshine is surprisingly nourishing.

I understand that a foul mood is a lot different than depression. Even so.

Eisbaer: do you have any pets? If not, they help, too. Even fish help a little. But fish are a very high investment for a very low return.

Kenan: no, i don't have any pets. my apartment is small, so i'd really only have room for a small dog, a cat, or a goldfish.

and i am OK today.