suicide

^

What everyone else has already said, I say that too. The videogame thing is a very good idea. Maybe complete distraction is what you need to get you through the night and out of this space right now. Hang in there man. Please.

thanks, Daniel. since you're a fellow lawyer, you'd understand some of the problems i am facing right now (don't worry -- it's nothing that would get me disbarred or probably even sanctioned, and i say that with 1,000% honesty).

^^ otm, put on hybrid moments and just try not to smile & jump around, I dare you

― Face Book (dyao), Friday, 21 May 2010 03:45 (4 minutes ago)

hahahahahaha oh fuck

I saw a band tonight (A Sunny Day In Glasgow) and they played this one song that was ten times better than their already-pretty-good power-gaze stuff

and I asked one of the singers what it was afterwards and she said it was Hybrid Moments by The Misfits

so yeah. do this. do this please.

Also a friend of mine recently introduced me to a poppy Krautrock track called Eisbaer and it was great! I thought 'there's an ILX poster called this'

basically my prognosis is

that there are too many coincidences for you to kill yourself.

it would flout the power of the coincidence and be an act of bad energy in the universe

so, like, exist. just exist and may the rest realign. :)

NJ... i'm sorry man

Hang in there man, like others have said it's only temporary. Posting here was your first step towards feeling better.

See? Even the lurkers want you alive!

thanks, Daniel. since you're a fellow lawyer, you'd understand some of the problems i am facing right now (don't worry -- it's nothing that would get me disbarred or probably even sanctioned, and i say that with 1,000% honesty).

i understand. i felt so low for work-related reasons one night about 10 days ago, i was . . . well, i was in a bad place.

hang in there, E.

word of advice (and you may never be in this spot): don't EVER take a pro se on as a client. fuck all the high-minded talk you may here from legal gasbags -- those people are pro se for a reason, and trust me the reason ain't good. let them rot in the cesspool of their own stupidity/cheapness/nastiness/whatever it is that made them go pro se in the first place -- they don't deserve any better.

oh i know all about pro se litigants.

just joining the chorus here at this point (which is kind of a great chorus to be in tbh) but hey, i am not a praying dude, but im thinking about you and hoping things get better. no matter what, the waiting game for better times sucks when its happening, but shit its a game worth playing you know? sorry that you are hurting, but recognizing that hurt helps put a fence around it and understand it, so maybe look at this as a time to do that, and in time you will be looking at it from outside the pen and wondering why it looked so big when you were in there with it. take care of yourself.

anyway, back in the day (like 2003/early 2004 or so) this place WAS my diversion. i was going through some tough/bad times then too -- in some ways less severe than now, in some ways more so -- and ILX helped me through it in so many ways. (that i was going through those bad times was one of the reasons why i never showed up to any of the NYC FAPs that were going on @ that time, if anyone still cares). i got through it then, and in fact those days strengthened my resolve to carry on from then up till now (roughly when i stopped posting here as often as i used to).

i don't know if i will be here as much now as i was then. but maybe i will be, and y'all will know whty.

Eisebaer! good grief what happened?! likewise - of course i'm thinking of you.

i mean, whatever is happening now it's really pretty likely that in a bit of time you'll see it from an entirely different perspective, though it's difficult not to get caught up completely in something @ present that isn't going well at all..

Late to thread, but can I just...please believe what's been said upthread. Everything that's been said, man that is all you...thats you being reflected back to you...these people are not better off without you. Embrace the suck, ride it out, conquer it... and hang. Please. It would mean a lot to this longtime lurker :)

thanx, daria. i know what you're saying is very true -- b/c what you have described is just what has happened after other low points in my life. but damn if it isn't tough when you're in the middle of it.

i think i can get through what i am going through right now, and i try to discipline myself these days to not wallow in my sorrows. i've gotten lots of good advice -- some here, some from IRL friends and families and colleagues. but it's still going to be rough as far as i can see it.

and if i haven't given some of you a shout-out, it's not b/c i am ignoring you. i am truly appreciative of all of the kind thoughts.

right on. and eisbaer, i've always thought you were in fact one of the smartest and most interesting people on ilx. are you going to check back in? what's going on?

xpost
it's been my experience more and more in real life that people simply don't have any idea how to deal with others who are feeling down, particularly if there's no simple reason that's easily explained. like they don't have any clue as to what to say, no idea at all, and just check out. that's how it is. it's like more and more people in this society just aren't trained for it, so they change the subject or walk away. they don't mean it badly, they just don't know how to act..

i think you are otm. sometimes it's hard not to take that personally

funny (and awesome) that we can be more helpful than irl people

hi eisbaer and i don't know you but i know what it feels like to want it over, and i only want you to ride it out. i mean i'm sorry, it's not my business, but you're cool and the world should not be without you. not that it's your problem, but there's nothing worse than watching someone you love let go forever, and i know there are people who love you. thing is, no matter how much shit seems to suck, everything passes, even the stuff that never seems to pass. i don't know how to say it right, but i am glad every day that i didn't do what i used to think i had to do. seriously, what aerosmith said: talk to someone, cuz if you're really thinking about it, you're not in any position to make major decisions.

I simply can't offer a solution to your problem, but do know that most (if not all) do not like to see you unhappy and certainly not dead. Realize that everything can and does pass, also this dark period. Thing is, you have to make that choice (by seeking professional help). I like to see it as being a dark room. You just have to search for the door and open it to the light. For the longest period I thought my depression was something past present and future. Now I realize it isn't *if* I choose is not to be. I have also accepted that, well, I will have slumps now and again. (Like right fucking now. But that's beside the fucking point.)

E, dude, we love you

Just wanted to join the chorus of voices here, I hope/wish/want you to survive this, Tad. Of course we're nothing more than "message board acquaintances", but I've definitely enjoyed interacting with you throughout the years, and I sincerely hope your pain and distress will ease with time. Those things are never more than temporary. Like JJJusten, I'm not a praying man nor a believer, but from my atheist point of view this one life we got is just far too precious to waste. All the potential cool things in your future will always outweigh the bad things going on at the moment.

Nothing to add other than that J0hn D's absolutely right. Hang on in there, almost everyone's been in the place you're in now and it can seem impossible to get out of and it seems easier for you and your friends and family to leave, but trust me it is worth the effort to fight against it and pull through this. Love and respect to you.

take care, dude, lawyerin is hard no doubt. thinkin good thoughts~

I simply can't offer a solution to your problem, but do know that most (if not all) do not like to see you unhappy and certainly not dead. Realize that everything can and does pass, also this dark period. Thing is, you have to make that choice (by seeking professional help). I like to see it as being a dark room. You just have to search for the door and open it to the light. For the longest period I thought my depression was something past present and future. Now I realize it isn't *if* I choose is not to be. I have also accepted that, well, I will have slumps now and again. (Like right fucking now. But that's beside the fucking point.)

E, dude, we love you

― Nathalie (stevienixed), Friday, May 21, 2010 8:16 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

^ this

The only problem an eisbaer should have is that he's hungry. When an eisbaer is hungry, he uses his keen sense of smell to locate a seal's breathing hole. Then he waits until the seal comes up for air. The eisbaer then bites the seal's head, killing it. This is how the eisbaer solves his problems in one of the world's least hospitable environments. You are an eisbaer. Your problem is just a pesky seal. Bite its fucking head off. Stay cool.

That is, presuming that Eisbaer means polar bear and is not some kind of delicious frozen treat.

for those who posted and are worried: i made it through the night. i'm OK. taking it day-by-day.

Glad to know. I pretty much just lurk, but I care, and I care about all of you.

just read thread, glad to see you at the end of it. echo all of the above posts.

just read thread, glad to see you at the end of it

his tether?

Posting here was your first step towards feeling better.

^^^^^ Hidden bit of OTMFM from adamj there.

I'm not qualified (and way too introverted) at all to talk about Things In Real Life that kick out the ladder from under you, but I am expert in distraction. Someone bring the videogames, I'm bringing the beer and BBQ - rendezvous at Eisbaer's place.

WORLDFAP

hang in there, pardner!

that i was going through those bad times was one of the reasons why i never showed up to any of the NYC FAPs that were going on @ that time, if anyone still cares

well i did wonder, it's true. s'ok though.

Can I join in but no beers nor videogames, just some knitting. I'll be quiet.

for those who posted and are worried: i made it through the night. i'm OK. taking it day-by-day.

I woke up & went straight to the laptop to check! Glad you are feeling better this morning

I also think it's very important to realize there will be setbacks. But glad to hear you're hanging there. Day by day is a good motto. <3

i've been pretty vague about just what it is that's eating me. that's because i don't want to get into too much personal information here, so i know that it makes it impossible for folks to give me more specific advise (if any such advise even exists for my troubles right now). a large part of it is financial -- i have enough to pay my way right now, but i am cutting that much closer than i'd like and our current economic mess makes it that much more difficult to do anything.

the best way i can describe my current mental state, as i said upthread, is that i feel like i'm wrestling w/ a tar baby. the more i struggle to try to change things, the more stuck i become. a lot of things out of my hands (the economy, the job market) are big factors in why i feel so stuck.

It's only money, your life is more important than that, suiceisbaer!

Money suuuuuuuuucks. : ( I feel you, dude.

But, I gotta add: it is only money. People survive not having it. People lose all of it and the rugs out from under their feet. But many of those people do manage to get back on their feet, eventually.

E, I went through last Christmas week with $25 to my name, so I can understand what you're going through. I feel for you.

I'm glad you're still here. Please don't leave.

christine: i am nowhere nearly that broke (if i was, i'd REALLY be a basketcase now). but i am scared shitless about getting to that point.

Temporary poverty? It totally sucks, but it's nothing to be THAT scared of -- you'll hate it, but you'll survive. Or have I misunderstood the circs?

laurel: oh, i understand temporary poverty ALL TOO WELL. it's something that i DO NOT WANT to return to.

Absolutely! Definitely no one wants this for themselves, and we don't want it for you either!! But it's no reason to erase all the options for your future?

eisbaer, you have always seemed like a good lad, so hang in there man!