Severe Anxiety

you should join us on the 1p3 emo blog thread of neverending misery

Where's the fun in that?

I just read these two posts by you and you seem pretty alright and self-aware enough to be able to navigate through whatever nonsense life presents. I hope you feel better soon-- dealing with anxiety suuuucks.

The obvious response to your complaint about the pro help that you are getting is for people here to say "well, look into other options". And they would be right-- it's a waste of your time to deal with psychologists/psychiatrists who are not actually helping you!

As far as social problems go, hey look-- there are so many horrible people in the world who make out just fine. Some of them make it into high political offices, are CEO's of obscenely successful businesses, etc.... I imagine that you're "better" than a huge percentage of those people. You're probably being unduly harsh on yourself. I'm sure that in reality you have friends, etc. At the risk of sounding patronizing, this particular asshole would advise you to chill the fuck out, enjoy your life, enjoy being you, do the things that you need to do for YOU, and don't obsess over the bullshit ways that other people might respond to you. nothing is as concrete as it seems, everything changes on a dime

enjoy your life. if you need to be a horrible person or a drug addict or a criminal in order to do so, then do that! if you need to be a "nice person" or a popular person or a normal person or a successful person, or a mediocre person, then that is fine, too. it will sort itself out in the end. for real. Good luck and for fuck's sake, enjoy your life. No hand-wringing allowed...

ive been suffering from p severe panic attacks & one of the things that starts to happen is that i become anxious abt the possibility (inevitability) of having another attack - they essentially become self-reinforcing and self-amplifying. this is really p common fwiu

its really easy to feel narcissistic and self-obsessed w/ this stuff - you ending up spending a lot of time going in circles in your head ime - but thats really, really unhelpful. its a lot easier to type obv but keeping positive/perspective is really the only way to start minimizing the effect the attacks have on your life/mindset & will allow u to start the addressing the underlying problems.

like ste upthread, i have anxiety-related stomach trouble a lot. i have a general checkup coming soon with my new doctor, but i think she'll just tell me to "stop being anxious."

xpost

OK. Just to be a bit more helpful...

When your life seems to be falling apart and you seem to have no exit of any sort whatsoever, except to plunge ever deeper into the miasma of failure upon failure, the root of the problem is (I find) a deep horror of taking the exit you can see just as plain as day.

And no, I don't mean suicide. I mean some otherwise perfectly admissable action that will appear unthinkable to you, because you have defined it as such. Something like: disappointing your parents by not living up to some expectation, or disappointing yourself by accepting that you really aren't going to succeed at a cherished ambition, or disappointing your spouse, or your gf, or your bf. Or just facing up to the dismal prospect of earning money the hard way for the foreseeable future.

It is never easy to rid oneself of these bugbears. They appear insurmountable. Just acknowledging their existance makes you want to shriek with grief and pain. So, my advice is, go ahead. DO some shrieking. It will make you feel better, if only when you find out you don't actually explode or melt or die, or whatever horrid fate awaited you on the other side of feeling this shit. You survive it. Then you can start thinking a bit more clearly as the fog of dread clears away.

And if it is a really nasty, very personal, ongoing catastrophe, just realize that it will take a long time to get fixed, and you'd better not waste any more time putting it off.

Good luck.

I'd like to put a stronger pitch in for meditation. Severe anxiety & major depression for the last few years, and treatment included counselling, CBT and Prozac, but there were times when the only thing that enabled me to breathe properly was meditation. Specifically loving-kindess meditation. I'm not a buddhist, but that shit worked. Still works, but I don't need it so much any more. If you're struggling to control your panic with breathing techniques, just think of it as a structured breathing session with added don't-hate-people sprinkles on top.

Drugs made me spacey (though I don't regret taking them), counselling only got me more wound up until I could start taking action - but was good in the longer term.

Aimless' advices look good to me BUT I have to disagree about the last bit. Addressing the issues that are making you feel this way is 2nd stage, IMO. Before you can do anything constructive you need to convince yourself you can survive this, that you will be OK, even that you are capable of feeling OK. Look out for moments that you feel a natural sense of calm, enjoy them, put yourself in situations where you feel calm as often as possible - build up gradually. Instead of focussing on the anxiety all the time and trying to control it, focus on the calm.

Then, yeah, don't try to fix everything at once. Pick one thing and work on that. If you happen to be able to identify the one terrifying thing that's halting your progress, great. Mostly, though, make time to relax - not just by *deciding* to chill out but by doing things that => relaxation whether yr hassled brain likes it or not.

All the best with it.

First night on yet another new medication (Remeron) and it isn't helping. I'm having these obsessive anxiety attacks every night now, and I've gone from sleeping poorly to barely sleeping at all. What's worst is that none of the dustractions and coping mechanisms that kept me relatively stable are working anymore- I just end up hating myself for wasting even more time.

I desperately want to try and fix things, but I have no clue where to start. I haven't made a friend in 15 years, I've never done ANYTHING social really, and I feel like a fucking freak whenever I'm put into any kind of situation where I have to interact with other people, including every single day at my job.

This is all self-indulgent whiny bullshit, and feel free to ignore it; I just needed to say it to someone.

Stop taking the Remeron and try another medication when you get the chance. (Man, I've been in that spot with the bad reactions to new meds - you just don't see that awfulness coming) I feel for ya, TT - I constantly have similar feelings, even down to not making any friends in many years and outright despising everyday interactions with people. Hopefully someone else here can give better advice about it.

(xpost, and i am not about to claim to be that someone...)

hi

I'm not going to say I'm in the exact same situation as you, but it's close, I think. Close enough to feel like I had to delurk, since I recognised a lot of the stuff that goes on in my own...well, I never really thought of them as anxiety attacks, cos I assumed anxiety attacks were very physical, irrational things whereas THE FEAR (that's what I call it) is real! and true! and based on facts! These facts are, admittedly, cherry-picked in order to demostrate to myself what a pathetic waste of space I am. But being v. socially isolated is genuinely terrifying, it'd be daft to pretend otherwise.

The terror gets counterproductive though. You're/we're human and it happens and it's there, and it's a useful sign that things need to change, but once it's made it's point and you've gotten all the insight that you can from it, the terror can go fuck itself. Those distractions and coping mechanisms you had? Don't hate yourself for using them! If it's a straight choice between watching old jpop videos on youtube or spending the night curled up in the foetal position crying becuse no-one ever has or ever will genuinely give a shit about me, (<=substitute your own distractions/demons here, obv.) then bring on the fucking jpop, cos at least that way I might eventually be able to muster up the strength to do something useful about the shitty situation that I'm in. The anxiety and the misery and the self-loathing are exhausting physically as well as mentally, and as such are probably a worse waste of time than whatever it was you were doing to cope.

There's a balance to be found between doing the kinda-pointless-but-not-really stuff and the necessary-life-improving-scary stuff, between eternal procrastination (I'm guessing you're no stranger to this? I'm not) and taking on more than you can handle, and I don't have much that's useful to say about it because I'm at this stage at the moment. I know, from books/advice threads/actual professional help, that it's good to work on small things, and you're meant to feel good about managing those small things, but - I don't know if this is normal or my own egotism - I tend to get all "you want me to make a freakin' salad? you're congratulating me for answering the phone? you think my problems will be solved by going for a walk? are you kidding me?" at people's suggestions. Even though I've found from experience that those things actually do help, and the idea is to set up a positive chain of events, and I probably need to get over myself a bit, so, I dunno. Am echoing all the exercise-and-5-a-day style advice above, even if I have trouble sticking to it myself. And it might be a good idea to research the meds - I think meds for this are a good idea, in principle, but I've had rough, manic-ish episodes on the ones I've tried. I know nothing about Remeron. Strictly IMO: if you're not sure it's doing any good, stick with it, but if you think it's making things worse you should see someone and try and get off it ASAP.

Professionals can help*, a bit, but I've been guilty in the past of expecting way too much from them and being incredibly passive, then getting angry and disillusioned when I didn't just "get better" because I took the pills and turned up to appointments like they asked me to. You have to look after yourself...actually, no. You have to roleplay, and be your own best friend/partner/brother/sister/parent/counsellor/coach/whoever it is that you need, who cares for this being called telephone thing whether he/she** cares about him/herself or not, and is determined to do whatever needs to be done to make your life livable. I'm pretty sure that, viewed from the outside, you're an okay human being. At least. And you've got into the situation you're in through bad luck, and maybe some defective coping mechanisms that were ultimately caused by bad luck, rather than some kind of unique and hideous innate defect. (Hell, you've managed to hold down a job, it's more than some of us fuckups can deal with.)

Please, look after yourself. You're not alone. I'm going to try and come back to this thread, but if I don't it's cos my own social anxiety applies to the internet too, and I think I've just done the ilx equivalent of running naked through the high street. I think this is peak time in the UK as well, so...that's what I get for taking so long to type this. ah well.

*ask me later, tho. am going to see someone about CBT for *almost this exact thing* *this very evening* and I have a gut feeling that it's going to go horribly, horribly badly. she already thinks i'm fucking weird from the preliminary phone call. i can tell.

**i don't know, and it'd feel stalkery to check.

I had a massive (for me anyway) panic attack on the train a week or so ago. It was just bloody awful and exceptionally silly, really. I saw some security guys on the platform and I just had this feeling I had to get off the train cause something was gonna happen. Really awful. But, y'know, I had it and I sort of dealt with it. Or rather it just went on and then subsided. I had been taking these light herbal drops but forgot about'em for a few days. Don't know it's connected. I think it's more the overwhelming feeling I have lately. I tackle things which I feel are not good for me: driving (I always think I'll have an accident), knitting (yeah yeah I know how fucking ridiculous is that?), job, parenting,... I think what contributes is the feeling I can never really "check out": there's always a new day and I have to go through it.

I think the best thing is to accept I'm just fucked up. lol

Knitting is hardcore. You are literally dicing with...RSI.

I'm never quite sure how much of it all even shows, to the outside world - I must have been around some panic attacks, the odds are pretty big, but I'm not sure I've ever noticed. This could just be due to my own solipsism, tho...I get scared of zomgpeople! rather than situations, and I know I come off as nervous and awkward and standoffish and weird, but I'm not sure to what extent, or whether it's as bad as how I actually feel or not. There's usually just enough to start up a feedback loop of self-loathing, tho. :/

LOL, yeah, knitting is baaaad. Also for the shoulders. But yeah I doubt anyone ever notices I am in an anxiety attack (or panic attack). Once I was on a plane and I wanted to run to the door and throw it open so I could jump out. Of course I didn't. I do realize I had very little chance of getting teh door open. But man it was bad. I probably looked normal. I basically made myself fall asleep.

Very few people notice anything like that (or depression). You have to literally tell people. And even then they think you're just fffffine.

Fffffine, and doing it to annoy them.

It's a thing to remember - even those closest to us may struggle to understand. There's a strong preference for blame over sympathy; it's heaps less work and anything mental is often perceived as "I have control over my emotions, ergo you have control over your emotions, ergo you are only crying to get attention / piss me off."

I hid my panic attacks from my bf for a long time, and he would accuse me of dramatics & emotional bullying. It's sad, and kind of wrong, that it took a full blown attack - you know, the kind where it's like someone's repeatedly punching you in the chest whilst holding your head under water - to convince him this wasn't something I could switch on and off.

Oh and talk to your doctor before stopping the meds TT, unless carrying on feels too dangerous. It can take a while for them to settle.

and I think I've just done the ilx equivalent of running naked through the high street.

I don't agree! I found your post really great to read and insightful, nnn, & you have my best wishes.

thanks! srsly. Was/am expecting to get shot down for being presumptuous, self-absorbed and just plain wrong. That's part of the whole thing, I suppose.

>Oh and talk to your doctor before stopping the meds TT, unless carrying on feels too dangerous. It can take a while for them to settle.

Absolutely, if possible. Was writing as someone who's had horrible, hypomanic reactions to a few meds and a not-always-great relationship with the people who prescribed them (which was partly my own fault, tbh). They put me in a dangerous place, and IMO I would have been safer stopping without waiting for permission. But most people are okay on what they're prescribed, because doctors do not generally want their patients to get *worse*...
(also, most people would have enough sense to get themselves to A+E if they were in the state that I was in at the time, really.)

Fist-bump to TT, if you're out there. These things are fixable. I mean, I'm saying that cos I need to believe it, but I also really do believe it. Be nice to yourself.

Thanks, everybody, including and especially NNN.

I maybe should have been a little clearer. I don't think last night's attack had anything to do with the new medication; it just happens constantly with no obvious trigger and the Remeron, like the Trazodone before it, doesn't do anything to stop it. I was freaking out extra-hard not only because of the usual obsessive stuff (I'm almost 27 and have achieved basically nothing with my life) but because I passed out eating breakfast yesterday morning. It happened to me in late December, but I'd assumed that was a one-off thing, maybe from the stress of working a month of 12-hour days, and they didn't find anything wrong with me when I went to the hospital. Now that it's happened twice, I've made an appointment with my GP, who will hopefully be more helpful than he was last time, giving me a prescription for Pristiq that made me suicidal for weeks. Even though it would be a different kind of horrible, I'm kind of hoping there's some biological/chemical thing going on, because that would have a much more concrete treatment than "hey, a few more years of therapy and maybe you'll be able to speak to strangers without wanting to die!"

Are you still working 12 hour datys TT? It seems that would be an obvous immediate thing to stop, if you are. Can you speak to yr manager/HR, give them a medical cert, have some time off?

I'm not, thankfully. That was just for December- the company I work for does something like 35-40% of its business for the year during December. My hours are back to normal.

Thats something at least :) Hope you can find some way to defeat the issue, it must feel so hard.

oh man this has gotten so bad the brief moments where it lulls (or i'm boozed up enough) are verging on euphoric

Wasn't sure where to put this, sorry if not appropriate.

Tense conversations make me incredibly anxious. Arguments, especially. I panic. Sometimes it feels like my entire motivation in life is avoiding confrontation, and preventing it in others. If I end up in an argument, I'll leave the room, guaranteed, whether the argument's over or not....and inevitably later I apologise even if it's not my fault. If others start arguing around me, I try to find a way to smooth things over, so that they stop. Now, given that my parents fought a lot when I was a kid, and that my Mum had kind of a temper and would shout at us, it's not like it's a complete mystery to me why I am that way.

It's started to take over other aspects of my life though. At work, if a meeting gets heated or other people start arguing, I find an excuse to leave the room. Like, I'm literally like a frightened dog or an animal, thinking 'let me out let me out let me out let me out'. Even worse, it's got to the point if I'm *listening* to an awkward/uncomfortable conversation on the radio, or on the television, I have to turn it off and go away... the best I can do without leaving the room if it's on tv is stare at the floor or read something. Even if it's not really an argument. Just a heated discussion. Between people I like, who respect each other, who aren't being mean...it's like the filter's gone and my brain is just turning everything into 'AGH CONFRONTATION RUN' now.

Anyone know a good lobotomist? :)

I'm probably making this sound worse than it is...but goddamn it's starting to annoy me now. I'm trying to listen to the WTF Podcat with Carlos Mencia...it's taken me 2 hours to listen to 20 minutes because I keep panicking and pausing the podcast. Fucking ridiculous. Just because I know they're there to talk about his joke stealing.

Maybe it's not anxiety. Maybe I'm just a weirdo.

Prozac isn't working, and now I'm lying here practically hyperventilating and staring at the ceiling at 2:30 in the morning. I can't stop thinking about how I spent yet another weekend without talking to a single other human being face to face and how I have less than 7 hours before I have to be back at work and will probably almost immediately be yelled at by a surly dim-witted Texan prison guard who I have to be nice to because he's placed a bulk order and we don't want to lose that valuable prison-industrial complex money. Which in this case is about $200 worth of shitty jigsaw puzzles. And I'm rambling again.

First question - how long have you been taking the Prozac? Meds can take a while to work.

@VegemiteGrrrl, you may be a wierdo for all I know, but your problem certainly sounds like a form of social anxiety, and I'd put real cash money on it being something CBT would help with. Are you somewhere you can get help for free or would you be having to pay out?

Prozac isn't working, and now I'm lying here practically hyperventilating and staring at the ceiling at 2:30 in the morning

Not that this will help you now but I found prozad *did* that to me, tbh :/

prozac, even.

Veg G, I have a not-as-bad avoidance of meaningful conflict, so I hear you. I think mine is at more or less manageable levels, I just have to learn my lessons as I go along and try to stand up for whatever my side is. But I've sacrificed pretty much every relationship of my life, I think, to attempting to avoid all conflict or disagreement, cos it makes me fake-seeming to keep smoothing things over and amazingly enough it turns out that men actually want to date a real person, which I am not being when I'm making nice.

I'm sorry you feel this strongly. I understand the panic. I mostly fight it by asking myself what I'm afraid is going to HAPPEN: am I physically threatened? Will someone lash out at me? Will it be someone I care about? etc. Of limited usefulness obv because sometimes the answers to the last two are "Yes" and THEN what do I do???!? Bollocks.

Also I really hate movies/stories/shows where the story or humor is about putting someone in an awkward spot. I hate "The Office", I cringe watching Bringing Up Baby.

I'm glad to hear you say that Laurel, I had to stop watching the original Office somewhere in the second season as I was identifying a little too closely with Gervais' character, it seemed like they were putting him through hell. Humiliation's always been a big part of comedy going back to the dawn of time but something about that just seemed too brutal to me to be funny. (Maybe it's because Keaton or Chaplin would win eventually, or be regarded kindly at some point, and this never happens to Gervais?)

Panic in my case is usually a function of overthinking, the pace of which gets faster and faster as I consider all options/perspectives/angles/possibilities to the point where it results in paralysis and withdrawal. This is why scheduling activity (ideally exercise or something socially engaged) is so important to break that cycle ....

minor 5 minute anxiety attack hit a few moments ago, a little unnerving as I haven't had one in ages (since I've been on Effexor). think I'm just nervous about my new impending relationship.

My husband says that anxiety isn't something you should fear completely. Just try to relax. I know it's easier said than done. Had some anxiety attacks the other day but thanks to my meds it was manageable.

Also, YAY for impending new relationship. :-)

yea this time it passed rather quickly -- I learned some breathing techniques when my anxiety was at its worst last year and now I'm able to stop it before it starts a lot better.

thx about the relationship -- I had one of those 'omg excited yet nervous' moments like I have when I start any new relationship, but the good news is she said she's having the same thing.

My anxiety has been off the charts for a couple of weeks now. During the day, I can usually turn my constant low-level panic attack into seemingly productive behavior, but when I lie down to sleep it can really amp up. My thoughts go straight to the worst-case scenario of everything, I lose all rational perspective, my heart pounds like mad, I sweat, and just as I'm relaxing I often get muscle twitches, varying in size from hand and finger spasms to back spasms that lift me up off the bed. Bad times.

The best night I've had in a while was recently when I took half a valium. I woke up feeling like a thousand bucks, and even though the next day had a surprise crisis in store for me, I handled it with dignity and step-by-step rationality instead of tweaky freak-out. Maybe I should mention this to my psychiatrist.

DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT symptoms are back when they've been dormant for ages, probably due to me overreacting to my bloodwork showing my health has declined in the last year (WELL DUH SAN TE YOU GAINED 25 POUNDS OF FAT!!!! and YOU'RE EXERCISING NOW).

time to break out the 4-7-8 breathing techniques and hoping I settle down soon.

been better the last few days (and in general), but boy was this a.m. fun. Had a date with the lady who was hungry, and I make it a habit not to eat late anymore, but I broke my rule and had pizza with her. of course my body hated me for this...I'll spare any gorey details, but let's just say it did a number on my digestive system that woke me up at like 4 am. The resulting pain due to said digestive system woes wouldn't subside, and on reaching the facilities, I started to feel claustrophobic and lightheaded and had a full blown anxiety attack and began hyperventilating.

5 minutes later, I was fine, but drenched in sweat. Ick. I had forgotten how scary panic attacks are is this is really my first major one in probably a year.

http://www.amazon.com/End-Panic-Breakthrough-Techniques-Overcoming/dp/1572241136/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_1

an end to panic: breakthrough techniques for overcoming panic disorder
by elke zuercher-white

i was recommended this book by a friend, and bought it for my husband to help him work on his flying phobia-related panic attacks. it is a REALLY great book - he's still working through it but so far it's been extremely useful.

one of the initial things the book deals with is helping you to figure out if you have a panic disorder, a phobia-related panic disorder, or high anxiety. the book's concentration is CBT and teaches practical breathing techniques to deal with the physical panic symptoms. interestingly, the worse thing you can do when having a PA is try breathing deeply - this actually worsens the symptoms!

also interesting: my husband was convinced that he doesn't hyperventilate during a PA, but there is a 90 sec test where you force yourself to start hyperventilating and it brought on all the other symptoms of a PA that he gets - numb hands, back of the neck starts sweating, racing heart and total mental panic.

heart palpitations back as of last night. haven't had this problem in ages....but the good thing is I know it's all in my head now. i've had numerous EKGs/x-rays in the past. my ticker is fine, it's my nerves that are shot sometimes.

still really annoying though!

just hasn't gone down much in a week. I'm theorizing that possibly the proton pump inhibitor I was taking for a month or so might have meant I was absorbing less of my anti-anxiety meds, as they warn it can mess with the absorption of other meds...but it could just be severe boredom too.

hate this.

i hope things get better/less tense for you.

thanks man.

If it is nerves then you know as well as I do that spinning yourself out of control about it will just make the palpitations worse, tense you and make you more miserable. Not saying don't worry, but just ride it out, do something that relaxes you, keep yourself out of your head, give yourself a break from all that. We need your A game :) Hugs!!

Sorry that sounded more preachy than I meant. Hang in there, dude.

lol i got what you meant. yea for whatever reason watching sports lately seems to do it, even if I dont' care abotu the teams. that's what I'm doing now and it's working a bit.

and thanks!

Go team!

keep yourself out of your head,

otm!

I think the problem was medicinal - they warn on the Prilosec box that it can interfere with other medications, due to their being less acid in the stomach to absorb the pills...

After I quit taking the prilosec, the anxiety dissipated, and the symptoms I had were similar to effexor withdrawal symptoms I've had before -- nagging negative feeling of doom in the pit of stomach.

Feeling much better!