cutting people completely out of your life

You want to have friends, you got to be a friend, ffs.

i'm old enough now that things seem to have been whittled down to a core group that both understands me and doesn't really care how much time has gone in between. i'm a little disappointed in my life, but i'm pretty proud of my friends.

I sort of did this accidentally when I got married. One of my friends said she couldn't make it to my wedding cos she couldn't afford it. I looked up the train fare from Northampton to Worcester and it was £13.50, so I was kind of pissed off with her. So we didn't email each other for ages and then it became like 3 years, but I didn't really intend to cut her off. Then she found me on Facebook and we're friends again.

True dat, Rock. And I know I'm not a great friend sometimes. it bugs me. But I'm really introverted.

Plus I did the "fuck this, I'm not going to be the one who calls" with my dad once. Took him 3 years.

Trayce - yeah, it was really upsetting and a really shitty thing to have happen. I cried when I read the email and am still pretty upset about it. I would just rather know what the hell I did to make her actively cut me out of her life completely. In the email she said that the details didn't matter and that I shouldn't bother asking because she wouldn't answer. The fact that I have no idea what it could be just makes it harder.

That's just WTFingly awful. One of my friends had that happen to him a year or 2 ago and he eventually found out it was because he'd complimented the guy's girlfriend once! OK...

:( Thats really awful. xpost

i sent an e-mail like that once, but it was after six months of ice cold, blatant avoidance for reasons i still don't know. my e-mail was a fuck you of sorts and it was sort of cathartic though i'd probably have preferred to have said it face to face.

We live fairly close to one another. I'm dreading the day we run into each other.

Also really weird? She sent an email the next to my closest friends who are a couple saying "I'm sure you've heard that I've ended my friendship with E. I understand that you've known her longer and that we will now have to end our friendship too. Good luck with everything." So damn weird.

omar did it involve a couch?

enbb yr friend is craaaazy

Sorry about yr friend, ENBB. Sometimes are so inexplicable that, well, they can't be explained and so fretting about them kind of exacerbates things. But it still has to hurt like hell.

That's really bizarre and kind of attention-seeking. xxpost

E has anyone else in yr circle tried to get more info out of her? Tho it sounds like that'd not get far from what you've said.

Man, the thing that bugs me is when that shit happens to me, I get all obsessive and bugged and want to know wtf happened, and I hate that it turns me into a PITA.

Man, how much shit must have gone on in her head before sending those emails

Yeah, it does hurt and she's definitely crazy. If I wanted to be really mean oh the stories I could tell. ha. She was in my wedding so I have tons of pics of her that I'll have forever so that's fun.

Trayce - No, the couple she emailed were really the only good mutual friends we had and obv they haven't talked to her either. In a lot of ways she was such hard work that it's easier this way but in the end I did really value her friendship. sigh. Oh well.

stet - I know, right? That's what makes it even more of a mystery because it seems like whatever it was must have been a big deal but I didn't do anything!

The same night she sent the email she also dropped me from facebook and password protected her website!! CRAZY!

That is the kind of thing I have done in fits of paranoia, but not with a big ultimatum announcement. Best to keep it quiet so no bridges are burnt crispy when senses return. I know my own ways.

Yeah. There's really no going back on what she did so part of me hopes she realizes one day that I didn't do whatever it is she thinks I did and that she feels horrible about treating me badly.

I hope she does too, bcz what she did was completely rotten!

I've read stories about Alan Moore doing that to somebody, either Veitch or Bissette I think. "You're not my friend anymore. You won't get an explanation. Goodbye." So fucked up.

it's going to turn out to be something utterly innocuous that birled around in her crazy bonce until email explosion took place, isn't it?. Like that one time, when you totally took Dreamboat Gorilla off yr facebook profile just after she put it on hers.

i cut people off all the time, not by design, but more because out of sight out of mind. If you're not in my school/work/core friends group, i just can't be "arsed" to keep in touch, esp if you live in a diff. city. a couple of people have really tried to stay in touch over the years, always calling me first, and i feel bad about lazily blowing them off, but i have enough close friends in addition to my family, don't have the time/focus to stay in contact.

ha! Yeah, it totally will.

ENBB, people who send out of the blue abusive emails and then try to deny you or others right of reply via the harassment canard have actually just harassed you. I would have replied, ending the friendship on my own terms, safe in the knowledge that whatever cop she called in on that would assess her as batshit insane or busted her for wasting cop time. I would assess her as jealous of you in some incredibly convoluted and destructive way.

Man its funny reading all this cause I guess in small ways we all do it, and its easy not to think of the effect you have on other people when you blow 'em off, even though one is well aware of how much it hurts when done to themselves. God my own hipocrisy hurts me head sometimes.

x-post - I thought about doing that but just decided to leave it although I sort of wish I'd sent something along the lines of "Dearest R, You are fucking crazy. Love Always, E" At the time I was too shocked to do anything really.

Yeah, but there are some times when your ego is right to demand closure via last word. You'd also have to do it by snailmail.

suzy, i cut you off. good luck with everything...WITHOUT ME

lols

my bestfriend cut me off a few years ago, too. the friendship was already fading out a little - different new friends, etc. - but then she stopped returning my calls. a few months passed and i found out through mutual friends that she had decided to hate me because my other best friend (who she didn't know all that well) had slept with her boyfriend (who was her EX at the time, and had been for 6 weeks). apparently it was my fault on two counts: 1. the other girl was MY friend 2. i didn't tell her about it.

in retrospect, i'm glad because she was a really bitchy, unreliable person (i found out a couple of other dodgy things after that).

most of the ppl i've cut out of my life have been family... i'm sure some ppl would be horrified by that, but my older bro and most of my mum's side of the family are a pack of assholes, so a few years ago i decided i couldn't be fucked with that shit.

Women like that never, ever look to the man in that scenario as the basis of the problem.

tell me about it. they got back together, he confessed (idiot), she stayed with him and got rid of me. makes so much sense. i mean, would have been different if the other friend was also a friend of hers (betrayal of friendship etc.) but that wasn't the case at all.

"a passing spacecadet" upthread,

it sounds like you are kind of doing your friends a disservice and treating them in a mildly insulting way by always assuming that they would necessarily be doing you a "favor" by deigning to hang out with you, not to mention that you are assuming that they are not capable of simply politely declining if they happen to be busy, or that they are being insincere in their affection for you... you know what I mean? it's as though you're taking whatever negative opinions you have towards yourself and then assuming that your friends share precisely the same thoughts regarding you that your neurotic mind has cooked up.

if my cheap analysis is completely off-base, please let me know.

but, seriously, it sounds like you're shortchanging both yourself and your friends.

ENBB that sounds very hurtful and frustrating. I'm sorry, that sucks. When someone is determined to keep things broken it hurts. I agree with suzy it may be that special flavor of jealousy that certain women friends seem to have.

I detach from people who do this. Sometimes for years at a time, and most come around later. I hope for them they get their shit together, but I don't respond to abuse. Especially not with a jackoff email of my own. I'd rather be nice to someone else.

I don't consider detaching cutting people off so much as dog whispering.

as a postscript: i did run into this girl last year, she was all friendly, we exchanged numbers, a week later i messaged her to see if she wanted to catch up for coffee. never heard back. i mean, JESUS LADY IT WAS LIKE 6 YEARS AGO.

also: my closest friends and i all have an understanding that we are slack-assed fuckers when it comes to keeping in contact.

I have a hard enough time getting people into my life

dell OTM

re dell re spacecadet:

i don't sign up for the "if they wanted to know me, then they'd get in touch" part, but i TOTALLY buy into the committing to plans part. i hate making plans cause i could easily be in a totally fucked up mood for any number of reasons when they come round. seriously, this totally colors my entire life.

most of my friends have, god bless them, adjusted to this, or i have adjusted to them in some non-replicable fashion.

here i was going to catalog my insane foibles, but suffice it to say that while i totally understand where rock hardy is coming from, i might not be able to help it were i his friend. and that's not totally because of the braves thing.

Oh, interesting... I have a difficult time relating to that perspective, b/c my mood invariably improves at the prospect of socializing, whereas if I spend too much time alone then I sometimes find myself slipping into dark moods, fixating on stuff that doesn't even really matter.

This is an emo thread.

and that's not totally because of the braves thing.

lol

This is an emo thread.

Hey fuck you moley *cries into fists*

I WILL COMFORT YOU SWEET ANTIPODEAN

FUCK YOU MOLEY

I have a hard enough time getting people into my life

-- Curt1s Stephens, Saturday, April 12, 2008 3:44 AM (48 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Yeah w/my sched I can really only make time for a very small social circle of two or three, one of whom I talk to on AIM pretty much daily and the rest who I try to contact once a week or so. I don't know when I'd make the time to shoehorn other people in.

lol mook =)

[here i was gonna write an o you kids thing]

but seriously, it isn't as easy to meet kickass people outside of college/grad school or whatever. or any people at all really.

[here is my mom's thing about college opportunities etc]

CRUT1S YOU RULE PLZ CARRY OUR TORCH FORTHWITH ETC

ALSO CUT YOUR HAIR AND PLZ DON'T TURN INTO KENAN

After school it's basically impossible to meet new people. Impossible. At work everyone's old and married and related to work, and in daily life you can only date and meet new friends through your significant other, who will leave once he/she does.