Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

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the stupid annoying co-worker has just found out I'm single again and so responded by saying "I suppose you'll be off to (insert name of Oxford niteclub here) tonite then?" which I wouldn't have minded if anyone else had said it, but as it was the stupid annoying co-worker I felt like whacking him around the head with my chair.

― MarkH (MarkH), Saturday, 7 June 2003 13:25 (twenty-three years ago)

I emailed a file to someone today. I was later informed she was "way too busy" to print it, and was told to print it out ten times and walk it to her (in a building 3 blocks away). Keep in mind I'm going to be here til about ten tonight (she isn't) and I had to give up one of my two vacation days because it wasn't "acceptable" for me to take both.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 11 June 2003 20:47 (twenty-two years ago)

There's one guy here who stubbornly, steadfastly refuses to have ANYTHING to do with computers other than the most cursory things. He once asked me, in all seriousness, "Does g*ldmansachs.com have a website?" Unfortunately, he also is the main designer for a bunch of our projects for tech-inclined clients: I shudder in horror to think how clueless he must come off to some of them.

― Michael D*ddino (epicharmus), Wednesday, 11 June 2003 22:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Maybe I'm just irritable today, but everyone is bugging the hell out of me. I jokingly-but-not-really yelled at my coworkers because they've been bitching about the Xerox machine not working right for the past three weeks, but no one has called the repairman. When I mentioned this, they were like "Well, did you call him?" No, but I haven't been the one griping about it.
Also, there apparently hasn't been a nonrainy weekend in Richmond for the past two months. How do I know this? Because the ladies at the front talk about it EVERY SINGLE DAY. Incessently talking about the fucking weather, the fucking rain. Yes, we have windows in the office, we can see that it's raining outside. And even days like today, when it's not raining and there's even a little sun, they're like "Well, it's probably really muggy."
Finally, no one in my office learned about indoor voices in kindergarden. Everyones normal speaking voice seems to be a low bellow, which is great when you're sitting at your desk trying to read a report and everyone's yelling across the office about the rain and low-calorie recipes and Michael Jackson.

― NA. (Nick A.), Wednesday, 18 June 2003 14:30 (twenty-two years ago)

NA - IT'S BLOODY RAINING AGAIN! *ducks*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 18 June 2003 14:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Ha ha! sorry I complained about the weather first thing after stepping off the Greyhound yesterday, Nick! :)

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 19 June 2003 12:02 (twenty-two years ago)

there's a guy a couple cubes down who's in a blues-rock cover band. He talks to me abt it occasionally. Today he was playing his new demo cos there was suddenly really loud passable amateur versions of Midnight Hour and some Santana song I think ringing throughout the office. People were oohing and aahing abt it.

abt an hour ago he came up and gave me a cd and told me to listen to his new demo. I'm hoping it's a COPY that I can just take home and not like the actual THING that I would have to listen to promptly and then talk to him about.

sigh.

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 19:11 (twenty-two years ago)

goddammit he just came by to ask what I thought.

his solos are crap.

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 19:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Did you kick him in the nuts and say, "That's what I thought, BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-yotch!"?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 19:27 (twenty-two years ago)

fuck i'm gonna have to divert him with another gear conversation. "so what kind of mic setup did you use YOU DELUDED BOOMER HOBBYIST BORE"

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 19:34 (twenty-two years ago)

or I could kick him in the nuts.

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 19:34 (twenty-two years ago)

SMOOTH OPERATOR seriously what the fuck am I gonna say?

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 19:37 (twenty-two years ago)

ask 'im if it goes up to 11.

― hstencil, Tuesday, 24 June 2003 19:40 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah tech conversations are probably your best bet. What is the demo for...getting gigs or what?

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 19:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Tell him that you are the A&R rep for a major label, and that you've just been working undercover at your office in order to scout out new talent. Then tell him his band sucks and kick him in the nuts.

― NA. (Nick A.), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 19:46 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, gigs I guess. PEOPLE I AM IN SERIOUS SHIT HERE COME ON. I think he has the inkling that I'm not really in the jake n elwood demographic, but he's obviously proud of his thing, too.

GAAAH ok the horns on Midnight Hour are really keyboardy and fake, but that's nothing I can compliment him on.

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 19:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I mean the horn break ends up sounding like late Undertones!! a little < /rationalizing>

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 19:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh yeah if you want to fuck with him a little tell him the brittle keyboards are satie-like in their jarring simplicity or some such.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 19:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Not stupid or annoying, but I had one of these weird moments at work when you realise your values and ideas are incommensurable with someone else's. One of our senior managers dropped me a line thanking me for some good work I've been doing, and said he'd make sure that it gets a mention in the director's 'weekly brief', his notes to the division. I had a moment thinking 'why?' before realising this was his idea of a reward, of some prize I'd earned. I do want him to tell the director about my good work, but that's because the director will have a very big say in whether I get promoted or not in some months, but the 'brief' thing is 100% irrelevant.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 20:04 (twenty-two years ago)

ok, it's over, he came by, I said it sounded good, nice and clean (eugh), the woman on the sade song has a good voice, drums were mixed well, etc.

him: "our version of midnight hour I think improves on the original. the old one is kinda slow, you know? ours is more modern"

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 20:13 (twenty-two years ago)

okay now you get to kick him in the nuts.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 20:16 (twenty-two years ago)

For maximum effect, get him to stand in front of your chair as you sit in it, lean back and pummel his crotch with double-barrell tantrum kicks.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 20:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I love this thread. Alas I no longer have anything to contribute. So far, all of my new co-workers seem great. DAMMIT.

― j0e (j0e), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 20:44 (twenty-two years ago)

i think you should really go along with him enthusiastically on it being better than all 60s and 70s soul ever, in an intense and creepy way

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 21:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Then kick yourself in the crotch!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 21:23 (twenty-two years ago)

my commitment to living theater only goes so far

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 23:00 (twenty-two years ago)

him: "our version of midnight hour I think improves on the original. the old one is kinda slow, you know? ours is more modern"

You've got to play him the Jam's version, explain that it was done fully 20 years ago, then kick him in the nuts.

― nickn (nickn), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 06:40 (twenty-two years ago)

two months pass...

The agent in the office next to mine (our walls are paper thin) was just on the phone yelling. It went something like this:

"GET me my money! That's all I care about, ok? Get up, find someone who can find me my money! I'm sick and tired of talking to you! You obviously aren't listening to a word I say! Not a word! Nobody is able to tell me where my money was, and to be frankly honest, I don't care for this whole process one bit....Get ME MY MONEY! I really hate this. Where is my money? Where did it all go? Haven't you ever heard of an electronic check? I have records of it! So where is IT??? Give me someone else. Give me someone else to talk to. I don't want to talk to you any more. I mean, I'm sorry but this isn't gonna cut it. I want my money NOW!"

I was half-expecting him to say SHOW me the money. OH, well.

It was all very gangsta-sounding, but that's probably just because of the special russian mafia double episode of Law & Order I watched last night.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 26 August 2003 13:03 (twenty-two years ago)

"I think I'm one of those type-A personality adrenaline junkies you hear about. Addicted to stimulation, you know? Like when I'm surfing the net I usually have about 8 windows open at once!"

― dave q, Tuesday, 26 August 2003 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Her*: Can you straighten me out here?
Me: What's the problem?
Her: We've billed this guy $24**, he called and wants to know what it's for.
Me: He added that tractor to his policy. It's additional premium.
Her: Okay, but what's the $24 for?
Me: The additional premium on the tractor.
Her: (long pause)
Her: So what should we do about this?
Me: Tell him to pay the $24.
Her: How should he do that?
Me: Tell him to send a check payable to us in with his bill.
Her: What bill?
Me: The bill that he called us about.
Her: What's the bill for?
Me: (in my mind) GOD DAMN IT JUST RETIRE NOW YOU USELESS BAG OF FLESH
Me: (slowly) That bill is for the additional premium on his policy for the addition of the tractor.
Her: So...(pause) does he need to pay this?
Me: Yes. If he wants coverage for his tractor.
Her: Are you sure he wants that?
Me: Are you sure you're asking me the right question? It's not that complicated.
Her: Have you been listening to me?

*she has been very stupid all her life, now she's stupid and senile

**it's. just. 24. dollars. FERKRISAKE!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 26 August 2003 19:16 (twenty-two years ago)

The woman at the desk next to mine has been working on this project for a while. Granted, it's a shit project, falling apart and full of problems. But she's been working on it from the start, so if it's shit, it's at least partially her fault. So if I have to keep listening to her moan "I hate this!" and sigh and make fake crying sounds every 15 seconds, I am going to beat her face in with her own sense of self-importance. WE'VE ALL GOT SHIT TO DO SO CHILL OUT.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 26 August 2003 19:24 (twenty-two years ago)

THere is another newspaper stealer here now. Except when she steals it, she never puts it back in its proper place on my desk. She just leaves it wherever. It drives me nuts.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 27 August 2003 15:14 (twenty-two years ago)

I just stopped by the free lunch that the office next door is throwing us. A woman had come by earlier begging me to come. There are 10 pizzas, every single one a different flavor, but none one of them is meat-less! And I'm so hungry. Bah.

― Sarah Mclusky (coco), Wednesday, 27 August 2003 15:42 (twenty-two years ago)

"GET me my money! That's all I care about, ok?...I want my money NOW!"

hee hee.

"If Dirty want his money,
Y'all should give him his money..."

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 August 2003 19:40 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, I am working on a little freelance job, updating HTML and ASP pages on a simple web site. I can't connect to the right server to upload the pages myself so that they go live. The reason is, of course, the website is behind a firewall on a departmental server and I am not connected to their network on my PC!

This person I agreed to work for does all Web work through FrontPage. Has NO CONCEPT of the code behind pages or the fact that you don't have to do everything using FrontPage. Tells me that my problem for uploading files is that I have "not logged on to FrontPage." I patiently try and explain, over and over, that it HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH FRONTPAGE. He doesn't believe me.

Then, he suggests I try and "get a copy" of FrontPage off of a techie guy he knows who used to work for Microsoft. You see, this person who specializes in business is now asking me to obtain illegal copies of software for his convenience.

The ironing is delicious. I am this close to saying, next time he insists on FrontPage, if YOU KNOW SO MUCH about how this crapsh!t software works why did you HIRE ME?

― daria g (daria g), Thursday, 28 August 2003 00:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I had fun like that when I was a freelance web designer. I did very simple work, I wasn't aufait with backend or anything, but once I did this site for a so called "web design" company (who were useless shits), doing up a basic page for a drycleaning firm.

I was asked to scan in and include full colour pics of the (incredibly unattractive) staff, and so I did (even though I tried to tactfully suggest this wasn't a good idea), but they came back complaining that all the photos looked really bad, blotchy and/or black and white. They looked perfectly fine on various machines I used and it then ocurred to me they were probably looking on a shitty old 16 colour monitor.

So I explained this to the so-called web design co. I was freelancing for and they simply said "make the photos better quality, the client isnt happy". WTF!??!?! They were already 256 colour good quality jpgs.

I rather wisely told them to shove theit freelance work up their arses not long after. The end client having no clue is one thing, but the design company also having no clue was a downright hoot.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 28 August 2003 00:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't even get me started on the person who wanted me to build a database-driven cataloguing system for their department's video library fiefdom complete with a front-end Web interface, access control, and on the cheap without a server or any software better than FileMaker 4.

They didn't understand why it's useful to upgrade for under $100 to FileMaker 6 because "we just upgraded three years ago."

No, I will not fix your computer.

― daria g (daria g), Thursday, 28 August 2003 01:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, and my other favorite thing is that since I am a student, nobody expects to pay me any more than the appropriate wages for a student employee. This is absurd! If anything, I need the money a lot MORE now; the same job you get $20-$25 an hour for in the corporate setting, you get $12/hour for now, because that's comparable to what miserable stipends pay.

The university system is totally fuX0red.

― daria g (daria g), Thursday, 28 August 2003 01:06 (twenty-two years ago)

For those computing types, can I just mention the specification that wanted "an information-holding database", and the form entitled "Data Maintenance", which didn't seem to narrow it down a lot.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 28 August 2003 16:20 (twenty-two years ago)

two months pass...

grr fume fume fume just seconds ago the woman in my office who a) i hate more than nearly anyone else living and b) is convinced i am one of her friends in the office (see where quiet self-effacement gets you?) just left my cube after her weekly 'hey geoff, i haven't talked to you in a while, let me bother you with an update of the same sisyphean inanitites of my life as last time, even though your complete lack of eye contact or multisyllabic replies, and sudden absorbtion in your work, would suggest you don't, and in fact have never, wanted to hear or see me in the least' routine.

she is completely fucking unconscious to any human experience save her own. so blithely chucklingly STUPID that it's hard not to read it as coldhearted viciousness. [nb: she works the phones in the hr dept of the fiscally-haemhoragging laborbashing byzantine ratmaze of a public ed inst where i work]

"oh did you year about MY BIG CRISIS on friday? a man called threatening to kill himself! i mean, i guess he wanted his retirement money to go to his family. it's so funny though, we just had a workshop abt difficult customers and one of the things was someone threatening suicide, and i'm like 'no way, that never happens.' anyway, i guess someone from his office took him to the hospital. this job is so STRESSFUL sometimes, i don't know how i do it! okay, byee!!"

anyone know people like this? everything they say is like listening to someone else's unreliable narrator? let me laugh bitterly and relate this one: "i call my friend [whoever] AAALL the time, but it's their cell phone, and maybe they don't have it on a lot, or it's old and doesn't have caller id, but i have left SOOO many messages about, you know, lunch or something, and they haven't EVER gotten back to me! it's the wierdest thing!" CAN YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF NARCISSIZE OVER THE GNASHING OF MY TEETH YOU FUCKING CUNT?!?

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Monday, 3 November 2003 20:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm currently getting really annoyed by one of my coworkers who can't stop talking about getting drunk, and how drunk she was, and how she likes to go out drinking, and alcohol.

I'm also being irritated by this guy who's over 60 and looks down on me because I'm less than a third his age. It's as if I'm not allowed to have an opinion simply because my brain hasn't deteriorated as much as his has. Bah.

― Someone (enneff), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 05:39 (twenty-two years ago)

four months pass...

I am trying to think of things that would be more annoying than constantly going on about the price of property and how difficult it is finding and buying a flat. STOP IT!

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 18 March 2004 16:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh crumbs. The (probably really actually disturbed, so I know it's mean to be weirded out) crazy lady from the other end of the corridor (down which, with all the intervening doors closed, one could hear her SCREAMING ARGUMENT with her supervisor the other week) keeps telling me about how her job is so stressful that it's giving her an ulcer and she can't sleep at night. She's a medical secretary. She picks at her hair all the time she's speaking, and always has scratches and bruises on her neck, and regards me as the only sympathetic ear in the building. I don't know how much more I can take, particularly as she has no chitchat resources, but instead launches into a tirade about her managers instantly whenever she comes into my office to use the fax machine. Eurgh and her lipstick (far too bright, really badly applied) is always collecting in the corners of her mouth with flecks of her deranged spittle. Argh.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 18 March 2004 16:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Every fucking day at 2:00.. 'crunch crunch crunch crunch' .. what in the FUCK is she eating?

― dave225 (Dave225), Thursday, 18 March 2004 16:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Goddmammit - it's early today. What the fuck is that? If I'm going to go postal, it's going to be because of that goddamned motherfucking annoying as fuck crunching, every fucking day.

You read it here first.

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 19 March 2004 17:48 (twenty-two years ago)

three weeks pass...

I read this entire thread and thought it was hysterical...man...I have these co-workers around me who do nothing but type WAY too loudly on their computers, and eat like fockin' animals and slurp, etc. God, THANK GOD for headphones. There is one person in particular who is starting to resemble a serial killer....very bad karma, if you know what I mean. GET them all away!!

― Maven, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 15:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Annoying guy who comes into our office to chat says to one of my students : "I didn't know you were Norwegian! Where IS Norwegia, anyway?"

This fellow has a Master's degree and was NOT joking.

― Kerry (dymaxia), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 15:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Jeez, don't you people know your geography? It's right next to Finlandia.

― Sengai, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 15:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I despise a certain pretentious fuck who works here and she's currently blabbing all about how awesome she is and all the people she knows and is also hacking up and NOT covering her mouth.

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

two months pass...

STOP WHISTLING

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 28 June 2004 14:01 (twenty-one years ago)

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