As my granny used to say.....

When translated to, say, Harald Brattbakk or some other diddy footballer in Scotland, this becomes "he couldnae hit a coo's erse wi' a banjo" which is much more evocative.

Re: Peely-wally, when they announced a concert in memory of John Peel, the Daily Record ran with the headline "Peely Rally", which had me roffling. Or pishing ma keks, if you prefer.

Ooh, just remembered another cracker - ganting which is like desperate/gasping for something "Ah wis pure ganting for a pint/shag/deep fried Mars Bar" etc.

My dad also used to refer to the nastier variety of lucky gits as "snottery orphan"s - generally directed at sporting people who were undeniably good but very dull, therefore worthy of ridicule anyway (top recipient of this insult would have been Steve Davis). I think it showed a grudging respect rather than being an insult. I haven't heard him say it for years, so I think he may have invented it to stop himself swearing in front of his impressionable young childrem.

stet's dad could presumably also fall in a bucket of shit and come up smelling of roses, especially in (the north-west of?) england.

where do people (scots esp) stand on the drop scone/pancake debate? my mum used to make drop scones and call them pancakes, which confused me no end (and led to severe public humiliation from a teacher one sad shrove tuesday).

My grandparents say this as does my mother.

we should rectify this with some kind of GLASGOW PANCAKE FAP. or something.

It's smaller and thicker! My gran would be spinning in her grave if she heard people confusing the two.

And are those big flat ones with the dimples in them crumpets to you?

Did anybodies parents ever talk about having a 'piece on sugar?' Christ, no wonder our oral health is so bad.

My mum still say's 'woe betide you' and 'hell skud it intae ye' as well as 'I'll take my hand off your face' (see Billy Connolly).

I've got one of those magnet sets with all old Glasgow words - but I don't know what some of them mean. I'll check when I get home tonight and you can all translate them for me...

At the moment they spell out the wondrous phrase that is "ya torn faced bowfin ginger specky bampot" (Refers to the bastard ex, I keep it as a reminder)

Stooshie, Rammie, Tumshie...anyone?

Has anyone heard Tumshie Smiley,the news reader on Virgin? It cracks me up everytime I hear her name!

Great thread Rumpie!

I have The Complete Patter by Michael Munro - an essential read for anyone with an interest.

bring them on!

Some bizarre and wrong entries but some classics as well.

and then yer arse fell aff: A term used when someone is bullshitting

Don't know what happened to that the first time I tried to post it.

They sound more like Springburn schemies to me, Greenock's a bit more singy-songy-westy with added nasal.

The Dolmio things are done by a bloke in Greenock, and also reference the old bloke going to Greenock during the war. So it's probably not Greenock. It's probably *gulp* Paisley!

To get off Scottish things for a second, do other people's parents still use "the sights you see when you don't have a gun" when seeing any goths/punks/people of questionable conformity?

xpost - Queerhawk - is that a Scots thing or is it just coz my mum is the only person I know that uses it?

Bahookie - bum
Black-affronted - embarassed
Merrit - married
Swally - alcohol
Geggie - mouth
Bowfin - gross, mingin etc
Rummle - sort of stir..(now THAT reminds me of my Granny at the bingo rummle them up son, rummel them up)
Oh and its' "miraculous' according to this lot
Puggy - fruit machine
lavvy - toilet
hughie -to vomit
Boke - retch

Clarty - now we used to say clatty, meaning minging or gorss, but Clarty, anyone?

Dauner?

The babes?

loosie?

ovies?

keelie?

Boggin

Slag - as in to take the mick, not the nasty word fur a wummin

Humph

What does bauchle mean?

Stoatin

Hoachin

Corrie-fisted

skelly eyes

Hmm, what's a 'wally close'?

Right I'm going skelly eyed noo...I'm putting it away...

I still use the Taggart-inspired dunderheid, but mostly for comedic effect (see also "there's bin a murrrrderrrr").

I'm trying to introduce some classic "Chewing the Fat" phrases into everyday usage. Best one last series = Winston's wake-up call to his lazy grandson "haw, you, oot yer wanking chariot"

Those Dolmio ads started a craze in our office a few months ago of going "fucking yaldy" whenever anyone got a text message. I'm glad someone else was sad enough to request on that bloke's blog that he should make it commercially available for use on phones :)

(xpost - a wally close is one of the Glasgow tenements with ceramic tiling in it)

(wally dugs = http://auction.goanm.co.uk/CatalogueFiles/TSAborder/AuctionItemImages/wally/1.jpg)

As I posted upthread, it's a (usually scuffed) shoe

"where's don C this week? holidays?"
"aye. he's spending the week at home in the chariot. with a box of kleenex and a tub of cold cream."

has anyone mentioned havering yet? i surprised myself today by accusing someone of doing it.

My dad is possibly the only living Scottish person in the world who actually uses "och aye the noo". It seems to be the verbalisation of a yawn for him, but still, he uses it.