Craigslist hilarity

Man posted fake orgy invite on Craigslist at neighbour’s house

Was that you at the River Market? - m4w (Little Rock) 29yr

I was the guy in the green Ed Hardy tee that bought you a shot of Grey Goose. You had on a pair of low rise jeans and a blue halter top. You said you were graduating from UALR in the summer, and I told you that I had graduated from UAM a few years back and was getting into making amateur movies. We were supposed to go back to my place, but your friends grabbed you and made you leave with them. I never got a number, but if you remember this, tell your friends to go fuck off. If you look up cock blocker in the dictionary there's a picture of the fat friend you had that looked like Big Pun and the little Mini-You that wore the exact same colors as you. You were hot, but your friends looked like Abe Vigoda and Betty White and were very jealous that for the 154th straight night you were getting hit on and they were buying the guys drinks. You will never be happy around them, and neither will other men.

LINK!

http://littlerock.craigslist.org/mis/1710260077.html

Mark It's Barbie time (Back of your Benz)

Date: 2010-04-11, 11:19PM CDT
Reply To This Post

Yo... Hoe.. I miss you when you coming back to the az and putting on your wings for a little flight to Bakersfield!
Your still my favorite slut when it comes to cocktails vintage adds and lets face it Furs!
my pussy misses you and want you back.. in the hood, bring that man with you !
When you get here lets go vintage shopping and laugh at nothing all day, do not make me come out there and go digging for diamonds..
whataburger wants you ... yummy
your favorite air mattress
XOXOXOXOXOX

MEOW MEOW>>>

Location: Back of your Benz
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

What I'm saying is, that passage read like a 17th century title page, just needs a weird woodcut of a Meth User.

― Dark Notion (Abbott), Monday, February 22, 2010 10:54 AM Bookmark

this really cracked me up for the record

Barbie time reads like Peaches lyrics

http://toronto.en.craigslist.ca/tor/mis/1727067145.html

Ned's:

The funeral service was wonderful. It was a sad day to mourn the loss of your father...but you looked terrific...All I could think about is being with you. You looked so sexy all dressed in black..loved the boots they were so hot. I think we get together for a drink. I know now you are mourning but maybe next week.

very thoughtful of him to wait a week

Entry level CAD Designer

Job responsibilities include, but are not limited to creating drawing layouts, apply dimensioning and tolerances
and creating bills of materials.

Must be efficient with AutoCad and Pro-Engineering / Wildfire.

Internship is available from now until the end of September, 2010.

To qualify:
1) applicant must be a parent of a minor child OR
be 18-21 years old.
2) be unemployed

WTF with those qualifications?

They want someone so desprate for work that they would put up with being treated like shit/paid peanuts?

can assume that w/ just about anyone looking for a job tho

They want someone so desprate for work that they would put up with being treated like shit/paid peanuts?

― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:42 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

yah this pretty much my life

http://atlanta.craigslist.org/eat/mis/1767267030.html

I want to give you a Super Baby - m4w - 40 (Decatur)

Date: 2010-05-30, 7:13PM EDT
Reply To This Post

Ladies, I have a serious question about your desires to have a child. What traits would you prefer you child to have? Are you aware that there is a chance that your child is going to be similar to the man that you have your child by. So with that said why you have a baby by a regular guy instead of having a baby by a “Superman”.
I am a DDF black male that would like to donate his sperm in helping you have the child of your dreams. Let me list my best traits:
1) Great memory runs in my family.
2) I am very smart.
3) Height runs in my family where I have several members over 6-5.
4) Great strength runs in the family. My daddy once picked up the front end of a car.
5) I love to read books.
6) I wanted to start school at age 3 and start college at age 10.
7) Good manners and behavior runs in my family.
8) Surprise people with my speed and quickness.
9) My grandmother had straight black hair and I have “good hair” when cut.
10) Men in my family are concerned handsome.

Why I am doing this? A few years back, I helped a woman have a baby and she has been thrilled with the child and said she has never seen a child like that. Her kid get up every morning at read books. Her kid has a great memory and in fact, she knows where every thing is located in Kroger and the child is only 2. The child wanted a doll she saw on TV and all I did was take her to the store and she picked the exact she saw on TV. She can carry on a conversion and recognized people even on the phone. She is very quick and fast. She is very powerful for a two year old. She has very thick and pretty hair. The child is smarter that most adults. Now ladies if it is your desire to have a baby that can grow up to do something in life, I am the guy for you.

She is very powerful for a two year old

Ladies! Here's your golden chance to have my babies. I guarantee you will be thrilled with my offspring. And I do this all for free!

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/lgl/1780561776.html

False Accusation of Child Molestation-- need help (chicago)

Date: 2010-06-07, 7:35PM CDT
Reply to: job-y9xha-1780561✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧ [Errors when replying to ads?]

I've been falsely accused of child molestation. There is no proof that it happened because it didn't. I'm accused with one other and they have dragged the Mormon church into this because of their deep pockets. I have nothing, so they are hoping the church will settle which they won't because we have substantial evidence that this person is and was mentally ill and is in this for the money. In addition, this was all investigated before in criminal court 10 years ago and it was dismissed. DCFS also investigated 10 years ago at the same time and declared that it was unfounded as well. The accuser recently turned 21 so she is taking advantage of being able to file a civil suit for money, as is her attorney, of course. I can't afford an attorney so any help would be useful. Since the church is involved, they have hired the best in the country, a local Chicago firm. I'm just a poor co defendant and I'm in way over my head.

This could be good case for a law student.

let me know if you have any ideas.

thanks.

Location: chicago
Compensation: none, just a very interesting case. Very good for a resume. Possible high profile exposure
This is a part-time job.
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
PostingID: 1780561776

In my professional legal opinion, that person is crazy.

http://ignoredprayers.blogspot.com/2010/06/beat-it.html?zx=18d025411962282f

Hehehe. Hehe. Hahaha. (See above: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/1755781713.html)

I'm a straight bro. As in not gay...I'M NOT GAY.

Just a little conflicted, that's all.

We are looking for a nanny for our three year old boy. We would love someone who's Hispanic or from Tibet. You must have extensive experience and references we can verify. We would like someone who's 35 to 43 years old, and preferably someone who's a mother herself.

We offer a good salary. We live in Manhattan, so you should be willing to relocate and move to New York City. All travel expenses would be covered. If you're interested please get in touch as soon as possible. Thanks!

Location: LA / New York City
Compensation: salary dependent on experience
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

tibet is like hispain rite

LADERA RANCH – A man on Staveley Court called police at about 4 a.m. Monday after a woman he found on Craigslist took money from him without "providing proper services and he feels this is improper," according to police logs.

The man had contacted a girl from a Craigslist ad with a picture and a phone number. She was to perform a "sexy dance" for $200, money paid up-front, according to the log.

The girl that arrived was older than the girl in the picture, "causing the informant to reconsider," the log states. When he told the girl to keep $20 for gas and give him back the rest of his money, the girl refused and left with the entire $200.

The man – whose mother was there and was "angry about it as well" – decided not to file a report.
Police said no one was arrested because there is no law against a "sexy dance." Deputies did not make contact with the woman from the ad, and it appears she kept the money, police said.

there is no law against a "sexy dance."

http://www.oneinhundred.com/Upfiles/upimg5/Foam-hand-cheering-mitt-with-U-4846615.jpg

http://dvdmedia.ign.com/dvd/image/footloose_6.jpg

He had a point. I mean...

[busted image removed]

http://www.jasonbennion.com/images/kevin-bacon_footloose.jpg

^^^Illegal in 48 states.

My mom's proudest accomplishment is growing up near the barn or silo or whatever in Utah where they filmed Footloose.

is "accomplishment" the right word?

Princess Cut Engagement Set - $2000
Date: 2010-06-17, 12:40AM EDT
Reply to: sale-cu9nc-1796190✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧ [Errors when replying to ads?]

Engagement Ring Set............New Never Used........Unlike the Bride to Be who I Found in the middle of a Gang Bang after arriving home early from an out of town business trip!

http://louisville.craigslist.org/jwl/1796190452.html

We would love someone who's Hispanic or from Tibet.

I'm guessing this means "if possible, we would like you to also do a second job as a tutor for our preferred languages/cultures"

Engagement Ring Set............New Never Used........Unlike the Bride to Be who I Found in the middle of a Gang Bang after arriving home early from an out of town business trip!

For sale: baby shoes, never worn (Gang Bang)

Not hilarious, just awesome:

http://inlandempire.craigslist.org/cto/1797203687.html

wd

when does "found wife fucking some dudes" become "found wife in a gang bang."

4 guys? 3?

We would love someone who's Hispanic or from Tibet.

There are a lot of Tibetan nannies here in the Bay Area, probably second only to latinas in number (and level of desperation/work ethic). It can be very hard for Tibetans with limited language skills to find other employment because there really aren't that many Tibetan-run businesses.

(need to see the attached photos, too)

http://toronto.en.craigslist.ca/tor/bik/1818360923.html

Divorcing my almost NEW Giant XTC 2 - $750 (Cabbagetown)

Date: 2010-06-29, 11:07PM EDT
Reply to: sale-4dyu9-1818360✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧ [Errors when replying to ads?]

Me - We need to talk
ME - I... I don't think we should see each other anymore

XTC = What! Why?

ME - It's not you, I swear.

XTC - I'm too big... that's it isn't it!

ME = no, not at all... Hell, I'm 6'. technically I'm too big for you.

XTC - Is it my shifters? You don't like the Deore's anymore...

ME - No! I'm telling you it's me, you're perfect. You ride better than any other bike

XTC - What!!! you ass hole! you've been riding other bikes!
XTC - god I can't believe you!

ME - Yes, ok I admit it! you're just too... hybrid for me.

XTC - Her shocks are bigger aren't they.

ME - god dammit, can we not... please.

XTC - I hate you. As soon as I find someone new I'm leaving.

ME - hahaha, don't make me laugh, what are you gunna do, post a classified on Craigslist?

.... ... ... ...

Fuck you Giant.XTC 2.... I hate you... even though we were only together for less than a year, you let me ride you maybe 10 times! I never want to see you again.
Here are all the naked pictures I have of you... I hope everyone see's what a skank you are.
slut
pickup only

Location: Cabbagetown
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Needs a pic of two people riding it.

HA HAHAHHAAAA GA a g a gaga aggahh aha hahahaa

that shot of the bike infront of the wine glasses!!!

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_t28o-vRErpM/TEdRT9eA0uI/AAAAAAAAHHY/2mS6r9Tr1ZE/s1600/Picture+1.png

http://i30.tinypic.com/aahh7t.jpg

http://i28.tinypic.com/24fheo0.jpg

straight guys only no gay stuff

Fourth Bruce: No. Right, I just want to remind you of the faculty rules: Rule One!

Everybruce: No Poofters!

Fourth Bruce: Rule Two, no member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abos in any way at all -- if there's anybody watching. Rule Three?

Everybruce: No Poofters!!

Fourth Bruce: Rule Four, now this term, I don't want to catch anybody not drinking. Rule Five ...

Everybruce: No Poofters!

Fourth Bruce: Rule Six, there is NO ... Rule Six. Rule Seven...

Everybruce: No Poofters!!

Fourth Bruce: Right, that concludes the readin' of the rules, Bruce.

bedazzler

http://i.imgur.com/f84tw.jpg

"PS: and I've gotten with hot chicks as recently as just now"

http://i.imgur.com/sIxbC.png