Amusing medical euphemisms

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Wow, would you look at my trainwreck of a Denglish sentence above! I meant to write "she said 'wildwachsendes Fleisch".

"There were complications during the procedure" = "we fucked up the surgery".

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 7 May 2004 13:25 (twenty years ago) link

btw the phrase I posted I got from last night's NOVA documentary on Army doctors in Iraq. It was uttered by a US Army doc whose patient, a young Iraqi girl with serious burns who was being prepped for a flight to Michigan for treatment, had just died. It was fucking heartbreaking to watch.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 7 May 2004 13:27 (twenty years ago) link

Dude, I'm the one with the tumor and this is my thread and I demand lightheartedness.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 7 May 2004 13:31 (twenty years ago) link

sorry to be a killjoy

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 7 May 2004 13:32 (twenty years ago) link

"sorry to be a killjoy" = "the test is positive"

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 7 May 2004 13:33 (twenty years ago) link

okay now that's just a bad joke, I apologize.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 7 May 2004 13:33 (twenty years ago) link

"retained tissue" = necrotic shit left inside you

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 7 May 2004 13:34 (twenty years ago) link

No, stencil, that was funny!

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 7 May 2004 13:37 (twenty years ago) link

funny, but in very poor taste.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 7 May 2004 13:38 (twenty years ago) link

"results equivocal" = "we fucked up the test, can you come in and take another one?"

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 7 May 2004 13:41 (twenty years ago) link

"funny, but in very poor taste" also describes any joke my neurosurgeon brother has told about his job.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 7 May 2004 13:42 (twenty years ago) link

Wow, you all are getting fairly hardcore here. I only was going to mention "anal leakage."

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 7 May 2004 14:25 (twenty years ago) link

But in what sense is that a euphemism? I mean, is that a pretty way to say it? Is there any other way to say it?

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 7 May 2004 15:36 (twenty years ago) link

diarrhea?

― sgs (sgs), Friday, 7 May 2004 15:38 (twenty years ago) link

But that sounds pretty, like a girl's name.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Friday, 7 May 2004 15:53 (twenty years ago) link

Exactly, and I think "anal leakage" is a more insidious and less sudden phenomenon, if you dig my meaning.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 7 May 2004 15:58 (twenty years ago) link

'code brown' - for when a patient craps his pants.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 7 May 2004 18:22 (twenty years ago) link

haha my former roommates used to yell that in the mornings when they needed coffee stat

― sgs (sgs), Friday, 7 May 2004 19:43 (twenty years ago) link

yeah, "code brown" is the term for "in dire need of coffee" in my experience as well

― martin m. (mushrush), Friday, 7 May 2004 20:19 (twenty years ago) link

Don't drink the coffee at Milo's house.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 7 May 2004 20:21 (twenty years ago) link

Yeah, "code brown" would just put me in mind of a mug of shit.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 7 May 2004 20:22 (twenty years ago) link

Which, around here, is pretty apt.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 7 May 2004 20:22 (twenty years ago) link

"this is going to feel kind of like a mosquito bite" = "this is going to feel like i'm grabbing your flesh with a pair of pliers and twisting"

More like a horsefly bite.

― Stuart (Stuart), Friday, 7 May 2004 20:35 (twenty years ago) link

otm

"you'll feel a pinch" = "it'll hurt like hell, but just for a second."

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 7 May 2004 20:40 (twenty years ago) link

"banana" = patient with jaundice

"pfd" = pissed, fell down

"flk" = funny looking kid

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Friday, 7 May 2004 20:43 (twenty years ago) link

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