Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

it's gnome laughing matter

britain has been broeken into thousands of separate pixies

Thousands of them, goblin up taxpayers' money.

They'll be banning dwarf hurling next.

dwarves are fairy game

Coming over here, stealing all our little pointy hats with bells on the end.

i mean, all we're asking is a chance to work all day and get no play

amisprite

You know elf'n'safety has gone too far when they break in to your shoe shop each night and sew steel toe-caps into all the trainers.

they've condemned a whole row of toadstools down our way, some blokes from the council

do not feed the troll, he's not even here legally

hanging round under a bridge, probably a dealer i shouldn't wonder

why I hate the ILX, as distilled into elven posts

xpost

leprechaun-y jokes

taking this to IMP board

oh well played

now hobbit

course if you want to discuss brownies then maybe ILTMI would be more appropriate

suggest banshee

oh pwcad

'My mother took me out of Roedean because she'd spent the school fees on plastic surgery' Rachel's mother Nileen has spent £200,000 on 53 cosmetic procedures

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1262397/Mother-took-daughter-Roedean-shed-spent-fees-plastic-surgery.html

She looks great, to be fair.

which one?

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3653/3299212247_f804a120a8.jpg

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3344/3410393715_3e05de31b3.jpg

the Nefertiti thing is pretty cool I reckon. The school fees would just've been wasted on Rachel

what does lasanna diarra have to do with this?

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00593/SNN2315C_380_593501a.jpg

I for one applaud Nileen's quest to emulate Nefertiti's timeless beauty. God bless you Queen Nileen/Nefertiti! Perhaps her dull daughter should show more support for her mothers love of Egyptian spirituality... God bless you Queen Nileen!

- Akhnaten, Carnac, 31/3/2010 9:24
Click to rate Rating -653

^ this is the worst rated comment :(

Well I gave it a thumbs-up, but it's down to -675 now.

http://img694.imageshack.us/img694/139/article1265737091f02f00.jpg

Erm how fake?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1265734/Pictured-Arctic-Survey-team-escape-disaster-ice-cracks-tent.html

This is how the opening of the film "The Day After Tomorrow" started, kinda scary aint it !!!!!! We have had earthquakes, volcanic eruptions and an unusually long winter, this could even be the start of the mayans so called 2012 disaster to befall the planet.

But I think its just the natural turn of events our planet is going through and its nothing to do with so called global warming .

- Tony, Essex UK, 14/4/2010 08:27

loenly essex guy, just thinkin baout things

Still, it's nice that Cath ZJones is comfortable with nudity at 40. If only there was a pic to show.

Oh wait...

which parts of her are 40?

Lady...

which parts of her are 40?

All the parts that were airbrushed out?

This is very very funny. Especially the second photograph.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1269733/Watching-Widow-makes-life-size-cut-dead-husband--takes-funeral.html

good lord.

http://www.salisburyjournal.co.uk/news/8116189.Dog_injures_nose/ - looks like the Guardian's Daily Mail Comments Box Zing Crew have been on holiday in Salisbury.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1269733/Watching-Widow-makes-life-size-cut-dead-husband--takes-funeral.html

Why I love the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

Oh, and the Mail on Sunday is paying an old lad a lot of money to say she's voting Conservative now, ta.

Game is over?

http://altreport.hipsterrunoff.com/2010/05/skinny-jeans-save-a-bro-from-being-found-guilty-4-rape.html

Why I hate Hipster Runoff, as ...

Does John Travolta believe his baby is the reincarnation of his dead son?

By Richard Price Last updated at 12:31 AM on 22nd May 2010

* Comments (30)
* Add to My Stories

Sunrise in the humidity of deepest Florida, a hazy mist cloaking the ground as the coolness of the night turns to cloying heat, and a lone individual trudges along an airport runway in a pristine tracksuit.

He won't be breaking any land speed records - in fact this version of running barely qualifies as a brisk trot - but at 56 John Travolta is no spring chicken.

Consider, however, that his only exercise until recently was lifting double cheeseburgers to his mouth, or driving a golf cart aimlessly around the private runway which services his Jumbolair estate, and this represents significant progress.

FUCK YOU DAILY MAIL

for a second there I thought that was the name of a new Tumblr

wut

Spooked phone bosses have suspended the mobile phone number 0888 888 888 - after every single person assigned to it died in the last 10 years.

The first owner, Vladimir Grashnov - the former CEO of Bulgarian mobile phone company Mobitel, which issued the number - died of cancer in 2001 aged just 48.

Despite a spotless business record there were persistent rumours that his cancer had been caused by a business rival using radioactive poisoning.

Sure this is an old story/schoolyard/facebook rumour. That the Daily Mail is reporting it at all, but also that they are reporting it as news, now, makes me want to run around the office, arms swinging like an ape, making baboon noises, regardless of the reputation it may earn me.

makes yer fink, though, dunnit?

So it's official, the Daily Mail is now as accurate as The Onion.