Dear Abbott

I was trying to find a still from the "Booty Juice" video from Fear of a Black Hat, but alas that GIS turned up much less humorous results.

Abbs -

Whyfor do you say boxers are kind of dipshits? They are pretty smart, imo. I've known many, and a couple of 'em were even guide-dogs. Granted, they have somewhat goofy personalities, and are certainly capable of over-enthusiasm.

PS - Allegations of dipshittery notwithstanding, I am very happy to hear that you have rescued boxdogs from neglectful conditions.

Dear Oilyrags,

They can be smart, certainly, but seemingly impossible to train, and they have way too much enthusiasm and energy for yours truly. In general I don't care for their personalities, which seem sub-Marmaduke at best. I do like this picture, though:

http://www.pyzam.com/img/funnypics/animals/boxer-lol.jpg

I wish people didn't cut their ears or tails. I do have to admit the tailless wigglebut is funny. It's just an asshole move, to cut ears and tails off.

dear abbott,
i need to make some quick, quick cash. my shittybumcrappola jobs aren't really bringing home the cash i require. any ideas? something relatively legal and not involving sex or sex-related acts would be good.

xRR

Dear Rubredd,

Sucks hard, sorry. They probably won't let you work extra hours, will they? Aside from selling mad amounts of CDs/movies (depressing), I've always been terrible at making quick cash. I started a thread on this once and it's got crap advice, but it's all I got. (How can I get http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=40&threadid=4692760 dollars in one day? As in today.) All best.

Whoa, that turned out weird.

Brandy the tungdog RIP.

;_;

She got a tanline ON HER TONGUE in the summer! wau.

thanks abbott. if i was less inhibited i would probably maybe but not likely take up some of those suggestions on that thread.

no dice for extra hours: not available, plus i've got two summer classes to keep up with, and i'm already working more than 40hrs p/wk.

Dear abbott,

have you gotten another pup since your jackass neighbors lost your last one? Plz post pics if so.

If not, plz post mor pics of basset-pit slobber machine.

Dear kingfish,

It's just the good old Snitter it stands. I'm always happy to show off pics of da happy widdle guy:

Trying to catch a bee:

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f86/igotabeefpastry/dimefly.jpg

Crouching when he pees:

http://s45.photobucket.com/albums/f86/igotabeefpastry/?action=view¤t=peeing.jpg

Ahem:

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f86/igotabeefpastry/peeing.jpg

Reposing:

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f86/igotabeefpastry/yardsnit.jpg

Getting cuddles on spaces he can't really fit in:

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f86/igotabeefpastry/lapsnit.jpg

Oops...middle pic not meant to be so grande loco.

Dear Abbott,

I didn't want to start a thread on this so I am asking you, plus I think you might know, is it OK to eat caulflower if it's a couple of weeks old and has some black stuff on it?

Kip

Dear Kip,

I strongly suspect it is far from safe, and if you want cauliflower that badly, a new one would cost $2. That investment is worth a lot more than potential food sickness or other health disasters.

Yrs,
Abbott

Dear Abbott,

Is that really you up there with Joseph Smith?

Dear sir,

Yes it is.

Abbott

new holy trinity: abbott, joseph smith, ray smuckles

Dear Abbott,

Was that Joe Smith photo taken the third or fourth time Jesus smoked peyote?

I already ate it FUCK

Dear Hoos,

It was actually an unfortunate night where we had nothing but MD 20/20 and valium. So he was all, "Hey let's totally prank this New York 14-year-old farmer," as you can plainly see.

Hey wanko I've eaten some with little black spots on before and lived.

Dear Abbot,

can you send me some valium?

Yeah it was in a bag with broccoli and carrots both of which looked fine. Cauliflower is fickle.

Who's on first?

Dear M.V.,

Prof E. Reed Gilbert, the mime with dentures

Dear Abbie

What is your opinion of this video a friend of mine got off Egyptian tv?

Dear fellow person of the cloth,

How great are Dude N' Nem?

Dear Heave Ho,

I definitely think modern music performances need more epileptic angles and domesticated ducks. Could only be improved by her having an equally saucy and weird curly red-haired counterpart alá tATu.

Dear Revrand,

They are totally great and I can't stop looking at their feet. Plus, none of my coworkers have spoiled them for me bu having a song of theirs as a ringtone that I hear every 15 seconds.

Daer Abbott,

I am submitting this story to the Southwest Review. Based on sheer numbers and having nothing to do with story quality, I'm expecting my VERY FIRST REJECTION LETTER in about a month. Should I frame the rejection letter y/n

hollatchaboy

p.s. "rejection slip" probably more accurate than "letter"

Dears HOOS,

Hell yes you should frame it, maybe with some of those stickers you get on scrapbook stores.

Dear Abbottbot,

Would you consider replacing your carrot juice with barbecue sauce?

Dear Abbott,

I like your dog.

Dear The Revvvvrooooommm,

I think Barbecue sauce is not very hydrating and perhaps too viscous for a refreshing wake-up bev. Maybe cayrot juice + some fancy triple sec w/lit Q sauce on top? JJ & FB, call me abt this.

Yrs,

Abbottron 4k

***

Dear Ling B.,

I like my dog too and I wish everyone in the world could meet him.

abbot:

is your real name abig4il? (googleproofed because why not). if so, this is what my parents would have named me were i female.

max

Dear realer max,

Yes it is but w/two b's: Abbig4i1. My parents were thinking of naming me Arin, which is my sister-in law's name. She has the same birthday as me. John says if that was my name he wouldn't have dated me bcz it wld be "too creepy."

Max is a v. nice name, is it short for something?

It is short for OfficeMax, I think.

Dear Abbott -

Thank you for reviving the 'begging' and 'broke' threads, because I think I may need them when and if ILX revives. I did some silly spending. How do I stop silly spending when I'm not earnest earning?

hi abbott,

"max" is short for "malcolm." weird, huh? my parents did a lot of drugs.

--max

http://indianbob.net/gnu/data/file/webzine_special/2084120183_924c9dae_jackalope.jpg

Deer rabbit.

http://images.scotsman.com/2006/01/26/strange-creatures-jackalope.jpg

Dear Abbott,

What should I do tomorrow? Everyone else will be out of town and ILX will be down!

<3
Maria

Buying stuff that "fell of the back of a truck" y or n?

Dear Abbott, how do I get rid of the half inch of mud that's taken over my floor??

Dear Abbott,

If you'd marry Tombot, could you take the joint name ATOMBOT?

Or TOMABOT?

If you married him, you could be Tuombot.