shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

pooping before bathing in your tub of buffalo wings

but what about:

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

xpost HA!

Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

"""""""""fun points"""""""""

this guy needs to advertise his services, like:

john devore, a local "dude," will talk to you about what is manly and how it is different from what you might think.

first of all, i want to know why this is on cnn.com? what is the market for this? do people read articles on cnn.com aside from actual news?

secondly, how is it that articles like this get pitched/accepted/assigned like... 5 years after a meme like "man food" became a "thing". if you had shown the text of this to me undated i would've been all "no way this was written after 2005, not a chance"

had no idea that calories were fun points. i mean, i like fun!

http://www.esquire.com/blogs/lists/reasons-why-chocolate-drink-yoohoo-rocks-blog

Maybe once age and decrepitude have strip-mined by palette, I'll think about swilling a Yoo-Hoo. The risk-taking of a convalescent. But even then, I doubt I'll wrap my wrinkled lips around a Yoo-Hoo jar.

Read more: http://www.esquire.com/blogs/lists/reasons-why-chocolate-drink-yoohoo-rocks-blog#ixzz0j2EUvn70

someone get howie long to comment on this

uuuuuuuuuuughh did he really say "whoopee time" -- was this even edited? C'MON MAN

okay, so maybe it's satire!

maybe?

no

http://www.johndevore.com/

i mean look at the guy

he says he's a satirist so it must be satire

take him down on twitter j0rdan s. like you took down JOSE CANSECO

i have to know if he has kids

is it possible that he trojan horsed cnn?

He's Facebook friends with ghost rider.

someone get howie long to comment on this

lol.

how's your little mansalad there, john.

Editor's note: John DeVore is a former editor at Maxim magazine and maxim.com and former host of "The DeVore and Diana Show" on Sirius XM radio. He currently offers man-centric perspectives as a columnist at Guyspeak.com and TheFrisky.com. He's a lifelong food freak and yo-yo dieter and speaks fluent "dude."

hmmmm

omg fuck this guy

shit that looks like an onion website but isn't

http://www.guyspeak.com/

If a guy confines a girl to the friend zone, does that always mean he finds her unattractive?
Panama Jackson answered this question on March 23, 2010 12:00 PM

Not at all. You can be the most attractive woman on Earth and be relegated to the friend zone. You see, you might ALSO be batsh*t crazy. There's no easier way to end up in the friend zone then pure insanity.

You see, ugly women end up in the friend zone by default. They don't get put there. They just live there because most men will not attempt to romance or win the love of a busted broad.

And even still, attractive women pretty much have to go way far out there to end up in the friend zone. Men will put up with a lot from attractive women. We'll deal with her strange comments and terrible taste in music. We'll build really big wooden horses and storm beaches until one of our homeboy's gets shot in his why-are-you-famous achilles heel. But there is always a point where you've gone too far. And it varies by man.

For instance, I couldn't deal with a really hot chick that got violent after being drunk. And I mean violent with pool sticks and throwing kettles into pots to make formal introductions.

So inconclusion, read my lips. If you're in the friend zone, it's probably not just because you are unattractive. You might be hot. It's probably because you are insane.

Thank you and good night.

It was written.

oh dear God

lol oh boy

http://www.guyspeak.com/personas/reformed-player/

o_O

Didn't Dave Eggers used to freelance/edit Maxim or some lad mag?

Esquire

Eggers worked briefly at Esquire, which is a men's magazine but a touch classier than Maxim.

That seems a bit like saying Playboy is a touch classier than Juggs.

esquire occasionally has some good stuff

Esquire used to (and maybe still does) run fiction and long form essays--don't think Maxim ever has. Esquire has gotten a lot trashier in the past few years, but still.

maxim = #1 source for biting satire

http://shirleytemplebar.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/maxim-laceychabert2.jpg

This guy's shit reads so much like he's trying to overcompensate for complete lack of balls imo.

IM A MAN WOMEN ARE CRAZY SLUTS PS I EAT SALAD

I mean wtf.

For those of you who aren't familiar with this gender normative term

glad this guy went to college!

lollll

Police: Shirtless man with sword 'hunting werewolves'

Should we tell Mr. Smedley?

Schizophrenic, Psychotic or Meth?

Why not a trifecta, really.

now why would you make fun of someone who's trying to protect us all?

I'm philolycanthropic that way.

The man disarmed himself without incident

Given the circumstances, a certain Monty Python sketch comes to mind.

hey look esquire still publishes fiction. and look who it is. Mr. Columbia MFA program

http://www.esquire.com/fiction/james-franco-fiction-0410

I liked her too, but I question her taste in men, since she's married to Tony Dokoupil now.

Had himself re-circumcized

I interpret this as someone who was circumcised as an infant, did one of the masking tape 'uncircumcision' procedures, and then went ahead and did the cut again when he converted... is this accurate?

From what I heard he just brought someone in to give him a small cut the second time.

one of the masking tape 'uncircumcision' procedures

"one of"

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/feb/03/trump-administration-coalie-mascot-fossil-fuels

Oasis v Blur rivalry revived in new play
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c1d6pkdk1xzo?utm_source=firefox-newtab-en-us

Katie Perry wins High Court trademark case against Katy Perry

Only 9 People in the World Will Own This iPhone 17 Pro With A Piece of Steve Jobs’ Turtleneck On the Back

https://www.yankodesign.com/2026/03/26/only-9-people-in-the-world-will-own-this-iphone-17-pro-with-a-piece-of-steve-jobs-turtleneck-on-the-back/

Laufey Unveils “Madwoman” Video, Erewhon Smoothie, Fortnite Skin, Electric Lexus Honoring Miles Davis For Amazon

https://stereogum.com/2495608/laufey-unveils-madwoman-video-erewhon-smoothie-electric-lexus-honoring-miles-davis-for-amazon/news

wrong thread

https://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?showall=true&bookmarkedmessageid=3619191&boardid=77&threadid=92873

Not sure what that is? A 77 board link?

we should start a new thread for word salad gossip urls because laufey-unveils-madwoman-video-erewhon-smoothie-electric-lexus-honoring-miles-davis-for-amazon might represent a high water mark

https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/4/22/us-suspect-accused-of-stealing-kristi-noems-purse-sentenced-to-three-years

Films more likely to star an actor called Chris or a talking animal than a woman over 60, study finds

The White House has begun construction on a UFC fighting cage on its South Lawn ahead of next month's event to celebrate 250 years of American independence.