shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

i like to read this thread title like:

shit! that looks like an onion article but isn't

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/03/22/real.men.eat.salad/index.html?hpt=Mid

(CNN) -- Real men eat salads. I know this because I am a dude. Right now, in my fridge, I have five bottles of hot sauce, a jar of Cheez Whiz and half a pack of hot dogs. But recently I went to lunch with a couple of buds, and I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.

It was a basic frissée salad with bacon, shallots and a poached egg, tossed in a light vinaigrette. Frissée is a curly, toothsome leaf, bitter enough to balance bacon and egg but still possessed of a pleasant spring.

My friends laughed at me. They pointed. One ordered a burger, the other fried calamari. I was chastised for not eating "man food."

For those of you who aren't familiar with this gender normative term, "man food" is food that you'd imagine a lumberjack or a cowboy or a Viking would eat. Towers of butter-soaked pancakes. Pots of napalm-hot chili. Meat on a bone.

Thoroughly unsubtle, "man food" is rustic fare meant to satisfy a hearty appetite. Quantity is prized over quality. Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

But sometimes a dude needs a change. Specifically, a salad. A fresh, crisp, crunchy salad. Salads offer breathers between manly meals. Spinach, cucumber, tomato, red onions, mushrooms, chickpeas, oil and vinegar -- that is my usual jam.

I don't need any fancy, goopy dressings compromising my vegetables. (What does a ranch actually taste like, anyway?) Sometimes, I might throw some almonds or walnuts up in there. I've been known to be down with blueberries and mandarin oranges. I like bacon or grilled chicken on occasion. I am not a fan of unnecessary carbs like croutons. And then there are those moments I go crazy and get a frissée freakin' salad.

I didn't evolve without help. There was a time where, if I cut myself shaving, I'd bleed sausage gravy. My heart squeezed more than it pumped. And I also grew what I call "fat wings."

Luckily, the woman I was dating at that time didn't like any of those things. Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright, but I eventually learned that being attractive for your significant other is also pretty manly.

My girlfriend was a smart woman and didn't bring up my devolving into a human biscuit. What she did was announce that we were going to save money so that Saturday nights, we could go to the local barbecue joint and destroy some cow with our faces.

Obviously, my first thought was, "Aww, she wants me to help her lose weight." So I humored her. She came home from the supermarket with a stack of plastic disposable containers. In each, she put one potential salad ingredient. Not only the ones that would become my favorite but kidney beans, green peppers, corn and pepperoni slices.

She created a mini-salad bar in our fridge. It was easy, and I was told I could eat as much as I wanted. This became my lunch and occasional dinner.

You know what? We saved money. I lost weight. Gained energy. And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

I kept this up this salad-centric diet for months. My friends would come over to watch a fight or brawl on the PlayStation, and I'd meet them at the door with a salad in my hand.

The landlord would need my help with some drywall; I'd put my salad down.

At work, I'd articulate corporate strategy during lunch meetings spearing cucumbers in my lucky bowl of awesome salad. I made eating salad sexy. I made it macho, macho.

Is it rabbit food? Friend, if it's rabbit food, then that rabbit is the size of a ferocious bear.

My friends poked fun at me as I munched on my fancy salad. It was tasty. I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.

We were out celebrating one guy's birthday. The other guy, an old friend from college, was "in-between gigs." It had been another tough year. "Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.

Are salads manly? What is the manliest salad? Are you the sort of guy who wouldn't touch a salad if a gun was put to his head? Tell us in the comments whether you think salads can count as "man food."

where to start

I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.

YUM YUM

Is that an Anderson Cooper piece?

Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright

Who does this?

why doesnt he just call it a salad lyonnaise

good salad btw--i saw jacques pepin make one once on PBS, he poached the egg in like 2 inches of olive oil

where to start

― call all destroyer, Tuesday, March 23, 2010 4:38 PM

I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.

"Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.

pooping before bathing in your tub of buffalo wings

but what about:

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

xpost HA!

Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

"""""""""fun points"""""""""

this guy needs to advertise his services, like:

john devore, a local "dude," will talk to you about what is manly and how it is different from what you might think.

first of all, i want to know why this is on cnn.com? what is the market for this? do people read articles on cnn.com aside from actual news?

secondly, how is it that articles like this get pitched/accepted/assigned like... 5 years after a meme like "man food" became a "thing". if you had shown the text of this to me undated i would've been all "no way this was written after 2005, not a chance"

had no idea that calories were fun points. i mean, i like fun!

http://www.esquire.com/blogs/lists/reasons-why-chocolate-drink-yoohoo-rocks-blog

Maybe once age and decrepitude have strip-mined by palette, I'll think about swilling a Yoo-Hoo. The risk-taking of a convalescent. But even then, I doubt I'll wrap my wrinkled lips around a Yoo-Hoo jar.

Read more: http://www.esquire.com/blogs/lists/reasons-why-chocolate-drink-yoohoo-rocks-blog#ixzz0j2EUvn70

someone get howie long to comment on this

uuuuuuuuuuughh did he really say "whoopee time" -- was this even edited? C'MON MAN

okay, so maybe it's satire!

maybe?

no

http://www.johndevore.com/

i mean look at the guy

he says he's a satirist so it must be satire

take him down on twitter j0rdan s. like you took down JOSE CANSECO

i have to know if he has kids

is it possible that he trojan horsed cnn?

He's Facebook friends with ghost rider.

someone get howie long to comment on this

lol.

how's your little mansalad there, john.

Editor's note: John DeVore is a former editor at Maxim magazine and maxim.com and former host of "The DeVore and Diana Show" on Sirius XM radio. He currently offers man-centric perspectives as a columnist at Guyspeak.com and TheFrisky.com. He's a lifelong food freak and yo-yo dieter and speaks fluent "dude."

hmmmm

omg fuck this guy

shit that looks like an onion website but isn't

http://www.guyspeak.com/

If a guy confines a girl to the friend zone, does that always mean he finds her unattractive?
Panama Jackson answered this question on March 23, 2010 12:00 PM

Not at all. You can be the most attractive woman on Earth and be relegated to the friend zone. You see, you might ALSO be batsh*t crazy. There's no easier way to end up in the friend zone then pure insanity.

You see, ugly women end up in the friend zone by default. They don't get put there. They just live there because most men will not attempt to romance or win the love of a busted broad.

And even still, attractive women pretty much have to go way far out there to end up in the friend zone. Men will put up with a lot from attractive women. We'll deal with her strange comments and terrible taste in music. We'll build really big wooden horses and storm beaches until one of our homeboy's gets shot in his why-are-you-famous achilles heel. But there is always a point where you've gone too far. And it varies by man.

For instance, I couldn't deal with a really hot chick that got violent after being drunk. And I mean violent with pool sticks and throwing kettles into pots to make formal introductions.

So inconclusion, read my lips. If you're in the friend zone, it's probably not just because you are unattractive. You might be hot. It's probably because you are insane.

Thank you and good night.

It was written.

oh dear God

lol oh boy

http://www.guyspeak.com/personas/reformed-player/

o_O

Didn't Dave Eggers used to freelance/edit Maxim or some lad mag?

Esquire

Eggers worked briefly at Esquire, which is a men's magazine but a touch classier than Maxim.

That seems a bit like saying Playboy is a touch classier than Juggs.

esquire occasionally has some good stuff

Esquire used to (and maybe still does) run fiction and long form essays--don't think Maxim ever has. Esquire has gotten a lot trashier in the past few years, but still.

maxim = #1 source for biting satire

http://shirleytemplebar.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/maxim-laceychabert2.jpg

This guy's shit reads so much like he's trying to overcompensate for complete lack of balls imo.

IM A MAN WOMEN ARE CRAZY SLUTS PS I EAT SALAD

I mean wtf.

No-Show Jones’ successor

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/jan/18/embarrassment-fifa-donald-trump-peace-prize

From the (Chicago Tribune) Editorial Board: You don’t need to share the Vances’ political views to be happy for them.

I think we're approaching the singularity.

‘CBS Evening News’: Tony Dokoupil Under Fire for Interviewing His Own Mom

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/tv/articles/cbs-evening-news-tony-dokoupil-140533095.html

he probably asked the editors who they had had in mind to interview for the story and they replied "your mom"

it takes some time to get used to having all the leadership replaced by shitposters

From the (Chicago Tribune) Editorial Board: You don’t need to share the Vances’ political views to be happy for them.

Even if you share their political views you cannot be happy for them, it is physically impossible for any other human being to think of JD Vance with joy in their heart.

I looked at Tony Dokopil's wikipedia page and that guy is a weirdo. Had himself re-circumcized after converting to Judaism when he married Katie Tur, an MSNBC reporter who used to date Keith Olbermann, and had a falling out with one of her parents when they transitioned to female.

omg zoey tur, the one who grabbed ben shapiro by the scruff of his neck and told him he'd be going home in an ambulance if he misgendered her again

Olbermann has dated several women involved in politics and journalism, including Katy Tur, Laura Ingraham, Kyrsten Sinema and Olivia Nuzzi.

I always liked Katy Tur but this is some dubious company to be in to say the least, might need to reevaluate

otoh It could be an interesting Kill Bill re-make.

I liked her too, but I question her taste in men, since she's married to Tony Dokoupil now.

Had himself re-circumcized

I interpret this as someone who was circumcised as an infant, did one of the masking tape 'uncircumcision' procedures, and then went ahead and did the cut again when he converted... is this accurate?

From what I heard he just brought someone in to give him a small cut the second time.

one of the masking tape 'uncircumcision' procedures

"one of"

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/feb/03/trump-administration-coalie-mascot-fossil-fuels

Oasis v Blur rivalry revived in new play
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c1d6pkdk1xzo?utm_source=firefox-newtab-en-us

Katie Perry wins High Court trademark case against Katy Perry

Only 9 People in the World Will Own This iPhone 17 Pro With A Piece of Steve Jobs’ Turtleneck On the Back

https://www.yankodesign.com/2026/03/26/only-9-people-in-the-world-will-own-this-iphone-17-pro-with-a-piece-of-steve-jobs-turtleneck-on-the-back/

Laufey Unveils “Madwoman” Video, Erewhon Smoothie, Fortnite Skin, Electric Lexus Honoring Miles Davis For Amazon

https://stereogum.com/2495608/laufey-unveils-madwoman-video-erewhon-smoothie-electric-lexus-honoring-miles-davis-for-amazon/news

wrong thread

https://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?showall=true&bookmarkedmessageid=3619191&boardid=77&threadid=92873

Not sure what that is? A 77 board link?

we should start a new thread for word salad gossip urls because laufey-unveils-madwoman-video-erewhon-smoothie-electric-lexus-honoring-miles-davis-for-amazon might represent a high water mark

https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/4/22/us-suspect-accused-of-stealing-kristi-noems-purse-sentenced-to-three-years

Films more likely to star an actor called Chris or a talking animal than a woman over 60, study finds

The White House has begun construction on a UFC fighting cage on its South Lawn ahead of next month's event to celebrate 250 years of American independence.