Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

bill i am not going to continue to discuss my dating decisions with you if you continue to be so snarky, and also because i don't think i've since i've known you you've been in any kind of happy relationship.

sorry that was incomprehensible but you get it!

I think I'm just generally freaked by the whole online dating thing and should first try just smiling at more people while out in the world and at events etc.

chill dude

a) we all agree that you are awesome

b) also we want chili

i will make some chili.
but no vegetarians allowed, fuck being accommodating to disgusting savages imo. ;) ;) ;)

sorry pal, i wasn't trying to be snarky.

i've never been in any kind of happy "relationship." i'm not really that kind of guy. the same person in one's life day after day... hmmmmm. not really necessary, is it?

I'm 38 and a lot of my visitors have been in their 50s :/ *shudder* one lives in my *suburb* too and I'm terrified he'll recognise me in the street uuuughhh .

i feel like i know a lot more single (straight) women than (straight) men -- could be an east coast usa thing?

wait trayce aren't u involved with robots

Yeah I am - as I said upthread I'm only on OKC for the quizzes - have had an account on it since like 2004, I didnt even know it was a daeting site when I joined and then I forgot all about it for like 2 years.

Also my profile makes it v clear I'm taken, not looking, not interested; doesnt stop ppl :/

^^^hey baby

Take her, dude

apparently I never told ian that I have "To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance" tattooed on my ass.

somehow this thread got me 2 messages from cute ladies. :) they have kids :/

... burn

pretty sure i just found a friend of my old roomate's on here. we're 92% matched. o_o

girl i had a bad date with just sent me an im on this thing?!?!? you can im on this thing???

You have all the luck ian, whatever you're doing keep it up.

yah same guy tried to im me everytime i fell asleep listening to music with this logged in

found the iming thing pretty annoying myself - i got more ims than messages, they'd generally just say "hi," then i'd have to go find the person's profile to see if i wanted to bother starting a conversation and whether we might have something to talk about. if i didn't respond people would just continue writing "hi" and "you there?" basically, it was people's way of starting boring small talky conversations, but i think messaging where you have to think of something, anything to say makes a way better first impression.

I think I'm just generally freaked by the whole online dating thing and should first try just smiling at more people while out in the world and at events etc.

― mind crystals over matter (rrrobyn), Friday, 26 February 2010 05:40 (7 hours ago)

i decided this and met someone at a BAR. this is still hilarious to me because it is v. out of character but whatever not complaining! the thing is it's way more dependent on luck, and i think online dating is more dependent on just putting in the time.

I think the "hi" people are spambots

I just made an account for some damn reason. I don't have money for rent or groceries, let alone dating, but damn it I'm lonely and desperate.

I seriously until now thought people on ILX were using OKC as an abbreviation for Oklahomah City.

Honestly, the people near me aren't anybody I would want to pursue like many people said up thread,

why, did any straight females from your area post upthread?

egh, i'm about ready to give up on this thing

me too.

to the monastery!

I have a reply! I have the fear about even reading it. A wee drink first...

the trick is to give up for a few months then log back in. that will usually pick you up a new batch of msgs and give you a minor ego boost. then when ultimately none of them meet your impossibly high standards you repeat the process.

We are a cheery, hope-filled bunch, aren't we.

w/e dudes i have date 6 tomorrow

a friend of mine went on yet another okcupid date tonight and txted after to say she's deleting her account! whoas

i genuinely smiled at people and said hi to people i knew/recognized tonight and what it resulted in, pretty much, is a renewed surprise at how caught up in their own shit most people are. my heart hurts for the world.

but tomorrow is another day.

The reply I got back, for all my fear, was pretty nice. Going to message her again today.

The Blake one didn't work though; a bit intense maybe.

a friend of mine went on yet another okcupid date tonight and txted after to say she's deleting her account! whoas

In a good way or a bad way? I can't tell, although 1 date seems a bit precipitous to be deleting anything.

haha in a bad way, as in, 'i can't go on any more of these bads dates and need to not do this right now.'

Awww.

a renewed surprise at how caught up in their own shit most people are. my heart hurts for the world.

Did people not respond to rrrrrrobyn smiles? Clearly "their own shit" = they are blind.

(surprisingly now-hipsterish) noise/rock music scene of perpetual insulation. which i have never desired to be a part of (not a joiner, lol. also i refuse to dress like it's 1983). i mean, great bands, some of my faves in mtl, seriously awesome music, but there's a scene built up around them that can work to shut others out. which is o_O to me b/c one would think that weird music would help connect the small number of people who like weird music, but, and i should know this from so many years of experience going to shows, it too often seems to just connect the small number of people who like to go hang out in pre-determined clusters, get wasted and be seen (by whom? it is a mystery to me, but not really; i guess it is about being 'young', hell, we've all done it to some extent). (i guess everything can't be terrastock utopia, haha.)

basically much of my life and work and thought is dedicated to "connection" and community building, so witnessing displays of illogical and/or fear-based insulation is disheartening. like, i've had more engaging social encounters with a shoe salesman at shoe store recently than i have with people i've 'known' for years and who supposedly like the same music/art/etc like i like. makes me feel like something's wrong with me, which i know isn't true (and i have my own amazing friends, of course, but i think of that as ever-expanding!).

maybe this is just end-of-winter saturation-point. i'm just really concerned about the state of the world.

clearly i'm going to continue to love and smile and all that, but man, sometimes...

as a woman who spent many years going to gigs in a relatively small scene, i can relate regarding an "i don't know who you are but if you were worth knowing (i.e. could help me look cooler and get my band gigs) i'd know so i don't need to find out" attitude from people who i suspect then bemoan the lack of interest + possibly esp. female interest in their scene

maybe this is not what you mean and i'm just being bitter on the internet again though

but i cannot really point fingers myself as i keep myself isolated and afraid of reaching out to other people and would probably (mostly accidentally) shut them down if they tried to reach out to me anyway, so

thread makes me glad i am not single / afraid for how things have changed (technology, attention spans = speed of brushoffs, my own aging looks, a world so increasingly bombarded with endless "look! you could have THIS!" barely-possible click-thru delusions that settling for less seems unnecessary) since i last had to put myself out there and hustle for some facade of basic human kindness

yep, that's partly it, being a woman who just rly likes going to hear loudass music with some serious drums, haha
and, yeah, though i do have high standards and am a cynic, sure, i don't shut down people unless they are being particularly creepy/boring - i'm pretty freakin open by nature. the shut-in season may have gotten to me a bit though, need to refocus.

Robyn I so relate to that it's not even funny. After living in Denver for six years, seeing the same people at gigs, bars, what not, and the majority still failing to recognize me or remember my name, I am done with these weirdos. And even more baffling - I go to shows and people seem to just want to talk the entire time, even as much as to drown out the music.

haha yeah, i mean, all these years of going to shows and i'm still baffled by people standing near the stage and talking through full sets. i go for the music, not really to meet people, but at the same time it's like, look, we've all seen each other a million times, gimme a smile back yo, ya weirdos

scenes are insufferable it's kinda part of the deal imo

Exactly. I even hung out with this local dude in CHICAGO when I went to see Belle and Sebastian play there in 2002. We rode around downtown together in the same CAR after the show. Back in Denver, I saw him at this same club night every Friday night from 2003-2004. And now, when I see him, he blanks me and I have to reintroduce myself. DO THESE PEOPLE HAVE MENTAL PROBLEMS? That's only the beginning. There's many, many more. One local guy sings in a band and I met him at a BBQ in 2003. I have probably reintroduced myself to him at least ten times. Everytime he forgets. It's come to a point where I pre-emptively introduce myself to people I've met before because I figure they don't remember me (there's been one instance where said person was offended because he actually remembered me). Either I am extremely unmemorable or these people are just freaks. Or drunk all the time. Could be either.

true. yet so weird. not sure why it's bothering me so much right now, b/c usually it doesn't at all. maybe it's this thread's fault, haha ;)
xpost
haha i was just thinking that last night too! the preemptive re-introduction and wondering if people have that problem wherein they can't remember face. that said, i was surprised abt a couple of people who did come up and say hi. yet miffed by others, eesh, whatevs, maybe i keep too low a profile, haha

When I was young and there were still record shops in town I would go to one of them at least once a week and go through the bin of weird stuff that nobody else bought - shop assistant in that section was usually the same guy, was not super chatty w/him but would say hi and make smalltalk as I bought my records etc

anyway I was always alone when I went there

after a few years of this I came in after not being in for a couple of weeks and the shop dude asked "what happened to that guy who always used to come shopping with you - he liked the weird records, would always buy stuff from that bin there - anyway i've got some stuff he'd be interested in" and had apparently just completely invented a man who'd been doing the serious man business of record shopping while i stood behind him gawping blankly or something

freaks sounds right

that story is kinda n/ lvl