Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

well played

either it can work out in a heartwarming way or you can end up on the floor blinded by your half torn off face getting your balls eaten viciously by a primate

*fingers crossed*

morelike okhominid

no way, ehominid.com tests u on 27 levels of primate compatibility

I think people get cynical about this stuff (and god knows I have in the past) because the instances of heartwarming wourk-outery generally pale in number to the instances of facial/genital mutilation. I understand completely that a body gets a little gunshy after being dismembered time after time after time, but it's worth the continued effort if you eventually find someone to hold with your bloodied stumps and attempt to kiss with the pulped ruin that once was the lower half of your face.

this is all fine and well to joke about but a 40-something y/o woman with bell's palsy sent me a message shortly after i joined and it was really really depressing and sad.

Oh my. I am laughing, which might be wrong, but there you go.

Blake quotes formed the basis of my first message.

Behold this harlot here on Bromion's bed,
And let the jealous dolphins sport around the lovely maid!
Thy soft American plains are mine, and mine thy north and south:
Stamp'd with my signet are the swarthy children of the sun;
They are obedient, they resist not, they obey the scourge;
Their daughters worship terrors and obey the violent.
Now thou may'st marry Bromion's harlot, and protect the child
Of Bromion's rage, that Oothoon shall put forth in nine moons' time.
Want some coffee?

^^^^loooooooool at appropriateness of display-name

Aye, that was about it. Do you reckon it'll work?

<3

girls who use the word 'postermodern' in their profile.
vegans.
why am i so picky??!?!

i don't think not wanting to meet ppl on the basis of either of those is picky

ffs no one is pickier than a vegan

the postmodern vegan

I didn't realize dietary incompatibility was that big an obstacle.

it is when you like to cook a lot

well i love going out to eat at a wide variety of places so thank fuck i don't date a vegan

what is postermodernism

http://ijustreadaboutthat.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/tristramshandy2.jpg

Yeah, it's kind of a pain in the ass dating someone with dramatically different dietary needs/wants, unless one or both of you is willing to change.

my favorite foodz r burgerzzz & chicken wings.zz and pizza. and cheese and pulled pork and brisket and ice cream.

so you're holding out for the owner of a slaughterhouse/creamery.

no, but i'm not gonna go to vegan restaurants all the time or learn to cook vegan chili after spending the past three years getting beef chili down right.

so taking the plunge on okcupid is like adopting a chimpanzee
imo this is the best attitude towards okcupid i have heard!

sorry to hear date didn't work out ian, but hey, that is dating/chimpanzee adoption, i guess...

Seriously, what does one write in an initial message on these things? I'm finding this very hard.

um a one-line witty comment that engages something in their profile? generally my choice, although i'm really not using okc or at least initiating message exchanges much at all atm

I set up an account a couple of days ago, half to try and break myself out of the miserable rut I've been in for the last five years and half so I can goof off answering questions on my ipod during slow periods at work. So far my matches have either been amazing people seemingly selected to throw my own failure as a human being into even starker relief or people with inexplicably high "match" percentages with whom I have nothing in common. OK, well, that's a lie, there have been a couple of crazy-eyes "back slowly away, do not let them smell your fear" types, but those are easily avoided.

Definitely got me out of a funk a few months ago, went on a few nice dates that didn't go anywhere, but now I seem to have had some sort of interaction with everyone in this smallish city who is both interesting to me and on okcupid, so now it's just kind of depressing.

i think i might send this lady i am apparently very compatible with who gave me a high rating a link to the stevie nicks wild heart backstage video because that is important 2 me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DkGa0JNVE0

If I can meet even one date that doesn't go anywhere it will be a huge improvement on my situation as it is. It's been a year since I moved here and I have no friends, shit sucks pretty bad right now.

ian before u do that maybe save it for when you really think she ~might be the one~

every ilx thread should be all wild heart all the time tbh

i am just sayin that when we all have ipads you should embed wild heart in one and then when shes all "omg this is wonderful i love you" you can turn on the hologram feature and show her super detailed close-ups of the ring that you then give her which is a ring made out of vinyl, with laser etchings that play wild heart if you were to play it on a super custom sideways record player (which you bought for yourself anyway)

actually, scratch that, the ring should probably play 'tusk'

face down ass up

i am pretty sure that "even one date that doesn't go anywhere" is achievable. things can only go up from here!

You'd think so, anyway.

if i do do this i am totally lying about my age, haha, but srsly i am

the rest will be absolute truth tho rite

don't lie about your age! why would do you that???

Haha I really wouldn't, if only bc I wld feel like a hypocrite. Truth is kinda key to it all really! Ideally...
Just that all new-ish people I meet are incredulous abt me being 35. I mean we do judge by age. But hell, I AM that age! You don't just do 35 years on the planet and then pretend as if you haven't. Ok I feel better now thx ian :)

ageist

xp

how old are you ian?

I am 38 and most of my 'visitors' are either about 27 or about 48...

rrrobyn, speaking as someone who serially dates older women who are often incredulous abt me being 25, i feel where yer coming from, but... i'm not gonna start saying i'm 30 just to get chix. xp

just make me some beef chili between dates, thx

bill i am not going to continue to discuss my dating decisions with you if you continue to be so snarky, and also because i don't think i've since i've known you you've been in any kind of happy relationship.

sorry that was incomprehensible but you get it!