I'm sad

Max is pretty wise LJ. You should listen to him imo. Why? Because he's right.

dag ilx is so loving <3

i know it's not the end of the world but the course is something i know i can not only do but do well - i've been a mixture of lazy, unmotivated and outright hostile - i don't see why i need to do it to prove myself as a journalist, and i don't really see myself as a conventional journalist, but considering what i'm ostensibly capable of this feels like an enormous, crippling defeat

oh more xposts! and good ones. perspective-tastic ones. Z S it seems that tomorrow having not done the essay work and with no work placement i will have no choice but to quit my pricey MA program after 1 term (of 3). max i will be sure to lol. and tehresa i have felt your pain before and feel it again now - i return all the compliments i've received - i am 100% certain you'll land on your feet too

the plus side of this is that i've reached the point where the only way forward i can see is to form a band - which was the dream all along

xp stuff counts for you too tbh. stuff's never as bad as you think at the time.

may i suggest you start a diary

i did that once, it was horrendous and so self-absorbed

;-)

dude i've heard suzy knows some powerful people so

write a book from the POV of curbs during the top 7 years tbh

the slightly athletic

feel like someone should publish your review of blur's 13 for better or worse

i hear that the title's like half the work so hooray for you there

it's a pity my thread about godspeed you black emperor being paragons of instrumental music was in the sandbox

......yeeeessss, a... pity

that's better!

:-(

u ok?

Eh, yeah. I mean I will be. Just had a really really hard day at work and it's been testing my limits and causing me to do a lot of introspection lately. Just feeling a little down, missing some ppl and sorry for myself tbh. It'll pass but tonight is a little blah.

and my dog is being an asshole

Aw, Erica, do you wanna chats? I'm always up for chatting. Your job is really stressful & it's hard to get involved so emotionally in your kind of work. I know you'll be okay--just get some rest & take care of yerself imo.

this night is wack for me too. i keep trying to record and it's not coming out right, and i feel like my body is failing me. don't u hate that?

i'm sorry you're not happier with your job :( but maybe this introspection will prove worthwhile sooner than u know it

in the meantime this is for serenity, in case u need to look at something pretty

http://www.yuksel.ca/scenery/serene-lake-Louisbourg-NS.jpg

Also remember no matter what, you are the cosmos; you are the wind.

:D I'm OK. I am online if you get bored and want to chatz but I'm alright. Thank you!

Surm that pic is lovely.

holy hell.

maybe more overtired, overworked and frayed around the edges than "sad," but it feels like sadness.

If you are at all sad, it's a heck of a lot harder to keep it at bay when you're tired and frazzled. I hope you've had some rest since you posted, and are feeling better.

i now have at least a brief break in the pressure. no rest, though. i'll work on that tonight.

it's especially hard for me when i feel this way because it causes me to be testy with my wife/daughter (not too bad, mind you), and yet they're the two people i live for.

idk. just tired, i guess.

Make sure they know you're only testy b/c of the tired, and they'll cut you all the slack you need I'm sure. Line up some really solid r'n'r for as soon as possible and, idk what works for you but a hot bath and a lot of deep breathing work magic-like effects for me.

Things haven't been great for some time now, but it's been a particularly awful couple of days. This week is 4 years since my dad killed himself. Today is the anniversary of the day that we found his body. I feel so dreadfully alone and disconnected, even from my friends and family. Almost none of my friends know about what happened, because I'm not particularly close to anyone and so it's not something that I feel all that comfortable with talking about. It's not caused me so much upset the last few years, but what with feeling at a low and fragile myself, it's really been hitting me hard this time.

i'm so sorry to read about your dad.

hey krakow you should probably talk to somebody, like a professional

I know this won't help right this moment and I respect yr boundaries about whether or not to tell people stuff, but when you don't let anyone know that you're sad, or how sad you are, you take from them the opportunity to rise to the occasion. Maybe someone you don't feel that close to now could turn out to surprise you?

Thank you all - I posted here because I've come to know over the years that there are some really great people using these forums, and I felt safe & comfortable doing so and knew that there would be sympathetic eyes reading.

Ed III, I've been doing group therapy for the last year, which hasn't changed my world, but I'm taking it slowly and still have good hopes for, so I do have regular professional contact to try and help on that front.

Laurel, you're very much right - that's something I'm aware of, but it can be hard to take that leap with people. It's something that I'm trying to do. The fact that I'm not close to people is to do with me rather than my friends for the most part, by the way.

Well, you know, sometimes when not confiding in people is what you prefer, you choose your friends along the lines of people who won't miss it that you don't confide in them -- people who might like things a little lighter or with more distance between you than other people might find comforting. So I can understand if it's hard to pick someone from the current crop and imagine changing the nature of the friendship. But maybe a new friend or a new kind of friend could lighten this time for you?

Just the opinion of someone who relies on others very much for all kinds of things.

sending thoughts and <3 your way, krakow

krakow, you seem like a totally cool dude on ilx. best wishes and stay strong.

ah, that's good to hear. sounded like you were getting kind of isolated which is not a good thing when you're getting down.

Aw man. Krakow, I am so sorry. I can't even imagine.

Oh man, krakow, I am really sorry. Count me among sympathetic eyes indeed.

much sympathy and love to you, krakow. and to you too, Daniel.

krakow, I'm sorry to hear about this.

Krakow, I only got to learn about a year or so ago, via a friend's experience

- sorry - via a friend's experience what this might feel like. I have a lot of respect for everyone who lives with that kind of experience every day and has to cope with the unpredictability of the downs. Very best wishes.

I'd just like to thank you all for your very kind words and feelings. I really appreciate it.

The fallout from what happened with my dad is unfortunately just a catalyst for, or is the most easily explained aspect of, my own personal feelings of depression, which have been around for much longer and seem to be making themselves all too prevalent in the last few months. It feels like dark dark times right now and I'm not at all sure of what's going to be the way out.

whatever you do, just keep pushing forward and try to find even the smallest of ways to make progress everyday. writing about how you feel and tracking your progress in a journal or something might help too. and keep posting here. ILX is pretty great. <3 and good vibes

Krakow, hugs, seek help if needs be.

http://i54.tinypic.com/jj1jqu.jpg

I posted to the Holiday Blues thread earlier today so I def know how shitty this can feel esp at this time of year. Hope every feels better soon.

― ★彡☆ ★彡 (ENBB), Monday, December 21, 2009 9:53 PM

huh.

biochemistry can be all over the place this time of year, even before you factor in all the other potential stresses. stay strong, sister :)

gurl

<3

<3

*message of goodwill*