Does the entire Innocent Smoothies aesthetic strike you as deeply fucking irritating?

the innocent smoothies sounds like a terrible 90s swing or lounge act or something. or worse A CAPELLA.

"Lush" the soap shop (as opposed to Miki and Emma) you could not walk past as they would pump out horrible soap fumes to 'entice' you in.

I think they've stopped doing that.

Still, never been in.

They've been doing this on purpose? I've never been able to walk past their sodding shops without bursting into a sneezing fit, but I couldn't really be mad at them because it's not their fault, it's me and my stupidly sensitive allergies. Screw them then.

glacéau is pretty fucking wank-sodden. i think we reached critical mass on twee drinks labels some time ago, which is why i still don't mind innocent but want to gouge out my their eyes when i read that.

also, this:

but please note the word 'might'. after all, it would be preposterous to think that a bottle of glacéau
vitaminwater, however delicious, could actually help you do those things

is just vile.

That one, the 'spark' one, is I THINK meant to be a parody of Lucozade-style "giving you the edge" marketing, but it comes across as totally fucking stupid and condescending, much like the other 4.

Innocent is, well, innocent compared to this pile of shite. Glacéau. HOW DO YOU EVEN FUCKING SAY THAT

GLASS-YOU

IN-THE-FACE

WITH-A-BROKEN-TIN-OF-IRN-BRU

Get with the programme dude, it's called KTTN-BRU now.

I FORGOT TO SAY GLASSAYOW

YOUR DRINKS TASTE OF WATERED-DOWN PIPE CLEANER

YET SOMEHOW I HAVE NOT AIRED THIS GRIEVANCE YET BECAUSE YOUR PACKAGING IS SOMEHOW EVEN MORE HEINOUS

This thread = Glasso astro-turf.

They could become sponsors of next years Glastonbury, and rename it Glacéau-berry, along with a limited edition flavour of the same name that tastes of mud...

the dragonfruit "flavour" already tastes of something approximating 3-day-old sewage

seriously that rogue "we're so continental and classy" acute accent makes me want to drive an armoured vehicle into the G*****u headquarters, all covered in Innocent logos

ian riese moraine
&
alex in nyc

cordially invite you to celebrate the birth of their son

LOUIS
JAGGER

ETHAN I WILL FIND YOU AND RIP YOUR FACE IN TWO. NUVVIEWORLD!

wait, were personal threats ever part of AINYC's steez?

I am not sure which is more annoying with regard to soft drink marketing, tweeness or...

ATTITOOD:

http://www.samuelsmart.com/uploads/2/3/6/7/236793/5464059.jpg

*cough*

Errmm.... ATTITOOD:

http://www.samuelsmart.com/uploads/2/3/6/7/236793/5464059.jpg

that stuff is all deliberately overdone, the artifice is implied, and nobody is meant to take it all that seriously

glasso OTOH incorporate an unpronounceable acute accent into their name and attempt to pander to "the common man" in the most astonishingly condescending, cack-handed manner, as if there's some great life-secret of yours they deeply understand and can exploit. well my secret is, i don't like drinks that taste of boot polish

that stuff is all deliberately overdone, the artifice is implied, and nobody is meant to take it all that seriously

Naaah... this is obvs playing to "Am I manned up to the max?" young male insecurity.

surely nobody except the most appallingly FHM-ingrained Nuts-reading Bulmers-drinking cunt-faced tosser drinks Relentless because they think it'll man them the fuck up

i've only ever drunk it when it's been there and i've been thirsty (and maybe in need of a jolt, mostly caused by the placebo effect of "i think i just drunk poison")

Well, those people are out there.

Relentless is a) awesome and b) specifically targetted at emo kids, hence the rock concert sponsorships and goth design

What's with the sporting imagery in the ads then?

xxxtreeeemmmmm sports

Although that advert where the couple go jogging through Barcelona at 5am makes no fucking sense

Yeah I mean it's quite NICE but it has this Benylin buzz to it that makes you question whether you just did some serious damage to your insides

Doesn't belong on the same thread as GlacAYau, though

Sporting imagery = covering all bases, the font and packaging has a metal/emo aesthetic, but it IS an energy drink for the mosh-happy park footballer in all of us

Midpoint between self-loathing mopey emo cutters and knucklehead sports-n-lad mags fucks = ILX's American posters, surely?

Rock or sportz, it is all a bit "GRRRR!" which I find a silly and played out. Like those tees at Topman with the gothic letters and messy design they had a couple of years back.

Wait, you're max r

What? I don't even know who that is.

Yeah Dom, that "worst-major-city" thread was some hysterical self-hatin' carnival of brash parochial superiority

"Hydrate responsibly"

FUCK OFF

"Legally, we are prohibited from making exaggerated claims about the potency of the nutrients in this bottle ..." blah blah fuck off... "legally, we can't say stuff like that - because that would be wrong, you know?"

Legally, FUCK OFF

Srsly all this superfood food doctor shite needs to end.
Smoothies all taste the same anyway and aren't exactly low in cals or sugar.

People who get this irate about marketing messages are deeply insecure about their own aesthetic choices and are trying to convince themselves otherwise:

http://kendziora.net/photography/discus.jpg

how about when a semi-illiterate epsilon-minus moronic bottle of filth tries to camarade me into thinking it's got a handle on all my deepest animal impulses and needs, how about when this happens i get a little bit mad

how about when a semi-illiterate epsilon-minus moronic bottle of filth tries to camarade me into thinking it's got a handle on all my deepest animal impulses and needs

In fairness, they only needed to Google you...

Simon Reynolds says:

http://www.earwigsandwax.com/images/oh-snap.jpg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwd0pZ4RTAU

This one's better: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=8YBrS5Gr5Pk

This Water? More like piss water...

This rivals Liverpool Tickets Fiasco as best ILx thread ever!

PLANK bottled drinks manufacturers demand IDIOTIC ACUTE ACCENT, where NOW for LITERACY RATES etc

wait, were personal threats ever part of AINYC's steez?

-- Just got offed, Sunday, 20 July 2008 20:29 (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

I think he once told me to "eat hot death". I can't remember why. AINYC rocks.

I've never seen or heard of this glaceau. Usually if I want a drink, I just fill a cup from the cold tap. Being able to do this is an advantage of living ouside of london, I find.

London tap water is delicious and exciting

To be fair, it's a lot more drinkable than Brighton tap water.

Canterbury tap water is the worst I've seen in Britain.

Opaque with natural mossy goodness?

Are you still talking about water, or casting your mind back to 'that' night?

achieving droppage

water from 'the garden of england' can't be that bad

inspired by this thread i bought vitamin water for the 1st time ever today & on the side it says "go party like you're blog-worthy" :D

I was in Sainsbury's earlier and I saw a woman wearing a t-shirt which read "I WORK FOR INNOCENT - FANCY A CHAT?"

http://www.elanso.com/U/D/Ddc/dcd77aa4c08d092b3b5a813481a59f3b/128517612044030000.jpg