cutting people completely out of your life

i still have love letters from 12 years ago! it's not like i pour over them every weekend all teary eyed and shit - i'm just not about chucking them out i guess.
also when you're "really old" it's hard to meet new people and the only decent ones you will meet usually have their own friends.

once you get out of high school having a new bff every other week is not quite as easy.

& i still have roadtrip pics too, ya fuckor!

I have a friend I've pretty much cut out of my life, for the crime of never being the one to make contact. If I don't call or email him, we don't talk. I don't think he dislikes me -- he always seems really happy to hear from me when I call him, and we catch up on months or years worth of news. But he acts like phones and email are one-way devices. It's always pissed me off, and I'm fed up with doing the heavy lifting.

fuck - one of my best friends is turning into that.

I've been friends with this guy for 22+ years and he's never called me up out of the blue, only to return my calls left on his machine.

i'm not really happy unless i feel like i'm making new friends. and i do kind of do this... if there's no reason to stay in touch i don't really.

however if i do totes love the person of course i do keep 'em close.

i would say maybe it's not that he's, you know, just not that into you, but that he's embarrassed that he's not better at contact-making (tho it could be some of both), but if that's not an exaggeration that's like srsly bizarre.

I moved a lot as a kid and learned how to let people go, and it's a pattern that has continued (unnecessarily) into my adult life to some degree. Good example is a big crew of drinking buddies from work who I just completely stopped talking to when I decided to chill out on drinking. Maybe it's just me, not letting people get close, but usually the common thread for friendship for me is activities - so once I lose interest in those activities, what's left?

That "ppl i know who are really old like 30" text banner actually looks really cool. It's a rippling flag.

I have never done this.

I am one of those people like Rock Hardy's friend. Sorry, everyone.

I don't like to ring people up or email them etc because generally I feel like... if they wanted to know me, then they'd get in touch, which seems clearly hypocritical, but I rationalise it as being fair because they're cooler than me or more social or whatever, so if they phoned me then obviously they'd be doing me a favour, but if I phoned them I'd be a boring imposition butting into their day and making demands of them.

Also, I like seeing people, but I am very bad at committing to plans. I get nervous, oh no, WHAT IF. What if what? I don't know. "What if I need to be somewhere else, or I can't find transport?", but I fear also "what if I'm kind of tired that day and would prefer to sit around doing fuck all and then regret doing fuck all yet again?", probably.

Plus I feel like if I'm going to get in touch then I should have NEWS or EXCITING IDEAS FOR ACTIVITIES or at least be charming and hilarious and entertaining, and I never have the first two and can't live up to the last part, so I think "eh, I'd like to, but I'm tired now and don't have anything to say, but maybe tomorrow I will be sparklingly witty and able to think of some fun and non-awkward hanging-out proposition other than 'hey, we should meet up some time... but i don't know where or when or what we could do except stare nervously at each other a bit, so... whatever'."

So, basically, I am a lazy antisocial shut-in aspie flake. But that is an "insight" into the mind of an antisocial shut-in aspie flake, anyway.

Yeah, tldr. So you see it isn't entirely unfounded that I'd expect to be the unwanted bore droning away while the other party cursed their luck at somehow giving me the impression I was welcome.

I did this a few years ago. It was helpful that I moved from one city to another when I did it. They were great people that I went through some tough shit with, but they were also the key reason I needed to move in the first place (peer group ready to throw illegal substances @you is great until you try to quit). I haven't seen any of these people in 2.5 years, and I miss them a lot. But I don't miss being broke all the time, I don't miss skipping class to sleep off benders, etc.

Glad I broke the ties, even if I miss the shit out of em.

If the people are enabler-types then it's probably a good idea to lose them. ESPECIALLY if you know deep down that they are only drug buddies.

I'm an enabler type. I'm probably a drug buddy too

I never cut people out of my life...but I understand if they cut me out. It might hurt sometimes, doesn't mean it is bad

And What says "why not take a shot with new ppl and see what happens?" - this is as true as it gets.

Don't think about cutting old poeple out or not, always focus on the new - keep the old, sure, but always add to your life. If you lose things along the way, its ok

Live your own life and people will always want to be part of that

It's sad when you make friends with people you have a ton in common with (personality wise, etc.), but they decide to keep no contact since they they probably have enough friends in their life.

you can probably make new friends on this thread

I'm relating a bit to spacecadet's post, and I really think it may have something to do with having minor chemical imbalance or something. There is no way I can predict what kind of mood I'll be in when it's time for the scheduled social event, so it's almost like buying tickets to baseball games during rainy seasons. Making plans used to stress me out more when I was younger, but I've gotten better at just rolling with my mood and trying to make the best of it.

^^^haha ditto

It is surprisingly difficult to cut people out of your life entirely, thanks to...THE INTERNET. Thanks, people I was glad to never hear from again, for finding me on....THE INTERNET. ;_;

http://www.langantiques.com/images/silver_group.jpg

http://loudsign.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/gold.jpg

a friend of mine, who i sort of slept with a few times, told me a lesson i've never forgotten - you think people just vanish but they don't. you'll always see them again somehow - so don't burn your bridges. unsurprisingly, this is also the person who told me she slept with one of my friends, and said, with evident satisfaction, that she was the last to make contact. "there's no way i'd let him be the last one to make a call. fuck that!"

"sort of"

your friend is both hott and mental

One of my best friends cut me out of her life in January - by email. She asked that I never contact her in any way and that if I do, she'll consider it harassment. It was one of the biggest wtf things to eve happen to me because I have absolutely no idea what prompted it and neither do any mutual friends. Haven't had any contact at all since the email. So damn weird. She kinda crazy though.

...i guess!

I totally relate to spacecadet's post too, and I just read it out to my bf and he chuckled and said "hell yeah!" heh. I'm hopeless. One of my closest friends just last night sent me a hurt email asking if I was pissed off at him cause we haven't spoken in weeks. Hell, he hasnt contacted us either, but going from talking to him on msn every night to not at all is going to look a bit bad, I suppose. I feel guilty, but once that train rolls, I somehow can't stop it for some reason.

xpost also holy shit E, that would really upset me if that happened to me! I hate it when people do that and you honestly have no idea why :/ its happened to me recently.

You want to have friends, you got to be a friend, ffs.

i'm old enough now that things seem to have been whittled down to a core group that both understands me and doesn't really care how much time has gone in between. i'm a little disappointed in my life, but i'm pretty proud of my friends.

I sort of did this accidentally when I got married. One of my friends said she couldn't make it to my wedding cos she couldn't afford it. I looked up the train fare from Northampton to Worcester and it was £13.50, so I was kind of pissed off with her. So we didn't email each other for ages and then it became like 3 years, but I didn't really intend to cut her off. Then she found me on Facebook and we're friends again.

True dat, Rock. And I know I'm not a great friend sometimes. it bugs me. But I'm really introverted.

Plus I did the "fuck this, I'm not going to be the one who calls" with my dad once. Took him 3 years.

Trayce - yeah, it was really upsetting and a really shitty thing to have happen. I cried when I read the email and am still pretty upset about it. I would just rather know what the hell I did to make her actively cut me out of her life completely. In the email she said that the details didn't matter and that I shouldn't bother asking because she wouldn't answer. The fact that I have no idea what it could be just makes it harder.

That's just WTFingly awful. One of my friends had that happen to him a year or 2 ago and he eventually found out it was because he'd complimented the guy's girlfriend once! OK...

:( Thats really awful. xpost

i sent an e-mail like that once, but it was after six months of ice cold, blatant avoidance for reasons i still don't know. my e-mail was a fuck you of sorts and it was sort of cathartic though i'd probably have preferred to have said it face to face.

We live fairly close to one another. I'm dreading the day we run into each other.

Also really weird? She sent an email the next to my closest friends who are a couple saying "I'm sure you've heard that I've ended my friendship with E. I understand that you've known her longer and that we will now have to end our friendship too. Good luck with everything." So damn weird.

omar did it involve a couch?

enbb yr friend is craaaazy

Sorry about yr friend, ENBB. Sometimes are so inexplicable that, well, they can't be explained and so fretting about them kind of exacerbates things. But it still has to hurt like hell.

That's really bizarre and kind of attention-seeking. xxpost

E has anyone else in yr circle tried to get more info out of her? Tho it sounds like that'd not get far from what you've said.

Man, the thing that bugs me is when that shit happens to me, I get all obsessive and bugged and want to know wtf happened, and I hate that it turns me into a PITA.

Man, how much shit must have gone on in her head before sending those emails

Yeah, it does hurt and she's definitely crazy. If I wanted to be really mean oh the stories I could tell. ha. She was in my wedding so I have tons of pics of her that I'll have forever so that's fun.

Trayce - No, the couple she emailed were really the only good mutual friends we had and obv they haven't talked to her either. In a lot of ways she was such hard work that it's easier this way but in the end I did really value her friendship. sigh. Oh well.

stet - I know, right? That's what makes it even more of a mystery because it seems like whatever it was must have been a big deal but I didn't do anything!

The same night she sent the email she also dropped me from facebook and password protected her website!! CRAZY!

That is the kind of thing I have done in fits of paranoia, but not with a big ultimatum announcement. Best to keep it quiet so no bridges are burnt crispy when senses return. I know my own ways.

Yeah. There's really no going back on what she did so part of me hopes she realizes one day that I didn't do whatever it is she thinks I did and that she feels horrible about treating me badly.