the Artie Lange appreciation thread

rumor was he tried to cleanse everything out by drinking bleach

When did he do this?

Nine stab wounds is something you can totally live through, esp considering six of them weren't too deep. Although I wouldn't call them "hesitation wounds". Sounds like a dare.

That said, stabbing yourself is a hardcore "I FUCKING HATE MYSELF" way to even attempt suicide. Stabbing yourself nine times is not just an attention-getting ploy. This man needs more medication than doctors can probably legally prescribe, and more years of therapy than he has left, given said medication.

Maybe he knows all that, and maybe that's why all the suicidey-ness. But still. Stabbing yourself. Jesus. I wouldn't even have the balls to cut myself.

the bloodied funnyman

Most fat funny dudes go for the drugs-n-booze suicide, and often that works out well for them. Very few attempt seppuku.

I listened to this a few months ago, a week or two before he...disappeared or got arrested or something. And I remember Adam C. talking, maybe in an interview the same week as this one, about how touring comedy clubs can instill the worst habits in people, from eating to hard drugs -- and how he was concerned that Artie was doing these weekend club tours.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlQdXbAuZCw

^ That's a great interview.

"You get the waaahs, you're lonely, and then I graduated to heroin."

xxp:

There was a period in my life, about five years ago, when for some reason my sense of humor was spot-fucking-on and I cracked ridiculous jokes and shit all day. Once every couple of weeks, I'd make someone laugh and they'd be like "Kingkongvsgodzilla, maybe you should try your hand at standup." My reply was usually something along the lines of "Jesus, God no, those people usually end up dead or addicted to drugs" which would get a sad and puzzled reaction from the person who made the suggestion.

Met up with a friend from high school not long ago who told me that a mutual friend had a regular standup comedy gig and I was like "Oh no, is he doing alright?"

See also: strippers.

Yeah, it's kinda the same, but stripping and comedy are two very different performing arts.

Are they?

I'm not saying I want to see Artie Lange take his top off, but I'm just sayin'.

damn artie

he should go on intervention

fucking artie. jesus.

she entered his Hoboken apartment and found the bloodied funnyman

and i just changed my display name, already.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOi9tCTeU24

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1oHpcMsETEA

man, this is so sad. Artie was always the Stern show's saving grace when it got to be just, you know, too fucking much Stern & assorted morons.

(well, I should say that was so from when he started til 2006 or so, as i don't think i've heard a minute of it since it went to Sirius)

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51CKqWykedL.jpg

Artie's back! Sounds like he's been watching a lot of TV.

http://www.mediafire.com/?gvhee3iyzgani9e

i love artie. i'll always love him, for ruining joe buck's horrible show. lmao @ jeff's gif upthread

He really should get back on Stern it's so boooring without him.

agree maresnest!

On another note I was really happen to realize, about halfway through the show last week, that Artie is still really funny. He's committed a ton of weird shit to his brain (cf the Raiders poem, lines from Raging Bull) and his subtle self-deprecation is great.

To be honest it sounds like the last year and a half never happened.

what thread were we talking about the nick and artie show on?

i still love it.

i love the can't-tell-if-it's-real bitterness between nick and artie. when artie busts nick's balls for doing p90x or dyeing his hair and there seems to be real conflict between them. nick becomes genuinely upset talking about things like talkshow appearances or artie talking about his bigtime radio days. i love nick trying to talk about college basketball and giving up, saying, "hey, we're trying to get more sports stations to come aboard. i'm trying, upper management... i'm trying..." while artie does lines from the pope of greenwich village over a sinatra song or talks to a caller from union, new jersey, asking about specific streets, "ah, so you went to school with sheetrock jimmy, right?"

and i dunno, there's something about him... a new meanness that i never heard before and this weird resigned sadness that's not sad like he was before, where you wondered why he was so fucked up and sad. you know he tried to cut open his stomach and all the details of the last five years of his life. i don't know, he talks about the tragedies of his life and it's this inexpressibly bitter fucked up thing he went through but he's okay and alive, even if he sounds a bit sad. i can hear that he's happier and more self-aware, i guess.

i like the regulars... the guy that called up who had pancreatitis and artie counselled him to quit drinking because it'll fuck up his pancreas and try snorting painkillers. the guy sadly answers, yeah i tried that. mike in milwaukee. the guy in south carolina whose wife called up and busted nick's balls. the kid with the guatemalan girlfriend that came up to the studio.

it's everyday so you hear the same bits worked over and over again and that gets kind of old.

download a few third hours of the show, where they just fuck around.

thanks, sounds like I will have to jump back into this

Is it worth listening to if I don't care about sports?

If you're a fan of Artie, I would give it a try. The sports theme is just to provide structure and a topic to fall back on.

Ah cool, thx!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuGaDjX9cn8

the sportstalk thing has fallen away fast. it's more gossipy stuff about pro sports culture if anything.

the last time dude from yahoo sports called, artie derailed the conversation by asking if he'd ever slept with a black woman.

and a lot of the time it's like this:

nick: okay, we're back. twenty five past the hour. artie, there's talk wes welker could be moved to the bengals.
artie: who's that?

then an anecdote about a diner on the jersey turnpike or WHATEVER

nick: "i think it's clear that they don't intend to use tebow as a backup. they'll use him as an h-back, tight end, wildcat..."
artie: "wildcat like that goldie hawn movie? you ever see the end of the wildcat movie with goldie hawn? look that up. wesley snipes is currently in prison. i lose sleep over that."

They should devote a show to the movie Running Scared

http://https%3A//p.twimg.com/ArSnr1fCMAAUbPP.jpg

okay fine

http://i937.photobucket.com/albums/ad215/jiaoqu/ArSnr1fCMAAUbPP.jpg

who dat?

ahem

chapter six: fucking making straight up decisions now, dude. as my epic comeback nears its zenith, I can't help but look back at the low times when there was no hope or light. there's an old expression that's got at me through the dark valleys and hazy cul-de-sacs of life: nut up or sack up. it means when life gets you all swirly and thought-ridden, shut it out. let the two spherical sperm factories underneath your dick take over. they don't think, they don't get confused. they churn and attack. and in moments of doubt, my default setting is always to attack, whether it be a hitter or an ump or a loved one who has stepped out of line. not everyone can achieve their dreams in this world. that's because most people have things like feelings and sentimental attachments, nagging shit that keeps them from making the tough decisions that are necessary to get to the ultimate top. unfortunately, in the rocket ship of fame there's only room for one. any added baggage will just weigh you down, hold you back from shooting for the fucking stars. blast off bitch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51JSNYsF5fI

i've got a lot of time to kill at work right now and i've just sat through a 78 hour "best of artie lange" compilation on youtube. it wasn't edited very well but it had the highlights and a few appearances on bubba and other shows that i hadn't heard before and i enjoyed it.

i checked out the first week of the artie lange solo show, after nick left, and i wasn't into it. nick dipaolo was a creepy racist sexist prickly presence and the obvious tension with artie, especially toward the end, made me deeply uncomfortable. but he kept things on track. the new show, without nick, i hate the way the studio looks, i find artie boring as hell, the guests are weak and he has no rapport with them. it's one thing to relisten to old stories but hearing him recycle bits i've heard a dozen times... i find it sad-- not just sad to hear him talk about doing coke and madtv for the hundredth time but... i can't fully explain it, but there's a difference, the way he retells the stories now, a different mode of storytelling, a different voice. i think the show is a disaster. that's what i want to say.

calstars, have you seen any of the show?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8Ui3RNaFWY

dana :((((

this fuckin chaunce hayden guy. this fuckin interview.

I am revisiting the second Fight Week from a couple of years back, has the great 'you're not my bro' Stern v Artie blow-up

I think the problem is that artie is probably the world's best ed mcmahon, but he's no Johnny or Howard.

I saw a 15 min clip of the new show (who's the guy co-hosting?) and it was snoozesville. As long as Howard is still on, I'm not going to spend another >10 hours per week listening to Artie.

i just listened to the bro fight again last night, too. i always felt artie was completely justified in being insulted by the whole bit.

i mean, this was some fucking girl bob levy found on the internet with a supposed fat fetish. hearing robin intentionally returning to the conversation over and over to stir things up is distasteful.

"bob levy is basically jeffrey dahmer, if he read a joke book. and, you know, that sounds a little harsh but i love the guy. and, uh, he gets out there on the internet and stalks these women and throws out this web of... deceit and sleaziness and hair dye and bad coke, whiskey beer breath, and cheap fuckin target shirts and coupons for sizzlers two-for-one steak on a wednesday, forty thousand dollar house just outside of philly, which somehow has a built-in pool [gary: it came with the house], have no idea what the fuck that looks like... uhhhh... his poor child who's being raised by a father who's just not there and a mother who hates being with the father... the father's in the basement, it's damp, clearly doesn't have the proper heat or air conditioning, somehow he gets over to this disgusting, jizz-drenched, stinky, whiskey-sodden computer board and types out, 'who's out there? who's out there in fuckin virgin creep land that i can try to fuck with my web of grossness?' and eventually he gets some takers, some poor women who have a background that's clearly, uh... troubling... this girl has father issues, her father is some mad irish drunk and uh [gary: we don't know that] she has dyed black hair...."

lol, classic rant

gary such a moron

"it's damp"

the bro fight was so entertaining because it was a great example of when staff break through the sycophantic bubble around Howard. Fred and Robin would never do something like that now, they're too dependent on Howard's good graces for their retirement funds.

which makes the show less interesting

robin is such an important part of the show and i'll always defend her when criticisms beyond "she's a cunt" or "she just parrots what howard says" come up. but man oh man the way she treated artie during the bro fight and during that time period was greasy. despite howard claiming to have teared up during the argument, artie was hitting him with hard reality and he could only retreat behind "yeah, it was a bit but hey, i thought you might really like her."