Girls - What Does "Romance" Mean To You?

My mother thought it was incredibly sweet and said so. The thing is, she only found the watch. When she finally discovered the note about three years later (!), she pretty much burst into tears, she was so touched.

There's just something about unexpected romantic gestures even if it's three years late.

*Obviously no one I'd ever intended on marrying. That would be foolish.

But then again, this might just be because when I was younger, if boys gave me any kind of gifts, my mum would make me give them back, because in some old fashioned way she thought they were trying to buy my favours. (Bear in mind, my mum grew up in a country where you can buy a wife with 3 goats or whatever.)

So I guess, to this day, I'm still suspicious of *things* as tokens of esteem or affection.

I would totally marry him.

3 goats, eh?

I basically agree with this, though like I said there are exceptions and it really does depend on what it is, what is the circumstance, so on and so forth--I mean going and purchasing something thoughtful or that you know the other person would like to surprise them for it IS an expression, just as much as going and making someone dinner or writing them a song would also be an expression. It all very much depends, I think. There are some guys (and girls and hermaphrodites) who just blank out and go grab some random "romantic" trinket because they forgot your birthday or anniversary or CHRISTMAS etc, and that ISN'T romantic or thoughtful at all--but I think you can tell the difference between the two gestures as well.

Though I am lolling at your mom making you give back gifts to people :D

My mum totally freaked out and made me give it back. I guess leather was just too close to goatskin or something. :-D

It's more thoughtful than no gesture at all. It's not the thing but its appropriateness, its well-suitedness to the receiver, its reference to a little-known or secret affinity, that makes it special.

I guess I'm just bad at romance, fullstop.

Actually, you're probably right, Ally. That's exactly the reason sexual favors were invented.

However, giving her a signed first edition of The Oresteia would be quite the coup.

plus they have the added effect of when you find said notes 6 years later you realize that each and every word contained in them was just as much of a lie as your previous 5 years had been.

and that might not make sense either for the same reason.

good point. not that i have a file or anything.

How is this particularly romantic? Isn't this just the stuff that successful relationships are made of?

I think there's a difference between romance--which could be the butterflies attendant upon early stages of a relatioship, or something that two people share, as feelings, and romantic, which seems to conjure up images of Hallmark cards and roses and candlelight dinners and so forth. Those things wouldn't be particularly romantic to me because they seem so obvious. I guess romantic could be standing on top of wind-swept moor with someone after you've just climbed a long trail to the top but then a dead rat is spotted and the moment is lost.

right. the person in the thread question, and perhaps other people on the thread, seem to be using 'romance' to mean something other than romance, or at least in a sort of ironic or negative fashion.

It's easy to get stuck in a routine when in a relationship, and believe that it's just the natural order to live with someone, sleep with them, do social actitivies together, etc. Romance is when one person recognizes that there's something special about the person he or she is with and reaches above that routine to express it to the other, who is hopefully also jolted out of the routine and happier for it.

Could be anything from something that's said in passing that betrays a deep understanding of your s.o. that no one else has to a fancy dinner or present.

i.e. anal

This is about 75% my worst nightmare and 25% what I want. (Which I suppose makes sense.)

Romance is when one person recognizes that there's something special about the person he or she is with and reaches above that routine to express it to the other, who is hopefully also jolted out of the routine and happier for it.

This is completely OTM -- or at least, anyone who I'd ever want to be with would see things this way.

And I don't think anyone's out of line in pointing out that it's very easy for it to seem like the burden of "acting romantic" is primarily on men, and that it can seem tied to having to spend $$$. The gender studies angle there is obvious. But as has been pointed out, I don't think most people here are in the "diamonds-are-forever" crowd, so pointing it out is probably a little redundant.

http://www.openplease.com/cat-images-lg/FF967.jpg

These actions usually just subtly indicate thoughtfulness - even just asking if you would like a cup of tea and then making it for you after a long day, or taping a programme they thought you might enjoy. The everyday sensitivities to what you are like, rather than a SPECIAL OCCASION, MUST BE BRILLIANT, which can seem kind of forced, especially if this is NOT what you are like. Of course, this is a personal p.o.v so feel free to disregard/challenge it.

i'm a born-n-bred yankee and i like the trad romance crap too (creative expressions of it, anyway). guys never think i do because i'm all tomboyish or whatever, but i spend so little time caring about my gender in my day-to-day life that i actually do enjoy some sort of acknowledgment that i'm female.

The thing is, in today's blah blah disposable, past-paced, over-mediated, hypersexual culture, where there seems to be no such thing as a straightforward "Relationship" any more, and everybody is getting bent out of shape about noyfriends, fuckbuddies, friends with benefits, NSA, and all the other shades of "let's pretend we're not in a Relationship" - I think that it is perfectly fair to come out and say, at the beginning of a relationship "I am interested in ROMANCE" and mean - I want all that nice stuff that successful relationships are made of, not some quasi-relationship Noyfriend.

But that is 100% *MY* interpretation, of the sort of thing *I* would say if I were to start dating again. And nothing to do with the woman in the question.

But if I had to choose I'd go for number 1 every time.

but when you use 'romance' in that fashion, isn't what you're really saying that you want something better than nothing? 'a little romance', or even the pretense of romance? and doesn't it diminish the concept to use it in that fashion?

One thing I like about the social circles I move in is that everyone is very upfront about what they want right from the start. They might change their mind occasionally about what sort of person they're looking for (I know I have), but they always make it very clear what they do and don't want.