the Artie Lange appreciation thread

http://www.blogcdn.com/www.tmz.com/media/2010/01/0102_artie_lange_ex.jpg

http://comps.fotosearch.com/comp/GSH/GSH443/chef-stirring-pot_%7Egs333034.jpg

Is Artie Lange's job Jim Breuer's new 'secret project'?

Artie Lange rumors are running wild this New Year's Eve, the most prominent one being that comedian Jim Breuer let it slip that Artie Lange quit the Howard Stern Show during a Cleveland area radio interview on Thursday morning.

The report immediately prompted speculation that Jim Breuer will step in as Artie Lange's replacement. Jim Breuer's most recent Twitter and Facebook updates from Wednesday state:

"Have a safe new year everyone. I'm working on a secret project soon to hopefully be announced!"

How soon Jim? Like,...Monday,...January 4th, 2010, 6AM Eastern soon?

Jim Breuer has become a regular guest and friend of the Howard Stern Show, appearing on the morning satellite radio broadcast at least four times in 2009. Howard Stern Show fans have been speculating for months that the string of appearances by comedians like Breuer, Craig Gass, Greg Giraldo and others have really been unofficial auditions for Artie Lange's job.

Artie Lange was last heard on the Howard Stern Show on Wednesday, December 9.

The Howard Stern Show returns live on Monday, January 4th, 2010.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0Jbck2ANP4

ugh breuer

no chance of that happening, don't worry

"We can confirm that Artie is in the hospital," Lange's reps said in a statement. "Artie has chosen to keep all information on this matter between him and his doctor. There will be no further comment."

artie's replacement should be http://www.facebook.com/profile/pic.php?oid=AAAAAQAQrvGOsun3NxhRj0_y9XWa6QAAAApj6G2cKEbxBE0nPvMm3Wfi&size=normal

http://www.avclub.com/articles/artie-lange,36797/

Interview with the AV Club

Stern sidekick in suicide try

Posted: 12:19 AM, January 7, 2010
Troubled comic Artie Lange landed in the hospital after stabbing himself nine times in an apparent suicide attempt, sources told The Post. Lange's frantic mom called 911 Saturday morning after she entered his Hoboken apartment and found the bloodied funnyman, a law-enforcement source said. Lange sustained six "hesitation wounds" and three deep plunges. A source close to Lange's management team confirmed that the Howard Stern sidekick stabbed himself, adding that his mother had come to visit him that day to drop off food. Surgeons managed to save Lange despite heavy bleeding. "We all have our demons," Stern said on-air this week, referring to Lange's past battles with addiction. "Artie has given this show tremendous moments of great comedy. He's a tremendous contributor. He is a good man. Don't forget how great he is."

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Troubled comic Artie Lange landed in the hospital after stabbing himself nine times in an apparent suicide attempt, sources told The Post. Lange's frantic mom called 911 Saturday morning after she entered his Hoboken apartment and found the bloodied funnyman, a law-enforcement source said. Lange sustained six "hesitation wounds" and three deep plunges. A source close to Lange's management team confirmed that the Howard Stern sidekick stabbed himself, adding that his mother had come to visit him that day to drop off food. Surgeons managed to save Lange despite heavy bleeding. "We all have our demons," Stern said on-air this week, referring to Lange's past battles with addiction. "Artie has given this show tremendous moments of great comedy. He's a tremendous contributor. He is a good man. Don't forget how great he is."

Read more: http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/stern_sidekick_in_suicide_try_5m9Hwhn1OvpONlzbsiW3oJ#ixzz0bv3cg73I

whoops... anyway, that's brutal.

Goddammit, Artie. Can't they just lock 'im up for a while to cleanse everything out?

rumor was he tried to cleanse everything out by drinking bleach

When did he do this?

Nine stab wounds is something you can totally live through, esp considering six of them weren't too deep. Although I wouldn't call them "hesitation wounds". Sounds like a dare.

That said, stabbing yourself is a hardcore "I FUCKING HATE MYSELF" way to even attempt suicide. Stabbing yourself nine times is not just an attention-getting ploy. This man needs more medication than doctors can probably legally prescribe, and more years of therapy than he has left, given said medication.

Maybe he knows all that, and maybe that's why all the suicidey-ness. But still. Stabbing yourself. Jesus. I wouldn't even have the balls to cut myself.

the bloodied funnyman

Most fat funny dudes go for the drugs-n-booze suicide, and often that works out well for them. Very few attempt seppuku.

I listened to this a few months ago, a week or two before he...disappeared or got arrested or something. And I remember Adam C. talking, maybe in an interview the same week as this one, about how touring comedy clubs can instill the worst habits in people, from eating to hard drugs -- and how he was concerned that Artie was doing these weekend club tours.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlQdXbAuZCw

^ That's a great interview.

"You get the waaahs, you're lonely, and then I graduated to heroin."

xxp:

There was a period in my life, about five years ago, when for some reason my sense of humor was spot-fucking-on and I cracked ridiculous jokes and shit all day. Once every couple of weeks, I'd make someone laugh and they'd be like "Kingkongvsgodzilla, maybe you should try your hand at standup." My reply was usually something along the lines of "Jesus, God no, those people usually end up dead or addicted to drugs" which would get a sad and puzzled reaction from the person who made the suggestion.

Met up with a friend from high school not long ago who told me that a mutual friend had a regular standup comedy gig and I was like "Oh no, is he doing alright?"

See also: strippers.

Yeah, it's kinda the same, but stripping and comedy are two very different performing arts.

Are they?

I'm not saying I want to see Artie Lange take his top off, but I'm just sayin'.

damn artie

he should go on intervention

fucking artie. jesus.

she entered his Hoboken apartment and found the bloodied funnyman

and i just changed my display name, already.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOi9tCTeU24

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1oHpcMsETEA

man, this is so sad. Artie was always the Stern show's saving grace when it got to be just, you know, too fucking much Stern & assorted morons.

(well, I should say that was so from when he started til 2006 or so, as i don't think i've heard a minute of it since it went to Sirius)

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51CKqWykedL.jpg

Artie's back! Sounds like he's been watching a lot of TV.

http://www.mediafire.com/?gvhee3iyzgani9e

i love artie. i'll always love him, for ruining joe buck's horrible show. lmao @ jeff's gif upthread

He really should get back on Stern it's so boooring without him.

agree maresnest!

On another note I was really happen to realize, about halfway through the show last week, that Artie is still really funny. He's committed a ton of weird shit to his brain (cf the Raiders poem, lines from Raging Bull) and his subtle self-deprecation is great.

To be honest it sounds like the last year and a half never happened.

what thread were we talking about the nick and artie show on?

i still love it.

i love the can't-tell-if-it's-real bitterness between nick and artie. when artie busts nick's balls for doing p90x or dyeing his hair and there seems to be real conflict between them. nick becomes genuinely upset talking about things like talkshow appearances or artie talking about his bigtime radio days. i love nick trying to talk about college basketball and giving up, saying, "hey, we're trying to get more sports stations to come aboard. i'm trying, upper management... i'm trying..." while artie does lines from the pope of greenwich village over a sinatra song or talks to a caller from union, new jersey, asking about specific streets, "ah, so you went to school with sheetrock jimmy, right?"

and i dunno, there's something about him... a new meanness that i never heard before and this weird resigned sadness that's not sad like he was before, where you wondered why he was so fucked up and sad. you know he tried to cut open his stomach and all the details of the last five years of his life. i don't know, he talks about the tragedies of his life and it's this inexpressibly bitter fucked up thing he went through but he's okay and alive, even if he sounds a bit sad. i can hear that he's happier and more self-aware, i guess.

i like the regulars... the guy that called up who had pancreatitis and artie counselled him to quit drinking because it'll fuck up his pancreas and try snorting painkillers. the guy sadly answers, yeah i tried that. mike in milwaukee. the guy in south carolina whose wife called up and busted nick's balls. the kid with the guatemalan girlfriend that came up to the studio.

it's everyday so you hear the same bits worked over and over again and that gets kind of old.

download a few third hours of the show, where they just fuck around.

thanks, sounds like I will have to jump back into this

Is it worth listening to if I don't care about sports?

If you're a fan of Artie, I would give it a try. The sports theme is just to provide structure and a topic to fall back on.

Ah cool, thx!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuGaDjX9cn8

the sportstalk thing has fallen away fast. it's more gossipy stuff about pro sports culture if anything.

the last time dude from yahoo sports called, artie derailed the conversation by asking if he'd ever slept with a black woman.

and a lot of the time it's like this:

nick: okay, we're back. twenty five past the hour. artie, there's talk wes welker could be moved to the bengals.
artie: who's that?

then an anecdote about a diner on the jersey turnpike or WHATEVER

nick: "i think it's clear that they don't intend to use tebow as a backup. they'll use him as an h-back, tight end, wildcat..."
artie: "wildcat like that goldie hawn movie? you ever see the end of the wildcat movie with goldie hawn? look that up. wesley snipes is currently in prison. i lose sleep over that."

They should devote a show to the movie Running Scared

http://https%3A//p.twimg.com/ArSnr1fCMAAUbPP.jpg

okay fine

http://i937.photobucket.com/albums/ad215/jiaoqu/ArSnr1fCMAAUbPP.jpg

who dat?

ahem

chapter six: fucking making straight up decisions now, dude. as my epic comeback nears its zenith, I can't help but look back at the low times when there was no hope or light. there's an old expression that's got at me through the dark valleys and hazy cul-de-sacs of life: nut up or sack up. it means when life gets you all swirly and thought-ridden, shut it out. let the two spherical sperm factories underneath your dick take over. they don't think, they don't get confused. they churn and attack. and in moments of doubt, my default setting is always to attack, whether it be a hitter or an ump or a loved one who has stepped out of line. not everyone can achieve their dreams in this world. that's because most people have things like feelings and sentimental attachments, nagging shit that keeps them from making the tough decisions that are necessary to get to the ultimate top. unfortunately, in the rocket ship of fame there's only room for one. any added baggage will just weigh you down, hold you back from shooting for the fucking stars. blast off bitch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51JSNYsF5fI

i've got a lot of time to kill at work right now and i've just sat through a 78 hour "best of artie lange" compilation on youtube. it wasn't edited very well but it had the highlights and a few appearances on bubba and other shows that i hadn't heard before and i enjoyed it.

i checked out the first week of the artie lange solo show, after nick left, and i wasn't into it. nick dipaolo was a creepy racist sexist prickly presence and the obvious tension with artie, especially toward the end, made me deeply uncomfortable. but he kept things on track. the new show, without nick, i hate the way the studio looks, i find artie boring as hell, the guests are weak and he has no rapport with them. it's one thing to relisten to old stories but hearing him recycle bits i've heard a dozen times... i find it sad-- not just sad to hear him talk about doing coke and madtv for the hundredth time but... i can't fully explain it, but there's a difference, the way he retells the stories now, a different mode of storytelling, a different voice. i think the show is a disaster. that's what i want to say.

calstars, have you seen any of the show?