I'm sad

Aw man Krakow I didn't even see your post. That really really sucks. :-(

Aye, the time off work is the up side. I get to go back home for xmas now, when before i couldn't as I had to work boxing day, so that's really nice.

My work mates ever letting me forget putting them in the shit over xmas will be another matter entirely when i get back. I work in a very small shop, so my sudden disappearance means that the others will have to work extra to cover. Shit like that always makes me dreadfully guilty.

currently in self-destruct mode. i've wasted everything.

^^ this man is a liar

no you haven't.

Surely not...what's getting you down LJ?

buck up young man,

my cv will read: english lit graduate who has spent 2 years of his life getting sacked, being demonstrably ill at ease with both single and coupled romantic situations, dropping out of a highly prestigious course, and posting inane crap to the internet instead of reading books, writing stories or making music

will be employed by: nobody

tendency to wallow: fatal

conveniently i am in lj destruct mode

that is not as rare as you might think. I have a friend who dropped out of a prestigious english ph.d program two months in - she is now getting an MFA at an equally prestigious institution

dropping out of grad school is not really the equivalent of tearing both of your ACLs and developing a crippling alcohol addiction tbh

you are a swarthily handsome bright guy 15 years younger than me, who is more or less in the same situation.

you will be awesome and stop denying it just because you misread the catherine wheel poll

yeah dude withdrawing from grad school /= dropping out of college or something

that is not as rare as you might think

understatement of the decade already tbh. early 20's tend to be a lot of stuff not happening the way you thought it would, but it's not like this is just you LJ.

louis 18 months from now youre going to look back on this moment and "lol"--until then just make sure you are taking care of yourself

Was it a single class that you dropped out of, or an entire program?

Either way, what max said x100

dude srsly... quitting while you're ahead is not so bad. you could be like me w/ massive grad school debt and 0 employment options.

Max is pretty wise LJ. You should listen to him imo. Why? Because he's right.

dag ilx is so loving <3

i know it's not the end of the world but the course is something i know i can not only do but do well - i've been a mixture of lazy, unmotivated and outright hostile - i don't see why i need to do it to prove myself as a journalist, and i don't really see myself as a conventional journalist, but considering what i'm ostensibly capable of this feels like an enormous, crippling defeat

oh more xposts! and good ones. perspective-tastic ones. Z S it seems that tomorrow having not done the essay work and with no work placement i will have no choice but to quit my pricey MA program after 1 term (of 3). max i will be sure to lol. and tehresa i have felt your pain before and feel it again now - i return all the compliments i've received - i am 100% certain you'll land on your feet too

the plus side of this is that i've reached the point where the only way forward i can see is to form a band - which was the dream all along

xp stuff counts for you too tbh. stuff's never as bad as you think at the time.

may i suggest you start a diary

i did that once, it was horrendous and so self-absorbed

;-)

dude i've heard suzy knows some powerful people so

write a book from the POV of curbs during the top 7 years tbh

the slightly athletic

feel like someone should publish your review of blur's 13 for better or worse

i hear that the title's like half the work so hooray for you there

it's a pity my thread about godspeed you black emperor being paragons of instrumental music was in the sandbox

......yeeeessss, a... pity

that's better!

:-(

u ok?

Eh, yeah. I mean I will be. Just had a really really hard day at work and it's been testing my limits and causing me to do a lot of introspection lately. Just feeling a little down, missing some ppl and sorry for myself tbh. It'll pass but tonight is a little blah.

and my dog is being an asshole

Aw, Erica, do you wanna chats? I'm always up for chatting. Your job is really stressful & it's hard to get involved so emotionally in your kind of work. I know you'll be okay--just get some rest & take care of yerself imo.

this night is wack for me too. i keep trying to record and it's not coming out right, and i feel like my body is failing me. don't u hate that?

i'm sorry you're not happier with your job :( but maybe this introspection will prove worthwhile sooner than u know it

in the meantime this is for serenity, in case u need to look at something pretty

http://www.yuksel.ca/scenery/serene-lake-Louisbourg-NS.jpg

Also remember no matter what, you are the cosmos; you are the wind.

:D I'm OK. I am online if you get bored and want to chatz but I'm alright. Thank you!

Surm that pic is lovely.

holy hell.

maybe more overtired, overworked and frayed around the edges than "sad," but it feels like sadness.

If you are at all sad, it's a heck of a lot harder to keep it at bay when you're tired and frazzled. I hope you've had some rest since you posted, and are feeling better.

i now have at least a brief break in the pressure. no rest, though. i'll work on that tonight.

it's especially hard for me when i feel this way because it causes me to be testy with my wife/daughter (not too bad, mind you), and yet they're the two people i live for.

idk. just tired, i guess.

Make sure they know you're only testy b/c of the tired, and they'll cut you all the slack you need I'm sure. Line up some really solid r'n'r for as soon as possible and, idk what works for you but a hot bath and a lot of deep breathing work magic-like effects for me.

Things haven't been great for some time now, but it's been a particularly awful couple of days. This week is 4 years since my dad killed himself. Today is the anniversary of the day that we found his body. I feel so dreadfully alone and disconnected, even from my friends and family. Almost none of my friends know about what happened, because I'm not particularly close to anyone and so it's not something that I feel all that comfortable with talking about. It's not caused me so much upset the last few years, but what with feeling at a low and fragile myself, it's really been hitting me hard this time.

i'm so sorry to read about your dad.

hey krakow you should probably talk to somebody, like a professional

I know this won't help right this moment and I respect yr boundaries about whether or not to tell people stuff, but when you don't let anyone know that you're sad, or how sad you are, you take from them the opportunity to rise to the occasion. Maybe someone you don't feel that close to now could turn out to surprise you?

Thank you all - I posted here because I've come to know over the years that there are some really great people using these forums, and I felt safe & comfortable doing so and knew that there would be sympathetic eyes reading.

Ed III, I've been doing group therapy for the last year, which hasn't changed my world, but I'm taking it slowly and still have good hopes for, so I do have regular professional contact to try and help on that front.

Laurel, you're very much right - that's something I'm aware of, but it can be hard to take that leap with people. It's something that I'm trying to do. The fact that I'm not close to people is to do with me rather than my friends for the most part, by the way.

Well, you know, sometimes when not confiding in people is what you prefer, you choose your friends along the lines of people who won't miss it that you don't confide in them -- people who might like things a little lighter or with more distance between you than other people might find comforting. So I can understand if it's hard to pick someone from the current crop and imagine changing the nature of the friendship. But maybe a new friend or a new kind of friend could lighten this time for you?

Just the opinion of someone who relies on others very much for all kinds of things.