which characteristic you really can't stand in other people?

"OMG that's so wrily amusing!"

I also greatly dislike anyone who has no regard for the feelings of animals.

Yea this one really bothers me too. I can't say I dislike the people who disregard animal suffering because that would include many, many people I love (my whole family and many friends for that matter), but that quality definitely bothers me.

Especially when people who absolutely love their pet/cats/dogs (and could never imagine slaughtering such pets for food) but somehow completely fail to generalize that respect/appreciation/value to other animals. I just have a hard time getting it.

remy's is a good one

im going to go with champions of the underdog

I can't stand people who are overly judgmental or dismissive. When someone asks me what I thought of something (like a movie, for example), and I happened not to like it, I'll try to be diplomatic and say something like "maybe it's not my cup of tea" in case the other person really liked it. But I'm amazed at how many people don't concern themselves with this and will just spout off about how much they hated something.

I think I dislike this because it shuts down the potential for useful dialogue. I'll happily engage in a spirited debate about art or politics, but when you approach the subject right off the bat with either vitriol or withering disdain, I find it really frustrating and a barrier to further conversation.

-- jaymc, Tuesday, August 7, 2007 5:26 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Link

uGH YES! i have this one friend who always seems to think she owes it to herself to BE SO BLUNT ABOUT HER OPINIONS, that you end up feeling like you can't possibly have a strong opinion of your own. if i were to tell her i liked a movie she didn't like she'd be like "really i fucking HATED it, here are the 10 reasons why."

it's like, okay, did i ask you for all the history? no, i was more interested in sharing perspectives, not validating your personal reaction.

How do you "pretend to be offended"?

I think it's obvious passive-aggressive bullshit and when people do this. For instance, I used to work with a woman who would get a few beers in her and swear like a sailor. And even without the beers would talk about how much she loved Tarantino movies. Just adored But one afternoon when a mutual co-worker of ours spilled hot coffee on her hand and said 'shit' , the sweary, Tarantino-loving coworker put on a big act of being a blushing Southern belle with a 'why, that language is totally inappropriate - I think you should apologize for your nasty behavior immMEDiately' schtick.

Also, my friend's aunt (knowing my friend is gay) put up a folding map over her eyes when she saw a guy give his boyfriend a peck on the cheek because she finds 'homosexuals' very 'disgusting and licentious' but continued to peek at them out of the corner of her eye all afternoon.

See also: people who regularly watch Catch-A-Predator shows to feel good about themselves, people who sign petitions re. movies they haven't seen, etc.

How do you "pretend to be offended"? Is that like when you "pretend to like" certain music (i.e. pop or indie or whatever is age or gender inappropriate for you?)

It's more when you recognise that someone has said something a bit out of place, and you aren't actually offended by it but you pretend to be as a control thing. I think. I've certainly seen people do that.

Like if, for example, you were hanging around with your brother's girlfriend and your brother, and your brother's girlfriend was in a shitty mood, so when your brother accidentally called her by your name, she pretended to be offended by his inability to tell the difference between his sister and his girlfriend, just so she could make him a bit more miserable than he already was.

people who regularly watch Catch-A-Predator shows to feel good about themselves

How do you imagine this show makes people feel good about themselves? Not being dickish, just truly want to hear your reasoning.

At least, not people who like them enough to own one over 10 lbs.

what does this mean?? under 10lbs they arent really dogs?

The 'Now we're safer that the bastard is behind bars -- serves him right!' attitude is part and parcel of the [german word that means 'pleasure in others' misery that i'm aphasia-ing] that makes me want to scream.

ok, so... people who live in the city but insist on having big-ass dogs. Stupid or so stupid they should be shot?

I hate these yuppie animal-abusing cocksuckers so much. You do not live in Lincoln Park and buy a Rottweiler, I don't care how sweet they are. Your sense of entitlement has become so overgrown that now you're abusing an animal without even realizing it.

Forget putting down the animal when it inevitably gets sick. Shoot the owner, give the dog to me. I know people who like dogs, at least. It'll live better than is it stays all day in your tiny-ass expensive-ass well-appointed apartment.

And also, fuck you.

-- kenan, Monday, August 6, 2007 10:14 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

this is so retarded its blowing my mind

We have two big dogs. We are definitely "dog people". Which means we must have a big truck which always smells of dogs and there's dog hair everywhere. We are serious. People with small dogs are merely hobbyists.

xpost

"'Now we're safer that the bastard is behind bars -- serves him right!' "

Although my reaction is not so extreme (partly b/c I know this is a small dent and not making the majority of children any safer) as a victim of child sexual abuse these shows are, not necessarily enjoyable, but comforting and gratifying to me.

And yes, it most definitely serves them right.

schadenfreude

xpost

OK, Remy, thanks for explaining it, that makes more sense to me now.

I think that would probably drive me insane, too - goes along with that 'not tell the truth because it makes you *look* like a "nice person"' thing.

Did it ever occur to you that people withhold "truth" (by which I am thinking you mean they're actual opinions) b/c it does no good to share them other than to satisfy their own ego/guilt? Actions aren't always about what you look like. Some people actual have concern for other people's feelings.

Forget putting down the animal when it inevitably gets sick. Shoot the owner, give the dog to me. I know people who like dogs, at least. It'll live better than is it stays all day in your tiny-ass expensive-ass well-appointed apartment.

And also, fuck you.
-- kenan, Monday, August 6, 2007 10:14 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

this is so retarded its blowing my mind
-- sunny successor, Tuesday, August 7, 2007 2:49 PM (33 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

hmm I don't see why -- all it's saying is "Keeping a big dog in a small, urban space when big dogs actually require a lot of space to run around and be healthy in fact causes some harm to those dogs. So don't do it."

Perhaps it's the fuck you and shoot the owner bit.

haha yea maybe

ms misery, i think masonic boom is making the point that it's people who AREN'T doing it (withholding their truthful opinions) out of concern for others welfare/feelings, but rather to maintain a veneer of shallow nice-ness or civility, that annoy her.

People who don't clean the bars off and put the weights away at the gym. I think this is related to the "sense of entitlement" thing above.

thank you -- schadenfreude it is i meant.

moreover, i just find it difficult to get off watching weak or unsane or mentally weird people be 'served justice' by a tv host and squad of cops no matter what they've done. COPS is often the same way -- watching a junkie get busted or a hooker get set up and thrown to the pavement makes me hate the set-up more than the perp. There's no charity to it, no understanding. They don't make any effort to help the person -- only punish them.

okay HUGE ONE: ppl who find joy in criticizing others.

this has to be in my top 3.

out of concern for others welfare/feelings, but rather to maintain a veneer of shallow nice-ness or civility, that annoy her.

This seems a hard thing to determine. Hypocrisy, yes is transparent and annoying. Talking behind someone's back when you're nice to their face, yes. Those are concrete and annoying. But I guess I can't fathom how you can truly understand someone's motives. (And why civility is necessarily such a bad thing. In certain situations it is best to withhold your own negative opinions. If it truly does no good, fixes no problems, it isn't worth your energy or concern.)

weak or unsane or mentally weird people be 'served justice' by a tv host and squad of cops no matter what they've done

It is very true that our penal system does next to nothing to help these people. However this does not mean they shouldn't be stopped. Having sexually explicit conversations with minors, molesting or attempting to is a heinous crime and they do need to be removed from society. (there is a whole thread on TCAP somewhere else so maybe we shouldn't get too far into this.)

People who don't clean the bars off and put the weights away at the gym. I think this is related to the "sense of entitlement" thing above.

Oooh! The gym! What about the theatrical grunters in the weight room!
Not that I've been to a gym in years, but I REMEMBER.

Oh, my real number one is:

Lack of (psychic) charity. Horrible selfish and self-protective conservative personal politics that're justified as intellectual positions. Instances:

1) My consulate general cousin who calls everybody abt. how there's a direct correlation b/w people in psychotherapy and global warming and it doesn't exist b/c only crazy people think it's true ergo if you believe you're nuts.

2) Middle-class white-collar people from the midwest who complain about border rights and mexicans coming into the country taking 'their' jobs.

3) J., my Jewish friend who finds all Catholics 'scary' and won't talk to them or hang out with them them because 'they make (her) feel uncomfortable'

4) 'Secular humanist' types who bully anybody of any faith or admitted agnosticism with nasty and condescending arguments about the illogic and magicality of their beliefs, their unprovability, and the worthlessness of any sort of religiously-inflected moral tenants. It's fine to think what you want, but don't subjugate ALL BELIEF IN THE UNIVERSE into a subset of your pseudo-academic 'logical' schema of 'unworthy stuff'. P.S. This also works in reverse [religious zealots condescending to the academic 'elites'].

And the people who allow their children to go TOTALLY APESHIT in the gym pool!

Overbreeders. "I know there's a global population crisis, but my genes are so special, my five snotnose brats will HEAL THE WORLD."

man, i can totally understand having 20 kids. they fucking rock.

Oh, my real number one is:

Lack of (psychic) charity. Horrible selfish and self-protective conservative personal politics that're justified as intellectual positions.

This is so, so OTM, and those instances you listed are, too. I'd add to that the fear of gay marriage and homophobia in general -- I don't understand why these are masked as intellectual positions when they are in fact such stupid and silly personal prejudices.

Trayce otm way upthread. disingenuity in general is what really bothers me about humans.

i have this one friend who always seems to think she owes it to herself to BE SO BLUNT ABOUT HER OPINIONS

I don't know if this is your experience, Surmounter, but it has occurred to me that some people's opinionatedness are sometimes borne out of insecurity. Like if they just put up this wall where they can't be challenged, then they never will be. I try to remember this before I go around just thinking someone's a huge asshole, but it's sad because I feel like I'd be able to have a more meaningful relationship with them if only they'd be more vulnerable, admit to their faults and blind spots, be comfortable with ambivalence, etc.

xp - #2 is justifiable fear being misplaced. Middle-class white-collar people SHOULD be worried as fuck about the economy tanking and losing their comfortable middle-class jobs. They're reachable and will listen if you want to talk about the real causes - they blame immigrants because everyone else blames immigrants, and they hear about the Mexicans on TV.

(all vs. working-class people for whom illegal immigration actually does narrow job availability and quash wages)

Everything irritates me. That's why I drink.

frustrated old people.annoying though sometimes understood

Like if women ruled the world it would all be peace and love and massages in the menstrual hut. Bitches.

Except Beth. Beth doesn't irritate me, but I'd have a drink with her anyway.

Forget putting down the animal when it inevitably gets sick. Shoot the owner, give the dog to me. I know people who like dogs, at least. It'll live better than is it stays all day in your tiny-ass expensive-ass well-appointed apartment.

You don't know what they do with the dog. They maybe walk their dog for an hour every day? Play with it? I mean, shit, some people have big ass houses but only go out once a week with their dogs.

remy otfm

Laurel, we should definitely have a drink.

All this talk of drinking is making me thirsty

people in the city who walk their rottweilers >>>> suburbanites or people in the country who leave their dogs outside all the time (w/ a doghouse or open garage - not talking cruelty), never let them indoors, etc..

But I'm amazed at how many people don't concern themselves with this and will just spout off about how much they hated something.

Oh man, I very very often prefer people to have, and STATE, their opinions up front. Obv being overwhelmingly negative is a lose/lose, you can only have strong opinions about so many things in this world, but I'd rather hear 'em and know where we're starting from, than both be pussyfooting around in some attempt not to offend/impose/etc. This of course will come as no surprise to anyone.

people who always want to "agree to disagree"

Actually, scratch all of that.

People who don't get their round in.

People who don't get their round in.

Aye, that's me.

:-(((((((((((((((((

but I'd rather hear 'em and know where we're starting from, than both be pussyfooting around in some attempt not to offend/impose/etc.

I guess there's value in that, I just don't like the antagonistic dynamic it creates. Also, there's a difference between being meek in one's opinions versus being diplomatic.

yes it has been my experience that people with very loud, self-righteous opinions are insecure, jay, but also, who isn't insecure? but yes, that is my perception as well. it really frustrates me.

laurel, i'm all for not pussyfooting around opinions, but there is osmething to be said for having a good ear as well, and being considerate in a conversation. it doesn't do any good to keep talking about how much you hate something if ur fellow conversationalist clearly liked it a lot. you can say u hated it but there's a give and take that some ppl look at as just a TAKE. they TAKE all the conversation time to spout off about how strongly THEY reacted to this thing.

ugh i'm getting heated.

hmm I don't see why -- all it's saying is "Keeping a big dog in a small, urban space when big dogs actually require a lot of space to run around and be healthy in fact causes some harm to those dogs. So don't do it."

-- Mark Clemente, Tuesday, August 7, 2007 9:54 AM (20 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

ok. well, its a total myth that big dogs need to run around 24/7. the two dogs ive lived with over the past 10 years both easily exceed 100lbs (a bull mastiff and a great dane)and both are the laziest mfs you could ever meet. they like walks like any dog but if they have to go outside for anything else you can see that look on their face like 'are you really going to make me get out bed??' and they both average 20+ hours sleep a day too. both of these dogs have large yards which rarely get used for more than poops and pees. dogs are so much more about being your friend and playing than wanting to run through fields all day long. yeah, there are breeds of dog, big and small, that need a yard. duh. anyway, owning a big dog in a city = sense of entitlement/animal abuse and you might as well be running dog fights is pretty fucking insulting besides being incredibly stupid but what the hell else am i supposed to expect from a kenan post?

but also, who isn't insecure?

Haha, true, it's probably my own insecurity that's partially why I'm so bothered by other people's blunt opinions, like I feel like it's a judgment against me.

I always get mad at my husband, because we'll see some movie together and both love it—walk out of the theater in a magic cloud of bliss—and then the first person he talks to that didn't like the movie, he'll just CAVE, just to agree with that person, totally violating the MAGIC ROMANTIC BOND we had forged over our shared love of said movie.

NYT Article On The Burden Of Being A Millionare In The Silicon Valley

(xxpost I'm sure a lot of people think I'm too touchy.)