people that YELP are scumbags

My main squeeze and I have never been to a strip club together, and tonight was the night to explore.

*pukes*

Christian C.

Will Yelp for Usefuls, Funnys, and Cools

Santa Monica, CA

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4 star rating
11/20/2008

I've been to many strip clubs, and I'm not some creepy guy. I can appreciate the female form. There are many nice female forms here.

You get diversity. Do you like white chicks, black chicks, Hispanic chicks, or Asian chicks? It doesn't matter; they're all here. They even have a beautiful Iraqi working.

While there are many beautiful women, there are some so-so ones; and one disgusting one. She is old and smells like smoke. You'll know her when you see her - lol. Keep her away, unless you like the smell of ash trays.

Some helpful tips:

* Bring cash. As the commenter below me noted, the ATM is a total scam. It's a 10% surcharge. Plus you have to pay your own bank ATM fee. Scam.

* Get a free pass. You can usually find a free pass at the back page of the LA Weekly (which is an awesome paper you should be reading, anyway). Instead of paying $20 cover charge, you pay $5 for one drink (a soda or Red Bull). Like all fully nude clubs in L.A., the Rhino is a "juice bar."

* Take advantage of specials. If you go on off nights, you can get good specials on lap dances. On Wednesday or Thursday, you can usually get a 2-for-1. Lap dances are $20 for topless or $40 for fully nude. Just take your time, and you'll get a special.

* Don't get more than you want. When you go into the back room, strippers will automatically just take off their bottoms. That way you sort of get forced into paying for fully nude. If you don't want fully nude (I don't want their cha-chas touching me), be sure to specific you want topless. Otherwise, they'll drop their bottoms and you'll be stuck paying twice what you'd otherwise pay.

* Beware buying drinks. A stripper will approach you, sit down, and chat with you. A minute later, a waitress will ask you if you want to buy the woman a drink. It's $10. If you don't buy them a drink, they'll usually say, "Good bye." I'd rather spend my money at the tip stage, rewarding women for hard work, than pay money just to have someone talk to me. If you want to keep them around, just know what it will cost you.

* Take the freeways. Do not take back roads or short cuts to get through here, unless you want to be assailed by crack heads and homeless people. Find a way to get here via the highways.

All in all, this is a very good place. If you play it smart (use coupons, bring your own cash, wait for dance specials), you'll see beautiful women for a great price.

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oh god it's a whole other kind of disgusting

Deja Vu Nightclub

Category: Adult Entertainment
2 star rating
2/16/2009
The Vu is the only strip club I have ever been to, and my review might be bias because I was there with a gang of Norwegian exchange students.

But ugghhhh VAGINA in my face. And uggghh that girl isn't even that attractive! Unattractive lady parts in my face!

This is The Penthouse of strip clubs. If it's vagina in your face you are looking for..this place is paradise.

And really? Don't these people get tired of having to listen to 2 Live Crew?

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Thank you "Lay"lani

sorry for my post

ugghhhh VAGINA in my face

Also, If it's vagina in your face you are looking for..

(For sometimes LOL but mostly sad reviews of UK-based prostitutes - www.punternet.com where Johns write "field reports" about the ladies they visit.)

i think she's quoting 2live there?

xp

Used to have a lot of fond memories of this place back in the day until I visited with a couple of friends last week. Let me just say:

GHETTO and DEPRESSING.

All the exhibits appeared to be falling apart, the exhibits were dirty and unkempt...and it seemed like half the animals had been "taken in" away from exhibit leaving visitors with empty cages to stare at. Okay...and the animals that WERE out and about in view from visitors looked like they were on Prozac or Xanax. Lions, gazelles, and hippos don't look this depressed on National Geographic.

I watched a monkey eat a carrot for 7 minutes just to see what it would do w/ the very bottom end of the carrot that is all rough and dirty.

He threw it at me!

Not a shabby place. Will go again to pay a visit to that monkey.

Kerissa C.

San Francisco, CA

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5 star rating
3/4/2007

Time for some female perspective.
I came here for my 18th birthday and let's just say it was one of the most fun nights of my life.
Though I must say it was only super fun because I was super wasted. Otherwise, I probably would have felt too awkward to the point of tears.
As a strip club virgin, I had never been manhandled by strippers before. So imagine my surprise when I was licked, squeezed, bitten and a million other erotic things by strippers...I didn't even tip them! They came to me. Advice to guys who want a good show without having to shell out too many dollar bills: Bring a girl. Other girls are like stripper bait because they're less threatened. Some creepy old men paid me and my girlfriends to sit next to them.
It was a great night of many firsts...first trip to a titty bar, first time someone forced me to spank them, first time a girl picked a dollar up off my head with her vagina....
I suggest the faint at heart go wasted.
Definitely will go there again (drunk, of course)!

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p.s. pay attention to me

the LA Weekly (which is an awesome paper you should be reading, anyway).

^^ first sign that this reviewer is NOT TO BE TRUSTED

"Vaginaz N My Face (Uggggh)" was a hot track tho

ok there are reviews of the 405 freeway

Vaginaz N My Face (Uggggh)

:D lol

review of the 405:

http://i25.tinypic.com/fvzcy0.gif

405 Freeway
2 star rating
based on 16 reviews
Rating Details »

Categories: Couriers & Delivery Services, Parking
Los Angeles, CA 90731

cmon that's :D

hey goole u should make it 10

The only place in LA you can park for free. Is that why they call it the Freeway?

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there are 862 pages of reviews of disneyland

"Yankee Stadium South"

This was the first baseball stadium I had visited besides Yankee Stadium at the time. I was completey blown away. The first thing that wowed me was Eutaw Street. The way the walkway was built right into the Stadium (or vice versa) is awesome. Bars and restaurants line the street overlooking the outfield. The warehouse bordering the park gives Oriole Park a very identifiable historic uniqueness (big words). Remember, this was the pioneer park of the baseball renaissance that so many cities have followed.

My favorite part of the park is the platform the hangs over right center field. You feel like you're actually in the field of play waiting for a pop up.

I also wanna mention the close proximity to Baltimore's Inner Harbor. Its by far the nicest part of the city (just watch "The Wire" to see how ghetto B'more really is). Watch sailboats float out into the Cheasapeake Bay while eating crab legs at one of the many restaurants in the area. Awesome.

Yelp OC's Sizzlin' Bacon Bash

^ pop culture historians will see this as the event that sums up 2009

haha i like this review of safeway that just says "BAD"

every event has some repulsive cutesy title

hey guys both of the hy vees in des moines are well rated, so if you're getting groceries, i guess go there

do you all understand that we are yelping the yelpers

haha i like this review of safeway that just says "BAD"

― Peepoop Patel (harbl), Thursday, November 5, 2009 3:23 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Succinct and effective. I like it.

watchmen.jpg

xp

Cub Foods

Category: Grocery
1 star rating
9/27/2007
A guy I used to rock climb with was telling me one time: "Where Cub moves in, Rainbow moves out."

He was pleased by this, he preferred Cub.

I'd been shopping pretty happily at Rainbow, and if a non-rock climber had told me this, I wouldn't have paid it any mind. But this man was a fellow traveler in the ways of the rock, a connoisseur of the bliss that is a long stretch rugged mineral, a practitioner of that fine art of walking on air, held to this earthly matter by only his chalk stained hands and a delicate life line. In short, he was a better person than a non-rock climber, and therefore his opinion carried more weight.

So when the chance arose, I tried a Cub Foods.

You know how every grocery store on earth has the produce section right as you walk in the door, so you are greeted by a bounty of colored, fresh, enticing wholesome things? Cub has a huge wall of warehouse looking boxes, forcing you to do a sharp turn continue down a depressing, industrial passage.

You emerge from your passage of doom into a slightly less industrial main floor. Again, bucking the norm, the "aisles" have been arranged in a non-sensical passages that eliminate any coherent path you could take across this store. I've been to this exact location at least three times, and I couldn't tell you where to find a thing or draw you a map of the place's layout if my life depended on it.

I'm guessing they must have decent prices or something, because something brings the fat suburban hordes in there. I can't tell you if you can save an extra 5 cents on a can of high fructose corn syrup here; I honestly don't play close enough attention, and was probably trying to build a signal fire so that rescuers could find me instead of calculating if I was saving enough on my purchases of packaged gravy to afford the new 'Chicken Soup For the Soul' book over at Half-Price Books.

So if you feel dead inside, by all means, shop at this Cub Foods. But hell, why would you believe me. I'm a rock climber, and apparently we grocery stores falls outside our area of expertise.

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^^ dude wrote five reviews of the same bar fyi

I've been to this exact location at least three times, and I couldn't tell you where to find a thing or draw you a map of the place's layout if my life depended on it.

i get lost in grocery stores all the time

custos has moved on to yelp and has taken on dozens of new guises

felicity redwell is a good writer.

get out

yarly

http://www.yelp.com/user_details_reviews_self?userid=HFECrzYDpgbS5EmTBtj2zQ&rec_pagestart=1230

1233 reviews since msrch '07. that's roughly 1.3 per dsy 7 days a week and that is for real literally insane

he's only given five 1-star reviews and two are to religious institutions

http://www.yelp.com/topic/chicago-couple-o-yelpers-pwned-by-freakin-new-city-no-less

+1 Laura P. I have a degree in English and the article was basically nonsense to me.

Communication in modern culture is less about communicating and more about elitist posturing and showing off. That article is a prime example of it: an incomprehensible mess that lots of people pretend to understand because they don't want people to think they're stupid. Kind of like Crispin Glover's What is it? trilogy. The emperor has no clothes.

Maybe yr degree is faulty? Cuz I don't have one, and I thought it was pretty funny. Plus I don't think anyone claims to understand those CG flicks.

What is it about slow post offices?

Apparently, I was responding not to max but to some doink responding to the article, as transcribed by max. So, take that, doink responder.

I guess I just despise the people in that piece for their entitled yet ignorant hiveminding. Also memo to girl with English degree: if you have to mention your BA on Yelp, degree was issued on toilet paper amirite?

People who study English have entitlement issues. People who Yelp have entitlement issues. People who study English Yelp.

i studied english and fuck that imo

this thread remains U&K

am I the only person who, every time he sees yelp mentioned anywhere, automatically internally involuntarily thinks "people that yelp are scumbags"?

also I would like to say that If it's vagina in your face you are looking for..this place is paradise. should have immediately been made a board description

yeah i think that too, even though i don't actually agree with it (how else would i find hairdressers in new places?)

(ughhhhhhhhhhhh)